Happy Birthday to the reader that left the review for an update! I hope it doesn't disappoint!


"Caleb..." she whispers, knowing that she is losing him again.

She takes another step towards him, and stands so close that he can feel the heat of her breath on his chest.

Just kiss her.

A loud ring of a phone jolts him from his thoughts and makes her jump as she watches him but neither of them move. It rings again before Caleb pulls his eyes off of her and looks for the direction of the ringing "Are you aware that you have a land line?" he asks sarcastically.

"Yeah." is all she can whisper, never taking a step to grab it.

It rings again and he huffs "Are you aware that it's ringing?" he asks this time with a laugh.

"Yeah"

Finally the answering machine picks up "Hey, it's Hanna. Leave a message…or call my cell, whatever." And it is followed by a long, loud beep.

The voice coming through the speakers stops them both "Hey Hanna I…I came home early to surprise you but I've called your cell a couple times and didn't get an answer so if you're home, just call me. I haven't heard from you since last night and I'm starting to get worried. I love you."

It beeps once again when the message is over and it makes her flinch.

Crap.

She sneaks a look up at him and he looks at over his feet. She quietly turns around and picks her phone up off the table and slides it open to see 2 missed calls and 4 texts all from Jordan.

Stupid phone on stupid silent…

She thinks as she quickly types out a text and hits send. When she looks up, he watches her closely.

"What did you tell him?" he asks quietly

"The truth…I am having dinner, didn't hear my phone and I will text him later." She informs him as she turns and throws her phone on the chair behind her.

He stills, closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath "See. Hanna you have no idea how hard it is to do the right thing here...and I don't want to leave, I just need to...that just shows that I need to."

"Please don't." she says as she starts to reach out and grab his hand, but hesitates.

"Listen, tonight was great...it was just like old times...and I have missed it...missed us. Until yesterday, I didn't realize how much and I didn't come here for this to happen...it's just...I've missed you so much and being back here..." he swallows and slows his breathing "Part of me...a very large part of me wants to tell you right now to forget about the last 3 years, 2 months and 18 days of life and pick me...be with me. But a smaller part, which I think I have to let win knows how unfair it is to make you pick."

"I know this got so deep, real quick...it's just that...it's you and me...we both know that it sort of feels like we are unfinished business." she says as she swallows and he shakes his head in agreement "But you're right, it would be unfair to make me pick...and I know that this is a decision that I have to make on my own, but I also know that I can't handle you leaving again...losing you." she fights a sob as she plays nervously with the bottom hem of her shirt

Just kiss her...now.

"I don't know if I can handle leaving again...it's just..." he trails off as he looks towards the answering machine.

"Jordan. I know..." she says as she wipes the tears off her cheeks

"And he may be your happily ever after...I don't think so, and I don't think that you think so either but you might. You may wake up in the morning after I am gone and realize all of this was just the wine and the memories talking, I don't know. But if I let myself cross over this line...it could ruin everything for you...and it could ruin me. You deserve your happy ending Han, so I won't let myself. I won't do that, just to benefit myself...and I am not gonna leave just for his sake. Screw him. I am trying to do this for you...but you're making it so hard for me to be the bigger man."

She steps back and looks at him "You're fighting this really hard for someone who says he wants it."

He throws his hand into his hair "God, do you have any idea how hard this is for me? To leave this apartment again...to think that there is a possibility of losing you again? Trust me, I am not fighting this...fighting us, for my own benefit. I am just trying to do what I think is right and I'm pissed at myself because all of this could've been avoided." he takes another breath and lowers his voice "I should've came back right after I got back, or I should've never went...either way I am kicking myself in the ass because all I want to do is be with you, and at the moment...you're engaged to someone else. You said yes to someone else's proposal and it should've been me."

He turns his back to her and puts his hands firmly on the counter as she takes a step back, shocked by his words. They stand in silence, and she watches his back for a minute, knowing that if she does what she's thinking, she will be more vulnerable than she's already felt for the last few days. Knowing that it has to be done, she turns and walks out of the living room, heading for the bedroom.

"Hanna, where are you going?" he asks as he looks over his shoulder at her as she walks out of the room.

She turns back to him "I have something you need to see." she says as she turns back to her task at hand. When she reaches her bedroom, she walks over to the desk that sits in the corner of the room. Sitting down in the chair, she opens the drawer and fishes out a flash drive. She stares at it for a few seconds as she holds it in her hand.

Here goes nothing.

She thinks as she stands from the chair and walks back out of the bedroom to him. He still stands at the counter, this time he's propped his back on the counter, his arms and legs crossed as he stares at the floor. When she approaches him, he stands up and looks at her. She looks back down to her hand before holding it out, handing it to him.

"There it is...every awful detail of my life since you've been gone. I'm not good at keeping track of a diary, computers work better." she says as she holds her hand with the drive out "Take it" she says again, shaking her outstretched hand at him.

He takes it from her hand and sighs "I am almost 100% positive that I don't want to see whatever is on this."

She sort of laughs "There is a lot of stuff on it. Songs, pictures, quotes, videos...there are even a couple of typed entries...cheesy girl stuff that you can mostly not look into, you just need to see it."

"Why?"

"Because, I uh" she whispers "I started doing that after you left...how NAT club of me, right? Anyway, one of the girls at work told me that if I got it down that I would feel better. So I did an entry almost every day for I can't tell you how long. As time went on I did them less and less. By the time I met Jordan I was still pretty hurt, but I was functional. I did it like twice a month, maybe when I would see something or hear something that reminded me of you. Not that I had forgotten or anything...but I guess I had pretty much gotten used to the idea of it all. When I met him, I kept doing them and I never knew why. I pulled it out a couple weeks ago and re-watched some of them. After I watched, I started to see a pattern in them."

She stops and he doesn't say anything. She finally clears her throat and wraps her arms around herself "Day 658...they are labeled...658 is the day after he proposed. I uh, I do care about him Caleb, as much as I hate telling you that - I don't want to lie to you either and tell you I don't...but you've never been too far from my mind. I know that I have a lot to think about, but there are some things you need to see on that too."

He stares down at the drive in his hand, thinking about handing it back to her. Telling her that he doesn't need to see anything on it, but instead he puts it in his pocket. "I uh, I should go." He says as he reaches around to his back pocket he pulls out his wallet and slides a card out and hands it over to her. She takes it from it, flipping it over to recognize that it is a hotel room key card.

"What's this?" she asking, already knowing the answer.

"This is where you can find me. Room 417."

As he walks to the door, she follows behind him, thinking of something she can stay to make him stay, but drawing a blank.

He's right ya know…you do have to make a decision. Without him here, without Jordan…just you by yourself.

When they reach the door they stand in silence and exchange looks with each other. He reaches out first to give her a hug but stops and puts his arms down by his side again. She reaches up and then puts her hands back down. Finally they move at the same time; she stands on her tip toes and wraps her arms under his pulling him close and pressing her cheek into his chest. She screws her eyes shut as she feels him tense and quit breathing as he wraps his arms around her. They stand like this for several long minutes before she pulls back and looks back up at him and he stares down at her.

"I, uh I gotta go." he whispers as he grabs the handle and quickly opens the door. He turns and walks out the door.

She breathes in quickly then speaks "Caleb, I-"

He stops in the doorway and turns around to face her she blinks up at him then his lips are on hers, his hands cupping her face as she wraps her arms around his shoulders her hands into his hair. When they pull back, he rests his forehead on hers and they are breathless. He turns and walks back out of the door and down the hallway to the stairs. She leans her back against the doorway and watches him until he is out of sight.


Hanna lays in bed, tossing and turning with images of the night flashing through her memory. She instinctively touches her lips that she is almost completely positive are still numb from their kiss. She glances over at the clock that reads 4:15 AM. She groans and she rolls back over onto her side, grabbing the pillow from the other side of the bed and cuddling it to her chest. Rolling in The Deep softly plays through the speakers for the fourth time since she put her 'C.R' playlist on repeat when she climbed into bed. This time, she is unsure if it is the lack of sleep, or quite possibly insanity, but she laughs. She laughs so hard that she eventually begins in sob into the pillow.

What the hell is happening to be? It is like it is 2013 all over again…

She closes her eyes and tries to sleep, only to huff and roll over 20 minutes later and look back at the clock.

4:35 A.M….Hanna Marin….in the morning…you haven't slept since 8 A.M. That's like…20 hours.

The song changes from Boyz II Men and Adele's voice fills the room. She lays there and looks at the ceiling watching the blades on the fan spin around and around.

God, I really love this song…

She thinks as she softly begins to sing along. "No river is too wide or too deep for me to swim to you. Come whatever, I'll be the shelter that won't let the rain come through. Your love, it is my truth and I will always love you. Love you" and the tears spring to her eyes as she sits up in bed.

Knowing what she needs to do she jumps up from the bed and gets dressed, grabbing her phone and unplugging it and throwing it into her hoodie pocket. She smiles as she grabs the hotel key off the desk and heads for the door. She walks out onto the street and hales a cab, hopping in she gives him the address and he pulls out into the traffic. Before she knows it, they have pulled up in front of the building and she takes a deep breath.

Maybe I should've waited until there was more traffic…given myself more time to think about what I will say..

She pays her fare and turns to open the cab door when the ring on her finger catches her eye. She stops and looks at it, before she pulls on the handle and steps out onto the sidewalk. She closes the door to the cab and turns and stares up at the building. She lets out a deep breath and shakes her head up and down as she heads for the front doors.

She grabs the elevator when one becomes available and when she steps inside she hits the button for the fourth floor. The doors shut and she drums her hands on the handle of the elevator. The sound of the metal of the handle hitting her ring catches her attention and she brings her hand out in front of her face. She examines the ring on her finger, wiggling them so that the light shines off of the diamond. Suddenly the elevator dings and the doors slide open. She walks out of the elevator and turns to her left, heading for his door.

When she arrives, she stops and hesitates before she starts to knock…no answer. She knocks harder and harder until she can hear sounds coming from the other side "I'm coming!".

Her hands begin to shake and she slings them by her side, willing them to stop. Finally he swings the door open "Hanna?"

"I need you to do me a favor" she says as she walks past him into the room.

He shuts the door and turns to her with a confused look "Are you okay? Are you sick? You look like you're sick" he says as he looks her up and down.

"Jordan, listen! I need you to do me a favor and just answer a question for me…okay?"

He rubs his eyes "What is it Hanna?"

She lets out a breath again "How do I like my coffee?"

"What…what…what are you talking about?"

"Just answer the question Jordan! How do I like my coffee?"

He shakes his head and rubs his eyes again "2 sugars and hazelnut creamer. Why?"

Wrong.

"Wrong." she says as she paces the floor "What about my favorite wine?"

"Pinot, Hanna…what is with the inquisition at…" he opens his eyes wide to look at the watch on his wrist "5:15 A.M.?" and he huffs.

There it is…what you've been looking for.

She stops, her back to him and throws her head back to look at the ceiling before turning around. She throws her hands out by her sides "I can't marry you Jordan.."

"What are you talking about Hanna?"

She giggles a little bit and covers her mouth quickly "I uh, I can't marry you."

"Because I don't know the way you take your coffee? Hanna, look it is normal for most people to get cold feet before they get married…"

Tears well up in her eyes, she blinks and they fall from her cheeks "It's not cold feet…it's Caleb."