Title: A Lifetime of Style

Disclaimer: I do not "own" South Park or any of its characters. The lucky bastards Trey Parker and Matt Stone do, however. I only own this plot idea.

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Chapter 34: Friends

Stan and Kyle are well into their 70s and enjoying retirement. They still call each other dude, watch football, swear like sailors, and try to see their old friends once or twice a year, especially the other three considered part of the original gang.

However, the gang of five can't live forever.

Kenny is the first one to go. He dies of a brain aneurysm at age 75. Unlike the million other times he's died, this one is for real. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters are too grief-stricken to even comment. Stan can't even say "Blank killed Kenny!" and Kyle can't say "You bastards!"

Butters is next. He is diagnosed with Alzheimer's when he's 72 and dies from pneumonia, complicated by the disease, at 81 years old. Stan and Cartman felt that Butters didn't deserve that kind of death, but Kyle tells them that it's probably for the best. After all, given the fact that Butters grew up with abusive parents and was mistreated in elementary school, including by him, Stan, and Cartman, those memories were long-gone when he died.

The number of funerals that Stan and Kyle attend continues to pile up. Clyde, Craig, Red, and Heidi all die during the Kenny-Butters time span.

There is still good news even among the bad, though.

Matt is admitted to Georgetown alongside his best friend Randolph, whom he affectionately calls "Trey." The two young men, who have been best friends since they were four years old, share a very warm bromance. They major in film. Matt has lunch with his grandfathers once a week, given that he's within a 20 mile radius of their house. Stan and Kyle wonder if there is more to Matt and Trey's bond than bromance, but they shrug it off.

On the night of Kyle's 82nd birthday, Stan finds Kyle crying at the edge of the bed. Stan asks his husband what's wrong, and Kyle replies that he's afraid because everyone they know is either dead or dying. Stan replies that he shouldn't worry, because no matter what happens to either of them, their bond and love is everlasting, and not even death can destroy it.

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