Betrayal and Turkey

Chapter 34

By Hopping Hamster.

With a smile he grabbed her hand and guided her towards the table saying in a deep soft voice "come on" Kathryn just stared at him in surprise, she didn't quite know how to react to that and so she followed him but wasn't sure why he was leading her there.

"What?" she asked cautiously as she followed him the elegantly decorated table laid for two, the candles still lit.

Looking into Kathryn's obviously confused face Chakotay gave her hand a slight squeeze to reassure her before her let go and flashed his dimples at her saying softly "I have a replicator" with that he turned and moved towards the far side of the room.

Kathryn spun round to follow him with her eye line, she was confused, and she had not seen a replicator when she had looked cautiously and respectfully around his home an hour ago. As he reached the wall he has facing a large and very beautiful wall hanging tapestry which Kathryn had admired as it reminded her very much of him. As he reached out he drew it aside to reveal behind it a working replicator "Oh" she sighed closing her eyes as she sank into one of the chairs feeling annoyed and embarrassed with herself as she just realised it was unlikely that he every actually used the old fashioned iron stove in his kitchen which she had slaved over to try and get it to give her a good nut roast.

With a twinkle in his eye and amusement written across his face Chakotay turned back to the replicator and asked calmly over his shoulder "So nut roast?"

"Yea" Kathryn smiled in return.

Chakotay turned to her, a twinkle in his own eyes as he asked softly "Are you sure you don't want roast beef?"

Kathryn was taken aback as confused by his question, she had chosen nut roast because he was a vegetarian, something very special and important to him and his spiritual beliefs "but…." She began as she looked cautiously from him to the now discarded and chard nut roast across the room on the shelf by the kitchen.

Smiling he felt touched by her concern for his traditions, she always had softly he cut her off "I'll have a nut roast but I know you Kathryn" when she looked at him with her raised eyebrow he confirmed "I know how much you love your roast beef"

With a soft smile of her own she asked cautiously "how about Turkey?"

"Turkey?" Chakotay asked in reply, his own eyebrows rising slightly.

With a shrug she turned away slightly and told him "I didn't have any at Christmas this year"

Now it was Chakotay turn to be surprised. The idea of Kathryn not having turkey at Christmas worried him a little as well as surprised him, Kathryn always celebrated Christmas and she always had turkey, even when things were really bad. The first Christmas he had shared with her was on new earth, Christmas Turkey and Kathryn Janeway were a combo item. "You didn't?" he gasped expecting her to say it was a joke. When she only looked at him sorrowfully he smiled slightly and announced "Turkey it is" before turning back to his replicator.

While Chakotay was at the replicator Kathryn spotted across the room a photograph frame showing a photograph of Chakotay and B'Elanna at her wedding party. Standing Kathryn lowly walked across the room to admire the picture. She had watched Chakotay that day, looking so smart in his dress uniform. She had been so proud of him that day and he was so clearly proud of B'Elanna. Kathryn had to smile and the simple beauty of the photo, dazzled by his shinning dark eyes in the picture she had to jump when Chakotay's voice broke into her thoughts. "you can sit down you know" Kathryn spun round to face him, he was sat at the table, a dinner of nut roast before him, a dinner of turnkey waiting for her to join him, he was smiling broadly as he watched her. "I don't bite" Kathryn gave a small smile at his joke and walked towards the table "This is nice" he said softly as she sank back into the chair facing him "thank you"

Kathryn picked up her fork and began stabbing her turkey with it before she muttered deflated "I didn't cook it"

Chakotay smiled at her before looking down at his own food and telling her "I was thinking more about how you decorated my dining room" when he had finished speaking he looked up and met her eyes, she was watching him.

With her own crooked smile she told him in her deep husky voice "it reminded me of the dinners we used to share on Voyager" she was serious but as soon as she had said it she found herself worried about what Chakotay would think of her bringing it up after all this time, after all that had happened between them.

Chakotay found himself smiling a real smile as he looked at her and told her "I miss those"

Kathryn's eyes were dazzling as she told him softly "me too"

Chakotay didn't reply to her straight away, he enjoyed just sitting a being in her company. Both their meals were nearly gone before to tanned skinned Native American looked up at her and really looked into her face though she wasn't looking at him. She was still as beautiful as the day he first saw her, she was older, much older even than the last time he saw her, like she had carried too much strain and stress and nobody noticed. His smooth pale skin wasn't so smooth any more but seemed even paler. Her lips were tighter together, a smile seemed rarer than he had remembered even in her most protocol ridden days. There were small scars along her neck line and into her shoulders; she was a very different Kathryn Janeway than the one he had walked Voyager with. Nor was she the same woman so outwardly broken that he had met a year ago. Slowly she looked up to meet her greying eyes meet his, her eyes held more pain than he had ever seen in her but there was more than just pain there, something dark, something he had never seen before, perhaps sorrow and regret. Softly he asked her "do you miss Voyager?"

Kathryn seemed to think for a minute and then turned back to her food to finish off as she admitted "No" then with a slight tilt of her head she added "I miss the family though" then looking up into his eyes she concluded seriously "I miss my friends, I miss the closeness you and I shared"

Chakotay's heart sored at her using the word close to describe their friendship, he had never really been too sure how she defined their friendship. His heart beam faster as he asked her "were we close?"

Finally finishing her food Kathryn placed her knife and fork on the plate and leaned back in her chair as she picked up her glass of wine saying "I like to think we were" before taking a sip.

"I used to think we were" Chakotay added softly refusing to look at her.

With a heavy sigh Kathryn too hung her head and ask seriously "What changed?"

"We got home" Chakotay replied to her straight away, he sounded cold but he wasn't saying it to be difficult or harsh, he was just simply saying what they both knew to be true.

Looking up at him Kathryn nodded and told him in a very deep voice "You once told me not to waste away the present for a future that my never come" her eyes were a distant grey colour as she tried to keep a check on all the painful emotions she really wanted to express.

Chakotay didn't want to press her put took a deep breath and asked calmly "yes?"

Small tears rolled down her face as she told him softly "that's exactly what I did" Chakotay didn't fail to notice the slight trembling of her body as she tried to hold back her tears.

Chakotay wasn't angry or bitter with her, all he felt was love and he wanted her to know that, he longed to hold her freely in his arms "It didn't have to be that way" he said, he wasn't going to insult her by telling her a lie to make her feel better, what their relationship needed now was honesty, good open honesty and they both knew it.

Nodding with her crooked smile she admitted softly "no I suppose now I see it didn't"

Chakotay reached across the table and took her hand clenched on the table in his and gently stroked her knuckles asking "What do you want Kathryn Janeway?" he didn't break eye contact as he did.

Tilting her head she wiped away her tear with her free hand still allowing him to hold the other and asked "You mean why I am here?"

"No" he sighed hanging his head then raising it again he looked her in the eye and said "I mean what do you want" when she still met his eyes with a confused expression he pressed softly "really want for your life?"

Trying hard to hide her tears Kathryn smiled slightly as she turned from him and pointed out "these are awfully deep questions to ask a lady over dinner"

With a slight chuckle he gave her hand a soft squeeze before letting go and standing. As she did Kathryn spun quickly round to look at him and stared wide eyed. Taking her plate and his he asked lovingly "Coffee?"

She relaxed as she nodded saying "Please"

As he reached the replicator and recycled the placed he asked "I take it you still drink it black" Kathryn was watching him and was amazed at how good this felt, how right and how she never wanted it to end.

"Of course" she almost laughed as he shook his head at her and ordered the bitter drink he would forever associate with her.

As he placed the drink on the tale he sat back down opposite her with her own drink and admitted "it's good to see you looking so well"

Clasping the mug in both her hands she watched him closely before taking a sip and admitting "I'm not as well as I might look"

Concern was evident on Chakotay's face and he didn't even try to hide it as he asked "is everything Ok Kathryn?"

Taking a deep breath Kathryn found herself shaking her head and saying sadly "I chose the surgery"

"You look wonderful" Chakotay insisted not taking his eyes from her beautiful face, how could she think this was bad?

Kathryn wanted to tell him everything but she didn't how, she couldn't find the words "it hasn't been easy" she told him softly turning away from his intense stare.

"No I am sure it hasn't" Chakotay told her sadly "I wish I could have been there for you"

Her eyes were bright and determined as she stared at him shaking her head she met his eyes and leaned in to rest her delicate palm on his chest as she told him "I needed to do this alone"

"Is that why you threw me out on Christmas morning?" he asked as his breathing quickened at her touch as he added "again"

Standing from her chair she moved to him and knelt before where he sat in his chair, softly and lovingly she looked up at him and cupped his face in her hands says "I didn't mean to be so harsh" tears filled her eyes as she looked deeply into his eyes and began to stroke her face "those things I said, I had no right"

"they were harsh words" he admitted leaning in and wiping the tears from her eyes "but I think you had a right"

"I'm so sorry Chakotay" she whispered, her body almost trembling as her tears fell, her hand still resting on his face, she didn't want to let him go ever again.

"Why did you come to Trebus?" he asked gently taking her hand from his face and clasping it tightly in his.

"When I told you to leave my house last year I promised you one thing, that I would come and stand tall before you on Trebus" she sounded so broken and so small where she knelt at his feet.

Looking down at her he leaned his face in closer to hers and whispered "and serve me a very over cooked dinner?"

Kathryn was stunned at the sudden change in his words then she laughed and asked "When have me and food ever gotten along?"

He found himself chuckling as he told her"I missed you Kathryn Janeway"

"I've missed you too Chakotay" he looked shocked at her almost quiet revelation. Wrapping her hand quickly around his neck and tangling her fingers in his hair she instead "really I have" Chakotay didn't have time to reply, his lips were met with her hungry lips, her face still wet with tears. Letting go of her other hand he used his arms to pull her to him in a primitive kiss, there was no tenderness about this urgent hunger they had both unleashed. Both her hands were now snaked around his neck almost dragging him to his knees to meet her. Her tongue forcing its way into his eagerly parting lips, his tongue fighting for entrance, there was a battle of will as Chakotay grabbed at the delicate straps of her dress, almost wrapping it from her paled shoulders white her hands were making light work of his shirt. There kiss growing in intensity and demanding by the second, neither wanting to pull away. Kathryn wouldn't push him away again and Chakotay felt he would be damned if he let her walk away back to Earth in the morning without letting her feel his love for her.