-1852-

- The Clementine -


Calypso was still feeling a little lost. She was standing in a hospital, not just a hospital though, but one that was vastly more advanced than anything she had seen back home. And the place was bustling with people, some from the ship, but more still were those who lived down here. The dark shape in the distance hadn't just been a building, it had been a whole city of buildings. Some were carved from stone and sand, some looked like the coral supports in the Doctor's TARDIS, and others had been pieced together from wreckage that had sunk to the bottom of the ocean.

Some of the doctors and nurses were very clearly Silurian's, but still others were more like Mesi, more human looking than alien. But there were others who looked very human, except for the occasional Silurian trait. Bright green eyes, scales covering the flesh of their arms. This was what alarmed her the most. Those people hadn't been born down below the ocean, they had been brought here. They had once been like the passengers from her own ship.

"Ah, there you are." The Doctor popped up behind her. She wasn't entirely sure what he had said to convince the Silurian's, but as soon as she had returned to the deck with Mesi, instead of an awkward stand-off between guards and passengers, they had started to carry the sick off of the ship. While things had still been rather tense, Mesi's reappearance had calmed much of the uncomfortable hostility. "You've lost your friend." He said with a frown.

"She found some other friends to play with." Calypso offered a smile. Mesi had been glued to Calypso's hip as they had come down to the hospital, eying each and every new Silurian suspiciously. But when they had found a cluster of children, she had lost most of her shyness. Calypso had promised to come back for her just as soon as she had checked on Donna. "Is everyone going to be okay?" She asked, watching the Doctor carefully. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and stared fixedly at the ground.

"Well, yes. In a manner of speaking." She didn't like the sound of that. She had been hearing rumors as she went through the hospital, about how it wasn't really a poison that the Silurian's excreted. It was some sort of chemical, but it changed humans. Changed them into the hybrids Calypso was seeing all over the hospital.

"What about Donna? Is she still going to be…Donna?" She knew it was selfish, there were many people on the ship who had fallen ill, who had been sick far longer than Donna. But she couldn't help the growing fear in her belly.

"I'm not sure a few scales could stop Donna from being Donna," The Doctor smirked. "But yes, she's going to return to normal. Only three or so from the ship are going to have any permanent…changes." Calypso had to admit she was relieved, even as she winced at the truth. "There's folks talking with them now, they'll be alright." He reassured her. "Apparently the Silurian's have been picking up shipwrecks for a while now. Quite the melting pot they've got going on down here, right underneath our noses." He seemed quite entertained by the idea. "I suppose you'll be wanting to see Donna." He beckoned her forward. "Come on, I can take you to her room."

"Thank you." She offered as she followed him down the hallway.

"You know she was awfully worried about you." He cast a glance over his shoulder. "Thought you were acting strange." The way he worded it suggested that maybe he was in agreement about that. She bit her lip, she had been just as unfair to the Doctor as she had to the TARDIS. But she couldn't exactly come right out and explain, because he wasn't aware of his future yet. And there was still that fear that he would see what she truly was, and cast her away. She wasn't sure she could face that, and so she continued in her silence. Even then, she didn't know that she deserved his forgiveness. The silence dragged on between them, and she was unsure of how to respond. It was easy to pretend she was distracted by the chaos around her, there were so many different kinds of people down here, and all of their tools were so vastly advanced, she wondered how a whole society of people could stay hidden underneath the ocean and survive for so long without even a hint of suspicion on the surface.

"I was wondering if I could ask you a favor?" She asked, timidly breaching the quiet.

"Anything." He said, piercing her with that sharp gaze of his. She almost preferred the silence, but she supposed it was too late for that.

"I was wondering if you might be able to take Mesi home?" The intensity of his gaze softened into a smile. "She seemed to like the TARDIS."

"Well, sure. But why not the Silurian's? They did come all this way to find her." He asked, letting his eyes wander the halls again.

"She doesn't know them, didn't seem too excited about trusting them either." She shrugged.

"What makes you think she'll trust me?" He asked, amused. Of course, Mesi had warmed to the Doctor the instant she had met him. Even when he had pretended to steal her nose on the deck of the ship under the disapproving glare of their Silurian guards. Calypso doubted that Mesi would have any qualms about getting a ride home with the Doctor.

"Well, she seems to trust me. And I trust you." She said off hand.

"Do you?" The Doctor had come to a sudden stop and had fixed her with his brown eyes again.

"Of course." She frowned. As she searched his eyes, she realized he was truly asking, as though he doubted it. "Doctor." She sighed. Again, she was hurting him, without even meaning to. And without being able to explain why. "I trust you completely. And that hasn't changed. Ever." She promised him. "I just don't trust myself right now." In fact, she didn't particularly like herself just then, but admitting that would make things more complicated than they already were. Her words seemed to reassure the Doctor somewhat.

"Is it timey wimey?" He offered with a hint of a smile.

"Incredibly." She grinned. It was difficult to keep that buffer up with him around, harder still to keep her distance.

"Alright, well. Here we are." He nodded over his shoulder to an open door in the wall. Calypso hadn't realized that they had stopped somewhere particular. "I'm sure she's dying to chat you up."

"You're not coming?" Calypso asked with a frown as he stood deliberately outside of the door.

"Well," The Doctor drawled as he scratched the back of his neck, avoiding her gaze. "She seemed pretty adamant about wanting to talk to you…alone." Calypso stifled a groan and the Doctor seemed to recognize the sentiment. "Yeah. Good luck." He flashed a grin. "I'll go see if I can't track down Mesi. Sooner we get her home the better. We'll see if you need rescuing." He winked at her before disappearing down the hall. Now she was left alone to fend off the demands of Donna, and she wasn't feeling particularly up to the challenge.

"Hello Donna." She put on a cheery smile as she entered the room. Donna was squawking at one of the nurses who was insisting that she open her mouth for a thermometer.

"It's gone, alright! No more fever. Cool head, look," She snatched the nurses hand and pressed it against her forehead. "So you can just leave it. Oh, hello Calypso." Donna waved as she saw her at the door, giving the nurse the time to retract her hand and an excuse to leave. She looked like Mesi with her bright green skin, and Calypso could hear her muttering, what she assumed, were Silurian obscenities as she walked out of the door.

"How are you feeling?" Calypso asked, settling herself on the edge of the bed.

"Don't give me that." Donna's false smile turned to a frown rather quickly. "I'm fine. Out with it. What's going on?" Calypso opened her mouth to ask what she meant but Donna shook her head firmly. "No no, none of your nonsense. You know exactly what I'm asking about. What's going on between you and the bloody Doctor?" Calypso sighed.

"Nothing. It's really nothing." She tried her best to be convincing but Donna wasn't interested.

"Callie," Donna looked at her mildly. "We're friends. Good friends, I'd like to think." That made Calypso smile, it was difficult not to be friends with Donna. She had the kind of infectious quality that was easy to get along with, once Donna had decided she approved, of course. "And I have never seen you so spooked around the Doctor. Now, maybe you can't talk to him about it because of all this time travel nonsense. But you're certainly going to tell me." Her tone suggested that there wasn't another option.

"Donna…" Calypso started, she really shouldn't tell Donna because of the time lines either.

"Don't you Donna me." She said with a sharp scowl. "I know you'll just bottle it up. Just like the bloody Doctor. So out with it already. What's that git done to you now?"

"He hasn't done anything." Calypso shook her head miserably. She felt just as badly as she had when the Doctor had suspected the same. It almost made it worse to admit that it was she herself, who was the one at fault. She could feel the lump building in her throat already, she wanted to tell someone so desperately. Just so it wouldn't continue to be this dark secret that was eating her alive.

"It's me." She finally whispered. "But I can't tell him the truth, because he doesn't know yet." She felt the words tumbling out. Her hands were shaking so badly she had to fold them in her lap to keep them still. "And I don't want him to know." Her voice caught in the end, admitting that aloud had torn something in her. That was the worst of it. She wanted to hide it away forever, she wanted to lie about it. She didn't want him to see her as the warmonger, the thing. The machine that destroyed her people. But it was already too late, and it hurt to know that she was just delaying the inevitable. She had no choice in the matter, he would know someday soon.

"Oh come on." Donna said, sitting forward so she could rub Calypso's back. "It's can't be all that bad." While Donna meant to comfort her, it only seemed to make it worse. She wanted to be comforted, but she didn't deserve it. Her vision blurred as the first tears started to fall down her cheeks and a sob caught in her throat. She buried her face in her hands to hide her tears but it was too late to stop them. "Alright, alright." Donna said, wrapping her arms around Calypso's shoulders and pulling her close. "It's alright." Donna reassured her calmly. Calypso had thought breaking down like this would make it worse, but somehow, she felt lighter. And having Donna there to comfort her made the sharpness of her misery suddenly less so. She had fought so hard to stay in control of her emotions for the past year, that it hadn't occurred to her that maybe she still needed to grieve. After the initial wave of incontrollable sobbing, she found herself calming down again.

"So tell me then. What did you do that was so bad?" Donna asked her, giving her shoulders a friendly squeeze. "I promise we'll still be mates, no matter what." She teased, Calypso gave a watery smile. She could sit there silently if she wanted to, she knew Donna would eventually let it go. But she didn't want to hold it in any more, she wanted those memories out where it couldn't poison her every thought and chase her through her dreams. She took a deep breath, wiping her face as clean as she could. Having made the decision, she already felt oddly peaceful.

"The last time I met the Doctor, he was older. I was waiting for him in the TARDIS and…well, she spoke to me." Donna raised an eyebrow, skeptical. Calypso wondered if that admission alone would make her think she was mad, but she didn't interrupt, so Calypso continued. "She helped me remember my past, she was able to show me my life, back on Gallifrey." She said bleakly.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Donna said. "Isn't it? I'd hate to think what it'd be like to just up and lose a big chunk of my life like that. I'd be miserable." But her smile fell as she saw that Calypso wasn't happy about it. "Did something bad happen then? On Gallifrey?"

Calypso nodded, gulping back tears. "I betrayed my father wishes. I started a war. And I did it because I was stupid, and naive."

"Oh," Donna said, nodding slowly. "That is bad then." She frowned as she rubbed Calypso's shoulder. "But, it could be worse, yeah?" Donna offered meekly.

"It is." Calypso laughed without mirth. "Some of the memories came from the time vortex itself. I saw my father and he…I saw what I was."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a thing, Donna." She couldn't even look her in the eyes. "I'm an experiment. The reason I can communicate with the TARDIS is because I'm like her. My father harnessed the vortex and gave it a body. He got me. I'm not even real and I betrayed my people." The tears threatened to overtake her again, but she pushed them away. "I'm a malfunctioning machine." She snorted. Donna gave a pitying smile, but didn't respond. Instead, she rubbed against Calypso's back, the both of them not saying anything for a long time.

"What was your da like?" She finally asked softly. The question caught Calypso by surprise, it also startled her to know that thinking of him didn't immediately cause her to flinch back. It didn't hurt to remember what he was like, to access those memories that weren't about them fighting, or his death.

"He was a brilliant man." Calypso said with a hesitant smile. "And sweet. He loved my mother very much."

"Yeah? And what was she like?" Donna prompted her encouragingly.

"She was the peacemaker in the family. She was kind to everyone, even when we were rotten." In the dark hole where her misery had firmly planted itself, a small tendril of light started to grow. "She was so beautiful." She said wistfully, remembering.

"Sounds like you take after them both." Donna said smiling. "Sounds like they loved you." She added softly.

"They did." Calypso's voice started to tremble then, remembering what their love had cost them.

"Did they die in the war?" Donna asked, seeing the tears start to form in her eyes again. Calypso couldn't answer, only nod her head. "I'm so sorry sweetheart." Donna whispered, hugging her tight again. They just sat like that for a while and Calypso focused on steadying her breathing. "Why do you think that you started it?" She finally asked.

Calypso shook her head. "I thought I could change it. There was a man, a time lord. He said if I helped, I could save Gallifrey. My father said he was wrong. I thought he…it doesn't matter. I should have listened. If I had just listened to him, none of this ever would have happened." Her jaw tightened, there was the blame again, all that bloodshed, lain at her feet.

"You can't think like that." Donna rocked her gently. "There's loads of things I ought to have done. We make mistakes, we're only human. Well, you're Gallifreyan…time vortex-y. Something. Complicated, is what you are." She tweaked Calypso's nose and for the first time she felt herself smirk at the thought of Donna being unable to name her. "But you said you were trying to stop the war. Maybe you couldn't have, but you tried. What's so wrong about that?"

"My family died." Calypso said hollowly.

"Yeah, but that's not your fault. No more that it's the Doctor's fault that the time lords had to be stopped. Bad things just happen sometimes. You've got to let go of the bad parts. You can't let them get you worked up like this. You've gotta remember the good stuff you did get back, those times with your family. I know that's what they would have wanted."

Calypso nodded, she did have the memories of her old life back. Her family, those few she called her friends, and they had cared for her. She missed them fiercely, and it hurt to think that she had been the cause of their deaths, but she didn't want to forget them completely. She wanted to remember that they had been a part of her life, talking about them with Donna had somehow made them more real again.

"But I'm still-"

"You're still Calypso." Donna interrupted her. "And you're about the most important person to the Doctor as I've ever seen. You're pretty important to me too." She smiled fondly at her.

"But how can I act like everything is okay? How can I keep hiding what I am?"

"Honestly," Donna glared at her like she was a bit thick. "You really think the Doctor is going to fuss when he finds out you're a test tube baby?"

"A what?"

"Never mind." Donna shook her head. "The point is, he won't care. Did you tell him? In the future?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"Yeah? And what did he say?"

Calypso felt her cheeks redden. She wasn't quite prepared to share with Donna exactly what he had said. She was still unsure how she felt about that. And he certainly didn't feel that way right now, the last thing she wanted was Donna opening her mouth on that particular subject.

"He…he said it wasn't my fault…" She trailed off.

"And? The other bit? About you being a tragic time machine in a woman's body?" Donna goaded her.

"I guess he didn't seem bothered." She had been so wrapped up in her own misery that it hadn't really occurred to her at the time.

"You're barmy, you know that?" Donna snorted at her. "Actually, the both of you are. You should have seen him sulking when you were down getting that munchkin. Like a little old woman he was!" Donna rolled her eyes. "If he keeps going on like that, I'll have to smack him. You'll have to give him a proper snog. It's the only way." Donna said solemnly.

"Donna!" Calypso exclaimed, but she couldn't quite help the grin that spread across her face.

"Well, I mean. I certainly don't mind…" Calypso's head snapped around so quickly she felt a little dizzy. The Doctor was standing in the doorway, almost looking sheepish. Her mouth dropped open and then shut very quickly again. Whatever mortification she had been feeling before at Donna's teasing, it was nothing compared to what she was feeling just then. If it were possible to cook eggs on her head, she was certain her face was hot enough.

"Ah, properly traumatized." Donna muttered quietly. "That looks pretty real to me." Calypso shot her a look before she managed to regain some of her composure.

"How long have you been standing there?" She demanded, standing up from the bed. She had to admit, the humiliation was making her feel quite real at the moment.

"Oh, not long…" The Doctor trailed off, looking nervous under Calypso's suspicious gaze. "I brought Mesi! Remember? I was bringing her by, to… you know, save you…from…." His eyes wandered to where Donna was still sitting on the bed, her arms crossed over her chest. "Mesi!" He pulled her forward from where she was waiting in the hallway, proving that he had indeed brought her with, and effectively changing the subject. "Thought we could pop her off home. And, I suppose. Send you on your way. If you'd like." He shrugged.

"Is that the little thing that got me?" Donna asked wonderingly. Mesi looked up at Donna shyly from where she was hiding behind.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

"That's alright love," Donna smiled warmly. "She's pretty cute, for a biter." She shrugged.

"Alright," Calypso nodded in as dignified a manner as she could muster. She turned back to Donna, who was still scowling at the Doctor. "Guess this is goodbye then." She smiled, Donna gripped her in a tight hug once more.

"You know I love you sweetheart. Try not to get so down about things." She whispered in her ear and Calypso nodded, feeling tears prick her eyes for different reasons entirely. "I'll be seeing you around." Donna gave her another squeeze before releasing her.

"Thanks Donna." Calypso smiled brightly as she followed the Doctor out of the room.

"Everything alright?" He asked warily, noticing her puffy eyes. Mesi wrapped her fingers around Calypso's and swung between the two of them all the way down the hall.

"Yeah." Calypso said grinning, feeling like, for the first time, it might actually be true. "I'm sorry for being-"

"Don't." The Doctor cut her off. "Whatever it was, I'm sure you had reasons."

"Thank you."

"Nice to be out of the doghouse though." The Doctor grinned at her as though nothing were wrong again.

"Doghouse?"

"Oh, an old American expression. Well. I suppose it's not old now. But it will be." They turned a corner and the blue box was there waiting for them; the Silurian's having pulled it out from the wreckage. The Doctor unlocked the door with his key and opened it wide for Mesi, who scuttled into the ship. "Well, she's made herself right at home, hasn't she?" He asked with a smirk. He held the door open for Calypso but she stopped in the doorway, hesitant.

"What's wrong?" He asked, concern in his voice.

"Well, it's just the last time we met. You told me something, and I didn't know how to respond. There had been…rather a lot going on. I think I was a bit rude." Calypso twisted her hands together, until that moment she had been unsure of what she intended to do.

"Rude? You? Never." He scoffed. "What rude thing did you say?"

"Well…Merry Christmas." She shrugged, it was dawning on her that apologizing in advance for something was more difficult that she had anticipated.

"That's not very rude." He looked at her with a skeptical frown. "Oh," He said, cheering up with a grin. "That's brilliant, we get to have Christmas together."

"It was more…in the context. It wasn't…" She struggled to explain, but his good mood was making it difficult to think properly, or perhaps it was that silly grin on his face. "I guess it wasn't want I wanted to say." She finished lamely.

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "Well what did you want to say? I promise to try really hard to remember it. For your sake." He teased her.

"I can't really explain, maybe…" She realized she was lost in those warm brown eyes and her heart was suddenly drumming in her chest. She knew what she had wanted to say, now. Maybe she was just a thing, but if the Doctor had been able to look past that, and Donna, and even her family. Perhaps she could too. She had emotions, and hopes, and dreams. All things that felt very real to her.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she pushed herself forward, pressing her lips against the Doctor's own. While she had been hopeful for a positive reaction, she was still a little surprised at the intensity with which he returned it. For one blissful moment she melted into him, she didn't care about the strangers in the hospital who stopped to stare. She didn't care about her past or her fears. In that moment, she realized she had all she wanted in the world, and nothing else mattered.

A little reluctantly, she pushed away from him, finding that she was clutching to his jacket desperately as though she were afraid she would fly away. His own arms had fallen from the TARDIS door and had wrapped themselves around her.

"Maybe," She swallowed as she took a deep calming breath. Reminding herself to keep a reasonable distance between the two of them before daring to look up into his face again. "If you remember that, you'll…you'll know what I wanted to say."

"Well," His voice was low as a pleased grin spread across his lips. She did her very best not to dip forward again, no matter how tempting the idea was. The look in his eyes suggested that giving into that impulse would result in very dangerous consequences. "I'm a daft old man. But I think I'll be able to remember that."

His hand slid from her waist and gripped her own, pushing the door open once again. "Shall we?" He nodded over his shoulder to the waiting TARDIS. She felt the warm greeting once more and felt like she was home again. She grinned and stepped into the ship, mindful of how close the Doctor was as she passed him. "Oh, and remind me to thank Donna for that little chat when I get back." He said as he closed the door behind him, which earned him a sharp slap in the arm.