James Potter walked slowly down the fourth floor corridor, a hand ruffling his hair even though there was nobody else around.

"If you mess it up any more, you're going to look like a merperson," a painting of a frumpy old witch chided, wagging a finger at him. James ignored her but removed his hand from his hair, shoving it in his pocket instead.

James liked to think he was brave; he was a Gryffindor, after all, and had never been known to shy away from a challenge. But he couldn't deny the dread curling inside his stomach and weighing him down as he made his way to the Gryffindor common room. Just thinking of the task ahead of him made him want to turn around and sprint back to the Great Hall. He ground his teeth and forced his feet to continue moving forward. As he did so, he thought back to the scene that had taken place that afternoon, the reason he was now slowly making his way towards the common room so uneasily.

James, Remus and Peter had all been walking to charms together. Their laughter was not as boisterous as it had been when Sirius was with them, but they were all still in good spirits as they walked down the corridor. James had been teasing Peter about his attempts to flirt with a fifth year Hufflepuff when Lily Evans had flown around the corner, nearly knocking into him as she ran past. As he watched her sprint away, he caught a glimpse of her face, which was red and puffy and streaked with tears. Turning to Remus, James saw he was not the only one who had noticed Lily's state.

"We should go help her," Remus said, his face scrunching up in concern as he watched Lily slip into a room a little further down the corridor. "You don't think it's anything to do with Snape, do you?"

"I don't know," James said absently, checking his watch. They had five minutes to get to charms. The image of Lily's puffy face stayed in his mind and in a moment he made his decision. "Listen," he said, turning to his friends and catching Remus' eye, "you guys go to class, I'll find Lily."

"Prongs—" Remus said.

James waved him off, already starting off down the hall. "If we're late tell Flitwick we found a couple first years dueling and had to sort them out."

"Are you sure?" Remus called after him, his eyebrows raised. James paused and ran a hand through his hair. Remus' eyes crinkled nervously and James saw his own concern mirrored back at him in his friend. "Maybe I should go instead," Remus continued, his grey eyes looking steadily into James'. "I know you two are friends now, but—"

"I want to go," James said firmly.

Remus still looked unconvinced and opened his mouth to protest.

"Moony," James said. "Please, I need to make sure she's alright."

Remus looked at him appraisingly for another moment and then nodded, nudging Peter in the shoulder as he left.

James continued down the corridor, which was now nearly empty as classes were starting any minute. He listened intently as he tried to remember which door exactly Lily had gone into.

It wasn't hard to find her in the end. He could hear the muffled sobs coming from inside the girls' bathroom.

After a moment's deliberation, James raised his hand and rapped nervously on the door. The resolution he had felt while talking to Remus was gone now and he was supremely uncomfortable knocking at the door of a girls' loo, trying to find and comfort a girl he wasn't even sure wanted to be found and comforted by him. Why did she have to pick a bathroom of all places to cry in? he thought to himself. Why couldn't she have picked a classroom or a broom cupboard? Hell, even the bloody Great Hall would be better than this.

Following his knock the crying from inside ceased but no answer came. James waited a moment to see if she would open the door, but there was no muffled voice, no footsteps indicating someone was preparing to exit.

Sighing, James leaned against the door and called out softly, "Lily?" He heard sniffling, but still no response.

Sod it, he thought, before pushing the door open, wondering for a second what he would do if it wasn't in fact Lily crying in this bathroom.

It was Lily, much to his relief. She was standing in front of the mirror, adjusting her hair with forced nonchalance and trying unsuccessfully to hide her swollen, red-rimmed eyes.

"Did Flitwick send you to find me?" she asked in a strained, airy voice, her eyes flitting around the bathroom, never looking at him. "I suppose I'm late, aren't I? But I—I had to use the loo, you see. I thought I could hold out until after class but clearly I was wrong and I thought I might be late, but really he shouldn't have sent you—"

James barely listened to her chatter, his eyes zeroing in on the quickly drying tears still clinging to her eyelashes. He stepped into the bathroom and let the door close behind him. "Lily," he said.

"I can't even be that late yet," she continued on, still determinedly not looking at him. "I'm sorry to have been a bother—"

"Lily," he said again, tentatively moving towards her.

"What's the time anyways?" she asked, her voice getting higher as she frantically starting shuffling around in search of her bag, her eyes glued to the floor. "Has class been going for long? I thought I'd only been in here for a few seconds, but maybe—"

"Lily!"

She froze and stopped rambling, her mouth snapping shut. She turned mechanically and looked at him for the first time since he had entered the bathroom. Her green eyes sparkled, like a pair of emeralds glittering in the sun. They would have been exquisite, James thought, had they not been rimmed by red, puffy skin stained from tears.

James chest constricted as his eyes roved over her splotchy face. It was dry now, but the red tracks on her cheeks were evidence of the tears which had flowed only minutes before. Behind the flush, her skin was white, almost translucent. The light freckles splattered across her face stood out more than usual, flecks of life peeking through a mask. James searched her face hungrily until he found his favorite freckle of hers, one he had discovered last summer and loved ever since. It was a small one, sitting right at the corner of her mouth and could only be seen when the light hit her face in certain ways. Or, he reflected bitterly, when puffy, tear-stained skin illuminated it.

Lily's eyes flitted towards the door and she cleared her throat uncomfortably.

With a start, James remembered he had come into the bathroom for a reason. He unwillingly tore his stare from the freckle and turned it back to Lily's swollen eyes, which looked out at him warily.

"Um," he began, shuffling his feet. His eyes drifted to the toilet stalls behind her. He shook his head. Why did she have to be in a bathroom?

"Are you alright?" he asked, wincing at how stupid and feeble the question sounded. Of course she wasn't bloody alright, he had just interrupted her crying in a loo. Hastily trying to redeem himself, James continued, "We—er—I mean, me, Remus and Peter saw you run down here and—well, you didn't look too good—"

Brilliant, Potter, he reprimanded himself angrily, insult her while she's already upset.

Lily's face crinkled and for one terrible moment James thought she was going to start crying again. Instead, she put her head in her hands and sank down to the floor.

"Everybody hates me," she whispered, her voice muffled by her fingers. "And I didn't do anything. I just—"

James slowly sat down next to her and put a hand on her shoulder, unsure of how to proceed, of what he was allowed to do. Last summer he would have taken her in his arms and run his fingers through her hair. This time last year she wouldn't have allowed him to be anywhere near him, let alone wrap her in a hug.

Neither of those thoughts were particularly helpful or comforting, so James simply kept his hand on Lily's shoulder and hoped she didn't push him away.

She didn't. He felt her body tense at the initial contact but then relax, slumping to the floor.

"What happened?" he asked gently. "Is—well, is everything—"

"Alright?" she supplied, lifting her head and glaring at him, her eyes now blazing. James felt her shoulders tense beneath his hand. The splotches on her face were fading, but she remained pale. James could still just make out the freckle near her mouth.

"No, everything is not bloody alright," Lily said in an icy voice. "Marlene is angry with me because I won't tell her why you lot are angry with Sirius and Connor just—just broke up with me because she stormed up to us in the middle of the bloody corridor screaming about how I'd been with you the first night of term."

"Goldstein split up with you?" James asked, quicker than he'd meant to. He tried to inject a note of sympathy into his voice as he glanced at Lily, whose quick anger seemed to have abated as she relaxed once more. "I—but—because of Marlene?"

"Because she told him I'd been with you the first night," Lily said, examining her fingernails.

"Yeah?" James prompted, expecting more.

Lily glared at him again, though she still didn't push him away or storm out. "What would you think if Marley ran up to you shouting that your girlfriend spent the first night back in the company of another bloke and didn't tell you?"

"Oh," James faltered, looking down at the floor while his ears turned a bit pink. He had been so absorbed with the repercussions of that night, and so relieved that he and Lily were back on good terms that he hadn't thought about what it would look like to an outside party. Two sixth years wandering the castle at night, anybody who had spent five years listening to the Hogwarts gossip mill would be able to fill in the supposed details. "So you didn't—you didn't tell Goldstein, er, Connor, then?"

"What would I have told him?" Lily sighed, sinking lower so her feet knocked into James'. "That I had to go save my old best friend from being mauled by a werewolf?"

"Right," James said, unconsciously extending his arm so it wrapped around Lily and squeezing her shoulder. "I see your point."

Lily sighed heavily and stared at the pleats of her skirt, playing with the ends of her hair. "You need to talk to Sirius," she said. "Or at least Marlene. Just—do something, James, I can't be in the middle of this anymore." Her hands abandoned her hair and rose back up to cover her face.

Beside her, James' mind battled fiercely. One side, the side that was still angry with Sirius, screamed that he couldn't talk to him, couldn't possibly involve someone else in the whole mess, especially not Marlene, who loved Sirius like a brother and possibly more. He wasn't stupid, he had seen them over the last week, saw them together in the common room, had seen them over the summer. And the idea of telling Marlene about Remus—no, they couldn't do that. He wouldn't deprive Remus of his right to choose who to tell about his condition simply to make Marlene, or Sirius, or even Lily happy. This side of James' brain screamed that he could never forgive Sirius, could not even consider the idea of talking to him. But then, the other side of his mind, the side that couldn't bear to see Lily cry, demanded that he do whatever it took to make her happy, even if he would rather fight a horde of trolls. She deserved to be happy, this wonderful girl who had done nothing but protect her friends' secrets, James' mind pleaded. He had already ruined one relationship for her that day Snape had called her a mudblood. He couldn't bear the thought of being responsible for more.

Lily's chest quivered as a small sob escaped and the battle was over.

"I'll talk to him, Lily," James said quietly, pulling her closer to him. "I'm so sorry. I—I didn't think it would be this bad for you."

"It's been bloody awful," she said from behind her hands. "Marley's mad at me, Sirius is miserable. Connor hates me now. Remus is upset because—oh and I'll probably get detention from Flitwick now, we must have missed nearly half of class already!"

"You won't get detention," James reassured her, glad he could ease her mind of at least one burden. "Remus told him we found some first years fighting and had to sort it out."

Lily sniffed and cracked a small smile, lowering her hands back to her lap. "I feel as though I ought to be upset with you for lying," she said finally, though without conviction.

James shrugged and grinned at her. "We can't have you losing your spotless reputation now, can we?" he said good-naturedly. "And, no offense, but you couldn't possibly have gone to class in the state you were in."

"No," she said thoughtfully, shrugging his arm off and standing up slowly. "I suppose not."

James stood beside her and watched as Lily gathered her things and glanced at her reflection in the mirror, dabbing nervously at the swollen skin around her eyes.

"You look fine," he said, looking again for the freckle near her mouth but unable to find it.

"Are you sure?" she asked, continuing to survey her face.

"Yeah, no one will notice anything," James assured her, picking up his own bag and opening the door, standing aside to let her through.

Lily nodded and walked out into the corridor, pausing so he could catch up with her. They walked down the corridor together, both staring at the floor.

"You promise you'll talk to Sirius?" she asked when they reached the charms classroom.

James nodded and locked his hazel eyes onto her green ones. "Yeah," he said, "I promise."

James thought back over that conversation as he made his way to Gryffindor Tower, reminding himself he was doing this for Lily.

But Merlin, he didn't want to. The idea of talking to Sirius, of having a real conversation with his best friend, made him ill. Stale anger still simmered beneath his skin whenever he thought of Sirius. James ground his teeth as he marched down the corridor. Betraying your friends was bad enough, he thought, but betraying them for a stupid joke? For a bit of petty, juvenile revenge? That was inexcusable.

He climbed through the portrait hole and scanned the common room, half relieved and half apprehensive when he didn't see Sirius occupying any of the armchairs. With a sigh, James strode over to the spiral staircase and began climbing up to the sixth year dormitory. Even if Sirius wasn't there, he reasoned, he could use the map, which was hidden away in his trunk, to track him down.

When James first entered the dormitory he thought it was, in fact, empty. It wasn't until he was bent over his trunk, searching for the map, that he caught sight of the black shaggy dog curled up beside Remus' bed.

"He'll go berserk if you shed all over his things," James said tonelessly, not looking up from his trunk.

"I just wanted to wait for him to get back," Sirius' voice answered.

James turned to find the dog replaced by his best friend, who looked as though he hadn't slept in a week.

"It's easier to deal with everything when I'm not—me," Sirius explained, watching James nervously.

"Right," James murmured, standing up and making his way towards Sirius, keeping his eyes on the floor. When he stood less than a foot away from his friend, he stopped.

Neither boy spoke for a minute.

"Lily said I need to talk to you," James said finally, the heavy anger in his stomach simmering steadily and rising up to his throat.

Sirius nodded and let out a short, humorless laugh. "I figured it was something like that."

"She wasn't wrong," James snapped, irritated by his friend's remark. He felt the fury boil inside of him, threatening to spill over.

"She wasn't," Sirius agreed. "Merlin knows, she wouldn't just ignore someone for a bloody week and not let them—"

"You told Snape about Remus!" James shouted, his anger boiling over and spilling out of him.

"I didn't tell him—" Sirius started.

"You as good as told him!" James snapped, clenching his teeth and willing himself not to hit something. "You knew, Sirius! You knew he would go and find Remus and would guess what was going on. And you still—"

"I know!" Sirius cried, jumping to his feet and staring at James, his face contorting in pain.

James felt a stab of sympathy as he watched his friend fight to keep his voice steady.

"I know what I did, Prongs!" Sirius continued, his usually smooth baritone voice quivering. "And I'm out of ways to tell you that I'm sorry. If I—if I could go back and change it I would. But I don't have a time turner and you lot are treating me as though I bloody killed someone—"

"You almost did," James spat, fury swallowing the crumb of compassion he had felt.

"And I bloody regret it!" Sirius bellowed, his hands shaking and his eyes bulging out of his head. He looked nearly demented and James thought, through the red screen which clouded his thoughts, that he really could see the resemblance between Sirius and the rest of his family.

"I've regretted it nearly every fucking minute since it happened!" Sirius shouted, his voice cracking.

"That doesn't change the fact that you did it, Sirius!" James cried, blood pounding in his ears as he glowered at his best friend. "You betrayed our trust—you're the reason that fucking Snape knows about Remus! You almost let Remus carry around the burden of killing a person for his entire bloody life!"

Sirius' face crumpled and James watched with a mixture of satisfaction and horror as his friend sank onto his bed, his face grey with defeat.

"I know," Sirius said quietly. "Believe me, I know. But, Prongs," he turned his pleading grey eyes to James, who met their gaze and couldn't bring himself to look away. "I can't even try to defend what I did," Sirius continued, his voice now devoid of emotion as his body sagged. "It was stupid, and cruel, and it ruined your trust in me and—and nearly destroyed Remus' life. Really, I don't blame you for being angry. I'm angry with me. So you can yell at me, or not let me come out with you lot anymore, or say I'm like my family, or hit me again, but you have to know I'm so fucking sorry."

"I don't want to hit you again," James said, the boiling steam leaving his body. He felt limp as he collapsed on his own bed, staring at the crimson canopy. "I just don't understand why, Sirius. Why would you do that?"

"He called me a coward for leaving home," Sirius said hollowly. "And I just—after everything—it was too much."

James said nothing. He continued to stare up at the scarlet draping above his bed. His mind jumped through different images; it went from Lily's tear streaked face that morning, to Snape's furious scowl while James pulled him to safety, and finally to the memory of a scared, angry Sirius arriving at his doorstep at two in the morning over the summer, rambling about his family and doing what was right.

"You need to ask Remus for his forgiveness," he said finally. "He's the one you hurt most in all this." He didn't look, but knew from the sound of weight shifting on sheets from the adjacent bed that Sirius had turned to face him. With more effort than he was willing to admit, James forced himself to keep his gaze on his bed hangings, and not turn towards his best friend.

"I know," Sirius replied tentatively.

"If he says you're forgiven, then—then I will too. And I can't speak for Pete, but I have a feeling he would follow suit."

"Prongs—"

"But," James continued doggedly, "I still don't—I don't know if we'll be able to trust you again."

"I'm going to make it up," Sirius said earnestly, shifting again in his bed. "I promise, whatever it takes—"

"And we need to tell Marlene something," James went on, swallowing hard as he cut off Sirius' promise. "She's jumping down everyone's throat, especially Lily's. And if there's anyone who doesn't deserve to be attacked here, it's Lily."

"Do we tell her about Moony?" Sirius asked nervously.

"No," James said firmly, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. "Just—just a story about why we were angry with you."

"Right," Sirius said slowly, shifting one last time. "We'll think of something."

"Yeah," James muttered, more to himself than anything. "We'll think of something."

They lapsed into silence, each absorbed by their own thoughts. James closed his eyes and pressed a palm to his head, trying to sort out the screams of his brain.

You can't just let him off!

He's your best friend, he's said he's sorry.

He nearly killed someone! And he almost ruined Moony's life.

So let Moony decide.

Yes, he decided silently. Sirius' fate did not lay in James' hands, but in Remus'. He would let his friend make the decision, and James would stand by it. Merlin knew, Remus needed an ally more than Sirius.

As if on cue the door burst open and Remus and Peter fell into the room.

"I told you I'd beat you in a race, Moony!" Peter cried, wheezing heavily and clutching at his chest. "I told you."

"You had a head start," Remus argued, shaking his head. He looked up and immediately straightened when he saw James and Sirius collapsed on their beds.

"What's going on?" Remus asked cautiously, walking over to James and sitting on the corner of his mattress.

James sat up and tried to keep his expression neutral as he watched Remus' eyes flicker towards Sirius and back to his hands. "Er," James cleared his throat, unsure how to begin. "Lily wanted me to talk to Sirius."

"I see," Remus said mildly, raising his eyes to meet James'. In the adjacent bed Sirius sat up, though Remus did not spare him a glance now. "And did you talk to him?" the sandy haired boy asked, the corner of his mouth tugging downward.

James straightened his glasses while forming an answer in his head. "We—"

"I'm sorry, Moony!" Sirius cried from his seat, sitting bolt upright.

Remus' gaze intensified as he continued to inspect his palms. He showed no indication he had heard Sirius, but James saw his friend stiffen slightly, the pulse in his neck quickening.

If Sirius was discouraged by the lack of reaction his apology produced he didn't show it. Capitalizing on Remus' silence, he stood quickly and walked around the bed so he stood directly in front of his friend. Remus raised his head infinitesimally, his eyes now level with Sirius' shoes.

"Moony, I'm so sorry," Sirius said again, quieter this time. He bent down slightly so that he was in Remus' line of sight. "I was a prat, I was a monster, I was so stupid. And I broke your trust, and almost turned you into a killer and—and—a lot of other things, but I'm sorry." Sirius' voice quivered as he bent lower still, so he now crouched on the ground, looking up at his friend who had not moved during the speech.

"Please," Sirius begged, his face crumpling into the same defeated expression he had worn before James earlier. "Please, I don't know how else to tell you how sorry I am, how much I regret what I did. I can't—"

"That's enough," Remus said abruptly, cutting Sirius off. He stood up and walked slowly past Sirius' still crouching figure over to his own bed, where he sat down with a heavy sigh.

From his perch on his bed, James glanced towards Peter, who stood by the door, and caught his eye. Peter raised an eyebrow nervously. James grimaced and they both turned their attention back to Sirius, who was staring at Remus.

"Moony," he whispered, sitting still and looking at Remus like an abandoned dog. "Moony, please, I—"

"I said that's enough," Remus said, the edge in his voice slicing through the room. James' eyes jumped back and forth between his two friends. From Remus, whose calm exterior he knew masked a river of anger and betrayal even deeper than James', to Sirius, who now looked even more lost than the night he had arrived at James' front door.

"Just let me—" Sirius pleaded.

"No," Remus snarled, his lip curling up and his eyes crinkling. He looked as though he were about to cry. "You don't understand, Sirius. I know you're sorry. I've bloody known you're sorry since last week. I don't care that you're sorry."

Sirius looked as though he had been slapped. He rose imperiously to his feet, his mouth hanging slightly open as he stared at his friend. "Moony—"

"Don't call me Moony," Remus trembled, drawing his knees up to his chest. Unlike James, there was no anger present in his face. There was no shouting or boiling rage or shaking fists. There was only dead calm, a sinking, lifeless look in Remus' eye as he addressed Sirius. "After—you can't—"

"Remus, I'm so sorry," Sirius said again, taking a step forward. "Please, just, can you find it in you to forgive me? You can still be angry, you can tell me not to join you for full moons, just tell me that you'll forgive me. That's all I want."

James watched as Remus' face drained of color. His grey eyes turned down to his thumb, where he was unconsciously picking at the skin so a small trail of blood had appeared, searing across the skin as though someone had sliced him with a knife. The pulse in Remus' neck punched out its beats and James saw his mouth twitch and tremble as he fought for control. He was always about control, James thought. It was the one thing Remus valued more than anything, the ability to control himself.

The room was silent except for the heavy breathing of the four boys, and the shuffling of Peter's feet. Three pairs of eyes rested on Remus, who steadily picked away at the skin around his thumb nail, as though trying to tear himself apart.

Still standing in the middle of the room, Sirius drew a deep breath and tried once more. "Please, Remus," he pleaded, his voice cracking. "Say you'll forgive me."

"No." Remus looked up now, his hand falling beside him. James saw a small dot of scarlet blood appear on the blanket. Remus didn't notice. His eyes landed on Sirius, full of sympathy and anguish. His mouth formed a hard line, unwilling to utter more than the one syllable.

A pounding in his chest made James aware that he had been holding his breath and he exhaled slowly, half his heart sinking as he watched the exchange.

Sirius stared dumbly at his friend, looking as though he had been smacked in the face with a broom. "Remus, I—"

"I think I'm going to go to the library," Remus said abruptly, standing mechanically and scanning the floor for his bag.

"I'll go with you," James said quietly, sneaking a glance at Sirius and immediately wishing he hadn't.

Sirius' face was grey and drawn. His eyes were wide as he glanced at each of his three friends, all steadfastly avoiding his gaze.

"No, I'll go," Sirius said with forced bravado. "You lot stay here. I'll—I told Marlene I would meet her later anyways, and—I'll just go."

No one answered and without another word Sirius jogged out of the room, not even bothering to take his bag with him.

James' eyes found Remus. He looked ill, staring at a spot on the floor. He had returned to picking away the skin on his thumb, ignoring the red stain appearing on his fingers.

"Moony," James said slowly, standing up and approaching him. "Don't—"

"You know I can't forgive him yet," Remus said, his voice sounding faraway. He turned his glassy eyes to James, pleading for understanding. "I just—" Remus closed his eyes and screwed up his mouth. James pretended not to see the moisture pooled in the corners of his friends eyes.

"I think I should go to sleep," Remus whispered in the same ghostly, faraway tone.

James nodded, deciding not to point out the fact it wasn't even eight o'clock yet. He took a step back and winced as Remus tore a hanging piece of white skin from his thumb.

"Yeah," James said offhandedly. "That might be a good idea." And he walked back to his bed and threw himself down upon it, feeling as though his heart had turned to stone.

The next day in potions James took his seat beside Lily feeling as though he had swallowed a bludger. She gave him a questioning look and her eyes flickered to Sirius and then to Remus, both of whom sat silently in their seats.

"Feeling better today?" James asked casually, trying to keep his mind off the awful weight in his stomach.

She raised her eyebrows and tore her eyes from Sirius' bowed head. "I suppose," she said, her green eyes crinkling in concern as they landed on him. James looked away. He had wanted to tell Lily about what had happened the night before, but now the time was here he found he didn't want to talk about it at all.

Her expression became more demanding, however, when Marlene trotted into the dungeons, her eyes narrowed as she made a beeline for Sirius.

"Sirius Orion Black, what were you thinking?" the brunette hissed as she took her seat in front of James and Lily. With a sharp thwack she took her textbook and cracked it smartly over Sirius' head.

"Ow!" he yelped, rubbing the spot on his skull where she had hit him. "What was that for, woman?"

"You know exactly what it was for!" she retorted. "Remus finally told me at breakfast why they're all angry with you and frankly I agree you were a prat."

"He what—"

While Sirius and Marlene commenced a hushed conversation, Lily turned to James expectantly. He raised his eyebrows and brought his hands up in surrender. "I don't know what Remus told her," he said earnestly, his eyes sliding past her and resting on his sandy-haired friend, who was chatting idly with Alice.

Lily's eyes narrowed as she watched Marlene lecture a subdued Sirius. "Whatever it was, it did the trick," she murmured.

"I, er, I talked to him yesterday," James said quietly, opening his textbook as Slughorn walked to the front of the room and threw a disapproving glance at Marlene and Sirius.

"And?" Lily prompted, keeping her voice low.

"It's—well, it's still a mess," James said, letting out a sigh and straightening his glasses as instructions appeared on the blackboard. "It's not fixed at all, really, but we talked."

Lily gave him a small smile and touched him lightly on the elbow. "You're trying to make it better," she whispered, taking out various ingredients from her potions kit.

"I don't know how much I can do," James admitted, following her example and taking out the items listed on the board.

"Why do you say that?" Lily asked, frowning slightly as she lit a fire beneath her cauldron.

"I told Sirius that Remus is the one he needs to ask forgiveness from," he said slowly, dropping his voice even lower so they wouldn't be overheard.

Lily nodded and leaned slightly closer to hear. In the shadowy dungeon her hair seemed to give off light.

"Er," he continued, realizing he hadn't finished. "And Remus said he can't forgive him right now."

"Oh," Lily said, furrowing her brow. "I see."

"You can't blame him, really," James said hastily, spilling a bit of dragon blood on the table. Lily cleaned it with a lazy flick of her wand and turned her gaze to him, her eyebrows knitted together.

"I suppose not," she said thoughtfully, the corners of her mouth pulling down into a frown. "If I were him I don't know if I would forgive him yet either."

James nodded, unsure of how to respond.

"But I think you can still do something to help make this right," she said gently.

"You think?" James asked pessimistically as he counted out scarab beetles and dropped them in his cauldron.

"Yes, I do," Lily said, watching him carefully over her cauldron. "You have a lot more influence over your friends than you think, James. I think you can use that to help them both see that there's a way to get past this."

"It's lovely you think that, Lily," James said gruffly. "But at the moment I'm not quite sure there is a way to get past this."

She only shrugged at this and they passed the rest of the lesson in relative silence, talking only about the day's potion, both deep in thought.

When the class ended Lily packed up her ingredients and hurried from the classroom, hoping to run into Connor in the corridor. He sometimes took a different route to care of magical creatures. Maybe, just maybe…

He wasn't there. Lily sighed. Though not usually one to make a habit of trying to catch boys between classes, she had been trying to find a moment to talk to Connor. She knew without a doubt that they were no longer dating. If his shouting hadn't been enough, then his careful avoidance of her over the last few days proved it. But Lily felt an overwhelming need to end things properly, to explain that she wasn't as terrible as he thought she was and extend a possible invitation of acquaintanceship, if not friendship. Lily hated the awkward and messy way they had split up.

She was so absorbed in her thoughts she didn't notice quick footsteps coming up beside her. It wasn't until Marlene caught Lily's elbow that the redhead noticed she was no longer walking alone.

"Lily," Marlene said brightly, her smile faltering when Lily only raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement. Her resentment towards Marlene had not quite dissipated yet.

"Yes?" she asked coolly, wiggling her arm out of Marlene's grasp.

"Er," the brunette mumbled, "Remus told me what happened between him and Sirius and why everyone's angry with him. He said Sirius snogged a girl he really fancied."

Lily stiffened. "Is that so?" she asked, picking up her pace slightly. On her other side Mary MacDonald caught up to them, though she took one look at her two friends' faces and promptly turned around to walk with Alice.

"Look, I'm sorry about yesterday," Marlene said, her brown eyes wide. "Really, I am. I was awful and I feel terrible about what I said—"

"I'll make sure to tell that to Connor when he decides to speak to me again," Lily snapped, wrenching the transfiguration classroom door open and sweeping inside. She dropped heavily into her seat and made a show of digging around in her bag until Marlene had safely deposited herself at her own desk and Mary sat down next to Lily.

"I've got something to take your mind of Mar if you'd like," Mary whispered, watching Lily warily.

"Please, go ahead," Lily said.

Mary grinned and scooted closer. "I don't have any real information yet, but something odd is going on with Sarah and Emmeline."

"They had a row, didn't they?" Lily asked, trying not to snap at Mary for fueling any talk about Sarah Carroll.

"That's what everyone is saying," Mary said, raising her eyebrows. "But it doesn't make sense, does it?"

"Mary, what are you on about?" Lily asked. From the front of the room, McGonagall ordered the class to take out the essays due that day. The two girls bent down to retrieve their essays from their bags, carrying the conversation on in whispers.

"I mean," Mary said, "you've seen Sarah angry. Don't you think, if there had been a row, we would all know?"

"We do all know," Lily pointed out, trying to hide her growing annoyance. "You just told me everyone says they've had a row."

"No, everyone thinks they've had a row," Mary corrected her. "But that doesn't really fit. Neither of them seem angry. They're just…distant."

"I think you're making too much of this," Lily responded, taking out her quill and a roll of parchment as McGonagall began the day's lecture.

"Lily, I was friends with these girls for years," Mary said impatiently. "And I'm telling you, something's up. If they had a row there would be yelling and name calling and crying—"

"Miss MacDonald," McGonagall called out crisply from the front of the room, her eyes narrowed. "Perhaps since you seem so fond of hearing your own voice you would care to come up and teach the class for me?"

"Er, no, Professor," Mary muttered, turning red.

"Then I suggest you wait until after class to continue your conversation with Miss Evans," McGonagall said tartly.

"Yes, Professor."

Lily smiled at Mary's flustered face and shook her head. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Emmeline Vance, gazing dreamily out the window. Lily sighed and shook her head; she really didn't have time to worry about anyone else's life.

The day dragged on and after dinner Lily found herself walking into the library. She wandered around the vast room before spotting a sandy haired head bent over a table in the corner.

"Can I sit with you?" she asked, setting her bag down on the floor.

"Of course," Remus answered, offering her a wan smile. "Catching up on homework?"

"Er," Lily hesitated. She had been hoping to find Connor, who spent many evenings in the library, but that sounded pathetic even in her head.

Luckily, Remus wasn't paying much attention and had already turned back to his book. Spared the need to answer, Lily ignored the question. Instead, she remembered something she had been meaning to ask.

She leaned forward so her hair tickled the table. "So," she said, narrowing her eyes. Remus looked up at her, a bit alarmed to find her so close. "Everyone's angry at Sirius because he snogged a girl you fancy?"

A slightly guilty expression crossed Remus' face as he looked at her. "It's a plausible story," he said vaguely, marking the page in his book and closing it.

"Mhm," Lily murmured. "And does Sirius know exactly how plausible it is?"

"Well," Remus faltered, "well no, not in the way you mean—"

"Remus," Lily said exasperatedly. "You can't just say nothing and expect—"

"I don't expect anything," he snapped, his face darkening as he looked away from her. "If anything she's better off with him. He can give her more, be there more for her—"

"You can too!" Lily cried.

Remus shook his head sadly, twisting his fingers. "I couldn't," he said quietly. "And there's no point in ruining whatever she has with Sirius just because I'm—"

"But—" Lily paused, scrunching up her face in consternation. "Hold on," she muttered. "Is that why you're still angry with him? Because of this?"

"What?" Remus asked, opening his mouth angrily and then closing it again. He squeezed his eyes shut and put his hands to his temples. When he looked back at Lily, his grey eyes were empty. "Is that really what you think, Lily?"

"I—well, I don't know—" Lily backpedaled, appalled at his reaction. "I just, you see how it could seem—"

Remus sighed and slumped back in his seat. He paused for a moment and ran a hand through his hair like James did when he was upset. "You're not entirely wrong," he said finally. "But no, that's not why I said I couldn't forgive him. I—I don't know if I can trust him again after—" he broke off and put his head in his hands, grinding his teeth together.

When he had regained his composure, Remus lifted his head and looked directly at Lily. "No matter what happens with me and Sirius," he said slowly, "I don't want it to be over a girl. Not that Marlene's just any girl," he added hastily. "She's wonderful. But Sirius has been one of my best friends for five years. I can't—I owe it to him—"

"I understand," Lily said gently, thinking at the moment that Remus Lupin deserved to be made a saint.

"He was going to use me to get revenge on Snape, Lily," Remus said quietly. "He knew that if he succeeded, he would be the reason that my greatest fear came true. And he did it anyway. That—that's why I can't forgive him. Not yet. I need—I need time."

Lily nodded. "There's nothing wrong with that, Remus," she said. "You have every right to want that."

"But, Lily?" Remus said.

"Yeah?"

"Well, don't—don't be too hard on Marley, okay? She was just trying to be a good friend. She's protective over everyone, you know. And she—she just wanted everyone to be happy and she didn't know what had happened—"

"I know," Lily said quietly, feeling overwhelming shame over her iciness towards her friend earlier. "I think I need a little time too, though."

Remus nodded. He opened his mouth to say something else, but his gaze snapped to something over Lily's shoulder. Raising an eyebrow, she turned and found none other than Connor standing behind her, red-faced and staring at his feet.

"Hi," she said dumbly, half afraid he was there to yell at her again.

"Hi," he replied. "I, er, heard your voice and came over. Can I—or can we—you know, talk?" he looked up, speaking equally to her and to Remus.

"Er, yeah," Lily stammered, feeling her face heat up as she hurriedly began gathering her things off the table. "Here, we'll find somewhere, I'm sure there's a table—"

"You can stay here," Remus said, smiling gently at Lily as he quickly threw his books in his bag. "I was going to leave soon anyways."

"Are you sure?" Lily asked, feeling slightly guilty as Remus rose out of his seat. "I don't want to kick you out and you were here first after all—"

"It's fine, Lily," Remus said. "I'll see you later, alright?"

"Alright," she said. Remus turned and walked out of the library, leaving Lily and Connor alone, each fidgeting awkwardly, unsure of how to begin the conversation.

"Do you, er, want to sit down?" Lily asked, gesturing to the seat Remus had just vacated.

"Sure," Connor said, sinking into the chair. He lay his hands down flat on the table. Then curled them into loose fists, tapping the wood absentmindedly. Then he interlaced his fingers. Then he cracked his knuckles.

Lily cringed at the sound of Connor's joints cracking and she thought hurriedly over all the things she wanted to say to him. "I'm sorry," she blurted out, her face turning an even darker shade of red. "I should have told you I was with James the first night back, even though it wasn't anything like that and I wasn't supposed to tell anyone what had happened, but I feel absolutely dreadful about how—"

"Lily, it's okay," Connor said quietly, setting his hands back down flat on the table. "I'm sorry I shouted."

Lily nodded, frowning at the memory. "I don't blame you," she said. "Really," she looked up at Connor. His lovely brown eyes, like melted chocolate, drooped sadly. Lily felt a surge of sympathy towards him. "It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault. You're wonderful—"

"But I'm not James Potter," Connor said, smiling sadly at her. His eyes crinkled a bit at the edges, like they always did.

"Yes," Lily agreed absently before registering what he had said. She felt her blush spread to the roots of her hair and burn into her face as she brought a hand to her mouth in horror. "I mean no!" she cried, earning several irritated glares from other students nearby. "No, that's not what I was going to say at all!"

"But it's true, isn't it?" Connor asked gently. He didn't look angry, rather just a bit put-out.

"No," Lily insisted, trying to regain her composure. "That's not—he's not—"

"Lily, it's him," Connor said, chewing on his bottom lip. "It's always going to be him, everyone can see that."

"But it's not—" Lily paused and took a deep breath, sweeping a piece of hair from her face and trying to ignore the heat radiating from her face. "I suppose it doesn't matter much anymore," she said finally.

"I suppose it doesn't," Connor agreed, giving her a small smile. He took one of her hands and gave it a squeeze before rising from the table and slinging his bag over his shoulder. "I should go," he said. "I—that's all I wanted to say, really."

Lily nodded but didn't say anything.

"I'll see you in charms?" Connor asked, awkwardly extending a hand towards her. Lily shook it, hoping he felt just as uncomfortable as she did.

"Right," she said in what she hoped was a reassuring tone. "And, Connor? I'm glad we, er, ended on a better note."

"Me too, Lily," he said with an echo of a smile. Without another word he hitched his bag on his shoulder and turned to leave. Lily watched him go with a strange feeling washing over her chest. It felt like relief, but now she was even more confused than before. The joy she felt at knowing the enmity between her and Connor was gone was eclipsed by the consternation his words had caused.

It's him. It's always going to be him, everyone can see that.

Lily shook her head and began to gather her things. She needed to talk to someone. Not James, that was for sure. She needed to talk to her friends, to Alice and Mary…and Marlene. She didn't need more time. Lily wanted her friend. Marlene had been awful the day before but she had only been trying to do the right thing. And really, Lily reflected sadly, the ordeal with Connor had been a long time coming.

With a sigh Lily grabbed her bag and trekked out of the library to Gryffindor Tower. When she entered the common room it was packed. Sirius sat alone in front of the fire, jinxing gobstones to fly at younger students and spray their foul-smelling goo everywhere. Deciding against involving herself in Sirius' angsty diversions, Lily climbed up the spiral staircase to her dormitory, hoping someone was there.

All her roommates were in the circular room. Mary, Alice and Marlene were gathered on Alice's bed, practicing a new hair curling charm they had found in Witch Weekly. Sarah Carroll lay on her bed listening to WWN. On the bed beside her, Emmeline lay on her stomach, reading a textbook and chewing on the end of her quill.

Lily dropped her bag beside her bed and swiftly changed out of her uniform, throwing on a red jumper Petunia had given her two years ago that clashed abominably with her hair. Lily's eyes drifted to her bedside table and fell on the two pictures sitting on it, the one she had received for her birthday last year of her family, and her parents' wedding picture she had nicked from her dad's photo album. A drop of happiness and a wave of longing swept over her and Lily turned resolutely towards her three friends, approaching them warily.

The three girls looked up when she came over. Mary and Alice drew back slightly; Marlene stared at Lily nervously.

"Er, hi," the redhead said, biting down on her lip.

"Hi," Marlene answered, half her hair curled in perfect ringlets and the other half falling pin straight. The corners of Lily's mouth twitched up as she took in her friend's ridiculous appearance.

"I'm sorry I was horrible to you this morning," Lily said, biting the inside of her cheek. "I was angry."

"I'm sorry I told Connor you were with James the first night back," Marlene said, sitting up straight on the bed.

"I know you are," Lily muttered, sitting down beside Marlene. "I just—oh, sod it. I don't want us to be in a fight because the boys are. You were just trying to be a good friend."

"I went too far," Marlene admitted, a rare pink tinge appearing on her cheeks. "I—I really was awful, Lily. I just got so angry that nobody was telling me anything and I wanted to help Sirius—"

"I know," Lily said gently.

"I really am sorry about you and Connor," Marlene said earnestly. "Really, if you want I'll find him and tell him that the whole thing was a big misunderstanding and all my fault and he shouldn't blame you—"

"Mar, Connor and I broke up," Lily said.

"Well I know!" Marlene said irritably, glaring at Lily. "That's why I'm saying that I'll go find him—"

"No," Lily amended. "I mean we really broke up. I just talked to him in the library and we both said we were sorry and ended things in a rather nice way. But it's done. And, I think I knew this, but I wanted to be angry with someone so I was angry with you, but I think we would have broken up even if you hadn't said that."

"I'm still sorry," Marlene said. "I'm sorry even if it wasn't entirely my fault."

"I forgive you," Lily smiled, reaching forward and pulling her friend into a hug.

"So everyone's okay now?" Alice asked from behind them. Lily and Marlene both laughed as they broke apart.

"Yes, everyone's fine," Lily said. "I—I actually came up here wanting to talk to you guys."

"Because you missed me?" Marlene asked, dramatically throwing an arm around Lily.

"No, you idiot," Lily giggled, throwing her friend's arm off. "Because—well, Connor said something and it—I don't know what to think."

"What'd he say?" Mary prompted, twisting a piece of hair around her wand and holding it for a moment before releasing it into a perfectly coiled curl.

"Well," Lily hesitated. "He—I said he was wonderful and he got a really strange look on his face and said the problem wasn't really what happened the other day, the problem is that he's not James and apparently I'm supposed to be with James and everyone else knows it except me."

Three pairs of eyes stared at her as Lily exhaled slowly, her face warming up again.

Slowly, Marlene's mouth twitched. Then it split apart into a grin. And then it crinkled as she let out a wave of giggles.

"It's not funny!" Lily cried, wondering if she would be forced to revoke her forgiveness.

"Oh, honey, I'm not laughing at you," Marlene choked out between laughs. "I just—oh, Lily, you're so sweet. Of course that's what it looks like to Connor! He's been mad with jealousy since we've gotten back!"

"But did you hear what he said, Marls? He—"

"Lily, I think what Marley is trying to say," Alice broke in, pinching Marlene in the back and glaring at her, "is that you shouldn't take what he said too seriously. I mean," she exchanged a knowing glance with Mary, "you know after that scene last year when James announced to everyone that you told him—you know—"

"I remember," Lily said through gritted teeth, sinking back on the mattress.

"Well," Alice continued, "After knowing that, you can see how Connor would have some doubts, and then when we got back this year and you and James were chums all of a sudden—"

"I told him it was nothing!" Lily cried, throwing her hands up.

"Yes, I know, dear, but you can't expect Connor to think like that," Alice said calmly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "You can see how it would look to Connor as though you and James really are meant to be together and he's just some sort of distraction."

"But he wasn't—"

"Lily, we know," Mary cut in. "Nobody's saying that's what you were doing. That's just probably what Connor was getting at."

With a sigh, Lily covered her face with her hands. "Boys are the bloody worst," she moaned.

Marlene and Mary chuckled; Alice looked slightly affronted.

"Not all of them are," she said loftily.

"Oh, shut it, Fortescue," Marlene said, smacking her gently. "When you've got Frank—"

"You've got Black now," Alice responded evenly, not batting an eye as Marlene went very red.

"We're not officially—"

"Officially," Alice repeated wickedly, rolling off the bed as Marlene lunged at her.

"You're both mental," Mary called.

"Would you lot keep it down?" Emmeline Vance said irritably, throwing her quill down and glaring at the four girls.

"Sorry," Marlene grumbled, moving over so Alice could climb back on the bed. "Say, Em, where've you been getting around to lately?"

"Oh, you know," Emmeline said evasively, turning back to her book. "Out and about."

"Well that clears that up," Mary muttered, raising her eyebrows at Lily, who remembered their conversation in transfiguration and scowled.

"Say, girls, I'm knackered," Marlene declared, flopping down in the middle of the bed. "What d'you say we celebrate everybody being chums again with a good old-fashioned sleepover?"

"I don't think we'll all fit," Mary said dubiously looking around at the mattress on which the four girls were sitting.

"Nonsense," Marlene said airily, waving off the concern. "We'll curl up tight."

And so Lily found herself falling asleep that night curled tightly into a ball, with Alice's knee in her back and Mary's hair in her face.

It was the best night she'd had since returning to Hogwarts.


Author's Note: A huge shoutout goes to Nienna Art for the fantastic new cover art! And as always, a huge thanks to VileMalfoys for being my beta and also to everyone who has reviewed, followed, or favorited this story. Honestly, your encouragement is amazing and always inspires me to write. And, if you are interested in seeing updates about Tell Me More and teasers posted a day or two before the chapter goes up, follow my Jily blog on tumblr! The url is ohdeerjily