Chapter 2: Reaction Part1
Summary: Serena's thoughts on 'The Kiss' as she moves into the evening of that fateful day. The next chapter will be Bernie's POV. I promise all the angst will be worth it, in the end.
Notes: I have written in a host of original characters, as I wanted to show what it might be like for the 'Holby Family' in the aftermath of such a disaster, like the helicopter crash. I have worked in the NHS for 30 years as a nurse, and I am proud of the sacrifices I see staff make every day, not to mention when there's a major incident. Also, as you're reading Holby fic, I assume you're happy for some medical details to be included in a story about medical personel. I make no apologies for judicious use of 'medical speak'!
Serena Campbell was just finishing updating Henrik Hanssen on the days events, and was desperate to get back to the ICU and see how Fletch was doing.
"Thank you, Serena. Keep me informed, please." Henrik finished, as he moved a pencil on his desk to perfect alignment with the others already resting there.
Serena asked to borrow his phone so she could check on AAU. Permission was duly granted, and so when she had ascertained that all was well, she said her goodbyes to Henrik, and took her leave.
As Serena walked down the corridors of Holby City Hospital, her thoughts turned to Bernie and their shared kiss in the operating theatre. Butterflies filled her stomach as she remembered how in had felt to kiss Bernie Wolfe. She tried to push them to one side as she approached the doors of the ICU and noted the lights had been dimmed. Serena realised just how late it was. As she entered she noted the nurses were handing over. Was it really 9 o'clock? Serena wondered. Making her way to Fletch's bed she noted the flurry of activity around Anne Fitzgerald. Could that young woman take any more? She continued to Fletch's bed were the diminutive, dark-haired, Kelly was handing over his care to her colleague. She busied herself checking Fletch's charts and studying his latest observations, pleased to see that his blood pressure had improved, albeit marginally. She reached out to touch his hand, mindful of the arterial line in his wrist. It still felt cold to her touch, meaning he was still poorly perfused. Kelly had finished handing over, but was in no rush to leave.
"He seems a little better." Kelly said to Serena. "His vitals have improved. We've had to give him some blood and FFP, as he became coagulopathic, but his latest clotting results are better." She didn't mention how much FFP they had given, but knew Serena would have seen as she'd studied the fluid administration chart. Graeme Shaw had hardly left Fletch's side since Serena had left to see Henrik Hanssen. His large bulk a reassuring presence for Kelly. He'd only left now to hand over to the night team. "This is Jenny," she said, introducing her colleague taking over the night shift. Serena nodded to the nurse, whose unruly, curly, red hair threatened to escape the bun she had scraped it into. Tendrils fell down over her forehead as she did all the checks necessary at the start of a shift. She made a list of when everything needed doing, and began to note down Fletch's observations, and update his chart.
Kelly motioned to Serena, taking her to one side. "Jenny's supposed to be on holiday. She's just committed to doing four extra nights, as we're so stretched. She might get a bit tetchy though, as that means she won't get to see much of her partner in the coming days. So please, don't give her a hard time."
Serena quirked an eyebrow. Was she known for giving the nurses a hard time?
Kelly turned to Jenny. "I don't mind staying a while if you want to see Ali for a few minutes before she goes?" she offered. Jenny smiled gratefully and went over to the office where Senior Sister Alison Wylie had just handed over to her night time counterpart. Alison looked weary as she pushed her chair back from the desk. Serena saw Ali's face break out in a joyous smile as Jenny approached, before the blinds were closed and the two had a modicum of privacy.
"Ah," Serena looked away, turning her attention back to Kelly.
"They're going to be on opposite shifts for the next few days, so handover time is the only time to see each other." Kelly explained.
Serena marvelled once again at the sacrifices the staff were making in the aftermath of the helicopter crash. Jenny returned a few minutes later, as Ali slung her bag over her shoulder and asked if Kelly wanted to walk out with her.
"I'll just get my stuff." she replied and headed to the staff room.
Serena settled in the chair next to Fletch and watched as Kelly and Alison left the Unit, waving at them as they did so. As a hush descended over the ICU, the whoosh of ventilators, the occasional alarm of monitors and nurses going about their business as quietly as they could were the only sounds to be heard. Serena squeezed Fletch's hand, speaking to him soothingly.
"Don't you worry about the children. Raf has that all in hand." she looked at his unmoving face as carried on. "Bernie's beside herself, blaming herself. I tried to reassure her, that you wouldn't blame her, it was just..." Her words tailed off. "You don't need to know about that anyway. Just concentrate on getting well, Super Dad!"
Tears threatened again, as the shock of the day finally caught up with her, and this time she couldn't stop them. Oh how embarrassing! she thought, as she tried to stand and hurry away. Firm hands guided her back to the chair, and Jenny told her, in a voice that brooked no argument, that she wasn't going anyway. A box of tissues appeared and Serena gratefully took one dabbing her eyes, then blowing her nose, rather loudly, relieving the tension somewhat, as they both laughed.
"Enid," Jenny called over to an HCA. "Can you make Ms Campbell a cup of tea?"
"No problem, I was just going to start a round anyway. You want your usual?"
"Yes, please. Ali said she'd brought in some new teabags, so we don't have to drink NHS issue!"
"Oh there is a God!" Enid asserted, as she moved away. NHS tea was best avoided, in her opinion.
"Thank you," Serena said.
"You're welcome," Jenny replied. "You've had a hard day. It can't have been easy operating on a friend." and then the rest, she thought.
Jenny had heard the rumours. Who hadn't, when you worked in the same department as noted gossip, Dominic Copeman? The rumours that Ms Campbell, the formidable head of AAU, and Ms Wolfe, the ex-army surgeon and head of the newly created Trauma Unit were fast becoming more than just good friends. She was also friends with Lou, who had told her that since the two surgeons had met, the chemistry between them had been noted at 20 paces. Jenny decided not to mention that, though, as she didn't want to overstep the mark.
The tea duly arrived and as Serena sipped it, she continued to sit in her chair at Fletch's bed. In the relative quietness of the ICU, as she watched Jenny and the others go about their duties, and relaxed a little. She closed her eyes and the images of Bernie leaning in to kiss her as they sat on the floor of the operating theatre, came flooding back, accompanied by the now familiar sensation of butterflies. She remembered herself kissing Bernie back, then launching at Bernie desperately wanting to reassure her friend that she were amazing and fantastic and loved. Serena gasped as her stomach clenched tightly, and realised that she loved Bernie Wolfe. That raised all sorts of confusing questions in Serena's now racing mind. She thought back over the last few months and realised they had been flirting with each other for most of it, and now she understood why she felt so distressed by Bernie's betrayal. Her heart ached and her hands trembled as she tried to make sense of it. She'd never been attracted to a woman before, had she? Why now? The answer was simple, because despite all her flaws, being annoying and exasperating at times, Bernie Wolfe was the most fantastic, amazing, passionate, fearless person she had ever met. They had connected on a level that Serena had never felt before. Serena wondered what Bernie was doing now, and how she felt. Maybe the kiss had just been an adrenaline fuelled reaction to the horrifying events of the day, and wasn't Bernie involved with Alex Dawson, the anaesthetist that had worked a locum shift, a few weeks ago? The more she thought about it, the more Serena convinced herself that she ought to forget about the kiss, and never mention it again.
Jenny watched the display of emotion passing over Serena's face, and saw when she achieved control, and her face became impassive once more. After finishing her tea, Serena stood. She handed Jenny a piece of paper with her mobile phone number on it.
"I'm going home, to try and sleep. If there's any change, please call me." Serena pleaded.
"Of course," Jenny assured her. "Ring any time, if you wake up and want an update."
Jenny rubbed Serena's arm, hoping she wasn't being over familiar. "Stay strong." she smled.
On the way out Serena stopped by Anne Fitzgerald's bed for and update. Happy to learn that the young woman was stable once again, Serena contemplated going to the HDU to see Connie. Deciding it was rather late and she'd better not disturb the recovering ED consultant, she left the department and made her way to AAU, where she thought she'd check in before going home. She hoped that Bernie would have already left for the night. The exhaustion she felt after the day's events had left her feeling raw, meaning she was in no position to confront her friend. If truth be told, she wasn't sure if she would ever be in a position to feel comfortable facing Bernie again. Good God, what a mess! What am I going to do? I can't do this if she doesn't feel the same way, she thought. as she swiped her card to gain entrance to the AAU.
