Betrayal and Turkey.

Chapter Nineteen.

By Hopping Hamster.

Sorry for the delay, some personal things got in the way of me updating. I hope you enjoy this next part. Thanks.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay asked. He was completely surprised by the sudden request and he wasn't ashamed to show that surprise because if he was honest it worried him that she would suddenly change her attitude the way she had.

Kathryn turned away in shame "forget it" she brushed him off waving her working hand in his direction suddenly embarrassed and unsure by his confused indifferent reaction. "I would never ask you to give up your dreams for me" turning back to him she tilted her head and tears came to her eyes as she added quickly and softly "you should know that by now"

Chakotay reached out to cup her face in his hand to offer support "Kathryn." He whispered looking into her tear filled eyes "I once thought trebus was my dream" letting his hand flop down he shook his head and whispered "and maybe in many ways it still is" at that Kathryn wished she hadn't said anything and so was very surprised when he said "but not if I lose the woman I fell in love with twelve years ago"

Her blue eyes widened as she tried to take in what he was saying. "What?" her deep husky voice crooked out as she looked at him. Letting her eyes flop shut she whispered "Chakotay what we had, we had" her jaw was set but her mind was confused and unsure of what she wanted "our love wasn't without complication" she told him hoping he would see the dangers of even trying a possible relationship.

Chakotay let out a long breath and turned from her trying to control the anger he was now feeling for her. As he looked out at the beautiful stream of water before him he asked "so it wasn't real?" he almost growled as he tried to keep steady and keep him emotions in check.

Kathryn was shocked he could ask that, she wasn't sure how could think she would think that. "Of course it was Chakotay, more real than anything I have ever felt" her voice was soft and sure, Chakotay knew she was telling the truth. He knew that behind her hard composed face there was a truly beautiful and loving woman. Chakotay turned to look at her and sure the love and honesty shining from her eyes.

Stepping closer to him he placed a steady hand on her shoulder and made her look at him as he asked steadily "but?"

She met his eyes, she knew he wanted and deserved the truth so she gave it to him "but that was a long time ago" she said in such a sad voice he was sure she didn't want it to stay that way as she finished "in a different time, a different place"

Chakotay saw the love flash through her eyes as she looked at him, he knew it was real, because of that he had to know, he wanted to hear her say it, hear her deny her love for him and so he asked softly "you don't love me?"

Kathryn turned slowly to look at him, her eyes unusually blue as she whispered in her deep voice he knew she reserved only for him "Chakotay" placing her hand softly on his chest she added "I care a great deal for you"

"But you don't love me?" he pressed ignoring her tenderness and demanding her answer again.

She set her jaw and let her hand flop from him back down to her side as she added "I don't I think I do, not any more" her words were not warm and soft they were cold and straight to the point, Chakotay could tell it wasn't really how she felt she just was trying to force herself to say it, for what reason Chakotay didn't know.

He was looking at her suspiciously, unsure why she would say she didn't love him when he could tell that she did, very much "you've never said it Kathryn" he said in a deep yet calm voice holding her eyes with his. She looked at him challenging him to challenge her. "You couldn't then and you can't now" he added firmly with a hurt look in his eyes.

Kathryn drew her brows together in confusion; she couldn't work out what he meant or where this was going. She was suddenly wishing she hadn't asked him to stay "said what?" she demanded a little more forceful than she had hoped.

"Do you know Kathryn" Chakotay said trying to sound casual "I have never once heard you say you love me" once he had told her that she looked at him with even more compassion and softness in her eyes.

"Chakotay..." she whispered looking into his eyes and once again placing her hand on his chest but her voice trailed off into nothing as she realised he was hoping she might say it to him.

With a heavy sigh Chakotay turned from her and stated sadly "you can't can you?"

"Don't push me into a corner please" she begged as tears once again mounted in her eyes "let's just enjoy the day we have" with that she gave him a weak smile and continued to walk awkwardly along the streams bank.

Chakotay let out a heavy sigh before joining her at her side and taking her arm and helping her to walk as he said calmly "and yet you ask me to stay in earth"

Kathryn who was now pretending to be very interested in the wildlife of the stream as she told him "you're a free man Chakotay go where ever you want"

Chakotay took her elbow firmly in his hand making her stop walking and forcing her to look at him as he told her "I want to go where you want me"

"I want you to be happy" she said reaching up to his face and stroking his cheeks with the tips of her fingers "five years ago we gave up what might have been so we can both live a happier life."

Chakotay raised his hand to encase her fingers in his hand as he asked "have you been happy?" she tried to pull her hand away but he wouldn't let her go.

She admitted with a heavy sigh as her eyes stayed locked on to his. Chakotay couldn't mistake the love he saw there "I've been content knowing you were happy" she told him truthfully with a small wistful smile. As Chakotay looked down into her eyes he couldn't ignore the love that he saw there.

Cupping her face in her other hand he told her "I wasn't really happy not without you" he was sure she would try to pull away and when she did he let her.

"Chakotay look" she sighed in her deep husky voice "this place is beautiful"

"yes" he agreed with his own heavy sigh, he knew she loved him, he knew she wanted him to stay, and he would but something in her wouldn't admit it "come on" he shrugged as he decided the best course of action would be to continue on the walk he had planned.

Kathryn knew he wanted to talk further on the request she had hastily asked but also knew he couldn't push her. Maybe they should just enjoy the walk after all with a smile she took his hand for support and said "I can't believe I never knew this place during my academy days"

"Not many people did" he admitted with his full dimpled smile.

Kathryn's head spun round to look at them as they walked slowly at her awkward pace, and she gave him a slight nudge and she laughed "maybe that's why you liked it so much"

"Maybe" he smiled letting his eyes lock with hers. Her heart beat faster as she looked up at him, somehow she realised she was not going to be able to ignore her love for him for much longer, soon they would have to face it and when that time came she really would ask him to stay with her and he knew it.