Betrayal and Turkey.
Chapter Sixteen.
By Hopping Hamster.
Thank you all for the reviews, I read them all. Glad you like this story! It's plodding on nicely…
I did get one reviews with a question, normally I would reply with a PM but this was from a guest reviewer so I will reply here…. I was asked what happened to Sam's husband and daughter Naomi…. I am sure I mentioned early on in this story (which the reviewer admitted to having not read nor are they planning to read) that Naomi and her father live with Sam in their home close to Tom and B'Elanna's house on Kathryn's land. Sam only works for Kathryn as her support and aid; she does not live with her. Thanks.
Hope you enjoy this next chapter.
In little over an hour and a half Kathryn once again found herself wrapped up warm and heading away from her ranch in B'Elanna's transport vehicle with only Chakotay for company "are we going on a long journey?" she endured looking out of the window at the passing tree's and not even bothering to look at him.
"No" he replied. There was a awkward silence which held between the two before Chakotay added "well longer than you have been in a few years" as soon as he had said it he felt bad, it hadn't meant to be a snide remark but he knew it would come across that way.
Kathryn's eyes slid shut before she told him "well that's not hard Chakotay" then finally she shifted in the chair to look at him sat next to her, his eyes firmly on the road "I haven't been further than the gardens in four years" she a crooked smile played on her lips as she added "except the other day when you took me for lunch"
He turned to her quickly and flashed his dimples at her saying truthfully "thank you for coming" before he quickly turned back to look at the road.
Kathryn watched him for a minute in silence, she too was smiling "it was nice" she told him truthfully, she had never quite known how or why but this man never stopped having an effect on her, she was at peace with him, a peace she hadn't felt since she gave him his ring back five years ago.
Chakotay didn't know why but this woman had never stopped having an effect on him and he knew her there was something more, "but?" he questioned softly.
"No buts Chakotay" she told him firmly, her brows drawn together, her eyes and unusually shining blue.
Keeping his eyes firmly on the road he told her gently "there is always a but with you Kathryn" one eyebrow raised, her lips pursed together before she turned right from him and looked out the window.
After sometime she sighed and allowed herself to admit "but I don't think I would do that every week"
"You're frightened" Chakotay remarked much to her disgust.
"no I am not" she insisted though she knew deep down she was, she knew he knew but never would she admit it, not to him, not now.
"Yes you are" he replied straight to the point, not even looking at her.
In a very commanding captain's tone she asked him "how did you come to this conclusion?"
Not backing down and not afraid to answer her he told her "you're frightened to leave that little sanctuary of yours"
Kathryn sat and stared out the window, she didn't want to admit it but he was right "if you hadn't noticed it's not exactly easy for me to go anywhere" she growled in a slightly annoyed voice, something that Chakotay didn't miss.
Smiling at her he said softly "that's why I am taking you out" she only glanced at him before turning back to stare out the window at the passing scenery. Watching her Chakotay signed softly and asked "Kathryn you do know that B'Elanna or Sam or one of the others would have taken you out?"
"Maybe I didn't want them too" she growled back in response, defiantly one he had not expected.
"Have you been happy Kathryn?" he asked her seriously "spending the last four and a half years trapped in your own home?"
Kathryn let the silence linger between them as she tried to decide how best to answer his direct, yet softly asked question. Slowly she turned and looked at him as he continued to drive her further from that sanctuary, she knew she never could hide anything from this man when he was an active part in her life, why would now be any different "it's what life is like for me" she smiled a half smile telling him in the best convincing voce she could "it's ok"
"Kathryn" Chakotay said her name so lovingly her heart nearly stopped as he turned to look at her seriously and saying "I want to see you live again, to see you happy"
She met his eyes as she stared at him, she suddenly felt unsure what to do, and her eyes were flooding with tears, tears she thought she had long cried. Letting her eyes slide shut she took a large intake of breath and insisted "I am happy Chakotay"
Chakotay knew when he was beat, he knew she would say little more to him. Turning back to the road he sat back and let her tears silently fall. Kathryn wondered if he would say anything else but she really didn't feel she could be the one to say any more. Just when the silence had dragged on just a little too long he asked gently "do you know what day it is in three days?"
"Of course I do" she shot back at him turning her head to face him, her cheeks still damp with tears.
"Well?" he prompted.
"Christmas day" she replied as a fresh wave of tears threatened to fall. She kept her eyes firmly looking out the window taking deep breaths and fighting the urge to cry.
"Exactly" he said almost smugly.
"your point?" she growled firmly and slowly not even looking at him, she could sense where this was going and she wasn't sure she was ready to face it, not with him, not then and certainly not away from her ranch.
"you forget how well I know you Kathryn" he told her softly in his deep yet calm voice which Kathryn knew he had only reserved for her "I know you love Christmas" then with a dimpled smile and the hint of a laugh in his voice he added "it was quite the holiday for Kathryn Janeway on Voyager"
"It's ok" she shrugged keeping her eyes firmly looking out the window.
"Just another day?" he added casually finning in what he knew she was going to say even though he knew that wasn't how she really felt. She might have managed to settle for second best, a life half lived over these last five years but now he was back, now he was with her there was absolutely no way he was about to let her do that.
"no" she sighed knowing she could never fool Chakotay with that "but it's not quite what it used to be" then she gave that half a laugh she always did when she wanted to change the subject and turned to him with her crooked smile and asked hurriedly "anyway what about Christmas for you?" sinking into her chair like she was about to hear a story she asked "what is it like on Trebus?"
"We don't celebrate Christmas" he reminded her casually. Though a hint of a smile was playing on his lips. He tapped a few commands into the console in front of his on the vehicle and carried on staring out the front window.
"Oh" she nodded feeling like she could kick herself, of course she knew that, why did she forget that. He had embraced Christmas while on Voyager and on Earth with her because he had known how much it meant to her and many of the human members of the crew but that didn't mean that it was ever a festival that he himself celebrated.
Chakotay flashed his beautiful dimpled smile at her and told her "but I did, I decorated my house, it stands out throughout the whole of Trebus."
Kathryn's blue eyes sparkled as she asked "you did?" her own radiant smile playing across her lips.
"Yes" he laughed a deep hearty laugh, a real laugh which if Kathryn was being completely honest she had missed it "I had a Christmas tree and all" he told her looking deep into her eyes. As their eyes met his smile faltered, something Kathryn noticed and so in turn so did hers. There was a silent moment of passion and emotion between the two before he broke it buy turning back to the front view screen and trying to sound casual as he told her "I suppose it made me feel I still had just a little bit of you"
"Me?" she asked, a spark of surprise and confusion playing across her voice.
Nodding slowly Chakotay said "I could never forget our first Christmas together" his voice was rich a deep and held so much emotion, that much Kathryn could see but what that emotion was she couldn't quite tell. She had thought of him often, what he was doing? Was he well? Was e happy? And worst of all had he married? If she was admitting her emotions to herself she very much regretted leaving him and she was still deeply in love with him. Kathryn had never imagined he would come back, let alone wish to pursue some kind of friendship when he did come back.
"on Voyager?" she asked trying to think back to that time a year into their journey when she had insisted he helped decorate her ready room with season decorations while she impressed upon him very important need for Christmas, of course he had smiled all the way through doing this and then admitted he would be willing to give it a go.
"No since we got home" he said slowly, her eyebrow raised, he knew he might as well say it not, he had nothing to hide turning to her he added "the day you agreed to be my wife"
"A rash decision" she spat out before she even thought through what she was saying.
"I see" he replied bluntly, not even trying to hide his obvious hurt.
"oh Chakotay..." she said in such a loving soft voice it actually shocked him as she rested her tiny gentle hand on his arm "I didn't mean that" he told him with honesty in her voice "not the way it sounded" she told him giving his bicep a squeeze "I'm sorry"
"it's ok" he turned to her looking deep in her eyes, shocked to actually see her barriers braking down and a glimmer of compassion and love spread across her face "maybe your right" he told her not taking his compassionate eyes from hers "we agreed to marry within days of returning to earth when we didn't even know each other very well"
He held his gaze before letting her hand flop to her said as she whispered in the deep husky voice he missed so much "we knew each other well Chakotay, too well that was the problem" turning from him she smiled wistfully "we were given the chance to live again" leaning her head back in her chair she finally relaxed to be whizzing along the open road on this morning drive with Chakotay she pointed out "a chance to have what we couldn't have in the delta quadrant"
Chakotay dared a glaze at the tiny woman relaxing out next to him in the transport vehicle "you made a fine admiral I was proud of you that day" he told her seriously "so very proud of you"
Slowly she raised her head from the back headrest but looked straight ahead not at him as admitted painfully "I continued to follow a dream knowing it would keep me from you"
"As did I" Chakotay reminded her "I should never have expected you to give up everything and come to live in a half destroyed wilderness with me" his voice was firm and honest.
Tilting her head she thought over what he had just said before she admitted "I should have been more willing" then with a twinkle in her eyes she added "I could have gotten used to roughing it" Chakotay began to chuckle slightly which caused him to shoot him a death glare before demanding "what's so funny?"
Trying hard to keep the smile from his face he tugged on his ear lobe letting Kathryn know he was embarrassed before she admitted "I made you a bath tub"
"What?" she almost shrieked suddenly very confused before pointing out "I already have one"
"no on Trebus I made you one" now his smile was gone as he met her wide and yet still shining blue eyes as he clarified "I convicted myself you would come to be with me" she still was staring at him making him feel suddenly ashamed "I made a bath tub to make your journey lighter" he added quickly turning from her.
"You thought I come to you?" she asked not even bothering to keep the surprise out her voice.
"I had hoped" he admitted turning back to her to see her response was not one of anger or condemnation but of genuine shock and surprise of his words, mixed with a soft compassionate love.
"Sorry" she sighed finally.
"Don't be" he said hurriedly turning his attention quickly back to the road wishing he hadn't ever said anything.
"Chakotay..." she said slowly after some time had passed but she couldn't quite get all her sentence out and she turned one again form him.
"Yes?" he replied softly hoping to give her the space she clearly needed.
"the other day when we kissed…" she once again began but once again broke off when she suddenly realised she didn't quite know how to say or ask what she was really feeling.
"yes?" he prompted calmly knowing sooner or later they were going to have to face that, maybe now was better as she brought it up not him.
"Why did you do that?" she asked, there was no accusation in her voice only concern and love.
Closing his eyes Chakotay admitted calmly "Kathryn I miss you"
"So you kissed me" she stated trying to clarify his meaning.
"I rash decision" was all Chakotay could think to say, mirroring her statement from before.
