A/N: Alright, so this one is a little..weird. Possibly confusing. Please let me know which! And how to you know, make it less so, next time. That I have a big info dumpy chapter...Thanks for reading my lovelies!


-1851-

-London-


Calypso found the box easily enough, sitting safely tucked under an awning. Somehow she felt as though the key were leading her there, pulling her along. That was for the best, because she couldn't quite bear to look back, didn't want to see the tiny blue balloon facing up against the Cyberking in the sky.

He promised. She told herself over and over again. He had to come back. But she didn't want to watch if he was wrong, if he had lied. She didn't want to have to see that.

The cheers rose from the crowd as her hand pressed against the wooden door. She closed her eyes and just breathed, grateful. She could wait outside, it felt strange to enter the TARDIS without him. She was still so unfamiliar with it. The strange ship that was so much bigger on the inside. But something was calling her in, just as it had before. Convincing her to push the key into the lock and turn it. As the door opened she felt that odd tingling from the first time she had ever seen the inside. It was eerie, the way it seemed to welcome her in. She wondered if that was just how it always was, perhaps that was a feature of the machine. But it didn't seem like it, it seemed like it recognized her.

Calypso's eyes were drawn to the center of the room again, as if she doubted that would be the case. It glowed a gentle green, surrounded by the glass tube. Still, it called to her. It knew her. She wanted to understand that, now more than ever. That pulsing core teemed with life, beckoning her forward. She didn't stop at the chair where she could have rested her weary legs, but continued past it. Letting it pull her forward. Perhaps the key hadn't had anything to do with it. Maybe the TARDIS had been speaking to her and her alone. She wasn't afraid of it this time, reaching her hand out to the beating heart of the ship, she pressed her fingers against the cool glass.

Just as before it surged through her violently, scalding the blood in her veins. But she held on, refusing to quit, fighting the power that spilled over her.

Sister. It spoke like a voice in her head and she gasped in a lungful of air at the shock. Hello. It greeted her warmly, like a summer breeze. It spread across her arms and through her body, soothing the shock that had come before. Now it was no more than a pleasant buzz across her skin.

"Hello." She whispered back, opening her eyes, almost laughing. It felt amazing. It felt like a piece had been missing and now it was returned. I'm sorry. The machine's voice sounded sorrowful in her mind. Now comes the hard part. It was filled with pity and she felt herself tremble.

But there was no pain to follow. Only darkness. She hadn't remembered closing her eyes, but that could be the only explanation. She was drifting now, like a ghost. The ship was gone, and so was her body. She was just a wraith in the breeze. She saw a light, and so she swam toward it, the black current was sluggish, but her movements were feeble. It took much of her strength to reach the light, but when she did, she saw it wasn't a light at all. It was a memory. She plunged into it, knowing instinctively it had something to do with her.

A bearded man stood over a cradle, rocking it gently, grinning as something cooed from below. His brown eyes crinkled, he was happy, truly happy. This was a face from her dreams, she knew this man. Round cheeks, warm eyes. Why could she not remember his name?

"See?" He spoke to someone beyond her view. "She is just as healthy as could be. I told you it was possible. She's a miracle." He chuckled.

"Oh Roggir." It was a woman, her voice sighed as she stepped forward. Her long brown hair cascaded over her shoulders and down her back, flowing like a silky river. She was slender as a reed next to the sturdy looking man. She draped her hand over his shoulder and nestled her chin against him, she looked exhausted. "What shall we call her?"

"In my dreams, we named her Calypso." He smiled and placed a kiss on the woman's forehead.

"Calypso." She smiled up at him, suddenly beautiful despite her tired eyes. She knelt and tickled the baby's chin where it lay squirming. "It's beautiful."

Calypso felt the tide pull her away as she lost her focus. It twirled her along in the void as she struggled to hold that memory. Her parents, her family. They had been real. Another memory shone brightly in the darkness and she grasped at it, desperate for more.

"Vortex freak!" A boy with bright blond hair was hoisting rocks at a girl who was ducking behind trees.

"Leave me alone!" She screamed at him, tears streaming down her face.

"Why? You can't feel anything anyway! You're just a machine! You're a robot! Wait till the time lords come to take you away! Then they can take you to be a freak at the academy!" He hoisted another rock, this one striking her in the skull.

"Shut up!" She screamed at him. She plugged her ears to block out the awful things he was saying. She was afraid of the time lords, they all were. Solemn lords and ladies in flowing red capes, coming to take her away from her family in their TARDIS just because they could. "SHUT UP!" She screamed again, and suddenly she vanished. Leaving the boy in startled silence.

She felt the old resentment building up, the tormenting she had received. She hadn't been like the others, she was different, special, her father had said. She wasn't special. She was Frankenstein's monster. She didn't want to see any more, she wanted to look away, but it was no use, there was nowhere to look away to. They were coming faster now, fragments battling for her attention.

"You have to control it, Calypso." Her father said encouragingly as he bounced a toddler on his lap. "Don't let it control you." It was her sister, Emily. Her father looked so happy, she wondered if she wasn't enough, if they weren't content with their strange child. Their failed experiment.

"I can't papa. I can't." Her lip wobbled but her father just chuckled as he set Emily down.

"Of course you can. You're my Calypso, you can do anything."

Pieces of a life lived in the past, another world away. A world of red grass fields, and mountains. And the deepest blue ocean where the whales migrated every summer. Her heart ached for that place, and yet shards of it were so black she couldn't bear to see them.

"Oh yes. I have heard of your little enterprise." The cold hard eyes of the time lord focused on her. He was a special visitor, one of the oldest of his kind. He resided in the Matrix, deep within the fabric of space itself. He had come just to see her, and what she could do. She didn't like him, but she didn't like any time lords, so perhaps that wasn't so strange. She was nearly a full-grown woman now, looking every bit her mother's daughter. She glared at the man across the table, refusing to yield to him.

"She is not an 'enterprise'." Her father said gently, sitting at her side. "She is our daughter."

"Indeed. But I did not come to meet your daughter. I have come to avoid the destruction of our people."

"I have already told you, Rassilon. If this 'war' you speak of is coming, then it must come. We cannot change that any more than we can change the stars. You know that best of all." Her father had a hard look in his eyes, one that surprised her. Roggir was not an easy man to anger, and yet this time lord seemed to aggravate him.

"It is time that you remember not all of your people have been granted such a privileged life. I would hate to see your family suffer the consequences of your stubbornness." The man's voice had a hint of darkness as he spoke.

"You cannot threaten me. And you will not use my daughter." He was standing now. "You should leave."

"Very well." Rassilon stood, giving a sharp nod to her father before returning his gaze to her. "I doubt a woman of so few years would even be capable of such a feat."

That had goaded her, just as he knew it would. The bastard. The black shards were not just her memories of home, but of herself. Of the things she had done, was capable of doing.

"I want to see if I can help!" She was shouting, angry. Why couldn't he see that this was her chance? They would finally accept her if she did this. She could be a real part of the Engineers again. If only he would just listen.

"That time cannot be rewritten!" He barked, another of the only times she had seen her father angry.

"Roggir, perhaps she could try?" Her mother was in the room, pressing her hand against him soothingly, but he shook his head. He wouldn't heed the words of his wife either, so strongly was he against the idea.

"Absolutely not! I forbid it! He is a dark man, Calypso. His long years in the Matrix have made him troubled."

"He's trying to save Gallifrey!" She shouted. "More than you can say for yourself." They were cruel words, she knew that, even as she said them.

"Those are powers I would not tamper with." His voice had a hard edge, she had hurt him, but still he wouldn't lash out at her. "You should not seek to change things that cannot be altered."

"You don't think I can." She said, tears forming, but she refused to let them fall. He thought she was a failure, just like everyone else.

Why was she so stupid? Why hadn't she listened? She screamed in the darkness, but her voice was silent, soaking up her rage and sorrow into an endless void. There was no one but herself to cry out to.

"I am glad you changed your mind. I need you to find a man. A scientist. He will change the history of the time lords. Davros is his name. Can you do it?" Rassilon sat in his chair, a small smirk on his lips. She had snuck away in the night, left a note.

"Yes." She nodded her head firmly. She still hated this man, the threats he had made to her father. But she would save them, where he could not. And she would prove him, and everyone else, wrong. She would save the time lords, and her own people.

They were even faster now, bombarding her, even as she tried to shield herself from them. Just pieces of memories that she had buried deep inside, like small knives pricking her skin over and over.

Rassilon smiled as she opened her eyes again. "Excellent. There will be many uses for you." She saw that darkness in him, the darkness that her father had warned him about, and she ran.

She couldn't escape his laughter, even in this other reality. She couldn't escape the memory of what she had done. She already knew, she didn't want to see it, but it forced its way in.

They were burning, all of them burning. The village had been destroyed. Her father's broken form lay sprawled out in their garden, the blood that spilled from his mouth mixed with the red grasses beneath him.

"Papa, wake up." She whispered, her breath catching in her throat.

"You will come with us." Rassilon stepped forward, flanked by a handful of men. Each wearing their red cape and wide gold headdresses proudly. "It is the command of the time lords." There was only cruelty in his voice, he had done this. He had killed her family. But it had been her fault.

"No!" She screamed, pressing her hands against her head, wanting the tearing in her chest to stop. Wanting to die.

That feeling ripped into her heart again, making old wounds fresh once more. She gasped for air, this was killing her.

She stood in front of the dark swirling vortex, the untempered schism. The time lords would not risk coming here, coming to their island. Not during the war. They were afraid. As they should be. But she got no joy from the thought of her people fighting, no satisfaction. Because she could feel it, sense that the tide was waning. They would lose. They would die. And they would have nothing to show for it. She couldn't stop it. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't go back and change it. She couldn't save them, any of them. They were gone.

She looked into that unending tunnel of bleakness and saw a reflection of herself. Her heart was gone, burned to ash just as her family had been. Inside, there was only emptiness and pain. She opened her arms wide and leapt into the void, screaming as it tore away at her, shredding her body and the agony that consumed it.

She felt her awareness slam back into her body, the TARDIS was suddenly bright and alive around her. Her hand fell to her side and then she collapsed to the floor, sobbing as she fell.

I am sorry, my sister. The machine touched at her thoughts gently, but she ignored them. Her body shook and she wanted to scream, scream until it all came pouring out. She couldn't save them. They were dead. Her father, her mother. Emily. They had died, and she had been the cause. She had been too young, too willfully stubborn. She had killed them. She had killed her people, and countless others. She had started a war.

"Calypso?" The Doctor's voice was sharp and startling real. He ran across the room and gathered her in his arms. "Are you hurt? What's happened?"

"I killed them." She sobbed, shaking her head. She couldn't bear to look at him. "I killed them and I'm not even real." That hurt even more, the realization that she wasn't a person. She was a machine that betrayed its creator.

"What?" The Doctor didn't understand, he pushed her hair out of her face and brushed her cheek soothingly. "What are you talking about?"

She couldn't speak for a long time, those images raced through her mind over and over, she had wanted a past, and she had gotten one. The Doctor just held her quietly, waiting for her to answer. She heaved in a deep breath when her sobs finally slowed, trying to calm herself. He deserved an explanation, even if it would push him away. He had to know. It was hard though, it hurt as like it had only just happened. In a sense, it had.

"I remember," She whispered, pushing away from him and instead letting the TARDIS console support her. She hummed against her back, lending her comfort. "I remember everything."

"Please," The Doctor pleaded with her, letting her keep her distance. "Tell me. I can help."

"It was me. I started the war." She shook her head. "I started the war that killed my people, and my family. They're all dead because of me." She did finally look up at him, expecting to see hate in those brown eyes of his.

"Of course you didn't." He only scowled at her. He didn't believe her. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I did. Rassilon asked me to save a man. My father told me not to. I insisted. I should have listened. I should have-" She shook her head, feeling the tears begin again. "He wanted it covered up. So he burned my village. That's where the war started. It's my fault." She insisted. He could see it then, that sense of burden, his gaze softened as he moved to sit next to her against the console.

"It's not your fault." He said very seriously. "It wasn't your doing. Rassilon manipulated you because that's what he's good at. He's also good at destroying. And that's nothing to do with you." She nodded, but he couldn't know. Didn't know how it tore at her.

"Who did you save?" He asked curiously when she had lapsed into silence.

"Davros." She shook her head. "I don't know of him." The Doctor's face had gone very still. "Do you?"

"What?" He shook his head, focusing on her again. "No. Doesn't ring a bell." He saw how serious she was and he drew a hand to her face. "I'm sorry Calypso, but you aren't to blame."

"There is more." She looked away from him miserably again. "I'm not even a person." She choked out. "I'm a thing. That's why it all started. They thought I could avert the great war. Rewrite time. I'm just a machine." She pressed her hands into her face, hiding. It hurt more to admit it aloud than she had thought. "I'm not real."

"Calypso." He gently pulled her hands down and took her face in his hands, looking deep into her eyes. "You are very real. Especially to me. I need you to understand that." The sheer intensity of his eyes made her unable to doubt him, and though the burden in her heart didn't fade completely, it was lighter now as he held her.

"Come on," He said, a smile returning to his face. "Jackson's invited us for Christmas dinner." He slid his hands down to hers and squeezed tightly. "In memory of those we've lost." She realized then that she wasn't alone in her suffering. The Doctor too had lost his own people, to his own hand. Perhaps he understood more than she was giving him credit for. "Haven't lost you." He said softly.

"Yet." Calypso managed a rueful grin but regretted it almost immediately, the smile had faded from his face. He swallowed and looked away. "I'm sorry." She said quickly. "I didn't mean that."

"Well," He drawled the word, staring across the TARDIS. "Sure, but you're right. I'll lose you just like I've lost everyone else."

"Don't say that," She whispered, the ship suddenly felt much colder. She couldn't quite take the thought of losing him, not after remembering everything she had already lost. "Please."

He finally dragged his eyes away from the floor and looked at her again, seeming much older. "I want to tell you something." Something in his eyes made her heart beat faster, afraid of what it might be.

"How many-" She reached for her necklace but he stopped her.

"Don't." He shook his head with a smirk. "If I find out how young you are, I'll just…I'm a coward." He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a slow sigh. "And I don't know if this…I don't know if I'll get another chance to tell you."

"What do you mean?" She felt the blood drain from her face, this felt like a goodbye.

"Oh, when we last met the Ood. Said something, made me think…well. You know how the Ood are." She shook her head, confused, but he just chuckled. "Well, you will. Guess I spoiled that one." He shrugged. "Anyway. I don't know what will happen. If I regenerate, when I regenerate. It won't be me anymore. And I'm afraid-" He scratched his chin, casting his eyes all around the room. "God, I'm rubbish at this." He grinned. "I've just- I've lost a lot of people. People I care about. And I didn't get to-"

"You don't have to." She shook her head reassuringly, suddenly it seemed like it was too much. She didn't want to know, couldn't handle knowing.

"I know." He said, smiling genuinely and cupping her face in his hands once more. "But I want to." He hesitated for a moment, but he didn't look away from her, "Calypso, I love you. I just wanted you to know that. Before I go." She opened her mouth to speak but he pressed his finger against her lips with a smile. "Don't say anything." Her stomach fluttered anxiously as he removed his hand and leaned forward. She didn't push away and he gently pressed his lips against hers. There was none of the intensity from before, but it was sweet and tender and she found herself returning it. She felt warmth spread through her that had nothing to do with the temperature. He pulled away slowly with a smile and grasped her hands, pulling her up from the floor.

"Come on then, victory dinner awaits."

"Doctor," She said, as he pulled her to the door. She couldn't just let him go without saying anything. And yet, she couldn't bring herself to say it. She didn't know if it was fear, or if she doubted her feelings. Was she capable of that? She certainly thought she was, but that was before she knew what she was. She was only a machine, the time vortex stuffed into human form. Maybe it only mattered that she was real to him, but what if he was wrong? What if she destroyed him just like she had so many others. She couldn't risk that, hurting her Doctor, not yet. He turned back to her, that smile still lingering on his face. "Merry Christmas." She said finally.

"Merry Christmas, Calypso." He said with a grin as he pushed open the door.