Chapter Two: Secret Keeper
I think that I need a secret keeper... Or I'll need one in the future anyway.
Rin-chan... My mind automatically flips to her. Even though we've yet to meet in this lifetime and hell, I'm only just getting the hang of walking, and I'm only just two. Obito's as goofy as ever as well and it's life. Also he's gotten into the habit of covering the walls with ink and scribbles. Often those scribbles extend to his skin as well... it makes me grimace.
We're Uchiha, that's not the kind of behaviour that is expected of us.
I don't think that he really cares though. Too happy making messes and grinning and then dragging Obaachan over to show off his work. At least she's patient with us. With him especially, she gives a small indulgent smile and then instructs him to clean it up.
Always he gives a huge beaming smile in response and happily sets to cleaning up whatever mess there is. And always, I sit and watch.
I watch over him, and try my best to keep him out of trouble... which honestly doesn't work very well. I don't get too upset about it though, I mean at this point it really isn't anything big. Maybe tracking mud through the house from the yard, or breaking a vase(or two, or three...). Or that memorable occasion that left the kitchen covered in a fine covering of white... whether that was flour, sugar or some other powdery substance I still don't know.
It's all I'm able to do at this point. He's innocent after all, and honestly as long as he's grinning and having fun I don't want to hold him back too much.
Although I still do have to question the moments that I catch him playing with his chakra. Making it light up on his hands or sticking things to himself. Crawling along the walls, just notable enough to make me wonder.
To make me wonder how and why? What is it that's different about him from who I was previously. What's given him this ability to just casually use his chakra in that way?
What?
Or was it always that way and I've just forgotten as I've grown up. Have I just forgotten the stuff that came second nature to me as a small child learning about the world the only way that he knew how. Through exploration.
Although, even with that there are disadvantages. As I watch him, and focus, following the link and buzz in the back of my head I begin to understand. He's happy, he's sad, scared and joyful all at once and then disgusted and confused in quick succession. Trying to keep up with the flow that his emotions take is another exercise in futility.
Yet I still try. It confirms and dismisses several things.
He knows something. Though what, and how I don't know. But at the same time, he's more than innocent, finding awe and amazement in things that I dismiss on one hand. His chakra especially, and the toy weapons that Obaachan has given us.
I really need a secret keeper. I'll probably tell him sometime in the future, but honestly... not anytime soon.
He's just too innocent.
So's Rin, but she's also good at understanding. Which is what a secret keeper needs to be. Maybe she won't entirely get it, but she's still really, really good at understanding.
And then Obaachan catches my attention with a green dress. I pale, and pull a face glancing from the dress up to her face. No, no, fucking no she is not going to get me to wear that. I howl and attempt to flee. The key word there being attempt.
It fails and she easily catches me and scoops me up. My twin looks up with a strange expression on his face, and a weird echo of longing down the link.
I do not understand that. Why would he want to be in my position. Flailing and loudly disagreeing with the notion of wearing a dress. I hate dresses, and pink and the very fact that I have a stinking vagina instead of my familiar dick.
I kind of hate not been Obito anymore... at least I've gotten used to responding to my new name. Mostly...
That doesn't mean that I'm happy about the sheer wrongness of my body though. It's uncomfortable and itchy yet I can't do anything about it. So I have to deal with being dressed up in frilly and poofy dresses, in pink and purple and light blue. I have to deal with the awkwardness of the toilet, and the fact that my body just isn't the same. It's not something that I think that I'll ever really get used to. I can cope with losing my name, it's not like I really used it that much anyway.
I'm no one... I don't want to be anyone.
My own words echo in the back of my mind and I let out a huff as Obaachan finishes tying the ribbon around the light green dress that I'm wearing. I grimace at it, at least it's better than pink but still. All dresses are uncomfortable. I shake my head rapidly at least glad that I can get away with having short hair at this age.
I tug a bit at the ribbon and the bottom the dress anyway before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.
I shouldn't put any more stress on Obaachan. She doesn't need to be sent to the grave any sooner than she already will. She doesn't need me adding to her problems. She doesn't need us pulling off any more insane stunts. I release the breath and feel for the faint buzz and connection in the back of my head.
It's funny, because I can still remember my initial confusion at the connection. Sure now I use it automatically. Reaching out to him, to track his mood and emotions and to make sure he's still there. But originally. I didn't understand why it was there.
I was reborn, reincarnated. So why would I have a twin link to someone who probably would never be able to understand? And yet, now it's reassuring. I know what it is and it comforts me. And yet right now the link is silent. A familiar silence, he's playing with his chakra again, and sharpening the silence.
It's alienating when this happens honestly.
Because I don't remember being able to ever do what he does. His chakra tricks and the ability to hide it all somewhere deep within him. I still can't do that actually. I would blame Madara, but I don't think that this is his fault. Maybe it's because I died once already, or who knows. I just can't do that.
I take another deep breath and then puff it out crossing my arms angrily over my chest expression twisting up into a scowl.
Time to go looking for him. The closer I am, the more the silence will fade in the connection. Because his chakra empowers it, or our proximity. One or the other. But either way it kind of means that I have a twin tracker. So I take another deep breath drop my arms and focus on the feelings from the connection as I begin to stalk around the house looking for Obito.
And yet, as I walk around the house, I still can't quite seem to find him. That makes something twist in me. What if something's happened?
Danger still lurks just out of view after all. Kuro, who's definitely already watching. That blasted being from before time... And who knows whether or not Madara is already watching in his own way, through the rather extensive honestly network that he seems to have. It's worrying and at this point I'm sure that if things change, everything could get set off early.
I won't let it though.
I grind my teeth a bit as I look around for Obito, getting more and more worried with unease twisting in my gut and a chill clinging to my body.
Though that could also be dysphoria, or discomfort due to the dress... I dunno.
A door ahead of me swings open and I lift my head eyes widening as I come face to face with my twin. We both blink in unison before I scowl at him and he closes his eyes giving me a huge grin. He's happy with himself the little jerk. And yet I can't really stay mad at him, normally I am better at finding him after all.
So he deserves to be happy because I couldn't. Also, I know I passed the particular closet he was actually hiding in several times. Something has to have thrown me off...
I don't know what. But something must have.
Because the alternative is kind of terrifying to think of. What if I'm losing that connection to him, if I'm losing the ability to find him... but I can't be. After all the dreams still come and we know each other in that weird way.
And then he tilts his head and grins at me. A goofy look, and I can feel myself puff up in a bit of annoyance with their antics. He's so immature.
Of course he really can't help it. After all, he's not like me. He can't be like me. This has to be his first go around and he's an innocent little toddler just learning about the world. At least I hope that he is, because to think otherwise feels incredibly weird. To even imagine otherwise, it feels weird and I find myself scowling slightly as Obito laughs and cheerfully slides down to crawl away. To crawl right over to Obaachan.
It's strange really, because I can't really recall paying Obaachan that much attention in my previous life.
I can't remember it. Like I can't understand where some of the stranger dreams come from in my mind. White walls and people poking at me. A strange tightness in the chest and a desperate struggle against something that no one else seems to be able to see, to understand.
I really, really need someone to talk to about this.
I'm not exactly used to feeling like I need to talk to someone though. Madara taught me to hide and use my emotions to drive me forwards. Rage and anger, and grief to add power to my movements and attacks. Rin though always asked me to not hide my pain, don't hide it. And Obito's said the same a few times, he watches with eyes that just know.
You don't need to hide it...
It's not something I'm used to after my previous life. And even as a child, after Obaachan died I wore a mask. A smile and laughter over the top antics. It's easy to misdirect people just enough and yet Obito knows. Rin could always tell and here and now I know, I know I'm going to need someone who will be able to at least understand.
Otherwise boredom is going to take over, or discomfort, or who knows.
"Kyoudai!" and then there was that...
I narrow my eyes just ever so faintly at Obito as he calls me. Carefully choosing a neutral term rather than calling Neechan, or Aneki. As if he knows that I don't like it, as if he knows that I'm not the precious little girl that I appear as. Especially when wearing such frilly dresses like the one Obaachan has me wearing now.
"Kyoudai!" he calls again and I roll my eyes before toddling over ready to ask what he wants.
Only to get caught in a hug... and I can't help it if I stiffen just slightly. I can't help it if I still have trouble with displays of affection like this. Madara was not exactly the most positive influence. Not that I had ever really gotten hugs like this in my previous life anyway. Maybe a couple from Kushina-nee when she got caught up in her enthusiasm. Minato-sensei was more for ruffling my hair affectionately.
"Kyoudai, needs more hugs..." Obito grumbles his hands fisting the dress and his mouth pulling together into this pout that makes me want to laugh. But I only feel my own expression tugging into a half-grin at the disgruntlement that he's showing.
"Maybe later Otouto." I say and he looks even more disgruntled as I gently remove his arms from around me and look up at Obaachan. I can still feel the smile on my face and then it slowly slips away. I'm actually really nervous, as I slowly stretch my arms out to her. Asking to be picked up. Obito instantly mimics me and his eyes are wide and hopeful.
Obaachan laughs and slowly shakes her head before kneeling down and lifting us both up from the ground.
It's comforting really and I rest my head against Obaachan's shoulder hands curling into the fabric of her jacket while Obito curls his head up into a position that's a bit closer to her chest. He's innocent, seeking some form of comfort from the position. I can see the way that he smiles and sleepily blinks and honestly. I think that he's drifting off to sleep where he is. Drifting off to sleep finding comfort from whatever it is that he has found in that position.
I don't get it.
He does it whenever we end up snuggling up with Obaachan. Whether it's after nightmares with confusing images. Standing across from a figure that I can almost remember, with blood flowing between us a river in a barren landscape. Or beeping from hospital equipment or ones where I wake up and still feel like I can't quite breath.
I don't intentionally seek out comfort after such nightmares.
No matter what my actions might lead people to believe. I don't seek out comfort, Obito usually drags me along with him to find Obaachan. I guess I just go along with him because it's still so strange to be back here. Even in a different body, a different life to live and experience. I sigh and close my eyes as well. Deep breaths, memorizing that familiar scent of family.
Home and the love that we share I suppose.
It's comforting in it's own way.
And maybe one day I'll finally be able to share all this with someone who'll serve as a secret keeper. It likely will be Rin though. Even if this Rin won't be the one I remember. She'll be different, someone new. Not the one who I grew up with in my original life, she'll still be Rin. A different Rin, who understands things slightly different.
But I made a promise.
Please don't hide your wounds Obito-kun.
Okay, I promise Rin-chan.
And isn't this weird reincarnation a wound all of it's own?
I won't break that promise a second time. I won't hide my wounds and chase an impossible, false promise made by a madman. And, I open my eyes just enough to look over at my Otouto. At Obito who's happy sleeping with a smile curling over his face. A smile that shows peace and happiness comfort and hope. Stability.
My hands tighten their fists just slightly.
I'm not going to allow anyone, or anything to steal that smile away from my Otouto. No matter what the future of this second life holds. Obito's not going to lose that smile or his innocence.
I won't let him.
