Betrayal and Turkey.

Chapter Twenty Three.

By Hopping Hamster.

I really must say sorry to all my readers, I have been so very busy, I had to have an operation back in January which took a while to recover from and then I have been catching up with my work and I am leaving my job and moving house in a week and so have been so held up with just getting from day to day I really have had little time for anything else so please accept my apology for the lack of updates to this story. Thank you for staying with it and understanding. I hope to be updating much more regularly from now on. I hope you enjoy.

Chakotay looked into her deeply set blue eyes which now so often shone with pain he had to fight his tears as he asked her "honestly?" he tried to sound casual but he knew he didn't.

Kathryn tilted her head at him and folded working arm across her chest to clasp the other by the elbow as she raised an eyebrow at him and told him seriously "it would help" she didn't sound to angry or demanding but Chakotay knew she wasn't messing around now. It was time for truth, it was time to be real and they both knew it.

Chakotay looked at her for a long silent moment before he sighed and whispered softly in his deep voice "I love you" he wasn't fazed by the surprised response he got from Kathryn in return as he continued "I always have" with his last words he cupped her face in his hands and brushed her paled cheeks softly with his thumbs, glad she didn't pull away or snap at him that he was out of line Chakotay smiled warmly into her eyes, she only held his gaze with her shining blue eyes, her breathing heavy as she tried to contemplate her next move.

When Chakotay didn't say anymore he just looked into her eyes and began tucking her silky hair softly behind her ears she leaned towards him daring to bridge the gap that had come between them. She placed her hand on his chest and asked in a rather seductive way "and?" it was serious question, one that deserved a serious answer.

He smiled warmly with his dimples which he knew she loved, he was teasing her as good as she gave, she was flirting with him, he knew her style, subtle yet beautifully seductive, so why should he not flirt with her? To either of them sat in that café with their eyes locked it felt like one of their long day's together on the bridge of Voyager where the only interesting thing to happen was who was winning the very intense flirting match between them. With the devilish yet loving glean in his eye she knew so well he leaned in a little to her and took her hand from his chest and raised it to his lips where he planted a gentle kiss on her finger tip's, his lips barely touching her skin. The whole time she held his eyes, her heart beating fast almost ablaze with fire, she was feeling old feelings, feelings only he had ever provoked in her. Then suddenly he let go of her hand and save her a slightly smug smile as though being aware of what he had evoked in her and he shrugged casually and said "and when i saw how injured you are i was heartbroken" his body language seemed so casual and uncommitted at his last sentence but the words told her only of love, and they invoked in her a much forgotten feeling of love. She felt herself blushing at his words. She knew he was playing casual to tease her because he had sensed the feelings rise in her. She was offended by that she was pleased and honoured, this was their way, and this was who they had been on Voyager. This was the friendship she had missed, long before they had complicated it by rushing into marriage and family. She smiled as her eyes nearly filled with tears, they had been given another chance even through all the past pain, was she going to reject it? Reject him?

Suddenly as she thought over his words the need for independence that the last five years of being totally reliant on others had given her over whelmed her. She suddenly felt fearful, she couldn't ask him to stay with her and become some kind of care person, like Sam or B'Elanna, she wouldn't do that to him, if anything she had come to realise how important it was to him to follow his dream. She would not stop him going back to Trebus, not again not ever, if he stayed for her he would have to give up that life, she hadn't let him five years ago and she wouldn't let him now. Back then it had been because she had been too proud to care enough to give up her own life in Starfleet but now it was because she was too ashamed to face the fact that her life had ended the day she had boarded that old transport to Trebus. She didn't want him to stay just for her selfishness back then and he didn't want her to stay because he pitied her now. Pity….. her eyes suddenly flashed an anger he had not expected to see as she leaned far back in the sofa as she could as though trying to get away from him and demanded "so it is that you pity me?" she was furious, he could see that, this was no wide up or flirtatious joke and she was clearly not afraid to show it.

Closing his eyes he suddenly felt angry himself, her selfishness and refusal to share her feelings has been the catalyst to destruction of their relationship five years ago and clearly things hadn't changed much now. Leaning away from her himself he let out a frustrated sigh he turned towards the large window and snapped "Kathryn I never said that"

"you didn't have to" she replied back equally as annoyed though she kept her eyes on him showing concern, she didn't want to hurt him, she didn't want to fight him anymore, she was more annoyed with herself now for lashing out and reacting, why couldn't she just accept things the way they were? She wanted to stop all the pain and the past; she just wanted him back in her life.

Chakotay sensed her emotions where a lot softer and receptive than what her words showed. Taking a deep breath he turned back to her and found himself surprised to see she was watching him with love in her eyes and so he took her hand in his and while gently stoking her knuckles with him thumb he met her eyes and asked firmly "Kathryn the doctor tells me there may be a way to fix at least some of your injuries but you won't have it" he wasn't sure how she would feel about him bringing up the subject, or about the fact that he had talked to the doctor about her in the first place but right then he wasn't sure he cared what she thought, she really needed to know how much he cared and to force her to face her condition more than he was sure anyone had these last five years. If there was a chance for her to have a better quality of life he wanted her to at least say out loud why she wouldn't take it.

She stared at him much as he expected she would, her lips pursuing into a thin line, her eyes narrowing, she was angry and hurt and he could see that, she wanted him to see that but she hadn't pulled her hand away from his, she still let him hold her hand and gently caress her knuckles. As he sat in that café, her café and looked at her she wanted nothing more than to reach up and slap him but she reframed as she didn't want to allow that rage inside her so she demanded "why did he tell you that?" trying to keep calm and controlled. Then without giving him any chance to reply in an almost snarl, a spiteful snarl she snapped "what business is it of yours?" at that point she snatched her hand away and clenched it into a tight fist.

Chakotay would not back down, she had to realise he cared for her, now more than ever. Looking right into her eyes Chakotay took a deep breath and said softly and firmly "he told me because I asked him" Kathryn didn't even bother to try to hide her surprise and his words. She pulled further from him in her seat and shook her head, why would the doctor simply tell him that just because he asked? Chakotay obviously sensed Kathryn's surprise at his disclosure of what the doctor had said to him. Chakotay took a deep breath and told her lovingly "he knew how concerned I am"

Kathryn narrowed her eyes at him, he expected her to believe the doctor broke his patient doctor confidentiality just because he knew Chakotay was concerned for her? Scowling furiously she snapped "I do just fine" she was furious and wanted to get away from him but she knew she was at his mercy, she had to stay with him, she was miles from her home right in the heart of san Francisco and he was her only way of getting home, and he knew it. She didn't want to be angry with him and ruin what they had built up in the last few days but if she was honest she was still a little hurt by all that had past but most of all what scared her was that he no longer saw her as independent.

Chakotay looked at her and saw the anger in her eyes change to fear, it was right then at that moment that he realised that all the fighting and disagreeing needed to stop, now was the time to move on if they had any hope of even just friendship. As he met her eyes he tried to still her with his calm gentle expression and he smiled and cupped her face in his hand and whispered firmly to try to show he truly believed her "yes you do" she knew as soon as he said it he was serious and genuine. Taking his hand from her face he grasped it tightly in his, she wanted him to know she had no intention of letting go. He knew what he was about to say might hurt her but he had to say it, taking a deep breath he met her eyes and began "you have done and you have great support but..."

"but?" she snapped cutting across him, she didn't want to hear it, she didn't want to know that he thought her some kind of invalid unable to live without care, unable to be independent.

Running his hand softly through her hair he brushed some stray strands from her eyes with his gentle fingertips and studied her face as she held his face in her shining blue eyes, still holding his hand tightly "i wish you could be well again" he told her earnestly "i wish you could smile and really mean it" at his words her moth cracked into a very slight crooked smile and her looked directly into her eyes and leaned in whispering deeply "i would give anything to see the spring in your step and the sparkle in your eyes"

Suddenly realising he might not actually mean what he was saying and fearful that if he did she might never be able to give him his wish she warned "Chakotay..."

But her voice broke off as he placed the tip of his index finger to her lips and looked at her whispering "tell me Kathryn, tell me you don't have feelings for me" her brow knitted together furiously at that challenge but she found herself unable to say what he had asked. At that realisation her heard almost skipped a beat, as did his when he realised she wasn't going to say it. Though he felt like he was walking on air simply buy her lack of reply he held it together and told her "tell me you want to stay injured" in the same challenging way.

Once again Kathryn found herself unable to meet his challenge. With a heavy sigh she hng her head and admitted in a deep husky voice "you know i can't Chakotay"

It was hope, Chakotay nearly sung for joy at her admittance as he leaned in closer to her, took her face gently in both his hands and met her eyes "i know" came his very quiet, almost silent yet simple reply as he stared lovingly into her eyes wishing she knew how beautiful and precious she was to him.