Ch. 37 – Morning Reflections
Fitzwilliam Darcy was punctual as usual for the morning meal at the Gardiners. He had been invited with Bingley to visit and partake before their ladies were expected to depart for morning calls with Lady Matlock. It was decided that after the meal, he would escort the ladies to his aunt's house. His smile of greeting was replaced with a frown of dismay when he was given permission by a concerned Mrs. Gardiner to climb the stairs for a moment alone with Elizabeth. He watched from the first step as Mrs. Gardiner turned to enter the drawing room after Mr. Bingley, allowing effusions from his future mother to escape into the hall.
"After such an enchanting night, Miss Lizzy is upstairs sulking! I never had this problem with Lydia. You must be mistaken, Jane. I have never insulted her… It is not my fault so many ladies were asking after her. I only answered questions to be polite, that is what a gently-born lady ought to do.… So now I am not to talk to my own daughter? How she became so selfish and hard-hearted, I should never know. It was probably your father's doing, always encouraging her! I am surprised that she caught such a man, in the first place. Mark my words, she will one day have a child as troublesome as herself, and then we shall see how she feels."
Unhappy with what he was hearing, Darcy adjusted his coat and continued in the direction Mrs. Gardiner suggested. He opened the door to the sitting room looking around in search of Elizabeth and the demons that upset his beloved. He found Elizabeth sitting in a corner looking out a window with unseeing eyes lost in thought. She randomly pressed on the keys of a clavichord in front of her. The disjointed music added to the oppressive atmosphere in the room.
Leaving the door ajar, he walked to her. She visibly sighed and relaxed her shoulders letting him know that she was aware of his presence, even if she did not turn to acknowledge him.
He felt out of his element, being uncertain of what exactly was said to trouble her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, offering his strength and comfort, causing her to smile in response.
"Thank you," she said with another sigh.
"You are welcome, of course. What have I done to deserve your gratitude?"
"You are here." In Elizabeth's mind it was that simple. Soon there would be no need to part again. When we are home. She naïvely believed that soon any remarks her mother could make will not hurt her—could not touch her—since she would be with her Fitzwilliam always.
Darcy pulled a chair close without moving away and sat looking at Elizabeth's profile. "What can I do? Can you trust me with what has happened?"
Elizabeth shook her head turning on her seat to face him. Her expression lightened when their hands found each other. "There is truly nothing worth dwelling on. I want to be strong as Mrs. Darcy should be. I will say that my mother will have one less daughter to hound when I can escape embarrassment and criticism, happily walking along the paths in Derbyshire." She smiled at the thought.
Rather than seeing the smile she expected, Darcy frowned. "Elizabeth, I should not want you to forsake your family. As pleased as I am that you anticipate our marriage as much as I—ecstatic, in truth—I would not wish for you to be unhappy for any reason. Our marriage is not an escape. My Mrs. Darcy can only be as strong as Miss Elizabeth Bennet. You shall be one and the same person, Elizabeth Darcy." So overcome was he with the desire for her to believe in her heart, that he leaned forward to place a kiss upon her head. "My love, it is only a name. You shall always be your mother's daughter."
Elizabeth's eyes glistened before she looked away whispering, "I do not deserve you."
"I must emphatically disagree with you, my love." Darcy said, squeezing her fingers that he still held in his hand. Without forcing her to confess her troubles, he stayed in the current attitude allowing her the time to interpret her thoughts.
After a few moments of silence, Elizabeth began to explain. "Last night, Aunt Gardiner asked me to inform Mama when we ready to leave; she was conversing with Jane and Lady Matlock about this morning, you understand, and you were kindly retrieving our wraps with Mr. Bingley. Mama was talking to Lady Lamb, her cousin and another lady about us. Although I was not pleased, it did not upset me too much. It was later and earlier this morning when mama said a few things that were unkind. I know that she does not thoroughly mean what she says, it is only that I have a hard time hearing it and accepting her low opinion of me."
Darcy nodded, "I am sorry, Lizzy. It pains me to see you so upset. I can only say that you have other family who care deeply for you, myself included. Please do not dwell on the unpleasant points your mother brought up. You cannot listen to her ramblings. In fact, I forbid it."
Elizabeth let out a giggle of surprise and raised an eyebrow. "You forbid it?"
"Yes, I do."
"And how, dear sir, do you expect to enforce your edict?"
Of their own accord, Darcy's lips twitched while putting forth the effort of holding a stern facial expression. "I shall think of something. Perhaps I shall withhold something you desire."
She laughed considering the possibilities he had in mind, then teased, "What is it that you think I desire above all else? What could possibly induce me to obey you?"
He appeared to contemplate her question while stroking his chin and lower lip with the tip of his finger. Since Elizabeth greatly admired his features, his seemingly absentminded movements gained her attention and she sobered watching his finger stroke his lip. Darcy, aware of where her attention focused, leaned forward and, placing his hands on either side of her small waist, gathered her form closer to his.
Elizabeth lost all thought as her mind transcended to a place where nothing mattered but the remembrance of past moments and dreams containing no one other than her and her lover. Her breathing became irregular and her eyelids became heavy as she looked up into the eyes of her beloved, willing him to kiss her into oblivion.
Unfortunately for her, Darcy was not finished making his point. "Tell me, Lizzy." She could not utter an answer in her confused state. His voice was low and demanding, "Tell me you will not allow anyone to make you doubt yourself." Elizabeth's eyes grew large in understanding and she nodded, frustrated that he was so close that they were breathing the same air yet he had not kissed her. "Promise me you will not let another person hurt you so. You will trust yourself and come to me before you are distressed."
She nodded again and forced herself to answer with feeling, "I will. I promise."
Darcy lowered and softened his voice and allowed her to see the passion in his eyes. "Good. I will reassure you, my darling." That said, he lowered his lips to hers and slowly tasted her submission as he drew her body flush against his.
When they finally parted breathlessly, Elizabeth found herself sitting on Darcy's lap. She gasped with the realization since she did not remember being moved, and looked embarrassed at her memory lapse. "Fitzwilliam?"
"Come," he said, after clearing his throat then raising them both to their feet, "let us break our fast before we depart. You would not want to be late for morning calls, and I do not wish for you to face the masses on an empty stomach." He escorted her out with his hand on the small of her back until they were outside of the room.
Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth followed the voiced into the dining room to beak their fast with the rest of the family. Elizabeth's sister and Aunt were noticeably relieved to see Elizabeth's spirits raised and spoke happily about dancing and wedding flowers. Darcy was content observing Elizabeth as she conversed with the Gardiners and her sister. Though he was not oblivious to Mrs. Bennet's presence, he was glad that she did not offer to add to the conversation.
Instead, Mrs. Bennet ate quietly contemplating her second daughter. She had never understood the girl. Elizabeth was not into fashion magazines as Lydia. Elizabeth did not own a quiet temperament nor an exuberant one. She was a puzzle that her mother had never thought to exhort energy into solving and, for the first time, Mrs. Bennet pondered on why.
P&P
Mr. Henry Monroe found himself staring into space considering the woman he shared supper and a dance with. The woman was in his thoughts as he lay in bed alone and as he dined in the morning. He was not certain what made her stand out among her sex, other than her willingness to please and daring fashion choices. She had danced fluidly, as a gentlewoman should. She had an amusing sounding giggle. Beyond that he knew little of her other than her dowry was funded from trade, though her future connections to the Darcys of Pemberley ought to be advantageous.
He was unaccustomed to having a woman haunt his thoughts past the time he spent in their company. There were many longstanding plans in motion and several ideas coming to fruition that also occupied the recesses of his mind; did he have room for romance in his life? Should he let the opportunity pass and hope for a better time, after the sale of his estate perhaps? Or after settling in a new land?
Mr. Monroe had no answers, however resolved to call on Miss Bingley to set his mind to rest.
P&P
"Lady Matlock, it is so good to see you again this morning." Jane said, smiling as she curtseyed and Elizabeth followed suit greeting the Lady.
Lady Matlock asked a passing maid to bring the refreshments that had been prepared for morning calls as Elizabeth and Jane moved into the room and chose a small sofa to sit upon together. Lady Matlock smiled as she joined her young guests in her own chair across from them.
Lady Esther, the dowager Countess, soon appeared ambling slowly, though no less regally than her daughter-in-law. "Ladies, good. You are here." She chose an embellished chair close to Elizabeth and continued, "Before the circus procession begins, you must tell me about the ball. I promise you, my life has been rather dull since I was last in your company."
Lady Matlock rolled her eyes, "I do not provide entertainment enough for you? It was my understanding that you were planning to leave town a thrice of days ago."
Lady Esther laughed and waved her comment away with her right hand unconcerned, "Yes, yes, of course I delight in your company, my dear. However, I am excessively diverted by the Miss Bennets and, of course, watching the young romance between Elizabeth and my quiet grandson—as are you. Do not try to deny it."
Elizabeth shared a look with Jane as she did her best to contain a large smile, her natural response to the easy banter between the two Ladies. Elizabeth hoped to cultivate a close relationship with these women who she would soon call family. Observing their easy comradery, she was made to feel at ease; absent was the nervous fluttering in the vicinity of her mid-section she surely felt before being introduced to her betrotheds family.
Soon the conversation came back to the ball and the older Ladies looked to the younger for their opinions. "I thought it was lovely," said Jane. "The set up was beautiful and the people also."
Elizabeth smiled at her sister, appreciating her sweet nature and optimism. "Indeed, it was lovely and the beauty was equal to the dancing skills. My dance partners all portrayed themselves as the epitome of gentlemanly behavior. However, I could not help to notice that some of the ladies personalities and laurels did not equal to the beauty of their gowns."
Lady Matlock nodded, "That is a great problem. How do you expect to cope with that knowledge?" She watched Elizabeth closely awaiting the answer that would most please her.
"I have learned to enjoy the follies I observe so that I may receive delight in all social gatherings. What is there to be done other than surround ourselves with friends who possess inner beauty regardless of the spiteful members of society?"
Lady Esther pursed her lips then added wryly, "You must watch your back and shelter your man from the fashionable lepers."
Jane's eyes widened and Elizabeth replied carefully, "I trust Mr. Darcy implicitly. I am more concerned with him being made uncomfortable or unhappy. Though I find it exhausting to smile for the people who do not have honorable intentions, regardless of how much I enjoy laughing at them later, I accept that it is necessary."
The Ladies were satisfied by Elizabeth's response, happy in the knowledge that she would navigate society with proven grace and compliment Darcy's demeanor in public. Rather than continuing with the subject of discourse, they smiled as the party silently watched as a rolling service tray was brought in with a silver tea pot and rose toile china tea cups resting on top; the bottom tray contained a variety of cheeses, sliced citrus and apples, pastries and breads.
Lady Matlock asked the maid to serve four cups and refresh the pot once more. As Elizabeth accepted her cup and saucer she commented, "It is perhaps a good thing that we anticipate callers. Your spread looks delicious, my lady; however Jane and I could not possibly finish it all."
Lady Esther raised a brow after juicing a lemon into her tea, and setting the rind on the side of her saucer. "I expect that quantity to be gone within the hour, depending on which ladies grace us with their presence first."
Lady Matlock shook her head, "Do not sound too excited, Esther, I might become concerned." She smiled at Elizabeth and sipped from her tea before saying, "It is always best to have a variety when entertaining, and Elizabeth, please save the 'my lady' nonsense for our guests. Amongst family, I am 'Helen'."
Elizabeth grinned into her tea cup as the first caller was announced.
AN: I guess Darcy's high-handed demanding ways have not disappeared…haha. Guess you need to keep reading to see the surprised I have in store for Caroline and Mr. Monroe. I also have some ideas for Mary… though I'm not sure if Kitty will be experiencing any excitement just yet.
Thank you so much for the feedback. I loved some of your comments. Thank you. Thank you! Who do you suppose with call at the Fitzwilliam home? What do you think Darcy and Georgiana are up to?
