Hi Everyone!
It's been a month but I'm finally back! I finished every chapter in progress which means new chapters for all of my stories today, and then I will get back to my usual posting schedule.
I would like to thank you all for your patience and kind words, you have no idea how much you helped me. You're mazing, guys!
Kurt groaned in frustration, turning to his back. He was back home and he was supposed to rest but he couldn't get himself to sleep. So many things had happened in the past few days, his head was still spinning. He was pregnant. He was young, just a student, and pregnant with the baby of a man he barely knew and had a secret relationship with. He didn't know if it was good or bad. Blaine seemed to be happy for the baby, after the first scare he started planning their life together and already found a few names for the baby. Kurt on the other hand... He was still confused and had no idea what he wanted.
To be honest, he felt a little under pressure. Although Blaine let him make the final decision about the baby, he was clearly excited to have a baby and Kurt knew that he couldn't hurt him. It wasn't like he wanted to kill the baby, it would be so wrong and he knew that he couldn't do that, but raising it... It was a completely different question. As he imagined themselves as parents, he became completely terrified. He had never really liked kids and didn't think he would be good with one on his own. It was a huge responsibility. It would mean that he had to give up his future plans, school and everything that didn't include diapers and dirty clothes for a while.
Blaine didn't understand it. He only saw the bright side of parenthood where they would have a cute little baby girl or boy who smiled a lot and made them happy. But what if their kid would be horrible? Would Blaine stay with him or leave him once he got bored of the sleepless nights? He wouldn't be the one left alone with a baby, without a chance to start a new life. Kurt had to take that risk alone and he wasn't sure he was ready for that.
He sighed again and turned back to his side. He didn't notice but he had put a hand on his flat stomach at some point and he was smiling like an idiot. It was surely because of the pregnancy hormones and it happened way too often to his taste. One minute he was thinking about the dark future and in the next he forgot everything and thought that life was beautiful. Damn, he had to talk to someone who saw the situation rationally because he and Blaine couldn't think straight.
~ o ~
Blaine felt like he was in heaven. After freaking out in the hospital, he had helped Kurt get home and then he had returned home. That had been the first time he could sit down and think about their future. It had been scary at first but as he thought about it... He had always wanted to be a dad. His relationship with his parents had never been the best but it didn't mean he wanted to live his life without his own family. He was young, that was sure but it didn't mean he wasn't ready for this. The more he thought about it, the more certain he became that he wanted this. Although he had told Kurt that he would let him make the final decision about their baby, he secretly hoped that Kurt wanted to keep it, too.
It wasn't like they couldn't give the baby everything. Blaine was a wealthy man, earning a whole fortune every single year, and if he was lucky it would only get better with time. He would be able to take care of Kurt and their child. Kurt could stay home with the baby – their new home because they certainly needed a house where everybody had enough space –, take care of the household and wait for Blaine to go home at the end of the day. It was the family model Blaine had seen in his childhood and he couldn't imagine another way. His mother had stayed home, she had always been rested and happy and it had made his father happy. That was how things should be, right?
"Wow, somebody's happy" Sebastian commented, noticing the silly smile on Blaine's face.
"It's a beautiful day" Blaine replied.
It certainly was. He had practiced his new songs all day, now he had coffee with Sebastian and he was going to spend the night with Kurt. Yeah, definitely a beautiful day. He just had to figure out what to buy for Kurt. He wanted to surprise him but he had bought so many flowers for him lately, he had to come up with something new.
"So I guess you and Kurt get along well" Sebastian said.
"Okay, I'm gonna tell you something but you have to promise not to tell anyone" Blaine said. He and Kurt had agreed to keep it secret for a little while but hey, Sebastian was his friend – or something like that – and friends shared their happiness with each other, right?
"My lips are sealed" Sebastian said.
Blaine looked around, making sure nobody was watching them, and leaned closer.
"Kurt's pregnant" he whispered.
"What?" Sebastian asked, almost spilling his coffee over his shirt in surprise.
"Yeah, I'm gonna be a dad" Blaine smiled.
"And you're happy for that?" Sebastian asked.
"Of course I am!" Blaine said, punching his friend's shoulder lightly. "I always wanted a family and now I'm gonna have it. With Kurt, the man I love. It's perfect."
"You mean with the boy you've only known for a few months and you try to hide from everybody?" Sebastian asked with a raised eyebrow. "And now you're gonna have a little human added to the mix who always cries and never let you sleep. If it makes you happy, then congratulations!"
"Thanks, Sebastian" Blaine rolled his eyes. Why couldn't Sebastian be happy for him?
"Look, I don't want to shatter your dreams about your perfect little family but this isn't as simple as you imagine it" Sebastian said seriously. "I care about you, Blaine, and it's my job as your friend to make you see the down side of the story. Raising a child isn't that beautiful."
"Yeah, you know because you already have... Oh, wait. You don't have a child either. How are you supposed to know what it is like?" Blaine asked.
"Hey, calm down" Sebastian laughed. "God, are you sure you aren't the pregnant one because you're a little too moody for my taste."
"You don't seem too surprised that Kurt could get pregnant" Blaine said, frowning.
"He's a carrier" Sebastian shrugged. "It happens sometimes although it's very rare. Most men don't know they have the gene."
"How do you know about that?" Blaine asked.
"Biology class" Sebastian explained.
"I don't remember that we talked about it" Blaine said.
"Because you never payed attention?" Sebastian smiled.
"I did. Sometimes" Blaine said.
"So what are you going to do now?" Sebastian asked, getting back to their original topic.
"Buy a house and get the nursery ready" Blaine shrugged. "Why? Should I do something else?"
"Well, yeah" Sebastian nodded slowly. "Make an announcement for example. Now that your relationship with Kurt turned so serious, you can't keep him in the shadows any longer."
"You're right" Baine sighed. "I always forget about that, but can you blame me? This is like a dream."
"Oh, not again" Sebastian sighed, rubbing his eyes. "If you continue gushing over your perfect little family, I might throw up."
"Fine" Blaine sighed. "You're ruining my mood."
"I'm not really a fan of babies" Sebastian reminded him.
"They're so adorable" Blaine said dreamily. "I saw some beautiful little clothes the other day. What do you think, will Kurt be happy if I buy a few for the baby? Because I can't wait to start shopping."
"Oh my..." Sebastian muttered, sighing heavily. Blaine had gone completely crazy.
~ o ~
Kurt didn't know who his best option would be. Okay, he knew the perfect person who would give him the advice he needed but he wasn't ready to tell him. His father didn't even know about his relationship with Blaine and he certainly wouldn't be too happy to get to know him and learn about the pregnancy news at the same time. It wouldn't be good for his heart and Kurt didn't want to cause him another heart attack. No, he had to talk to somebody else who was brutally honest and wouln't lie to him.
"Santana, do you have a second for me?" he asked when his roommate got home from work, luckily alone. He had to tell Rachel everything, too, but first he wanted to talk to Santana.
"Let's say I have" Santana sighed. "Although if you need a shoulder to cry on because of your break up, I think Berry would be a better option."
"We didn't break up" Kurt frowned.
"Really?" Santana raised an eyebrow. "I haven't seen lover boy for days and you're awfully quiet lately."
"It's not... Look, it's something else" Kurt said impatiently. "But you have to promise not to tell anyone."
"You're pregnant" Santana stated.
"How do you know that?" Kurt gasped.
"Psychic Mexican third eye, do you remember?" Santana asked, pointing at her forehead. "You should have believed me."
"Okay, you were right" Kurt rolled his eyes. "I-I don't know what to do. I need your help."
"I won't tell you what to do with your baby. It's your decision to make, yours and Blaine's" Santana said.
"I know" Kurt said. "But I really need your advice. I tried to talk about it with Blaine but he's so happy for the baby."
"And you?" Santana asked.
"I'm not sure" Kurt admitted. "Sometimes I can't wait to meet the baby, but sometimes I freak out. A child is a huge responsibility."
"That's true" Santana nodded.
"You're not helping" Kurt groaned.
"So how did you find out anyway?" Santana asked.
"Blaine brought me to the hospital. According to the doctor, I'm 7 weeks along" Kurt answered.
"And you freaked out, don't know what to do and the other daddy's excitement is confusing you" Santana sighed.
"I can't kill the baby, that's for sure. I couldn't do that" Kurt said quietly. "So we will keep it, until the end of the pregnancy at least."
"But Blaine doesn't want the adoption" Santana said.
"He said that he would let me make the final decision" Kurt said. "But... He's so excited! He can't stop talking about baby clothes and supplies. He's even planned out what our baby would study, this is insane! I'm not sure we're ready."
"You should really talk to him" Santana said.
"I can't" Kurt said desperately. "He wouldn't understand. In his mind, parenthood is full of fun and he doesn't see the dark side of having a baby."
"Dirty diapers?" Santana smiled.
"Not just that" Kurt rolled his eyes. "He's not the one who has to get through the pregnancy. He doesn't have to give birth to a human being and he isn't the one who has to give up his career for a family that might not even work!"
"Oh, I see" Santana muttered in understanding. "You're afraid that he would leave you and your baby."
"I love him" Kurt said honestly. "But we're just kids. We know nothing about life and we might change with time. What if he doesn't love me anymore? He can move on easily, he has a career, a lot of money. But if I give up everything for us and it doesn't work..."
"Hard decision" Santana agreed. "But I can only say it again: you know this guy and you have to decide if he's worth it. You also have to think about adoption. Not everyone's able to give up on their children. It might seem like the easy way but are you sure you would be able to give the child you carried inside you for months some strangers?"
"Okay, I'm just more confused than before" Kurt muttered.
"Look, I have my opinion about Blaine but it doesn't matter now. I can't give you an advice either because I might see the situation differently. It's your life and only you can decide what you want to do with it" Santana said seriously.
"What if I can't?" Kurt whispered.
"It would suck" Santana shrugged.
Kurt sighed, burying his face into his hands. Why was it him who had to go through this?
~ o ~
After his meeting with Sebastian, Blaine had ended up in a baby store and had bought almost a dozen cute outfits. He had a feeling that the baby was a boy because Kurt mostly craved food Blaine liked and Blaine was a boy, so... He only wanted one or two clothes, just to have something he could keep by himself when he couldn't be with his family, especially during his tour when he had to be apart from Kurt for months, but he couldn't decide which one to buy, so he had bought everything he had liked. And he had found a beautiful shirt for Kurt as well. It was made for women but the boy could wear it, too, and he would be so hot in it. Blaine couldn't wait to see Kurt wear that shirt. In the end of his short shopping tour, he had bought some eggs and chocolate to make Kurt and their baby happy.
He put down his shopping bags and knocked on the door, waiting for Kurt to open it. This time he was dressed in his usual clothes and didn't bother to hide his curls. He knew that someone could recognize him but who cared? He was going to tell everyone anyway. He had to share the amazing news with everyone.
"Hey" Kurt greeted him as he opened the door. Blaine frowned when he saw how pale he was.
"Morning sickness?" Blaine asked.
"All day sickness" Kurt sighed.
"The doctor said that it would go away after the first trimester" Blaine said as he stepped inside.
"I hope so. I'm so tired of spending my whole day in the bathroom" Kurt said. "I had to skip my classes again because I couldn't leave the apartment."
"I'm sure your teachers will understand" Blaine said.
"I don't think so" Kurt sighed. He knew for sure that some of his teachers would do anything to kick him out once they got to know about his condition. A pregnant boy in that school? Unacceptable.
"Is there a problem?" Blaine asked in concern. "Has anyone... said something?"
"Nobody knows" Kurt replied. "I want to keep it secret as long as I can."
"Kurt, you can't dance or train while you're pregnant. It's dangerous for you and the baby" Blaine said.
"I will be fine" Kurt said in frustration. He so hated when people wanted to tell him what to do. He walked to the couch and sat down, taking a few deep breaths.
"Are you alright?" Blaine asked in concern.
"Blaine, stop" Kurt sighed.
"I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you" Blaine smiled. "I almost forgot. I bought you a few things."
"Oh?" Kurt asked excitedly.
"Look!" Blaine said, getting the first outfit out of the shopping bag.
"This is... for babies" Kurt said slowly.
"Yeah. Isn't it cute?" Blaine asked.
Kurt opened his mouth but closed it right back, unable to decide what to say.
"Say something" Blaine said.
"I... Blaine..."
"I know I said that I wouldn't push you and it's not my intention..."
"Well, it looks perfectly like it is" Kurt said angrily, if it was from the pregnancy hormones or something else, he wasn't sure.
"Kurt, please, don't be angry" Blaine said slowly. It was just because of the pregnancy hormones, right? Kurt was happy or he would have been without the hormones affecting his mood. He had to be patient with him.
"Blaine, this is insane" Kurt reasoned. "We aren't even sure that we want the baby and you've already bought up a whole baby store!"
"I want the baby" Blaine said.
"No, you want a dream! You want a kid like in the commercials, a happy little boy or girl who sleeps through the night and never cries! Well, that's not how kids work" Kurt shouted.
"Don't you think I know that?" Blaine shouted back, losing his patience. Why was everybody treating him like a child? He was an adult man! "Yes, it will be hard, especially at the beginning, but we can do this."
"I'm not sure we can" Kurt said desperately.
Blaine closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had to calm down, his frustration wasn't good for Kurt or the baby. Patience.
"Kurt, I know we're young and it's not how we planned this, but we both agree that the baby has to stay. I won't lie, I want it, just like I want you" Blaine said quietly.
"I'm so scared" Kurt cried. "I want the baby, too, but I'm scared of the future. I don't want to give up my dreams. I know it's selfish but I can't do it. I've been working so hard, I can't throw everything away because we were stupid one time."
"Kurt, look at me" Blaine said, forcing Kurt to look at him. "It's not as bad as it seems. So many people do it, I'm sure we can, too. We have about 7 months to figure out how parenthood works. Besides, I have a lot of money. We can have a babysitter when none of us will be able to be with the baby."
"I don't want somebody else babysit our baby" Kurt muttered.
"See? You want it, too" Blaine smiled.
"Maybe a little" Kurt admitted. Yeah, his paternal feelings were back again thanks to the pregnancy hormones.
"I'm scared, too" Blaine said after a while. "But I'm also excited. I always wanted kids and now I'm gonna have one."
"Just so you know, you will wake up to feed the baby and change diaper in the middle of the night, because I won't" Kurt smiled.
"Deal" Blaine beamed and leaned in to kiss Kurt. "When I will be at home, of course."
"Of course" Kurt sighed.
"We need that babysitter" Blaine nodded, knowing that he couldn't leave Kurt with the baby for weeks. It wouldn't be right. "And I will take care of everything soon but first we have another thing to do."
"What?" Kurt asked in confusion.
"I'm gonna make an announcement" Blaine said. "To let everyone know about our relationship and once it's settled, we will share the pregnancy news."
"Can't we make it all at once?" Kurt asked. Stepping out in public with Blaine seemed so scary. He wasn't that stupid to believe that it would go smoothly.
"I will ask Tina about it, she knows it better" Blaine answered. "I want to do it as soon as possible. I don't want to hide you any longer."
Kurt tried to smile but he failed. They had talked about it so many times but now that there was a baby involved, it changed everything. People would think that he was a freak, he would get hateful comments, and he didn't know how he would take it. He was strong, he had been bullied earlier and he had survived everything, but maybe it wasn't enough to be prepared for the future.
"I won't let anyone get to you or our baby" Blaine said, knowing why Kurt was so quiet. "I will keep you safe."
Kurt let himself being convinced, at least for one night. He closed his eyes and allowed Blaine to pull him into his embrace and sing a song for him.
"Is it new?" Kurt asked after a while, not recognizing the tune.
"Yeah, I wrote it today. Do you think the baby likes it?" Blaine asked.
Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had to get used to Blaine's overenthusiastic behavior if they wanted to survive this pregnancy.
