One more sad-ish Chapter guys...and then I promise there will be less tears. Just hang in there, it will get better. :)
When she reaches the bathrooms, she completely bypasses the line ignoring all the angry words she hears thrown in her direction. She opens a stall door and closes it behind her; taking several deep breathes again, trying to calm herself down. She flips the lid down over the seat and sits down. She takes a few more deep breathes, the tears start to fall from her eyes as her breathing turns into very loud, alcohol inducted sobs.
He's gone…he's really gone. I mean, he's been gone, but now that he knows about Jordan, he is really gone. He won't come back...why didn't he come back after Europe? That would've saved us all mess.
She kicks off her shoes and bringing her knees to her chest, resting her bare feet on the lid of the toilet. She stays locked in the stall for a long time before someone knocks on the door "This one is taken!" she yells as she wipes her eyes. She can hear the grumbles from the person on the other side of the door. She huffs and puts her shoes back on standing on wobbly legs she slings the door open.
"Look, if you only knew the kind of night I've had, you wouldn't care that I wanted to sob in the only open bathroom stall. I am engaged, engaged to a wonderful man that I love. And I just ran into for the first time in years and said goodbye to the very first love of my life - it has been 3 years since I walked out of our apartment and returned to find him gone…at least he said goodbye this time but that is not the point. I came out today to have fun with my girlfriends while my fiancé was out of town. I was fine, I was happy...ish and BOOM! Caleb shows up right on time to screw with my head…on my birthday and it's been a really shitty night, but don't worry….the stall is open." she says as she gives the girl waiting in line an icy glare as she walks off and turns back around to look at her "By the way, it's out of toilet paper." She says as she walks up to the mirrors and fixes her makeup. Pulling a paper towel out of the holder on the wall she begins to wipe the mascara streaks form her cheeks.
The girl on the other end of her wrath at the stalls walks up behind her at the sink and Hanna stares at her in the mirror She feels a twinge of regret for exploding. She turns around to face her "Hey, look…I'm sorry for yelling at you…I've just…I have had a really REALLY bad night."
"Did that really just happen to you?"
Hanna looks down at her hands knotted in front of her "Yeah, uh…it did…Something straight out of an Adele song, right?" she chuckles
"Wow. I'm sorry…you can have the stall back if you need it."
Hanna laughs "No, thank you though. I'm not going to spend my night crying in the bathroom…I've done that too many times before." She says with a smile as she tears the ends of the napkin she holds in her hand.
"Do you love him? Caleb?"
The tears well back up in her eyes as she looks back at this total stranger giving her advice in the bathroom of a bar "It's not that simple…" she says with a shrug
"Honey, it's only as complicated as you make it...but if you don't think there is any way you can fix it, there is no sense in letting it ruin your night. You go out there and have fun, you can think about it tomorrow." She says with a smile and heads back to the line and waits for her turn again at the stall.
That is the best advice I have gotten all night!
Hanna turns back to face the mirror, she fixes her hair and fixes her smudged makeup. Smoothing the front of her dress and turns to head out of the bathroom, stopping briefly to say "Thank you" to the woman in line. She swings the bathroom door open and makes her way back into the crowd. As she pushes through the people she mentally coaches herself again.
Have fun tonight…think about Caleb tomorrow…Jordan tomorrow…
When she reaches the table her friends all turn to her offering worried looks. Hanna gives them a smile that says I'm okay and sits back down on the bar stool left open.
"Hey, you good?" Jennifer asks
"Yeah, I will be." She smiles "Let's not let this ruin tonight…I will figure it all out tomorrow."
She picks up the glass that sits in front of her and raises it up in the air. Her friends look at each other before giving in and lifting theirs too.
"Cheers" they all say in unison.
Two hours and several drinks later the girls clamber off the dance floor and back to the table. Hanna picks up her glass to take another drink when Erin yanks it out of her hand "Hey, I wasn't finished with that." Hanna yells as she reaches for her drink.
"Yeahhh, you are. We're cuttin ya off babe. You've really had enough."
Listen to them Hanna…you need to stop while you're ahead…
She sighs and rests her head on her hands "How come he never came back? Jen, you were there to witness it, why did he never come back? You should have seen how angry he was about me being engaged to Jordan. And I love him…Jordan...I really do, it's just…" she asks her friends who all look towards each other before Jennifer being the only one of them that was around to experience the breakup, for a reply.
"Oh honey." She says as she wraps her arms around Hanna, pulling her close "Let's not go back there…not tonight okay? Let's get ya home."
"You mean the apartment that I used to share with Caleb…the one that I am now packing up to move in with Jordan…that home?" she looks at Jennifer and her eyes burn "Okay." She gets up from her stool turns to walk out the door.
God, get yourself together Marin…you are an awfully emotional drunk…
They all walk out of the bar and to the street in front to hail a cab. Once they have Hanna situated in the cab they all climb in "Where to?" the driver says as he turns to them in the backseat, "Is she okay? Will she puke in my cab?" he asks after he sees the state Hanna is in.
"I'm fine! Really, more heartbroken than drunk...but still I will be fine." she says in the direction of the driver as she lays her head on the window.
They ride in mostly silence, until they think that Hanna is asleep. Finally Alyssa breaks the silence, "So, what happened between them?" she whispers in Jennifer's direction
Jen looks back over her shoulder at Hanna who still sits with her head on the window and her eyes closed, silent. She sighs and turns back to the other girls and starts to whisper "When Hanna and I first started working together a couple years ago her and Caleb had just moved to the city. They had been together for years before they moved here, and they were totally in love. Well, they had been planning this trip to Europe for months, and she was really excited about it but we worked for a designer that was very demanding and the night they were supposed to leave, she made Hanna come in. They got into a huge fight about it and she went to leave to come on in to work and he left for Europe. He packed everything he owned, and was gone. She hasn't seen him since."
"Oh my god. That is awful. Poor thing!" Erin calls out
"Yeah, now I feel crap for trying to get the hook up with him. How come she didn't try to contact him if she loved him so much?" Alyssa says
"Well - " Jen starts but is cut off by Hanna
"She left off the part where I abandoned the cab on the way to work and ran all the way back to our apartment in the pouring rain to catch him before he left. To apologize, and when I got there, he had packed everything he owned, except his cellphone that he left on the table." She says with a sigh and turns to look at her friends "No explanation, no goodbye, nothing. And as much as I would love to be mad at him for that, I did it to myself...he told me he wouldn't be there when I got back, I just didn't know that he wouldn't come back at all."
"And Jordan?" Erin asks on the other side of the cab
Hanna sighs again and lays her head back on the window "Jordan came along almost a year after. We just clicked one day and that was it...a year later we were engaged, and it's been almost a year now and I haven't even set a date yet." she lifts her head up from the window and looks at the other girls "And I really do love him, I do. I know it doesn't seem like it after tonight but it's true. He is everything I could ever ask for in a husband. He is charming; he is understanding, and hardworking. He is loyal and protecting. He gets the business and he accepts it and he really really loves me...I know that he does. It is just...It's different than what I had with Caleb...and I have always known that. I just...I didn't expect to see him again, so I was okay with it ya know?" she doesn't wait for her friends to reply before she begins to ramble on again "But on the bright side of this, he isn't staying so I am really getting myself all upset over nothing because in a few days he will go back to wherever he has been and then we will be back to regularly scheduled programming."
Will we? Yeah, we will. It's not like he is staying here. He is going back, and chances of seeing him again are very slim. Maybe I should just stay at home for the next few days to make sure it doesn't happen again...yeah, that is what I will do...then I will narrow down a date and get this ball moving.
The girls sit in complete silence and Hanna sits looking out the window, lost in her thoughts. They pull up to Erin's building first and she gets out, saying she will see them at work on Monday and paying her part of the fare. When she closes the door the girls shuffle farther apart in the back of the cab.
Jennifer looks over to Alyssa "My place is up next...you sure you'll be okay getting her home?"
"I don't need help, I really am fine...I promise." Hanna says, never taking her eyes from the window
"Are you sure?" Alyssa asks
"Guys, I can let myself into my own building, it's not that hard."
When they arrive at Jennifer's apartment she gets out and closes the door, leaving Hanna and Alyssa sitting alone in silence. As the cab pulls away she sighs and turns to Hanna "Look, I am really sorry about Caleb..."
"Yeah, me too." she whispers
As Alyssa climbs out of the cab when they arrive at her building, Hanna lays her head against the window. As the driver pulls off from the curb outside her apartment, she allows herself to cry. She cries quietly in the backseat but as the driver gets closer and closer to her apartment she stops herself, giving her eyes time to settle before she has to walk into her building. She closes her eyes and sighs and when she opens them she is shocked. She sits straight up in the backseat of the cab.
"Caleb?" she says as she looks towards the man walking down the sidewalk "What the?"
This CANNOT be happening... You know what, let's settle this once and for all...
As she cab rolls past, and she knows it's him she yells "Stop the cab!"
"Miss? You okay? Are you going to be sick?"
"JUST STOP THE CAB!" she yells, this time he obliges and pulls off the curb a short distance in from of him. She climbs out and slams the door behind her, making Caleb stop in his spot on the sidewalk
"Hanna, what are you doing?"
"You have no right to come here and be angry that I'm engaged to someone else!" she screams at him
"Han, what are you talking about? Are you drunk?"
"Oh don't try to pull that crap on me. It may have been a long time since I've seen you, but I can still read you. I still know you...better than I know myself sometimes. I saw it in your eyes, you were hurt and you were pissed when Alyssa told you I was engaged. You have NO right Caleb! Not now, not after all this time!" she screams again.
"Hanna, calm down..." he says trying to defuse the situation
"Don't. Don't tell me to calm down."
"MISS?!" the cab driver calls from the cab and she turns around and holds up one finger, saying she will just be a minute.
Caleb blinks at her, and opens his mouth to say something but she cuts him off again
"And you know what, maybe I am drunk but come on…this was a really bad night. I think I am handling it quite well considering."
"But you said -"
"I know what I said and I lied okay!" she screams as she throws her arms out by her side "For a long time, I wished and hoped for tonight to happen. I wanted to see you so bad, I wanted to talk to you and work it out. I wanted to apologize for the way it ended. It never happened so I gave up. I met Jordan and moved on. I was happy, I was happy with life...until tonight. Tonight showed me that even though I am happy and it's not with you, even when I have always wanted it to be - you can still just waltz right into my life out of the blue and make me question myself. So yeah, it did ruin tonight for me. It's not fair that you can still do this to me." she screams as tears come to her eyes.
DO. NOT. CRY. HANNA MARIN.
"Hanna, I didn't mean-"
"I know you didn't mean too...you just do, Caleb. Every time. And it's really REALLY unfair." and she says as she turns back to the cab.
"Do you love him?" he asks from behind her and it makes her stop
She turns back to face him "Don't ask me questions like that."
"Why not?" he says as he takes a step toward her
"MISS?! I really have to get going..." the cab driver calls again but she never even acknowledges him.
"Because. Don't make me say it...not to you." she says as a tear escapes and runs down her cheek. They stand there, staring at each other not saying a word.
"I want to hear you say it...say it..." he says as he closes in the space between the two of them.
"Yeah, I do but -." she whispers
He shakes his head no to stop her mid-sentence. Swallowing hard he stares at the ground and when he looks up she can see the sadness in his eyes "See, that….that is all matters...that you are happy. That's the best I can ask for you."
They stand there again, no words – just stares and silence.
"MISS! I am about to have to leave and I would really hate to leave you in the dark to walk the rest of the way!" the cab driver calls back out from the window.
Hanna turns her head to face him still waiting on the curb. She looks back to Caleb "I guess I better go." As she says it, the tears that have been threatening fall from her eyes.
"Yeah…I guess so." He whispers back, fighting tears of his own
She turns and heads for the cab. When she reaches for the handle she blinks and the dam breaks. She turns back around to Caleb
"Why didn't you come back? I just need to know why. I came back but you didn't. I waited and waited – no calls, texts, email nothing. I walked around like a crazy person for weeks crying all the time, seeing you ever where, when you were nowhere to be seen. I waited for you as long as I could, when you never came back I eventually had to pick up the million little pieces of my broken heart and move on with life the best I could." she sobs, this time not caring about the tears.
"Han, you just have to understand-"
"No! You have to understand I – I…." she stops and breathes in deep "I'm gonna be sick." She says as she leans over the bushes. Caleb reaches her just in time to grab her hair back from her face and holds it in a ponytail in his hands. She hangs her head after she's done, with her hands on her knees she braces herself. She stands and wobbles, Caleb reaching out to stable her "I'm sorry." She mumbles through tears.
He reaches out and wipes her tears from her eyes, "Are you okay? Where are your friends?"
"I've already dropped them off…like 20 minutes ago now…" the cab driver chimes in as she gets out of the car and hands Caleb a paper towel "I really hate to be that guy, but I do have to keep going…what's it gonna be sweetheart?" he asks as he looks at Hanna.
"Yeah, uh I'll go with her and make sure she gets home okay." he says as he reaches over to wipe first her cheeks, then her mouth
"I'm fine." Hanna says beside him as she takes the paper towel from his hand.
Caleb and the cab driver exchange looks and he wraps Hanna's arm around his neck and walks her slowly to the cab. He sits her down inside and walks around to the other door, opens it and slides in. The driver pulls off the curb and into the street. Caleb watches her from across the seat as she lays her head against the window. She shifts suddenly, kicking off her shoes and lays down on the seat curling into a ball and laying her head in his lap, taking him by surprise. He hesitates but reaches down and gently strokes her head with his hand. She begins to quietly sob and he shushes her.
"It was pouring down rain that night. I jumped out of the cab sitting in the traffic and I ran back to the apartment to apologize and so we could leave for Europe together. I knew that I had made a mistake by leaving, so I jumped out of the cab and ran back. I came back, and you were gone. I called your phone, and it lit up on the table and in that very second I knew that I had ruined everything. I am so sorry Caleb, I am so sorry."
