She didn't even know what it was that she had done to upset him. Was it the longer than planned phone call to her father, who worried for her well-being living with a man he had never met in a city he had never seen? Or perhaps the late hours she worked now, serving sick, lonely men with money to waste? But the second he walked through the door, his eyes cold and hard, she knew she had wronged him.
Astrid held the dish she had been lifting to the cupboard against her chest, her throat thickening as he came closer. She resisted the urge to back away, knowing from previous incidents that it would only anger him further. The purple bruises on her arms were clear reminders of that.
"H-how was your day?" she whispered, her eyes downcast.
Strike one.
A soft gasp left her lips as the dish she had been clutching crashed to the floor, glass spraying across the tile.
"How was my day? That's the best you can do? Don't act like I don't know what you did," he growled.
"I'm sorry. I don't know-"
His harsh laughter filled the kitchen as he stepped closer, his boots squeaking against the floor. "Don't play stupid with me. Wouldn't want anything to happen to that pretty face of yours, doll." She froze as he stroked her cheek lovingly. Then his hand was flying back to strike her, knocking her into the counter. Her side burned with the pain.
"I'm sorry," she repeated, cowering before him even as her instincts were telling her to run, to fight, to do something. He laughed again, grabbing her arms and digging his fingers into the fresh bruises before she could shake him off. Her teeth dug into her lower lip as she fought to hold back a whimper. He pinned her against the counter, the hard edge forced into the small of her back.
"I don't want you talking to those people anymore," he growled, his hot breath tickling her cheeks. He practically reeked of booze. She nodded silently, forcing herself to remain calm.
"You got it?"
Another nod.
Astrid inhaled sharply when he shook her, her eyes squeezed shut.
Strike two.
"Are you deaf? When I ask you a question, you're expected to answer it," he hissed.
She mumbled a "yes," her blue eyes fluttering open to glare at the floor, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. He let go of her, seemingly proud of himself for having such control over her. The way his cracked lips-lips that reached for the poison that turned him into this monster-twisted into a smirk made her want to retch.
Astrid's shoulders sagged forward as he turned his back to her. She was so, so exhausted by these unpredictable manic episodes of his. Her heart longed to fix whatever it was they once had despite the warning signals going off in her head. The battle between love and logic was a long, gruesome one. He simply wasn't the same man anymore; hadn't been since he traded his love and money in for a chance to escape their world and live without guilt or mercy.
And as sick as it made her to think the words, she wanted out. For three years she had tried. A second chance became a third, a fourth, a seventh. Bottles and ashtrays replaced smiling photographs. Her face, her mother's face as her father had always said, became darkened by the shadows of lost sleep and angry nights.
A tired sigh escaped her lips.
Strike three.
He spun back around, his hands seeking solace around her neck. Astrid reached for the counter behind her, her trembling hand fumbling around for something to fight back with as sweet oxygen rushed from her lips. The cool handle of a coffee mug kissed her fingertips. Without thinking, she grabbed it, crashing it into the side of his head.
He stumbled back, his fingers gently feeling the back of his head, his eyes speaking threats more dangerous than his lips could ever mutter.
You're out.
Astrid stared straight ahead into the red glow of a silver Toyota's tail lights, her hands folded neatly in her lap. Raindrops crashed against the glass only to be whisked away by the windshield wiper a second later.
She had no idea where they were going or why.
Hiccup had come to her door with an offer of dinner, on him of course. Astrid, thinking nothing of the sudden change in his demeanor, had agreed. Now she sat in the passenger seat of his car with cat hair clinging to her jeans, feeling as if she had made a mistake. Hiccup's reluctance to speak and let her control the volume dial on the stereo worried her.
Thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance, followed by a flash of lightning.
Astrid cleared her throat quietly before glancing at his face shyly. "Hiccup, where did you say we're going again?" she asked.
"It's a surprise," he said, his lips twisting upward at the corners into a stale smile.
Astrid trained her gaze on her hands, which were partially covered by the long sleeves of her jacket. It made her feel sick to think of what was just beyond that thin layer of fabric. Jagged, swollen, discolored scars; the hideous markings of her past, present, and future.
She would always be abnormal because of them, no matter how many jackets or bottles of makeup she donned as a mask. Even when no one could see her wrists, she always knew.
Yet despite the shame and regret, she couldn't stop. Those few short moments of numbness before the pain were worth it all. And she craved them every second of every day like a drug.
The car rolled to a stop. Astrid's eyebrows knit together as she took in the brick building before them, a community center according to the large sign. She turned to Hiccup, a question on her lips, but he was already climbing out of the car. She followed, confused.
Hiccup reached out and took her hand in his. He offered her a small but genuine smile before leading her through the glass doors and down a long hallway. They stopped in front of one of the many closed doors. "You don't have to talk, okay? I just wanted you to see that there are others," he said.
Astrid pulled her hand back. "Hiccup, what-"
Before she could continue, the door swung open. Her eyes widened slowly as she took in the circle of folding chairs. A woman with greying hair stood, smiling.
"Welcome. My name is Sandra. Please, take a seat," she said.
Astrid let Hiccup guide her to an empty chair, too shocked to object. Did he really think she was sick enough that group therapy would help? Was she that abnormal in his eyes?
"Rebecca, would you like to start?" the silver-haired woman asked, her eyes focused on a slouching blonde across the room.
The blonde sighed and stood. "Rebecca," she repeated in a poor imitation of Sandra's voice. "Ruffnut. 19. Lover of all things food and lacrosse."
"And what's your story?" Sandra, clearly the therapist handling the meeting, asked.
"My old man used to get wasted and knock me and my brother around for fun. Nothing serious. Now he's trying to fix things between us so I'll give him money to buy more booze," Rebecca said. She bowed once before plopping back onto her chair and stretching her legs out in front of her.
"Thank you for your bravery. Who would like to go next?"
The husky boy sitting next to Astrid raised his hand shyly before introducing himself as Felix.
Astrid could feel herself begin to shut down as more and more people shared their stories. She didn't belong here. She wasn't a victim or a survivor. She was just Astrid. When had that changed?
Her eyes fluttered open when Hiccup's hand touched her shoulder. She was about to shake it off, still hurt by his assumptions, when the therapist made contact with her, smiling like this wasn't a meeting to discuss pain and suffering.
"Tell us a little about yourself, dear," she said.
Astrid glanced at Hiccup. He nodded and smiled, as if he too thought this was a good idea. She stood slowly, feeling all eyes on her as a minute of silence passed.
"I'm Astrid. I'm 20 years old. I...I don't know what to say," she said. Her face burned with embarrassment when the blonde girl, Rebecca, rolled her eyes and snorted.
The therapist thought for a moment. "Well, that's alright. What's your story then? What brought you to us?"
Her story. Was that what her life was? A story to be set out for others to read and dissect? Her stomach jolted violently at the thought.
Astrid scanned the faces of the others in the room. They all appeared bored or exhausted, as if showing up had drained them of all energy. These people didn't want her here. They just wanted answers to questions she would never understand.
Without thinking, she turned and threw the door open. Her hair fell into her face as she ran down the hall towards the exit, her eyes red and wet with fresh tears. She dashed into the parking lot, poorly illuminated by the lone streetlight, and searched for a minute before spotting Hiccup's car. She pulled on the handle with one hand, then two, before slamming her hands against it in frustration.
Locked. She was stupid to have thought otherwise.
Astrid sobbed as she sat down on the curb under the light, pushing her hair back from her face. She heard footsteps behind her but didn't react until she saw someone standing beside her in her peripheral vision.
"Just go back inside, Hiccup," she said.
"Astrid, I'm not leaving you alone out here," he said. "Come on, everyone is worried."
"I don't belong in a place like this." Astrid sniffled as she stood, but her eyes remained hard.
Hiccup nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets. She clearly wasn't in the mood for a hug or any sort of affection. "Okay. I won't make you go back. Look, I'm proud of you for trying. I...I know what it's like to feel all alone," he said.
Astrid's eyes softened, but she remained quiet.
He continued, "When I was little, my mom took off to travel across Europe. For a while she wrote letters, but then they just stopped. We figured that she had just stopped caring. Apparently her car was found alongside a road in Munich years ago."
"Hiccup, I'm so sorry," Astrid whispered. "My mother died in an accident when I was younger too."
He shrugged and looked down at his shoes. "It doesn't bother me as much anymore. At least she died doing what she loved."
"I'm sure she loved you very much." Astrid slid her arms around his neck, pulling him into an embrace.
"She was great. Everyone loved her," Hiccup sighed. He hugged her back, his chin resting in the crook of her neck.
"The world is an ugly place," Astrid blurted suddenly. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes as she took a sharp breath. "Before my mom died, I used to take dance lessons and play soccer and...everything was perfect. I had nothing to worry about. Then everything changed and I lost that peace of mind forever."
"If the world were an ugly place, we wouldn't be standing here right now, would we?" Hiccup asked. "Especially not you. You're too beautiful, inside and out, to belong in an ugly world."
Astrid smiled at him, her makeup smudged and her eyes swollen but still glowing.
Hiccup removed one of his hands from her waist to hold it before her. "Now, how about that dance, Milady? Don't expect me to kick a soccer ball around though."
Astrid laughed as she slid her hand into his, their bodies swaying together. "You're such a dork," she said.
"You love it," he chuckled.
"Yeah, I do." She rested her head against his shoulder, letting her eyes fall shut as Hiccup began to hum softly into her ear. He twirled her once, mouthing the words to her favorite song. The minutes melted together as they danced under the streetlight, all alone in the parking lot. It wasn't until Hiccup began to pull her towards the car that she realized just how much time had passed.
"Hiccup?" she asked as she buckled her seatbelt.
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
Hiccup grinned at her before backing out of the parking space. "All in a day's work. Hey, turn the radio on, won't you?"
Astrid nodded and browsed the stations, searching for something worth listening to. Upon finding nothing, Hiccup suggested that she put the CD he kept in the glove box in. She commented on how old-fashioned he was as she searched for it, a shadow of a smile on her lips.
"Track five," he said as she removed the disk from its case.
Astrid skipped ahead to the fifth track, a smile gracing her lips as soon as it began to play. It was her song, the one he had been humming to her as they danced. She rested her head against the seat as she listened, her eyelids heavy.
Hiccup began to hum again, his eyes locked on the road. When the song ended and he glanced over at Astrid, she was curled up in her seat, fast asleep.
