Title: A Lifetime of Style
Disclaimer: I do not "own" South Park or any of its characters. The lucky bastards Trey Parker and Matt Stone do, however. I only own this plot idea.
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Chapter 13: Closeted
Two years have passed since Stan and Kyle moved to the Beltway, and Stan's publisher is spending a fortune on the book's advertising campaign. A young journalist is sent to interview him in order to figure out how to market Stan. After all, Stan is tall, young, handsome, and physically fit, and nothing sells like sex.
The interviewer first asks basic questions like favorite food and favorite music, then moves onto more personal questions like childhood and time in college. When she asks him whether or not he's found a lucky lady, Stan is just about to tell her about Kyle and their fifth official anniversary that upcoming Friday and stops. He reasons that all of the characters in his book are straight, and the story is too good to have the reader dismiss just because it may not seem genuine coming from a gay author. He flashes her that winning smile he always used to charm Wendy with and states he's not looking at the moment.
When Stan tells Kyle about the interview, he's sure it's the very first time he and Kyle have ever screamed at each other.
"So you're ashamed, is that it?!" Kyle hollers.
"Oh, so I was just supposed to say 'Yeah, Lisa, I'm seeing someone. I'm in a relationship with my life-long male best friend.' Yeah, that'll certainly sell!" Stan hollers back.
"You're such a fucking coward, Stan!" Kyle screams as he half drops, half throws a plate on the kitchen floor and sees Stan violently spasm at the noise.
Kyle's anger evaporates almost instantly. Shelly used to hit Stan and throw things at him just because she felt like it. Sharon and Randy would scream at each other at least once a week. Kyle pulls Stan into his arms.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Stan. Please forgive me," Kyle begs.
"No, Kyle, I'm sorry. You're right, it was a cowardly thing to do. I'll come out, be honest with the interviewer, whatever you want," Stay says, hugging Kyle back and accepting the apology.
"No, Stan, it's okay. I mean, you moved all the way out here to give me a chance. It's only fair that I play along and give you a chance. I love you, Stan."
"I love you too, Kyle."
That night, they have the wildest makeup sex of their lives, and the neighbors have to bang on the bedroom wall to quiet them down.
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