Another short one, but I just really wanted to show my thanks with the many followers I've gained over the last few days; I've been dealing with some shit and I just wanted to say I really appreciating the uplifting reviews and avid followers. Thanks guys! Keep 'em coming!
As suggested, I return home and actually manage to pull out my underwear drawer before falling to pieces in the presence of my cozy apartment and the four spring green walls of my bedroom.
It's like the whole world puts itself on pause for me so that the only sound is my reverberating sobs. The air is stationary. The persistent gleam of the sun is the only reminder that life is still going on, even if mine seems to have been placed on hold for now.
So, I let the remainder of the day burn away on the horizon, making little progress with my belongings. By the time all the stars have come out, I've formulated how I'll break it to my mother and decide to get it over with sooner rather than later.
"Essentially, it's a job transfer," I start talking as she busies herself with the usual tea in the kitchen. It's better if I don't have to lie directly to my mother's face, "Temporary, of course. The hospital I'll be sent to is incredibly understaffed right now. Tsunade thinks I'll be most appropriate for the job, you know, since she has to stay here as the Hokage."
"Well that's exciting," she beams as she walks back in to the living room, handing me a cup of tea, "How long will you be there?"
"I'm not sure, it could be a few months, though," I grimace, "I won't be able to visit that often."
"Oh don't look like that, sweetheart," she pats my knee softly, "This is an amazing opportunity to showcase your talents, and from the sound of it, they need you there more than here."
"I just don't like leaving my patients for such an indefinite period of time," I grip the cup tightly, still not having sipped out of it because of my heightened apprehension, "I mean, what about Kuro-san? I look forward to seeing him every day."
"Sakura, I don't understand your fascination with that old man, especially due to your serious lack of a social life and by that I mean your lack of a husband."
After Naruto had gotten down on one knee for Hinata, my mother had taken it as a personal insult that I was already in my twenties without a man on my arm let alone a ring on my finger. I suppose I would be just as frustrated if I was my mother's age with a daughter my age and this far from producing a grandchild.
"Kuro-san is the only man I need in my life," I say with faux pompousness.
My mother rolls her eyes.
"I pray for you, dear," she breathes quietly before taking a gulp from her cup and averting her eyes. I laugh, my tension being alleviated. I know I will miss this.
"There's no hope for me," I say, waving an indifferent hand, but smile to let her know that she can still hope.
Even if I've given up on it.
"Just visit whenever you can," her smile is gentle, fragile, "You know how lonely I get."
"I will," I promise.
I know that my mother barely lets on to just how lonely that is. I can't imagine how difficult it is to be the one that survived in the relationship. She loved my father, he loved her. I can't imagine how difficult it is to have built a life with somebody, worked so hard together for so many years, and have that somebody be lost to you forever, in a single moment. But sometimes I see it; in the way her dimples no longer appear when she smiles, the way her shoulders slump when she's silent, and the way her hand reaches out beside her, grasping for something that's no longer there.
Despite my soliloquies mourning the loss of my apartment, I stay the night on my mother's couch, enjoying the company I soon would be without. Though I'll be moving the next morning, I neglect those preparations and instead go to the hospital. I go straight to the second floor, avoiding all else.
"Good morning, Kuro-san," I beam as I enter his room.
"You look beautiful this morning, Sakura-chan," he replies. I take a seat by his bed.
"I'm not sure if my patients have been informed, but I wanted to come to you personally and tell you that I won't be working here for the next few months," I try to keep the smile up, making my visit appear lighthearted, "I'm being transferred, temporarily."
Temporarily.
This isn't forever, I remind myself.
"I hadn't heard," he frowns slightly, "I will miss you, Sakura-chan, but I wish you the best. It must be exciting for you. Where will you be stationed?"
"I haven't been told, yet," I fumble. Tsunade just left it to me to figure out what my alibi is, "It's somewhere in the eastern region, though."
"That's a long way from home."
"Yes, it is," I affirm, feeling too much guilt to add anything else to the deception. I take his hand and squeeze tight, "I'll miss you, too."
He smiles coyly at me.
"Do you know what that means?" he gestures to our hands, mine clasped tightly over his. I shake my head, thinking all this time it was nothing more than goodbye. "It is a tradition in my family, to either greet or part; it means that we see strength in that person and that we respect that strength."
He now takes my hands in his.
"You have great strength, real courage, Sakura, don't forget that. I respect you for your compassion and resilience, do not be afraid of such attributes," he squeezes tighter, "I trust you will make the right decisions in life because of your bravery and sensitivity. Don't let anyone change that in you."
I nod, speechless, but feeling a sense of pride rising inside me. Kuro-san believes I have the power to get through this; though he doesn't know the actual situation, it gives me hope.
"Thank you, Kuro-san."
