Betrayal and Turkey.

Chapter Six.

By Hopping Hamster.

Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.

Chakotay found himself standing with her, he actually felt sick to look at her not because of her but because it made in so sad to see her so broken. No matter how angry and bitter he was about the past he still cared for her a great deal and if he was really honest he missed her. "I didn't know you..." he managed to gulp out before his voice trailed off in pure shock before he stammered out "when?"

slowly she turned too him to offer him his tea, she didn't make eye contact at all as he silently took the drink from her he wanted to hug her. To scoop her onto his arms and make it all ok again. He just didn't know if even touching her would make it worse. Slowly she took her coffee from the replicator and whispered "a little over four years ago"

it hit Chakotay hard. Nearly the whole time he had been gone she had been in this state. "I am so sorry" regretting not being there for her. not offering her a steady hand to hold her up, but she was doing a fine job on her own, she always did, she was the great Kathryn Janeway "I didn't know" he managed to tell her suddenly feeling annoyed with B'Elanna and the others for not even telling him.

She met his eyes warmly and whispered with a soft smile "I didn't expect you to" but it didn't console him much.

He watched her skilfully half drag herself over the sofa by using a series of bars on the wall which he had only just noticed. She nearly fell and he quickly ran to support her but she had already caught her balance by the time he got close, leaving him stood awkwardly nearby. as she lowered herself into the soft comfortable chair of her sofa he whispered "how?" she slowly raised her dark blue eyes to look at him as she softly gestured with her working hand to sit at the sofa beside him. When he sat and she still only silently watched him he said deeply "if you don't mind me asking" somehow he knew with the breakdown of their relationship five years before he really didn't have the right to demand anything from her now.

she met his gaze and knew what he was thinking "not at all" she raised her hand to him before saying in her deep husky voice "a shuttle accident" his eyes widened as he looked down at her mercilessly crushed body. She was still the same Kathryn but she was older, wiser and far more dependant. Shifting her position slightly she was fully aware of his closeness and scrutiny as she told him "the hull tore off and crushed one side of my body"

"the doctor?" he gasped wanting to give her a hug. he couldn't take in what he was seeing or hearing "Starfleet medical?" he found her tilting her head at him the way she always had "surely?..." he asked but husky voice fell away into a tight knot when he realised she really hadn't been saved, this really was the best she could live with.

"After twenty seven hours this was all that was left" she smiled feebly as she let her eyes fall at the disgustingly mangled leg. She hated to look at herself now.

"Twenty seven hours?" he gasped in horror "crushed under the hull?" the images that were flashing through his head were far too much for him to bear.

"what they pulled out wasn't a pretty sight" she told him not daring to believe he saw that old love for her still lingering in his eyes "luckily I had lost consciousness a long time before" somehow neither of them saw it as lucky "this is what I woke up to many weeks later"

Chakotay found even through all his anger for her he still felt great pain for what must have been a terrible ordeal emotionally as well as physically "I'm sorry admiral" was all he could say.

Pain and hurt flashed across her face as she turned away from him to say "there was a time you would have called me only by my name"

"that was a long time ago" he reminded her. He knew had she not been injured this way he would still be spitting venom with her. He really didn't want to let her current physical state get in the way of those feelings that very much needed to be expressed.

She was watching him. It was his turn to feel awkward under her intense scrutiny. then her voice cracked as she told him softly "I never meant to hurt you Chakotay"

"no?" he questioned just as softly "well you did"

"I know" she offered feeling the hurt and pain of five years go "I'm am so sorry"

Chakotay didn't reply. He knew she really was sorry but didn't change it; it didn't change what she did. It couldn't bring back their unborn child. Feeling like he had to find something to fill the gap he said stiffly "I was rude to you this morning" when she arched an eyebrow at him but didn't disagree with his statement he added "sorry" though he didn't sound very sorry.

"Apology accepted" she smiled warmly. Chakotay watched the trembling of her hand as she took a long sip of her rich black coffee "sorry you thought I was floundering half naked" she said keeping her eyes down cast "I have to wait for Sam to get here to help me get ready"

her words seemed to slap him square in the face as he clarified in a broken voice "you can't even dress yourself?"

"No" she growled out through gritted teeth refusing to look at him.

"Oh" he hissed hanging his head as he felt his hand wrap tighter around his tea cup.
he was looking at her with such a sad and pained expression on his face that she found herself spitting out "I don't want your pity" before she had even fully thought what she was saying.

"You never did" he said slightly annoyed as he glanced at her with a look of slight hurt in his eyes.

"no" Kathryn said slowly meeting his eyes seriously for she knew exactly what he was talking about "pity is different to support" she told him firmly "I'm always open to your support"

he shot her a disgusted sideways glance and hissed "you weren't when..." but found himself unable to finish what he was going to say but he knew it was enough for her to understand. It was the reason for their separation, an almighty wedge that hung between them.

"no" she sighed, she hadn't wanted anything from anyone then, she just wanted her child back "sorry" she whispered looking into the deep brown eyes of the man she had loved for so long. The man she turned away rather than talk to, rather than open up to.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room as the afternoon sun blared in through the overhead window. Chakotays eyes filled with tears as he whispered gently "the baby was my baby too" without even looking at her.

"I tired Chakotay" she almost broke in tears having dreaded the day she would have to face his wrath "I tried for you"

"tried?" he spat, how much had she tried? Was she trying when she went to the doctor to 'sort it' without him even knowing?

"to keep our child" she was begging his mercy "I'm sorry"
as he looked into her deep blue eyes begging for some kind of reprieve from her pain and guilt he couldn't take it and he slammed a fist on her table snapping "don't do this now admiral"

her tear stained face winced at his fury and she shook her head whispering "do I look like an admiral to you?"

He met her eyes and saw the fear there. It cut him apart as he sunk into his chair and whispered "sorry"

"well do I?" she demanded drawing strength from some unknown source.

"No" he sighed knowing everything she had ever live for had been in Starfleet. She had given up him and a chance of a family for Starfleet. "Not anymore" he whispered feeling suddenly angry everything she lived for had been stripped from her.

"I resigned" she informed him softly. They both knew that meant she left before they told her to go.
Feeling suddenly sad for her he asked deeply "what do you do with your day?" he knew Kathryn Janeway. He knew she preferred romantic active and doing something.

"Paint and draw" she smiled keeping him in her line of sight. "Look at the views"

"drink coffee?" he added with a dimpled smile and a twinkle in his eye. He has glad to see she was still really the same old Kathryn Janeway, the woman he fell in love with.

"It's an existence" she admitted sadly which nearly broke his heart.

"Is that all you do? exist?" he was almost crying part of him wanted to hug her the other part of him wanted to get out before he fell for her again.

"What do you do?" she asked calmly trying to get the attention off her failing existence "how's the rebuild efforts on Trebus?"

"Like you care" he spat, as soon as he said it he regretted it but he had said it by then.

Closing her eyes she told him stiffly "I do"

"it's going well" he told her looking out the far window at her view "you would like Trebus" for he knew what a nature lover she was.

"I am sure" she smiled warmly before meeting his eyes and fixing his gaze before asking "Chakotay are you happy there?" with fear lacing her words.

"Yes" he insisted softly holding her eyes with his. Though part of him knew he wasn't, not without her, not without his soul mate. Seeing her and having this slightly forced conversation had made him see that. His injuries had nothing to do with that.

"Good" she smiled her crooked smile though she could tell there was more to it than he let on. suddenly she found herself asking the unthinkable before she really had chance to stop herself "is there anyone special?" she could have kicked herself when he shot her a strange look. She realised she couldn't back down then so asked with her head slightly tilted in question "a Mrs Chakotay?"

"are you looking for the job?" he snorted but when realised how beyond wrong that was given their long standing history he wiped the stupid smirk from his face and muttered "sorry"

"I take that as a no?" she question with a reassuring smile to show she wasn't offended.

"There is one person" he smiled after a long and awkward silence. Kathryn watched his dimples flare for this unknown woman in a way she knew he used to only smile for her.

"oh?" she cocked an eyebrow as her heart beat faster not wishing to talk of the chances she had lost with the man she loved even though it was she who had returned the ring to him those five years ago.

"One of my tribe" he nodded watching her carefully schooled emotions run across her face. "I helped her build her home" Kathryn watched him. Far distant memories of the home he built for her on a plant named new earth.

"I am sure it's a very beautiful home" she told him as she realised her silence may have been a little too long.

Chakotay who was treading a fine line between falling in love with her all over again and being so hurt and angry with her not wanting anything to do with her found himself so unable to keep his eyes of her shattered bones where she sat just feet away from him on full unashamed view. "Basic" he told her with a grin "no bath tub"

which in turn earned him one her pure and genuine hugs. "she doesn't know what she's missing" she told him closing her eyes as though in a far distant memory "your baths are exquisite"

"the ones I build or the ones I share?" he asked her which may have come across slightly more provocative than he had intended but she seemed not to mind.

"Both" she let her eyes float mercilessly over his fully clothed body in a way he didn't need to question her meaning. Somehow in this tangled mess of their angry break up. Her broken body. Their five year estrangement and his fuming rage for her she was finding herself falling in love with him all over again.

Chakotay didn't reply to her last statement. He just let it linger in the air. He knew that look in her eyes and he hadn't even dared touch her yet. After a long and awkward silence he let the conversation fall on safer ground by asking "so how did you come by this great establishment?"

"I bought it" was all she offered. He knew that she was hiding something. The Kathryn Janeway he knew five years ago didn't have that kind of credits.

"With what?" he demanded. He was weary of her hiding things from him, and she knew that.
Her eyes filled with tears and she shook her head to avoid eye contact "you wouldn't like it if I told you" she whispered deeply. She would tell him if he made her, no more secrets, he meant it. She just rather she didn't have to face that one now, she knew there was no way he would understand or believe her with his anger and mistrust for her so ripe.

"Try me" he pressed. He wanted to know what she was hiding.

taking a deep breath she whispered "I was given a job twelve years ago Chakotay" she wouldn't or couldn't look at him as she said "I fulfilled my part of the bargain"

"no!" he hissed fury building in him as he dreaded what he was sure she meant "tell me you didn't" he growled but all hope fell as all she did was turn from him in more shame "you bought all this with what they paid you for bringing in all the marquis like the good little ass kissing captain you are" his words were raw, cold and degrading but he was so angry and she knew it.

"that's not how I see it" she pleaded her case with honesty "you know that!" but when she was only met with cold, set eyes she whispered deeply "or at least you used to"

"there were a lot of things I thought I knew about you but I didn't know you at all." she spat with pure rugged malice "I hope it felt good to kneel before your masters to sell your soul and friends to Starfleet"

"that's not fair Chakotay, I wanted it to work, I tried" she insisted as her tears fell "I still care for you a great deal."

"Just not my child" he was broken, had he been thinking straight he would not have brought up their lost unborn child in the conversation that way.

"dam it Chakotay!" she hissed wiping back her tears "it was my child too"

"it?" he growled so furiously in deep undertones she knew she was in trouble "does it make your guilt easier to think of our son or daughter as an it?"

"she" Kathryn whispered trembling slightly under his intense scrutiny "she was my daughter too"

"you knew the gender" Chakotay gulped hard unsure how to take in the news "you knew our child was a girl?"

"only after..." but she couldn't finish her sentence as her tears fell "oh Chakotay it was horrible"

"I really want to punch you right now" he growled furiously standing from his chair with clenched fists and turning from her.

slowly ever so slowly and jerkily she stood tall to face him and whispered "go on"

"what?" he spat spinning to meet her eyes.

"If you hate me that much go on" she insisted dragging her body towards him forever keeping his gaze.

"I would never punch you" he whispered in a dark voice then made a point of looking down at her body saying "even before" but it didn't stop him hissing "but I sure as hell want to" then before she could reply he snapped "excuse me" turned on his heal and matched from her den leaving her stood awkwardly in pain as sad tears rolled down her face.