As the afternoon wears on, Caleb thinks more and more about his promise of dinner. By the time the lock reads 5:00 he is pacing the floors of his hotel room. He is fully dressed and ready to go, but he is hesitating.
Should I go? I mean she is engaged. That means strictly unavailable. I am not that guy…at least on purpose. I mean, I guess I kinda did that with Travis but I didn't try to. She did say friends and some exes can be friends right? I mean it's Hanna…it will be hard, but I can do that…if it means having her back in my life…I would rather something than nothing at all. Can I handle just being friends?
He stops and pulls his phone out of his pocket, checking the time. It reads 5:15
Well, what's it gonna be…
Hanna stands in front of the floor length mirror in her bedroom and examines her outfit. She has picked out a black leather crop top and a black and yellow print skirt that falls to her mid-calf. The skirt comes up high and only a tiny peek at her stomach is showing. She pairs it with black booties.
You look….this outfit screams….trying too hard. Come on Hanna…this is what you do, like for a living…why is it so hard? It's Caleb he's not going to care what you wear.
He huffs and turns back to the large pile of clothes that sprawls all over her bedroom. She is currently on outfit number four. She begins to dig back through the clothes.
Maybe I should cancel…I mean I obviously don't have anything to wear. Last time it took me four wardrobe changes was Fashion Week last spring…oh, I like this shirt.
She holds up a light purple flowy lace top that has cap sleeves and looks at herself in the mirror. She gives herself an approving look and takes off her crop top and replaces with the purple top and turns back to her pile of clothes for some jeans. She settles on a pair of ripped and worn looking skinny jeans in an army green color. She finds her brown booties in the closet, and slips them on. Turning back to the mess she has made getting ready, she notices the time, 5:30.
Crap. Don't have time to clean this mess. Clothes please forgive me.
She thinks as she grabs the pile in her arms and tosses them into the dirty clothes hamper and shuts the lid. She heads into the bathroom to finish up her makeup. She is contoured and glossed up in 15 minutes, her hair hangs down in messy curls and her makeup is light and simple. She looks at herself in the bedroom mirror again, this time examining the whole package.
Damn. Not bad.
She walks into the living room and she begins to pace near the door, impatiently waiting for the knock on the door. The next time she looks at the clock, it read 6:10 and her heart sinks as she walks over to the couch and sits down on the end.
Did he stand me up? It's unlike Caleb to be late...
Five minutes later the knock at the door scares her out of her daze and makes her jump. Hopping up from her spot on the couch she heads for the door, stopping briefly to check her reflection one last time. She swings the door open and smiles to see him standing on the other side.
"Hey, sorry I'm late. Traffic out there is terrible." he says as he returns her smile
"No problem. Come on in." she says as she moves out of the doorway to let him through. As he walks past her, she shuts the door and follows behind him "Traffic is terrible here this time of year…tourists and all."
"Yeah, it was always a pain in the ass, but I didn't remember it being this bad." he says as he turns back to her and holds out a bottle of peach Moscato "For you, a thanks for dinner."
"Caleb, you didn't have to do that. This was my thank you for dealing with crazy drunk Hanna last night. Thank you though, it is very thoughtful and my favorite!"
"Yeah, I know. I looked for that brand that you like but I couldn't find it. I knew you'd had this one before and said you liked it so I thought..." he trails off as she offers her a shrug.
"I do like this one. Thank you." She says as she walks towards the kitchen and opens the refrigerator and sits the bottle inside. "I guess great minds must think alike." she says as she pulls out a case of beer that she knew he liked. "When I went to get the stuff for dinner I picked these up for you."
"Oh my god. I haven't had one of these in years. You can't find these in D.C." he says as he walks towards her and looks at the bottles in her hand. "Can I?" he asks as he nods his head to the bottles.
"Have at it" she says as she pulls a bottle out of the cardboard carrying box and hands it over to him and puts the rest back in the refrigerator and closes it back. He sits down at the counter and Hanna stands on the other side "Don't get too drunk though…you gotta help me cook dinner." She says with a smile as she hops up on the counter across from him.
He stops before he pops the top off of the bottle and looks at her "Help you cook?"
"I figured we took those cooking classes that year…and we liked it, so I just thought we could cook….together." They exchange looks before Hanna backtracks "If you want to. If not, I can do it and you can keep me company."
"Cooking is good. It has been a long time since I cooked…it's much easier to get take out for one person than it is to cook." they sit in silence before Caleb clears his throat "What are we cooking?" he says as he finally pops the top on the bottle and takes a drink.
Hanna smiles and hops down off the counter and opens up the refrigerator "Do you remember that seafood Scampi recipe that we tried that one time back at mom's that we really loved?" she says as she begins to pull all the ingredients out and put them on the counter.
"Yeah and we moved here and was going to make it again and we double salted it" He says with a laugh and another drink of his beer
"It was so awful and salty that we couldn't even eat it so we ended up ordering Italian take-out and ate on the roof of this building!"
They both laugh and look at each other.
"And we got locked up there and had to take the fire escapes all the way down to ours and it just so happened that we had left the window unlocked. That was a good night…" he says as he takes another drink.
"The next day I turned our fire escape into a patio so it wouldn't happen again."
"I remember that. You went and bought Christmas lights to put out there to make it 'pretty'"
"Yeah…I can't believe you remember all that" she whispers as they stare at each other. When she finally realizes what's happening she turns her attention back to the things on the counter "So, that is what we are having." She says as she pulls more things out of the fridge.
He sits is bottle down on the counter and walks into the kitchen, he starts washing his hands at the sink after she finishing getting everything situated on the counter she joins him at the sink to wash hers. After they are done they start preparing the food. They move around the kitchen with ease, mostly from years of practice. As they do, they get into a more comfortable, familiar rhythm as they start to make small talk.
Caleb stands at the cutting board chopping up fresh garlic as Hanna puts the linguine in to boil. She turns back to him "So, tell me about the trip."
Caleb stops mid chop and turns to face her as she stands at the stove "What do you mean? What do you want to know?"
"Everything. I know it doesn't seem like it…but I was really excited about that trip."
He watches her closely before he sits the knife down on the cutting board and turns back to her "It was…uh…it was beautiful. I got to see some pretty amazing places, things that I never thought I would see." he chuckles and looks down at the floor and back up to her "You would've loved it, sunsets over there are unreal, and the buildings and landmarks are beautiful. Oh, I saw a bull fight…Spence did not like that. I uh, ran into her in Madrid and we kinda traveled together for the last part of the trip."
Hanna swallows, trying hard to not to tear up at his words and the sincere look in his eyes "Why –uh, Why was Spence over there? She just doing some traveling before school started back?" she says as she turns back to the stove, desperate to break eye contact.
"No, she was over there…pretty much doing the same thing I was…clearing her mind." He turns back to the cutting board and begins chopping garlic "Her and Toby had just broke up so she spent the summer trying to wrap her head around it all…or so she said."
They continue on in silence as they finish up their dish. "So, do you talk to them often? People back home?" she finally asks later as she is putting bread into the oven.
Caleb stands on the other side of the counter now, nursing his beer "I try to keep in touch. Toby is still back in Rosewood, still on the force. He has a new girlfriend and he seems pretty happy. I mean, he was so messed up for a long time after Spencer, but Yvonne is nice. He's uh, he's building a house…by hand."
"What?!" she asks shocked as she begins to pour herself a glass of wine. "A house? By hand?"
"Yeah. Pretty crazy right?"
"You know, I always figured those two were lifers. I mean, they were totally in love…something major must've happened between the two of them for it to end. I always thought that they would get married…like us." as soon as she says the words she immediately turns back to Caleb with wide eyes "Oh my god, I am so sorry…I didn't mean to say that."
He smiles and looks down at the bottle in his hand "No, it's fine. I mean I always thought that too but uh…things happen you know?" he says as he looks at her "So, what have you been up to for the last 3 years?"
Hanna takes a long drink of her wine and sits the glass down on the counter "I uh, I got fired the night we were supposed to leave for Europe. So I got hired on with another designer, really threw myself into work and wasn't long until I got a promotion, got back in school and I am currently working on another promotion."
"So you're no longer a roadie for a bunch of dresses?"
She laughs "No, no longer a roadie. Now I am a design assistant." She says matter of factly before she laughs "It sounds all fancy, but really I just have to make sure my designer has everything she needs."
"And you're…engaged…to one of New York's?"
She stops and looks down at her glass as she runs her finger over the rim; her empty ring finger catches her eye. She had taken it off when she was cooking and in this moment, she was glad she did. "Yeah, I am engaged. Jordan. He uh, he works with one of New York's top designing firms."
Caleb makes an impressed face "Well, got you a boy in the biz huh? I bet that makes things easier."
She takes another drink of her wine, never making eye contact with him "Yeah, uh…it does."
"I'm guessing he's pretty loaded too?"
She laughs "Yeah…he's pretty well off…but that isn't the reason."
"Han, you took a chance with the boy that lived in Rosewood High School's Fiction section for weeks…you really think that I would be convinced it was about money?"
She looks up at him, searching his eyes she opens her mouth to say something just as the buzzer on the oven goes off.
Oh thank god!
She thinks as she turns to grab the pot holders and turns back to the oven. She pulls the baking sheet out and sits in on top of the stove top next to their pan full of food. "Dinner is ready!" she says excited as she flashes him a smile. "Plates are…well, you know where the plates are."
He walks into the kitchen and opens up a top cabinet and pulls out two plates and then opens the drawer underneath the counter top and grabs the silverware. Walking back to the oven he hands her a plate and her silverware and she says thank you as she takes it from him. Once she makes her plate she moves out of the way for him to make his. She grabs the beer out of the fridge and her bottle of wine, pouring herself another glass as she does.
Caleb rounds the counter into the living room, heading for the dining room table and she holds up a finger "Wait. I have a surprise, but do me a favor first…my laptop is right there, open it up and get us some music going. We are going to need it." She says with a clap of her hands and then she has disappeared.
He opens up her laptop and the screen lights up immediately. He opens up her iTunes and before he can start the music he sees a couple playlists. One is labeled 'My Playlist' the second one is labeled 'Gym' and the last one catches his eye labeled 'C.R.'. Intrigued he clicks on it and opens it up; as he begins to scroll through them he notices a pattern…every single song on the 200 song list is a sad one.
Holy crap. It's her breakup playlist.
As he scrolls through the lists she recognizes several Adele songs, but his eyes fall on 'Rolling In The Deep'. Just then she walks back into the room.
"Now, I know you don't like my taste in music but come on…I don't hear anything." she says as he turns around to face her "What's wrong?" she asks as she sees his face.
He turns back to the computer and then back to her "I am flattered that you named a playlist after me…but these songs…"
"Hey, those were all for a specific time in our split…you know how I am."
"Yeah, I know…but 'Rolling In The Deep'? That is like set my shit on fire kinda music."
She laughs and runs her thumbs through her back belt loops "You know, had you left anything here…I might have set it on fire at some point…there are documented fits of rage involved in a breakup you know." She closes in the distance between them "You know I would never do that…"
"I would hope not." He says as she looks at her and they offer up their fakest smiles. He turns back to laptop and settles for her general playlist and turns back to her "Okay, so why do we need music, again?"
Hanna smiles again and walks over to the curtains that hang on the far side of the room and opens them. He laughs as he sees that the fire escape that she still uses as a patio. There are two small bean bag chairs and a small table that sit and overlook the side street. He laughs and shakes his head at her but she holds up one finger and reaches down to plug up a cord that comes in through the windows. She plugs it into the wall socket and lights wrapped around the railing spring to life, making him laugh again.
"This is why we need music…the street are always so noisy. Get your plate. We're gonna have dinner on the patio." She says as she sways from side to side with excitement. He laughs again and grabs his plate off of the counter and heads towards the window. She walks over to grab hers and their drinks off the counter and heads to join him. As she reaches the window out and he takes the plate and drinks from her, sitting them on the table and turns back to offer her a hand getting out of the window. She hesitates before taking his outstretched hand and climbs out as gracefully as she can.
As they eat that talk, catching up on their lives over the last three years and their friends back home in Rosewood. Hanna asks about Jamie and his mom, they briefing brush over the topic of A texts and Charlotte.
"So how is Ezra? I had lunch with Aria a couple months back and she said that he wasn't doing too well since Nicole."
"He has really taken it hard. He sorta went off the deep end, but I think since he has been writing the book, it has helped him a lot. Or it could be Aria that has helped him…either way he's doing a lot better. How is she?"
"She's good. You know she works for that publishing company in Boston, which is like a dream come true for her. She's dating a guy she works with, Liam. I don't know how that is going to go but she seems happy." She takes a drink of her wine "Poor Ezra. I mean to be with someone for that long and just wake up one day and they aren't there anymore…and you don't know where they are. It's gotta be tough on a person. I mean, I know it nearly killed me when you left, but I at least knew that you were alive."
He stops and watches her before asking; knowing that it would change the course of the night "Did it?"
"Did what?" she asks slightly confused.
"Did it nearly kill you when I left?"
She stills and takes another sip of her glass before answering "Yeah, it did." She says as she looks through the grating down to the next fire escape under them "I uh, I cried for a long time. The playlist you saw in there…that was the soundtrack to my life for months."
"I'm sorry Han. I really am."
"Don't be. You told me before I walked out that you wouldn't be here when I got back…and I still left…so it's my own fault." She says still refusing to make eye contact.
"Yeah well, we had a lot of years together and I just up and left…you didn't deserve it, but at the time it felt like the right thing to do…break all ties. I thought it was the best way to keep from dragging you back into our chaos." He says, now no longer looking at her, keeping his focus on the bottle label he picks at.
"You ever think about what it would be like if that night would've never happened? Like if I would've stayed and went with you or if you would've come back after."
He takes another long drink of his beer and waits before he answers "All the time."
Hanna drinks again and this time lets out a ragged breathe before blurting out the words on her tongue "I came back…" he turns to her and she looks down at her glass "I uh, I sat in that cab a couple blocks from here, traffic was awful so we weren't going anywhere. I kept calling and calling to talk to you and it kept going to voicemail. I ended up getting out and running back in the rain…but you were already gone. I don't know what came over me, I guess I just thought that we could work through it like we had before." she kind of shrugs before finally looking up to him "I just wish that I would've known that when I walked out would've been the last time I saw you…before now at least. I would've made a lot of different decisions that day…staying being one of them." she says as she picks up the wine bottle that sits in front of her and pours another glass.
"Are you happy…now? With Jordan?" he says watching her as she quickly downs the wine in her glass and pours another and takes a drink before she finally looks at him.
"It's just….it's different. I mean, Jordan is a great guy and he takes care of me…but he would never do things like this" she says as she waves her hands around to the fire escape patio they sit on "I've missed this and he just doesn't do things like this…like you do. Did you know that there is a law against having a patio sat up on your fire escape?"
Caleb laughs "Yeah…I did know that actually…I just didn't say anything because it made you so happy to be out here."
"Well he came in one day and saw it…he like totally flipped out. It was a big deal. He's just…he's not you." She says with a shrug and looks over at him while he watches her.
"That didn't answer my question…all of that aside…are you happy?"
She sighs "I mean are you asking if I am marrying him out of convenience, no. I like the guy, and he makes me happy…it's just not the same as it was…with you."
"You know, I haven't let myself date anyone new…I just didn't think that I could ever find someone that would make me feel the same way Hanna Marin did; and here you are engaged to someone else, knowing that it won't ever be the same as what we had. I guess I was going about this all wrong."
"Caleb, don't be like that."
"I didn't mean anything bad by it Han, but I mean…what we had…it was real and deep and it was good. We loved each other so much and I don't think I will ever be able to love another the way I loved you, so I haven't tried at all. I know you feel the same way about us and what we had…yet somehow you've managed to be okay with the fact that it will never be the same." he says as he stands and holds onto the railing, looking out over the street.
Hanna lets tears quietly roll down her cheeks as she wipes them with her hands "I was okay with it…because what we had I will never have with someone else and I wouldn't want it with anyone else…just you." She says as she stands up and next to him "I waited for you to come back for so long, I had just accepted the fact that even though I missed you, I had to let you go. Trust me, it isn't easy and I have thought about you every day for the last 3 years, two months and 18 days…just waiting for a day like today to happen."
"You know, maybe this was a bad idea coming here…because you have no idea how damn hard it is going to be to walk out that door now?" he says as he turns to face her.
"You know how damn hard it is going to be to let you walk back out that door?" she says as the tears roll down her cheeks freely "Caleb, I love you…I will always love you…that is just how it's going to be for the rest of my life, you will always hold the biggest piece of my heart."
He swallows hard and reaches out and kisses her forehead "And I love you so much…which is why I should really go, before this gets too complicated." He reaches down and picks up his bottles and his plate and climbs back through the window into the living room.
Hanna gasps for air, fighting for it as it leaves her lungs. She turns and climbs back through the window and watches him as he drops his plate in the sink and throws his bottles away in the can before he turns back to look at her. She stands by the window, her chest giving her breathing away and tears are in her eyes and running down her cheeks.
She takes a few steps towards him and stops "Please don't leave…not now…not like this." She takes a few more until she as she closes in the distant between them.
"Hanna, you're engaged." he whispers as he throws his hands up and watches she keeps walking towards him.
"I know." she whispers back to him as she takes the last step until she stands right in front of him.
"And you said yourself, it is really unfair that I come back into your life after all this time and mess everything up. I don't want to do that for you."
"You're not." she whispers again and she leans into him.
He reaches out and touches her face, wiping the tears on her cheeks away with his thumb "Han, please, I just need to go…this…I can't keep doing this to you."
"Why do you want to leave?" she cries
"Because, it is the right thing to do….I mean, you're engaged and I don't want to be that guy. Trust me, the right thing is not the easiest thing because you have no idea how bad I want to kiss you right now."
"Caleb..." she whispers, knowing that she is losing him again.
