Wow I got deep with this one. A lot of emotion has built up today and it all progressed to this. Just a warning a head of time, I start school next Wednesday and I'm being immediately thrusted back into drama club (seeing as I am president this year). But that's not what's bad… They found a lump by my grandpa's colon. They're not sure if it's cancerous yet and it is able to be removed so I'm trying to remain as positive as possible. But just a warning if everything suddenly hits a stand still, I'm sorry.
It's so ridiculous, Melinda ponders as she curls up next to Phil on the porch swing. Coming back was… disastrous to say the least. People stepped away like they feared her. The only few willing to approach was the team that had stood by her since the beginning. But Phil took her hand. He guided her through the studio and forced her to look past the glares. They finished filming early and now they're sitting on his patio by the beachside listening to the waves crash.
"It's so quiet out here." She smiles against his chest. He startled slightly. She hadn't even realized he was falling asleep. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize." He grins running a hand through her hair. "Yeah, a high school friend works to administer safety on the beach. Basically made this part of the beach unreachable. Something about snakes." He smirks as he places his chin on her head.
"He lied?"
"He owed me. I may or may not have hid him in my room after he got involved with a local gang." Melinda sits up her jaw dropping.
"You're kidding." She frowns.
"No I'm not!" He laughs. "I swear on my trading card collection."
"Wow, now I know you're serious." She teases leaning back into his touch. His arms felt so warm, so safe…
"Mel?" She hums burying her face in his shirt. "What do you think about children?" Her heart drops to her stomach. She hadn't even entertained the idea in so many years. Her and Andrew had tried for so long. Then Bahrain happened… Her entire viewpoint shifted. She wouldn't be a fit mother. No child deserves to be the mother to a monster… She had told herself that for so long. "Hey." Phil catches her chin between his fingers pulling her eyes to meet his. "I know what you're thinking of. Think of Daisy. She comes to you like you are her mother."
"Phil… what I did…"
"Is in the past Lin. You have to let the girl go." He presses a soft kiss to her forehead.
"What if it's too late for us?" She asks, her eyebrows furrowing.
"How about this, we'll schedule an appointment. We'll see what we can do." She takes a breath before nodding slowly.
"Let's do it."
"Really?" He smiles, brighter than she's seen in a long time.
"I want a future with you Phil. I love you. I want this." She laces her fingers in his. "We'll make the call tomorrow. Tonight, I want it to just be us."
"Deal."
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Her phone starts ringing midway through a scene. It had been nearly a month since she had gone to the doctor. Nearly two since they had decided they wanted to see if they wanted children. Ever since that night dreams of a little girl with dark hair and the brightest blue eyes replaced the nightmares that usually plagued her sleep. Stark sighs frustratedly calling cut.
"Phil." She smiles pulling him aside. She pulls him inside knowing nobody would be in there. They were shooting the main action sequence. The inside was practically desolate. "Ready?" He simply nods as she answers the call.
"Melinda May?"
"Yes it's me." She pants a bit out of breath.
"Is this a bad time?" The woman's voice asks slowly.
"No not at all. Well, maybe for Stark." She laughs. The poor woman had gotten an earful about Stark so Melinda would be distracted during the appointment. "But he can wait."
"He better for the trouble he put you through." A chuckle escapes her lips as Phil reaches to grasp her hand. She laces her fingers in his giving his hand a firm squeeze. "But we better get to the news."
"Yes of course." Her smile fades as anxiety settles deep in her gut.
"I'm afraid that there has been some damage to your ovaries." Her heart falls to her stomach as the voice echoes through her mind. "Conceiving a child would be near to impossible. Didn't you mention something about being in a fire? A beam falling on you?" The truth. On her trek through the fire ridden set she was knocked back by a blast. A beam had connected with her gut and debris had pierced her knee. That and a mild concussion were all the injuries she had sustained… Or so she thought.
"Yes doctor." She responds.
"I'm so sorry Melinda. Are you okay?" She asks.
"Yes. Thank you for your help." Melinda abruptly hangs up on the woman, bile building in her throat. She breaks away from Phil, her hands tucking into her stomach, trying to shield herself from any more hurt.
"Lin…"
"I should have known." She laughs bitterly. "A monster doesn't deserve children."
"You're not a monster Mel."
"I killed a little girl and her mother." She growls. "This is my punishment."
"Melinda, we can fix this we can-"
"What Phil? Are you going to fix me?" She snaps. "I'm just your little pet project? Something to fix." His jaw drops in shock. "Oh you don't think I didn't notice? The two make up artists to nervous to talk to anyone but themselves, the big macho guy who thought he was too good for a family, the poor lost girl so desperate to become a part of the scene that she broke in? What am I in that part of it all Phil?" He tries reaching for her but she snatches herself away again. Angry tears burn the back of her eyes but she refuses to let them fall. "Was I your special project? A porcelain doll shattered to bits?" She seethes sucking in a breath.
"May-" He croons softly.
"Well I'm sorry. I'm too damn broken to be fixed." She lets out a sarcastic laugh. "I broke myself. So just… go."
"Why don't we talk about this tomorrow?" He asks with a gentle smile. God damn him. She forces her eyes to a table gathering a group of papers that was supposed to be her script.
"That's not necessary." She states sternly.
"You're just giving up?"
"Do yourself a favor Phil. Let's focus on our work, then after… leave me the hell alone."
"Melinda." She marches past him to the door. "You really want me to walk away?" She freezes, the reality of the question falling over her like ice. He was the first person she let love her in a damn long time. The first person she imagined a future with when she thought hers was lost.
"Yes." Her voice breaks as she steps out into the sunlight. She marches straight to her trailer, her fingers trembling. She steps into the room sucking in a breath as she spies the group of people gathered there. Fitzsimmons sit at the table chatting excitedly, likely waiting for her to return for make up check. Then Mack was talking with a crew member, Elena in the corner. Even Lance and Bobbi are sitting on the couch. A cold realization falls over her. They knew about the appointment. "Get out." She growls. Simmons looks up startled, Mack rushes Elena out first but the others seem frozen to their places.
"May what's wrong?" Jemma asks slowly.
"Get out!" She shouts. "Get out of my trailer!" The others scurry away quickly after that but the rage is still settled in her gut. She rushes to the bathroom splashing water on her face. As she looks up in the mirror hatred builds deep within. "Why couldn't you just be normal?" She questions her own reflection. She smacks her hand against the glass, pain spiking up her arm. But it felt… good. She lets out a growl punching the mirror again, glass shattering over her hand. It's not enough. She picks up the closest thing she can get her fingers on smashing it against the television, a scream ripping from her throat. More glass clatters to the ground. She pushes chairs over, knocks potted plants off the counters, scatters papers over the floor. She only stops when the pain in her right hand becomes too unbearable. She looks down at her blood soaked hand leaning against the counter brokenly.
"May? Are you alright?" Daisy's voice is gentle over the sound of her shoes cracking on broken glass.
"Nobody told me that day… That it would be my last chance. Better screw your husband one last time because you're not going to get another chance."
"You wanted a baby?" The question almost feels like a burn now. Daisy knew. Of course she knew, why else would she have been jumping giddily earlier? She still wasn't sure for those months of waiting. But her dreams come back to her. A little girl with bouncing big tails. Wide, curious blue eyes. Ten tiny fingers with ten tiny toes… Screams of giggles, cries of sorrow… A little girl growing up to be a beautiful woman… Their little angel eyes…
"Yes." She whispers brokenly.
"May… I'm so sorry." Suddenly the girl is in front of her, wrapping her arms around her tightly. Still none of the sobs begging to release would leave her throat. Instead she just gripped her back, her blood soaked palm staining the back of Daisy's shirt.
"I never even had a chance."
