A/N: This chapter just about killed me to write. I almost changed my mind completely at one point and didn't go ahead with it, but I decided I had to. I've also written a sort of companion piece called "Til Death Do Us Part" - so please check that out if you get a chance.
On a slightly different note, if you ever have the opportunity to read a book called "Where Rainbows End" by Cecelia Ahern, you definitely should. That's essentially where I got the inspiration for the letter format, though she does it a lot better than me.
Anyway, enjoy the chapter!
Saying Goodbye
Dear Grandma,
How is Grandad doing? And how are you coping with it? Are you okay?
Time has flown by so fast again. Can you believe it's only a few weeks until Easter? And then we only have one term left of sixth year. And after that it's our last year of school. How scary is that?
I wrote to Dad and he said he'd be happy for me to spend Easter with you – I don't normally go home for it anyway; normally I just stay at school – so if that's still okay with you then I'd love to come. Obviously you won't want to leave Grandad in order to pick me up from the station, so I could go by Knight Bus to the Leaky Cauldron and floo from there straight into the house. Unfortunately I'm not allowed to apparate yet, though I can do it better than most of the people in my year. Stupid birthday! Why does it have to come right at the end of the summer holidays? Rose and Al, on the other hand, can take the test in a few weeks, even though Rose has only managed to apparate once, and Al not at all.
Anyway, moaning aside, what I was trying to say was could you let me know if that plan sounds okay to you? Unless it's easier for me not to come at the moment, in which case I'm sure I can wait until the summer holidays.
Scorpius
Scorpius,
I know there are still a couple of weeks left before the beginning of the Easter holidays, but you have to come now. Grandad doesn't have long left, and he wants to see you. He actually remembered your name and who you were, which must be the first time in at least a year, and he won't stop asking for you. I've written to your parents, both of whom are going to join us as soon as they can, and I've written to your Headmistress, who has agreed to allow you out of school a little early. Pack up your things as soon as you receive this letter, and if you go to the Headmistress' office then she will arrange for you to floo directly to Malfoy Manor. Please come quickly, Scorpius. I need you here. I don't think I can go through this without you.
Lots of Love,
Grandma
Al and Rose,
Sorry for disappearing with no warning whatsoever; I don't know whether one of the teachers explained to you or not, but Grandad is now very, very sick and probably doesn't have much longer to live, so I was given permission to take time of school in order to come to Malfoy Manor and see him.
It's very quiet here. Malfoy Manor's always very quiet, I suppose, but normally it's more of a peaceful quiet, a place to escape to. It isn't like that at the moment. It's an awful kind of quiet, like sound has forgotten how to exist in here. I suppose none of that really makes very much sense; the silence in here is driving me a bit mad. I've been thinking the strangest things recently.
Grandad doesn't seem like he's getting worse; he seems almost as though he's getting better. Well, I suppose his physical health is clearly deteriorating – he can't really walk anymore and spends most of his time in bed – but mentally he's better than he's been in a long time. He can almost always remember my name, and hasn't called me "Draco" in days. He asks me sensible questions about school and about my friends, though I'm not sure if he completely understands my answers, because he doesn't seem to realise that half my friends are Weasleys or Hufflepuffs, and that the subjects I talk the most about are Muggle Studies – which he has always disapproved of before – and Care of Magical Creatures – which is taught by a teacher he despises. But perhaps he does understand, and simply chooses not to argue about it anymore. He certainly seems a lot more happy and carefree than he has ever seemed to me previously, and less cynical and prejudiced. It's like he's finally accepted that the world isn't quite how he would choose it to be and that there's nothing he can do about it anymore, so he's just moving on. It's nice to see him like that. He laughs a lot, and tells all sorts of stories about when he and Grandma were dating, and how he proposed and what their wedding was like and so on, as well as some very funny stories about his time at Hogwarts. Grandma laughs a lot too, though sometimes I'll catch her watching him with an awful, sad look in her eyes, like she knows she can only have him for a little while longer, and she doesn't know what she's going to do once he's gone.
Mum and Dad are arriving at the Manor tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to seeing them. I'm constantly terrified that Grandma's going to break down completely – which I know is already happening inside, despite the brave face she puts on – and I really don't know how I'd cope if she did. That seems a little childish, doesn't it; wanting my parents to come along and cope with all the difficult things for me, and hug me, and tell me it's going to be okay. But perhaps we're all inclined to revert back to a childish dependency on our parents when really difficult things happen. I don't know how Dad must feel, not being able to depend on his parents right now for that. If anything it's them who are depending on him, or his mum at least.
Sorry for writing such a depressing letter, but I really needed to talk to someone right now, if only in a letter, and you guys are always there for me.
Scorp
Scorp,
How are you doing? You coping okay?
Professor Longbottom explained to us just before we got your letter, so we already knew where you were, but thanks for writing to let us know. Don't worry; you haven't missed much, and I doubt you'll miss anything much in the next two weeks, if you're not back before the holidays start. The teachers are taking things pretty slowly at the moment. I figure it's because they're so busy putting pressure on the fifth and seventh years that they just don't have the energy to do the same with us. I'm sure Rose will have lots of the notes for you when you get back, but that's not something you should dwell on right now.
You'd think things would be quieter than usual what with James, Fred and Cameron having to study for their NEWTs, and to a certain extent they are, but every so often all the studying gets too much for them and they'll do something outrageous, like filling the school with fireworks or slipping into the kitchens and spiking the pumpkin juice with a potion that turns everyone's hair yellow. Rose thinks it's their way of dealing with stress, but personally I reckon they're just bored. James, Fred and Cameron don't really get stressed; they just breeze through the exams effortlessly, attaining brilliant grades and having fun at the same time.
Let me know how you are, and when you might be back. Rose has been in a strange mood lately, snapping at everyone a lot and getting irritated about the stupidest things, and you know you're the only one who can get through to her when she's in a mood. Well, occasionally Ethan can, but it depends on whether it was him who annoyed her in the first place, and he has to be very, very careful about what he says and does to calm her down. He doesn't have the natural gift for it like you do, but I guess he's doing his best.
Al
Scorp,
Are you alright? Al and I have been so worried about you. I really wish I could be there to support you and stuff right now, but obviously we've got school, so keep writing letters whenever you need to talk or whatever, and I'll always be happy to listen. We could even talk via floo-powder if you wanted, though I know it's not particularly approved of for students to do that while they're at school. I could use the fire in the Gryffindor common room, but you would have to be the one to actually stick your head in the fire, because I haven't got any floo-powder here. What do you think?
It must be so hard for you right now. No one close to me has ever been really sick like that, but I love all my grandparents so much I can't imagine how it would feel to lose them. But it's good that he's so happy at the moment. That's a good way for you to remember him. And I'm sure your Grandma really appreciates you being there for her right now, even if you're not completely sure what to do to help. Just go with what feels right, and let her know you're there if she needs you. That'll be more than enough.
I've got to go now – I promised Ethan I'd help him with his homework that he didn't do because he was busy mucking about on the Quidditch pitch with his friends – don't even get me started on that, I mean, how hard can it be to take some responsibility for your own learning and do your homework before going off to the Quidditch pitch for something that isn't even an official Quidditch practice? – so write back soon and let me know how you're doing.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Rose
Rose,
I'm addressing this letter to you, but please let Al know too.
Grandad passed away last night. Passed away! What a stupid phrase, and I wish people would stop saying it. It's as though they think the death will somehow have not happened if they don't actually say it. Let me start that again:
Grandad died last night. Grandma, Mum, Dad and I were all there, and it happened very peacefully. It was as though he suddenly realised his time was up, and just looked around at us all, saying something to each of us, turning to Grandma last. And Mum was crying, and Dad was fighting back tears, and I was too numb to cry, but Grandma just stood there, so strong and so calm, and looked right into his eyes and said really, really softly, "It's time to go now, Lucius. I'll see you soon." And it was like he'd been waiting for her permission to go, because that was when he smiled and closed his eyes and he was gone. And then Grandma broke down. She's been staying strong for his sake for the last few years, perhaps for her entire life, and suddenly he was gone and she had no one to be strong for. It was hard to see, because she's always been the strongest person in my family. Always. I don't think I've ever really seen her upset before. I don't think I've seen her anything other than calm and composed and confident. People who don't know her call her proud and stuck-up and cold but she's not. She's just … strong.
Anyway, the funeral is taking place in a few days, and then Mum and Dad both have important business – which they abandoned to come and see Grandad – that they now have to get back to. And Grandma is going to stay with her sister, Andromeda, who she didn't speak to for a very long time, but has recently made up with. So I'm coming back to Hogwarts a few days after the Easter holidays start. You and Al will both be gone by then, so I hope you have a really great holiday and I can't wait to see you both once you get back.
Scorp
Scorp,
I'm so sorry about your Grandad. Are you okay? Stupid question: of course you're not okay.
And don't be an idiot; Al and I aren't going away for Easter anymore. We're not going to abandon you all on your own at Hogwarts, especially not after what you've just been through. You need us right now, Scorp, and we'd be pretty crappy best friends if we ran off on holiday right now. Al' written to his parents, and they completely understand.
Rose
Rose,
Oh no, don't cancel all your plans just because of me. Al was really looking forward to going away to France, and aren't you supposed to be staying with Ethan so that you can meet his parents? That's really important to both you and Ethan, and you've been excited about it for months. I'll be fine, honestly.
Scorp
Scorp,
You are being completely ridiculous, which I will put down to grief and let you off with just this once, but I would appreciate it if you now stopped. Of course we are going to cancel our plans because of this. Al can go to France any time, and the same applies to me staying with Ethan. You are a lot more important than all of that. You're our best friend! You're a lot more important than most things.
I'll see you in just under a week, when you get back to Hogwarts.
Rose
My Darling Lucius,
That's how I always used to begin my letters to you, back when we wrote letters to one another, isn't it? I haven't done so in a very long time now. You don't write letters to the person you're inseparable from. That would be silly. When they go away you don't write letters to them, you go with them. And I have gone with you almost everywhere you've gone since the day we were married. We truly did fulfil the vows we made on that day, didn't we? I have been with you in sickness and health; richer and … well, I suppose we have never been poor in the literal sense, but there have been times when so much was wrong with our lives money was the least of our problems; in the good times and the bad. I truly believed nothing could separate us, but I had foolishly forgotten the final part of our vows. Til death do us part. Not something that seemed likely at the time of the wedding. Death wasn't real to us yet; promising to stay together until death seemed the same as promising to stay together forever. It isn't though, and I now wish we hadn't said that line. Nothing ever parted us during life, and I see no reason why death should be any different. Then again, I suppose it has done something I believed could not be done: it has separated us, if only temporarily. I gave up writing you letters when I realised I could simply follow you wherever you went instead; I have taken it up again because you have gone somewhere I cannot follow you. Not yet, anyway. One day, darling, we will prove that nothing can truly part us, not even death. One day I will see you again.
I am staying with Andromeda now. I know I haven't spoken to her in a very, very long time, but that was ridiculous. She loved Ted as much as I loved you – love you still, in fact – and I can no longer see that as something to be ashamed of. I think she may be one of the few people who truly understand what I'm going through. I am astounded that she can even be bothered to give me the time of the day, never mind supporting me and being there for me the way she has done over the last few weeks. It wasn't like I was there for her when Ted was killed and, to make it worse, our family were a part of the group responsible for his death, as well as for the deaths of her daughter and son-in-law. I can't even begin to comprehend what she must have gone through, and yet she forgives me anyway. I don't know what I did to deserve a sister like this.
Times are really changing now, aren't they? Looking down on Andromeda because of her marriage would be considered absolutely ridiculous nowadays, as I suppose it should be, while the once-respected families such as ours are shunned due to our involvement with the Death Eaters, though I feel even that may be changing. Scorpius has already proven to most of his school that not all Malfoys are terrible people, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he goes on to prove it to the rest of the wizarding world. This new world that's coming fits him perfectly. Perhaps he'll even be a key part of bringing it about.
Is that why you chose to leave now? Not that I'm accusing you of leaving deliberately – because I know you would never leave me if you could help it – but I think that perhaps some deeper part of you realised you didn't belong here anymore. The world is changing, and you've never liked change. You used to fight against it out of fear of what it might bring, and I think that's what people mistook for narrow-mindedness and prejudice, but I think you've finally realised, as I have, that the best thing to do is to simply let it come. But you don't adapt well, do you? You may be able to accept this new world, but you can't live in it, not like I can. So you left, and I don't blame you for that. You've been through a lot, Lucius, and you deserve your rest now. I've got to go on a little longer, but I'll be joining you soon enough. I look forward to it.
I think right now I would give just about anything to be able to tie this letter to an owl's leg and send it off, knowing that in a few days I would receive a reply, full of news and encouragement and love, the way I used to back when we were only engaged and you used to go away sometimes. This time the barrier separating us isn't merely a matter of miles, however. This time it's a lot more, and there is no owl in the world that could reach you now, so somehow I am going to have to learn to survive without you, for the time being at least. "Til death do us part": that's what we said, and death has indeed parted us, but one day death will bring us together again. Until then, my darling Lucius, goodbye.
All my love,
Narcissa
