After some careful negotiating, I was able to save the clown from confinement. I'd be able to see him for our next session, which I was still not prepared for. I had hoped to build a a better structure for that session but then I got so horribly distracted.
It was all because of that clown.
That clown.
He was unfurling my sanity, I realized.
That night when I got home, I soaked in the tub for over an hour. I needed to clear my head and put forth a good attempt of NOT thinking about him.
Unfortunately, it was like painfully tearing myself away from something that the more I thought about, the happier I'd become. I was an addict.
I needed to break away from the drug before it was too late.
Surprisingly, I was eventually able to zone out and let my mind go completely blank.
The conscious break did me good, when I got out of the tub I was able to turn in early with surprising ease. I woke up earlier than usual the next morning and sat down at the kitchen table with the file and a steaming cup of coffee, forcing myself to hammer out a very structured session for later that day.
I walked into Arkham with an air about me, I was feeling very in control that day and I wasn't going to relinquish that control to anyone, under any circumstances.
When it was time for my session with The Joker, I only brought his file and my notes. No distractions. No weaknesses.
I walked down the hallway, my steps slightly slower as I got closer to the door. I nodded to Sam as I passed him.
I thought it a bit odd that Sam was not accompanied by any other orderly, and he stood extremely close by, leaning on the wall with his arms folded.
Was he going to wait like that the whole time?
I took a deep breath and faced the door, the metal handle burning my palm as I clasped it.
"Harrrleeeeeeeey," his voice incited chills all over my body.
I had barely stepped in and he was already baiting me.
Damn it, Harley.
"Mr. J," I bit the inside of my cheek, forcing out his name with as little affection as I could possibly muster. I had kept my gaze away from him, that grill was going to be the death of me if I saw it.
But I had to look at him at some point, so when I sat down I managed a quick glance over his way.
Then I noticed it, there was no straight jacket. I hadn't even talked to anyone about it yet. A mixture of emotions caught in my throat, as I suddenly choked on my own air and began a coughing fit.
"You okay, darling?" I hadn't stopped coughing so I could barely make out his figure standing and making its way over to me.
My eyes were watering but I had managed to stop coughing by the time he was leaning over me, a hand on each arm of the chair I sat in.
I could smell him, breathe him in. How he still managed to smell like gasoline and gun powder after so many days at Arkham mystified me. I met his gaze, which was terrifying that close. His eyes were like black holes, threatening to suck my very soul out of my body.
"Are you scared?" he finally asked, his words making me flinch.
"A little," I responded rather quickly, knowing how notoriously impatient he was. And now that he was longer restrained, I didn't want to play with fire anymore than I already had.
He enjoyed my answer, laughing violently in my face.
I wasn't sure if I should laugh along with him, but he seemed to be laughing good enough for the both of us, so I simply looked down at my hands. Which I couldn't keep still, since I was shaking so badly.
His hand tugging my chin up brought me back to his face, he was no longer laughing but he was grinning from ear to ear.
"I like you, Harley. So much so, that I'm thinking about taking you with me," his voice barely above a whisper as he leaned in closer.
"Taking me with you?" I choked out, my heart suddenly pumping panic through my bloodstream.
Shit, Harls. You're really in it now.
You had to poke the bear.
"You couldn't expect me to stay here forever, could you? Do you have any idea how miserable the accommodations are?" he laughed maniacally, gripping the chair harder and shaking me with him. Suddenly he stopped, lifting his arm to the side before bringing it to his forehead, pushing the fallen pieces of green hair back into placed as he cracked his neck.
I was nothing short of terrified, I knew what he did to his victims in the past, his interest in me was merely obsession. He'd use me for a good time and then dispose of me, just like all the rest.
"Having second thoughts?" he asked, smacking me literally and figuratively out of my head.
I continued to look up at him, doing my best to control my breathing as I spoke.
"Second thoughts?" I asked, amazed that I had managed to speak.
He breathed in, scrutinizing every pore on my face, rifling through my brain with his eyes for anything he could use against me.
"C'mon cupcake, don't lie to me. We have a connection, don't we?" his tone serious despite the smile he still donned.
I was lost for words. What could I say?
"Aw, don't hold out on daddy," he snickered, grabbing my face and resting his forehead on mine.
The contact made me shiver. All the work that I had done getting him out of my head the previous night, all that meditation was fruitless.
He wants you, Harley.
Shut up, shut up.
"Well, I'm sorry pumpkin, but your whole free will time is over now. I've been dying to play with you and daddy is anxious to go home," I was about to stomach the courage to protest whatever he was planning for me when the door was suddenly blown off its hinges, making me jump violently as it slammed into the desk in front of me. The two objects hit so quickly, I was grateful that the table was so securely nailed into the floor but The Joker had already pulled me out of the chair and over his shoulder.
"Places to go, people to kill… places to blow up, actually," he spoke, holding onto me with a vice like grip.
My head was swimming. Everything was too loud and overwhelming to process.
I think I was in a state of shock.
It was only until he was shoving me into some vehicle, packed with his goons, for me to start realizing that I should have been fighting back.
I gripped onto the door of the car, knowing full well that I had to escape at that moment or I'd be done for. The Joker was standing in front of me, busy yelling at someone to his side as he tried to push me in.
One of the men already in the car had grabbed my arm, helping him yank me in. The man twisted my arm behind my back and I realized that he had other intentions with helping his boss get me in the car. He had pulled me into his body and started grabbing my free, flailing arm.
The Joker was still standing outside the car, yelling as gunshots and explosions rang off behind him. His eyes fell on me and the uncomfortable position I had now found myself in, still struggling with all my might to get out of the creep's hold.
I noticed the clown's eyes darken, and in a flash he was grabbing the gun from the holster of the man he was just yelling at. He pointed it at me and my heart pumped so violently I thought it might explode in my chest. With a twitch of a smile, he raised his arm slightly before his hand squeezed the gun.
My ears were ringing and my eyes closed from the noise. What rained down on me was warm and thick, I couldn't open my eyes. Even as I felt the body behind me jolt before slumping over me, entrapping me further. I felt hands pull me out from under the crushing weight and heard the door behind me open, followed by a loud thump and the door slamming shut.
"Sorry toots, I don't like people touching my things," his voice creeped into my ear and I couldn't help jerking away from him.
He was in the car now, grabbing me and pulling me onto his lap despite me clawing to get away. Everything was wet and slippery on the leather interior, making it more difficult for me to get away. The more I struggled, the more frustrated I made him.
"Would you stop?" he suddenly yelled in my ear.
It was enough to freeze me momentarily, but I had also made the mistake of opening my eyes.
I was unable to stop the scream that erupted from deep within me upon witnessing the blood and brain matter I was covered, as well as surrounded in.
Just as soon as I started screaming I was struggling to get away again, terror hitting me at full force.
The car was moving and all the doors were shut now.
Still, I continued to scream and thrash about the back seat, his grip digging into me harder, desperate for me to stop.
"I don't like repeating myself-" he said roughly, his arm snaking its way around my neck and cutting off my breathing. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't hear what he was saying and after enough time, my vision faltered and I was no longer conscious.
I woke up on a table, my heels missing but the rest of my clothes perfectly intact. Despite all the human effluence, of course.
I was dizzy and getting off the table was more work than necessary.
I could hear voices but they were at least far enough away where I could get a proper look around. There were no windows so I had no idea where I was. I walked slowly to the open door and peeked out into the hallway. Taking a chance, I ran down the hall opposite the voices, attempting to hide somewhere, anywhere, until I could find a way out.
The rest, I suppose, you already know.
He found me in a cabinet, dragged me out, and restrained me.
"Harleeeeeeeeeeeeeey," his voice reverberated off the walls in the room.
"I've been thinking about this moment since the instant I laid eyes on ya," I couldn't see him, but excitement was pouring out of his every word as he spoke.
"And I think…you know what I think? Go ahead, tell me what I'm thinking, doc," he said, forcing that last word out with unadulterated amusement.
I couldn't speak.
I couldn't even form a coherent thought- my mind was racing and I was completely panic stricken.
"Come on," he suddenly came into my view, hovering directly over me, "tell me," he sneered, grabbing my face so swiftly that it was more akin to being slapped, a likely tactic in getting me to speak.
"I don't know," I said, my voice breathless with fear and my eyes watering.
"I think, you-" he lifted one hand off my face and brought it down my neck, his nails grazing my skin like teeth before continuing, "have been waiting for this moment too."
I started crying, prompting him to walk around and meet me so our faces were no longer upside down to each other.
"Nonononono, none of that, pumpkin," he said, his voice on the borderline between mocking and soothing.
I had to speak, I had to say something.
"You gonna kill me, Mr. J?" I blurted out, desperate to believe he wouldn't hurt me.
"Kill ya?" he paused and shook his head, visibly disturbed by my question. I was almost relieved when I saw his smile drop, the little part of me screaming out that he wouldn't hurt me.
He wants you, why would he hurt you?
He wants me.
Yes, he wants you. He wouldn't hurt you.
He wants me.
He was suddenly gone, he had ducked back into the shadows. I turned my head but I was unable to find him.
Then I heard a cart being wheeled, its tires and joints screaming for oil as I heard the metal wobbling with the movement.
What was he bringing closer to me, what was he going to do?
He won't hurt you.
His face popped back into my line of sight, directly over me once more. My breath hitched in my throat as my watery eyes fell to the two objects in his hands he was attempting to show me.
"Kill ya? Why would I do a thing like that? I haven't even begun to play with you yet, unless you count that game of hide and seek we were just playing- Oh!" he let out a single laugh, smacking himself in the forehead with the back of his hand and revealing the wire the metal cylinders were both attached to.
"You started playing before I was even ready! You were more anxious than me to get started, weren't you?" his words openly mocking me.
He bent over closer, his breath hot on my forehead as he surveyed me.
"Am I taking too long, is that what it is?" he smiled, giving me a quick peck on my forehead before straightening up. "My girl's just as impatient as her daddy; I knew you were eager to get started," he winked at me and my mouth was now completely dry. My nerves couldn't take anymore, I was scared out of my mind and I still had no idea what he was holding.
"Please, don't hurt me, Mr. J," I sobbed.
"Oh honey, that's half the fun. Just you wait, I have so much to…offer…" he trailed off into a laugh, a laugh so haunting that all the hairs on my body stood on end as he brought the metal cylinders to my temples. They were ice cold.
Then I heard a click.
Jeeze, Harley. I thought you were going to be in control of this session.
