Did I mention I was on a roll? Enjoy. xo


I don't wait for the words to settle. I don't give her time to process. I'm afraid of what she'll do; I shouldn't be, there's nothing she could do that would make my life any worse.

"It wasn't that hard. He wanted me to kill him, only me," I swallow past the feeling of bile rising in my throat, "I didn't know he was already dying," I fist the sheets tightly, needing some grip on reality. I can feel the surge of power ready to burst, "But everything I ever believed about him was a lie. All he ever did was try to protect me," I dare a glance at her and to my surprise she doesn't protest my statement, pointing out the obvious fact that he slaughtered our family. She sits quietly, a small hand placed delicately over her mouth, "He killed them to prevent a war, to stop a coup against the village. He had no other choice and he still couldn't kill me, so he let me hate him. I despised him my whole life. I spent all my years planning my revenge and I killed the only person who ever really loved me."

I barely feel the tears when they come; the sharingan is all concurring, consuming, numbing. Sakura removes the sheet from my right hand and laces our fingers together, pulling me out of the haze. Her palm is cool, the touch light; a quiet comfort. Then, I realize I wasn't afraid of what she'd do. I was afraid of what she'd say. I was afraid she wasn't listening and that I wouldn't be heard or understood, just like I wasn't when I was younger. Her eyes drop to our hands as her thumb rubs soft circles against the back of my mine. Sakura's gaze is contemplative and when she looks back at me, her expression is open, not anticipating. She's not asking for more than I'm ready to give.

I appreciate that.

"Please don't think he was the only person that ever loved you," her eyes bore deep into mine, "Or ever will."

I can't nod, nor can I negate her comment. All I do is look at her, this woman who looks familiar yet feels like a stranger. When I left, she was just a girl, desperate for attention, dependent; someone who I thought was more of a burden than a teammate.

For the first time, I'm seeing her strength.

"Naruto said you were both ridiculed after I left," I become hyperaware of the sweat gathering between our palms, but I can't bring myself to break the contact.

"Yeah," she smiles as she nods, but there is so much pain behind it, "I was afraid to leave my house if we were between missions; people followed me around, they egged our house, they tried to beat me up - "

"Tried to?"

"Sometimes they succeeded," she stands and her fingers grip the hem of her shirt.

"Sakura," I begin as she starts to pull it over her head.

"Oh, relax," she cuts me off, smirking, "I'm not trying to desecrate your virtue," she turns her side towards me, clad in only a sport bra. Sakura points a slender finger towards a small, yet still sizable scar above her hip, "Countless encounters with heavily armed, stealth trained nins and some bitch with a kunai managed to get the better of me."

I feel the urge to reach out and touch the slightly puckered flesh, almost to see if it's actually real, but I suppress it.

"Why did she do it?"

"Orochimaru killed her brother," Sakura shrugs her shirt on and sits back down, "Everyone just assumed we were in on everything."

"I'm sorry," the words are compelled before they've even formed in my head, but saying them feels right. It doesn't assuage the guilt I feel slowly building, but it feels good to acknowledge that it's there.

"Don't be," she shakes her head, "It's not your fault."

"No," I sit up straighter, realizing that I've begun to slouch in the time we've been here, "For everything."

"No, you're not," her voice is calm, controlled, "And that's okay. You don't have to be. You did what you had to do, I think I realize that now."

"It doesn't make it okay that you got stabbed because of me."

"You weren't the one holding the knife."

"Yeah, but - "

"It hurt like a motherfucker, it was the worst physical pain I have ever felt, but I wouldn't choose flawless abs over having you in my life any day. I know Naruto would say the same."

"Why?"

"Because we love you. There was a time when you were there for us. You had our backs and we had yours. We still do," the corners of her mouth drag, "I don't know what it was like for you, but I have very fond memories of training with you two and then going to Ichiraku's after. Do you remember when you accidentally punched Naruto too hard and his cheek was too swollen to slurp noodles?"

I start laughing as a memory I hadn't thought of in years starts playing in my head.

"How about the time he was hiding in the tree and that squirrel jumped on his back?" I smirk and Sakura bursts into a fit of giggles, "He was freaking out."

"Oh no, what about the time he tried to sneak up on me and I kicked him in the balls?" her grin is somewhat satisfactory and it earns her another laugh from me. Then her expression turns somber, "I have a lot of fond memories of all of us, laughing and growing up together."

"It's different for me, when I think about it," my fingers twitch and I feel it starting again, "Itachi was always hanging over my head. I always saw my family in everything I did, because it was all for them."

"Your existence wasn't about you, it was about vengeance," her eyes lock on mine, imploring almost, but for what I don't know, "And now that that's over, it feels like your life is, too."

"Yes," I concede, "What else is there?"

For a moment she tries to pull herself back but it doesn't work. Her face contorts and she starts to shake, bowing her head before the tears start. Sakura grips her knees tightly, fingernails digging into her skin. Her reaction shocks me and I find it a little terrifying so I sit still, withdrawn.

When she looks up her eyes are a stark, vivid green and streaks of tears are running down her cheeks. She bites her lip like she's trying to suppress something, then thinks better of it.

"Don't we matter to you?"

"Sakura, I - "

"Why did you let me heal you? Why did you let me bring you back?" her voice is just short of a whisper.

For a moment I can't speak, I don't know if I want to.

"I was dying, Sakura," as I say it I realize how exasperated I sound, maybe because I've been asking myself the same question ever since that day, "I thought I hallucinated you because of the poison. It was kind of nice to see somebody from a different time, a different part of my life; a time before I lost myself. It felt like I was in this cloud ever since I'd joined with Orochimaru and seeing you - it just reminded me of everything that happened before I left Konoha. I had dreams when I was a kid, I wanted to be like my brother. I wanted to make my parents proud. All of that was lost and I was buried under all the anger and pain, then the guilt and anguish of losing Itachi all over again."

She opens her mouth to speak, but is interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Is everything all right in there?" a gruff voice is on the other end.

"Yes," Sakura calls back, eyeing the door cautiously, "I'll be done momentarily," when she looks back at me, her gaze is warm, "Thank you for talking; it means a lot to me."

"Do me a favor, don't tell Naruto, yet. I'd like to do it," I lower myself into a horizontal position with great care, pulling the covers over me.

"Of course," she reassures me as she stands and exits the room, "Good night, Sasuke."

"Good night," I close my eyes before the guard enters, pretending to slip under. In reality, my mind is racing. I just shared. With Sakura no less, a former fangirl. Even showering with her didn't feel as foreign as this.

Maybe it's the poison.