Betrayal and Turkey.

Chapter Seven.

By Hopping Hamster.

Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.

Chakotay found refuse on a small secluded seat among one of Kathryn's many beautiful flower gardens. He was angry, angry with himself for wanting to hit such a beautiful woman and angry with her for doing what she did all those years ago. he was hurt to see her so physically destroyed and to have not even known, he was still only just taking it in. she would never stand the tall, proud admiral he fell in love with again. This woman couldn't even dress herself. He was so sad to think what could have been for her, for them. He was sad to think he had left her just before she ultimately fell and shattered into a million broken prices. He couldn't think straight, he couldn't think what really mattered. He wanted to hug her, he wanted to carry her pain, to know ever millimetre of scared and twisted part of her body but yet he wanted to screen and shout and hate for she destroyed his life, his child's life. It was a mess but Chakotay knew until he forgave her, until he let his anger go things would never be the same again. He just didn't know how to do that.

He had been sat there for at least an hour letting his rage out and his tears fall before he knew somebody was approaching. As she half Klingon lowered herself silently to sit beside him he snapped "don't start" without even making eye contact with his old friend.
B'Elanna didn't even look taken aback as she stared out into the distant horizon before saying softly "you stayed behind" she didn't have to say anything else. Both knew what she meant and both knew it was a statement not a question.

"I had to talk to her" he insisted in a deep firm voice which she didn't disagree with. "I had to know she was happy" he said the last sentence with such pain in his voice B'Elanna knew then that he knew what had happened to Kathryn. She also knew there was a slight accusation in his words. An accusation that she should have warned him.

B'Elanna softly closed her eyes abduction whispered "Chakotay I wanted to tell you"

"but something got in the way?" he filled in the rest of the sentence with tears in his eyes.

"I didn't know where to start" B'Elanna admitted which Chakotay knew would take a lot of strength for the prideful half Klingon to admit, even to him her closest friend.

"I never want to talk to her again" Chakotay hissed in fury as he beat his fist on the seat beside him.

B'Elanna really was taken aback. There was fall out between her two friends and ex-lovers but she had never thought Chakotay would make it come to that "is it really that bad?" she asked turning to Chakotay for the first time in the conversation, her eyes wide with surprise.

"She walked away a long time ago" he reminded his friend through gritted teeth in his defence "remember when we finally made it back to the alpha quadrant, she and I were so happy together."

"Yea..." B'Elanna replied slowly, she hadn't forgotten, the entire crew was overjoyed to learn their command team were finally together. Even Seven who had been having a few tentative dates with the native American commander.

"she agreed to marry me, and I know she meant it, I know she would have" he whispered his eyes closed in memory of when he placed the engagement Rang on her tiny finger and how incredibly happy they both were. "we were in love" he sighed softly. if he was honest he still loved her very much, he always would.

"she still loves you" B'Elanna told him firmly as she placed a delicate hand on her good friends arm and told him "and I know you still love her"

"she's so broken Lanna" Chakotay told her through tears in his eyes. Chakotay was referring to her emotional and psychology wellbeing as well as her physical.

"I know" B'Elanna sighed looking at him lovingly "but that doesn't change her feelings, maybe it changes yours?"

"it nearly killed me to see her that way" he admitted finally meeting the eyes of the half Klingon.
"she's better than she was, she had no movement in her legs or arms at all at first" B'Elanna told him in an effort to encourage him.

B'Elanna's words only served to bring the realisation of what his Kathryn had gone through without him "oh spirits" he gasped in horror of the implications of Kathryn's injury.

"she was unconscious for nearly four weeks after they found her" B'Elanna told him softly "the doctors say she experienced vigorous nightmares" to this Chakotay looked away and closed his eyes, the image of it too much "they said she sobbed and called for you constantly"

"I am sorry I wasn't there, really I am" Chakotay whispered as the pain for Kathryn filled his eyes "but she and I, we may have worked on Voyager when there was nothing out there for us but a common goal of getting home" he told B'Elanna seriously and with great regret "but here in the alpha quadrant we both have so many choices and possibilities, dreams that pulled us apart"

"she was so depressed when you actually left" B'Elanna through in though she knew his words were right. Chakotay raised an eyebrow and B'Elanna asked "did you know she was there at your send off?"

his eyes were wide as he gasped "no, I thought she didn't come"

"she didn't want to cloud your joyful send off, that's why she stayed back" B'Elanna told him "but she wanted to be there to see you go" Chakotay stared at her in disbelief the very thing he had asked of Kathryn when they broke up. 'you might ask me to go, and now I am I ask you to come to my send off and watch me go'

"she should have come to me" he whispered regretting that he hadn't even known she was there the day he left for Trebus five years ago. hundreds of well-wishers and not one of them was the one person he wanted to really say goodbye to, had he known she were there he would have looked her in the eye to know she was ok. even after what she had done he wanted to care enough to be sure she was ok.

as B'Elanna watched him she saw a much deeper pain and regret in his eyes. B'Elanna had always known there was more to it all than either had ever let is known "what really drove you two apart Chakotay?" she asked.

"she wanted Starfleet and I wanted Trebus" came his set pat answer which was only half true.

"that's only part of the story and you know it!" B'Elanna hissed furious that even now with her he wouldn't open up.

closing his eyes and remembering the moment she had told him of the joyous news five years ago he asked with broken tears in his eyes "did you know she was pregnant Lanna?"

"yes" B'Elanna told him softly suddenly stunned to learn that her failed pregnancy might had led to their break up.

"today she told me a daughter" he whispered deeply as he turned from her. she knew how hard the loss of his child must have been for him and he never mentioned it before so she sat in silence and let him talk. "five years ago she told me she could never be a mother and an admiral" his voice was raw and deep and full of so much emotion "that it wasn't right for the child, that she would never allow her child to go through what she went through as a daughter of an admiral"

"so what?" B'Elanna was shocked that was all it took for him to go "you left?"

Chakotay who for the most part had understood where Kathryn was coming from had so desperately tried to make her see reason "I begged her to reconsider" he told B'Elanna "to consider resigning if that was her final word"

"she wouldn't?" B'Elanna was wide eyed and shocked, things from that time were just beginning to make sense.

"no" Chakotay admitted his anger rising once more and he hissed through gritted teeth "I asked her to come with me to Trebus, to bring our child with her, that way she could keep her rank and be in command of the rebuild efforts but it not be like normal Starfleet"

"she said no?" B'Elanna prompted softly.

"hell I even told her I was prepared to take our child to Trebus and raise them alone" his tears freely fell as she clenched his fist and said "she was set" his eyes slid shut as B'Elanna looked on horrified "she couldn't allow it" Chakotay took in one large gulp before he hissed "she informed me she would be going to the doctor in the morning" to sort it..." husky voice trailed off before adding "that was the last I saw of her until today"

"you mean she..."but it was B'Elanna who had the trouble getting the word out before she managed to gasp out "terminated?" still feeling the shock of it.

Chakotay raised his head, his dark tear filled eyes met with B'Elanna's as he nodded and told her "a week after that she sent me a message on the com telling me she was no longer pregnant" B'Elanna looked at him with stunned horror, not something she had ever imagined Kathryn doing. her hand instinctively ran over her fully swollen abdomen as Chakotay continued "she also told me that day that she was sorry but maybe it was for the best after all." he shook his head still feeling furious "I was so angry and so hurt. it was like I was torn in two" he turned again from B'Elanna as he confirmed "I left shortly after that, I was following my dreams. she didn't stop me, she didn't even come to me."

"oh Chakotay I'm so sorry" B'Elanna whispered taking his hand in hers "we all thought she lost the child..." he voice trailed off, she sat still in confused horror, now she came to think of it Kathryn had never said she had assumed "she won't talk of it" B'Elanna whispered her tears falling for him, for his unborn child "she won't talk of you. I'll admit it's so surprising how well she's taking you being here now."