Betrayal and Turkey
Chapter 31.
By Hopping Hamster.
Very sorry for the delay. I had some quite negative PM's and review about this story in the last few chapters and it was very disheartening. I almost decided to not finish but then realised there are some readers out there who do enjoy it, and besides anyway I enjoy writing it so I don't need to give it up. For those who say the characters are out of character from those on the show, yes in some ways they are, but I intended that. I am exploring the characters Paramount gave me in a deeper level which they were unable to do in 40 minutes CHILD FRIENDLY episodes.
Chakotay stood suddenly stunned and rooted to the spot. Had she really said what he thought she had said? Had she really just told him she loved him? "Kathryn?" he gasped, gently grabbing her wrists to hold her and stop her from pounding his chest.
"I'm sorry" she whispered sorrowfully meeting his eyes and knowing that to walk away now would pain him but it was something she had to do. As tears began to roll down her cheeks she closed her eye against the onslaught of emotion and whispered "please just leave me alone"
"Kathryn" Chakotay begged raising one hand to cup her face and feeling the pain when she turned away from him instantly, keeping her face from his reach "Please"
Kathryn closed her eyes and forced herself to back away. She wasn't really making much effort or putting up much of a fight to get away but somewhere inside of her she knew she had to, she had to get away, and he was with another woman if nothing else. She would not be his old mistress nor would she take him from another "Chakotay…." She was fully crying now. Fear was washing over her at his touch, she didn't like his hand near her face after what had happened three days ago yet she would never freely let that on to him.
"Kathryn" Chakotay whispered sadly letting go of her and allowing her to back away "I should have been the one to show you around not my sister"
Kathryn smiled sadly at him in a warm and yet distant way before she glanced around her and turned her face up to the burning sun saying "honestly Chakotay Trebus is beautiful" with a radiant smile across her face.
Chakotay watched her and saw how free and open she was, it warmed his heart to see, she was beautiful. The golden rays of the sun on her face made her seem so much more alive as her eyes shone beautifully. Chakotay too smiled warmly, a beaming dimpled smile. "I'm glad you think so" he told her for he knew she was telling the truth.
Kathryn lowered her head from looking into the sky and told him seriously as she looked in his direction almost distracted "It has so much potential" the smile on her face was small but it was enough for Chakotay to feel encouraged, she always had that effect on him.
"It's taken a while to get this far" he pointed out softly still keeping a distance from her unsure whether she was about to walk away or stay.
"Give it time Chakotay" she pressed softly moving closer to him, the wind in her hair making her look so much freer than he had seen her in many years. If he was honest, he liked it.
Smiling he reached out to softly brush the stands of hair from her face. It was then she jumped, a look of wide eyed terror flashed across her face as she backed away slightly. Kathryn's eyes were wide as she met Chakotay who was looking at her with a stunned and confused expression on his face. Moving closer he went to move closer to cup her face in his hands but she slapped his hand away quickly with her and looked at him with a look of horror in his eyes "Kathryn?" he asked drawing his brows together with confusion on his face "what's wrong?" he was concerned and worried why she had suddenly reacted that way. Fearing she might again be unwell he went to wrap his arm around her shoulder, her breathing heavy and her face a sickly pale colour.
"Sorry" she almost blurted out feeling horrible for being frightened of him "I'm just a little jumpy" she tried to brush it aside as though it were nothing but they both knew it wasn't. She gestured towards the street leading to the part of town where Sekey lived and she shook her head at him asking "please" her eyes filled with tears as she looked at him but continued to back away saying "give me time" Chakotay made no effort to follow her as she smiled weakly and whispered "goodbye Chakotay"
Kathryn was gone and out of his sight before he could say anything else leaving him feeling stupid as he simply stood there. Sadly he hung his head and growled in a deep voice "goodbye"
(+)(+)(+)
Kathryn took a deep breath as she tapped lightly on the wooden door to the house, she didn't know what a welcome she would get but she hoped it wouldn't be a bad one. This was the third time she had tapped the door and was just beginning to wonder if anyone was home and was about to leave when slowly the wooden door swung open and Kathryn found herself looking into a surprised yet warm pair of deep dark eyes. "Admiral Janeway" the young woman gasped, clearly very surprised to see her visitor. Suddenly jumping as though remembering her manners she jumped out the way and opened the door wider saying sweetly "come in"
Kathryn tried to smile softly as she walked past Chakotay new girlfriend as she entered her home. Carissa closed the door behind her as Kathryn turned and asked in a deep voice "I hope I'm not intruding?" Carissa met her eyes as Kathryn added turning to face the young and slightly shocked woman behind her "Sekey told me where you're living now"
Carissa still clearly in shock stood staring at Kathryn for a second before suddenly finding herself and saying "no not at all" then moving past the older woman she gestured for her to moved further into the large room towards the fire "come in" Kathryn followed her towards the open fire and looked around, the houses of Chakotay's people reminded her so much of him. "Sorry it's so messy, I've only just moved back in" Carissa said awkwardly trying to gather up blankets and other things and get them off the sofa. Kathryn smiled in a way she hoped was warm but Carissa was acting in a way that reminded her very much of the ensigns and cadets back at Starfleet and the way they always acted around her, then Carissa muttered "I've never had an admiral in the house" and Kathryn knew she really was acting like a cadet. "Well in fact I've never met and admiral before" Carissa corrected herself almost apologetically.
With a crooked smile the older woman raised her palm towards the younger woman and drew her brows together saying "please it's just Kathryn" When Carissa looked at her confused Kathryn added "I am afraid I resigned" she didn't sound at all apologetic though Carissa got the sense that there was some sadness there.
"Oh" the young woman smiled softly feeling suddenly awkward and unsure what to say "well err…. Kathryn" she said stiffly meeting the older woman's eyes "how's your face?"
Kathryn was surprised and confused by what she meant for a second and then when in dawned on her she was referring to Chakotay hitting her instantly shot her hand up to rest on her cheek and said softly "It's ok" Then with a sad smile not meeting the younger woman's eyes she continued "Sekey fixed it up and it's not that bad really"
Carissa was sad as she insisted "I've never seen him so angry before" her eyes were wide at the memory as she told Kathryn "it was scary"
It was a long while where both women stood and stared at each other until it was Kathryn who broke the silence by admitting painfully "I hurt him very badly"
Carissa wouldn't take excuses for him, the young woman scowled at her, Kathryn wanted to smile, it reminded her so much of a glare that even she would be proud of. Carissa looked sad as she said "I still can't believe he hit you"
Kathryn watched the young woman for a few seconds before admitting "nor can I really" upon seeing the anger and pain in Carissa's eyes Kathryn sighed and rested her hand on the younger woman's arm and whispered reassuringly "Carissa, Chakotay is not a bad man" it pained her to be encouraging another woman to have a relationship with the man she had loved for so long sadly she smiled and took a deep breath to tell her "and he's not a man you need to be scared of"
Carissa turned from her shaking her head and began stoking her fire and lifting a heavy pot of some sort of vegetables and she said calmly "strange how you're the one coming here to defend him" Kathryn stood watching her unsure what to say, it had been three days since the incident at the market when Kathryn had first arrived on Trebus. She felt sad for this woman who was supposed to be Chakotay's girlfriend, he had tried to talk to her at least four times "I haven't seen or heard from him since we moved out" Kathryn just stood there apparently he hadn't even bothered to contact his own girlfriend, that made her feel angry with him.
As she stood there feeling awkward, Carissa not even looking at her, the young woman's words going round and round in her head it dawned on her what Carissa had just said. Folding her arms and raising an eyebrow she asked softly "we?" the confusion evident in her voice.
"Yes me and Tia" Carissa nodded turning to face the older woman with a smile which fell when she saw that Kathryn was looking confused.
"Tia?" Kathryn asked tilting her head to the side in a very admiral kind of way.
Carissa bit her bottom lip and drew her brows together before nodding and saying "my daughter"
Kathryn felt a great thump hit her chest, Chakotay had not told her about a child. She had known he had always wanted children, something she had not provided him; of course he would waste no time in becoming a father. Clothing her eyes Kathryn tried to fight back the tears as she took in a deep breath and forced herself to look happy as she asked "daughter?"
Carissa too sighed as she asked "he didn't tell you about Tia?"
"No" Kathryn admitted still fighting her tears "I'm sorry" She gave a sad crooked smile and tried to back away towards the door saying hurriedly "I should go"
"no stay" Carissa almost begged confused why Kathryn was suddenly upset "please" the young woman asked softly "I've heard a lot about you"
Kathryn was genuinely surprised by this and almost gasped wide eyes as she asked "me?" if she was honest she had heard very little of this woman and couldn't understand where for how she could have heard about her.
Carissa smiled and nodded telling her "yes from Chakotay and Sekey"
Kathryn's heart sank, what had Chakotay been saying about her? With all the anger he held towards her over the last few years she was surprised Carissa had even let her into her home. "Oh" she felt herself sighing through fear of what Carissa might think of her now. Kathryn had never seen herself as a fearful person but she had always been driven what people thought of her, even if she didn't like to show it.
Carissa smiled and turned back to her boiling pot on her stove and began ladling some of the greenish liquid into a clay bowl and handed it to Kathryn who looked at it confused, Carissa smiled and told her "Green herbal tea, one of Chakotay's favourite"
"Ah" nodded Kathryn with a faint smile as she took a cautious sip while watching Carissa ladle herself a cup.
Carissa wasted no time in explaining "Sekey warned me he was still very much in love with you" Kathryn froze with her cup half way to her mouth as Carissa casually continued "I chose to carry on with a relationship anyway" shrugging he snorted and turned to face Kathryn as she said "everyone said I could never compete with the great Kathryn Janeway"
Kathryn felt socked by that and shook her head firmly at the younger woman she hardly knew insisting "Carissa I am not great" shaking her head she snorted and turned away saying "far from it" Carissa looked sad as Kathryn spun round to face her and insisted firmly "and I have no intention of taking him from you or asking you to compete for his affections"
Carissa simply stood and regarded the older woman for a long time who was actually quite a bit softer than she, seeing the determined look in her blue eyes Carissa wanted to smile, she had never seen a white person and their blue eyes up close, they were in fact as dazzling as Chakotay had described. Taking a deep breath she looked at her and asked simply "No?"
Kathryn stared at her wide eyes and insisted firmly "no" closing her eyes she whispered deeply "Carissa I accept he is with you now" then slowly opening her eyes Kathryn smiled her crooked smile and admitted "ok I admit I came here with the hope of rebuilding a relationship but I accept that chance is gone. I am happy for you now." Her voice was serious and firm.
Carissa didn't seem to let on in anyway how she was feeling and simply just stood there staring at the older woman. She seemed almost surprised when she asked "You are?"
"Of course" insisted Kathryn.
If Carissa was going to reply Kathryn didn't get to find out what she was going to say because there was a crying sound from the next room. The young woman sighed and hurried off towards where the crying was coming from and returned shortly with a buddle in her arms and announced proudly "This is Tia"
Kathryn's heart beat violently inside her chest as she looked down at the now seemly content baby in Carissa's arms. The child was tanned skinned, a thick mop of jet back hair showing on her head and ever calm chocolate brown eyes staring up at her "She's beautiful" Kathryn whispered honestly, tears filling her eyes as she looked down in the child's face, her breathing involuntary quickened as she realised another woman had given Chakotay what she had not.
"Thank you" Carissa replied proudly as she still looked down into her child's face.
"She looks just like you" Kathryn smiled softly trying to reign in her tears as she said in her deep rich voice "You and Chakotay must be very proud"
