Title: A Lifetime of Style
Disclaimer: I do not "own" South Park or any of its characters. The lucky bastards Trey Parker and Matt Stone do, however. I only own this plot idea.
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Chapter 31: Phew
Sheila dies the year the boys turn 60. Kyle has a heart attack two weeks after Stan's 61st birthday.
Stan kneels next to Kyle, completely denying what's happening. He can't lose Kyle while they still have their golden years to enjoy! All he can do is pray to the God he's rarely ever prayed to. The paramedics arrive, and Stan climbs into the back of the ambulance as it speeds off to the hospital.
Stan sits in the waiting room with his head in his hands, trying to calm himself down. He remembers how far medicine has advanced since he was a kid. He recalls watching Jimmy Valmer on CNN. Jimmy went through intensive speech and physical therapy, and was eventually able to walk without crutches and speak without stuttering. He is now the most prominent journalist in America. It is Stan's only reassurance.
When his name is finally called, Stan looks up. The intern tells Stan that it was only a mild attack and that Kyle will be fine. Stan is so relieved that he hugs her fiercely.
Stan refuses to leave the hospital, visiting hours be damned. The doctors and nurses give up after spending three hours trying to get him to leave. When Kyle wakes up, Stan unleashes tears of joy. They exchange some happy words, and then Stan tells him, "Don't scare me like that again, Kyle! Remember our promise. You're not supposed to die until I do!"
When Stan and Kyle get home, Stan immediately throws out anything with saturated fat or high cholesterol. He's making sure Kyle stays alive.
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