Chakotay just sat and waited. He knew when she was ready she would say what needed to be said. He was amazed by her freshness and willingness to talk to him which was in stark contrast to the night before. He had no idea what she was going to say and he didn't want to speculate. He just waited. He hadn't realised his heart was pounding but Kathryn did. Turning from him she told him softly "to begin we need to start at the beginning" chakotay almost smiled at the obviousness of that statement. She looked at him with her sapphire eyes and told him "the beginning of us." Chakotay didn't respond other than to look confused. She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile as she clarified "new earth."
Chakotay wasn't sure what he had expected her to say but whatever it was it wasn't that. Early on in their journey they had been stranded together on a planet they had called new earth for six weeks. During that time he had told her a story, an ancient legend he had called it, he had used it to declare his undying love for her. She hadn't so much had hinted at new earth in the time since then, even during their short lived engagement six years ago.
He wasn't really sure what to say "Kathryn..." he whispered but no words came, he didn't know what to say.
Offering a sad smile she reached out and took his hand in hers. Chakotay noticed the skin was not as smooth or as soft as he remembered but it was still her small, delicate hand. "I loved you then" she admitted "when everything was free, nothing to worry about, no command structure." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and willed her to continue. She raised her deep blue eyes to meet his dark eyes, tears filling her eyes as she told him "when we returned to the ship I felt like my heart had been wrenched from my chest." Chakotay was shaocked, she had never expressed any emotions about that time. He had not known she had felt this way. He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles much like he had all those years ago when he had told her his ancient legend. He hoped he would see the care there.
He had not expected her to admit love for him, least of all admit that she had regretted the choice she had made all those years ago. "I had no idea you felt like that Kathryn."
She gave him a sad soft smile, squeezed his hand before removing hers from his and admitting, "that was the point." He didn't challenge her, he didn't question her he only nodded. His silence seemed to will her to continue. "I suppose all those years on the ship I knew how you felt, I hoped you knew how I felt but another part of me willed you not to know, another part of me couldn't tell you I loved you."
Chakotay looked out at the garden and nodded, "I know Kathryn" he told her "I did know, somehow I knew but sometimes I wanted to hate you for never telling me."
"Im sorry" she told him "I did what I thought to be the right thing"
He nodded "I know, that's why I accepted it."
The two sat for a long time on the bench not looking at each other. Not speaking and yet content just sitting older and wiser both filled with guilt and regret. Slowly she turned to him, she saw the darkness of his features stern and firm in his face as she looked out at the vast garden. His lips were tight shut. His brows together deep in thought. His long pepper hair flopped over his tattoo. He slowly turned his face to look down where she sat and gave a soft smile as their eyes met. "I waited" he reminded her softly "even with seven I waited"
Kathryn arched and eye brow and whispered in a deep voice "I never asked you too" Chakotay just held her gaze. "We didn't work out before." She sighed remembering their failed engagement which haad hurt both of them.
"We didn't try hard enough"
"Should we have to try?" She asked softly.
He smiled at her and let his dimpled smile fill his face as he ket out a good hearty laugh keeping his face locked with her as he reminded her "Kathryn, you are funny, of course anybody needs to try to make a relationship work" his smile slowly faulted as he sigh "ours failed because were weren't honest with each other."
Her eyes slid shut and she turned from him sliding down the bench away from him "in the interest of honesty Chakotay there's something you need to know." The tone was serious, he knew there was something she was trying to tell him, something serious
