Whoops, it's been a while. Okay I particularly enjoyed this chapter, I don't know why, but I really did.
"Thanks for doing this Naruto," I hug him tight and whisper into his ear, "Don't let them give Sasuke any shots. I'll try to be back before it gets dark."
"Sure," he grins at me, "Enjoy your moment of freedom."
I laugh and happily skip down the steps of the porch, following the soldiers. They lead me the same way we first came in. As I walk through the front gates of Konoha, I find that even though a huge weight is leaving my shoulders, there's still a piece of me back at the compound worrying about Sasuke's wellbeing. I try to push that feeling aside as I walk further into town. The only time I manage to banish the thought entirely is when I stand at my mother's doorstep. Excitement buzzes through me until she opens the door, unassuming, and I fling myself into her arms.
"Sweetheart, I missed you so much!" She pulls back briefly to examine me, "They must be working you to death, you look awful."
"Thanks, mom," she pulls me inside and sets me on the couch before busying herself with tea. I practically rip the tea from her hands, desperate for this moment of familiarity. We sit in silence for a moment and as she continues to stare at me expectantly, it starts to get awkward.
"So, how is it? Tell me everything."
I can't.
"Well, the facility is a little cramped - very cramped. They have me working with overflow patients," I'm surprised how easily the lie rolls off my tongue, "It's, I mean, it's nothing I can't handle."
Okay maybe not; that was really vague.
"Are the other medics nice? Have you made friends?"
"Yes, actually," I beam, "There's a really nice guy, though he did just go on leave recently. But he helped me get settled there, he was very nice to me."
"Oh," my mother peers approvingly over her cup, "Is he - ?"
"He is not, he is married and about to be a father. He's just a friend, mom," I grin as my mother scowls.
"All the good ones are getting taken while you're not paying attention!"
"That's because none of them are worth paying attention to," I laugh, "Don't you remember the guy who basically got free meals out of me for a week?"
"You're just not looking hard enough," she gives me a small smile and we laugh together. It feels so good to be in her presence in this familiar living room.
"I missed this," I smile, looking at her, "I really did."
"Me, too, sweetheart," she drapes an arm around me, pulling me close.
The conversation with my mom inspires me to check in at the hospital, but first I head to the market to gather some supplies. Sasuke didn't get the chance to give me a shopping list, so I grab a myriad of ingredients, but most importantly the tomatoes. It's almost overwhelming how much food is here, especially since our palettes have been so deprived recently. I almost start drooling when I reach the chocolate and can't help grabbing a few bars.
"Sakura-chan?"
I turn, a little startled, but I guess I should have expected to run into someone.
"Hinata!" I run at her and hug her tight, "It's so good to see you!"
"You, too. Naruto-kun said you've been away for a while."
"Yeah," I nod, looking her over. She got tan while they were away and she has a certain glow that only Naruto can put under her skin, "I'm actually heading back out tonight. I'm just visiting for a day."
"Well, as soon as you're back, Naruto-kun and I want to have you over for dinner," she smiles sweetly.
"I would love that," I grin.
"Forehead!" We both turn and see Ino running towards us, waving her arms. She barrels into me and I wrap my arms around her. I really did miss her. Hinata giggles, "I missed you so much! We have so much to talk about! Where have you been?"
"I know, I know. We will, but I'm just here for the day."
"Well let's all get lunch then," Ino, energetic as ever, states it like a intention, rather than a suggestion.
"I have plans with Neji-san," Hinata frowns, looking especially apologetic.
"And I don't really have the time. I have to stop by the hospital before I leave," I pout at Ino and she scowls at both of us.
"Fine, but we have to see each other soon, I mean you got married for goodness sake! How is that?"
Hinata flushes, trying to contain a brilliant smile.
"It's wonderful, I've never been happier," she says shyly.
"That's so sweet! Looks like I have something to look forward to," Ino draws the words out, placing her left hand just under her collarbone where Hinata and I both catch something glinting in the light.
"Shut the fuck up," I blurt out before I can catch myself.
"I didn't say anything," Ino looks at me knowingly. Hinata gasps, placing a hand over her mouth before bouncing up and down in excitement. She hugs Ino, both of them squeeling.
"Congratulations!" Hinata says in a rare moment of vocalizing her excitement. I stand stock still, shocked and unable to take my eyes off her ring even as Ino moves her hands frantically as she recounts how Sai proposed. What's happening to me? Are we really that old? Not everybody has to get married at twenty-four right? I snap myself out of it when Ino turns to me.
"Congratulations," my voice sounds disbelieving to me, but Ino says nothing of it. She just squeals and hugs me tightly.
"When you're back we all have to go out and celebrate!"
I left the groceries at my apartment so as not to raise suspicions by leaving it with my mother and make my way to the hospital, breathing a sigh of relief when I step through the doors. This is where I'm supposed to be. I head upstairs looking first for Kuro-san, but when I enter his room, a woman is lying in the bed instead.
"Sorry, wrong room," I scurry out as she scowls at me and head downstairs towards the front desk.
"I give you a day off and you decide to come into work."
I whip around and find Tsunade, clipboard in hand with a posse of nurses around her waiting for their turn.
"Couldn't help myself," I grin and she smiles. I know she's always appreciated my dedication, "I'm actually looking for Kuro-san, did he switch rooms?"
"He's no longer with us," she says slowly.
"Did his son take him home, then?" I keep my voice light and curious to combat the dread creeping into my gut. Tsunade turns to the nurses.
"Give us a moment, I'll be right with you."
They all disperse, though appear agitated about it.
"Sakura, he had another heart attack and we lost him. It was almost two weeks ago."
I want to say something but I lock up. I've dealt with death in a hospital many times. I've dealt with death in the field, too. I've dealt with death in life. There's no getting around it. But this hurts. It feels like that knife did. It feels like every wound I've ever had just opened again. It feels like when my dad died.
"There was nothing we could do, I'm sorry. I know you were close."
I let the guards rummage through the bags of groceries, looking for concealed weapons, but I keep my eyes to the ground, my arms over my chest, and my nails digging into my skin to distract me.
"Hey, you all right?" Naruto puts a hand on my arm.
"Sakura?"
I raise my eyes and look at them both.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I nod, because it's easier than acknowledging the truth.
"How was your day?" Naruto asks, sounding like he's stepping on eggshells and expecting me to blow up any second.
"It was great," I smile, moving to unpack the groceries, "I visited my mom, got good food for us, you're welcome by the way, oh, I saw Hinata. She's so happy," I throw a look at Naruto who still watches me warily, "I saw Ino, which by the way, did you know Sai proposed? I can't believe it, I'm so happy for her. Then I went to the hospital," the silence that follows me is thick and stagnant, heavy in the air, "How was your day?"
"It was good," Naruto again sounds unsure, "Are you sure you're okay?" Naruto's brows are quirked suspiciously and Sasuke's expression tells me he's not buying one bit of what I'm saying.
"Guys, I said I'm fine," I try to laugh but instead choke on the sound a bit, "Naruto why don't you stay for dinner, I got a ton of good stuff at the market today."
"That sounds great, but Hinata-chan and I actually have plans," he looks at the clock, "In fact I should probably leave, I promised I'd help her set everything up."
"Okay," I smile and hug him, but inside I'm begging him not to leave. I need to keep myself busy or I'm going to lose it.
"You're sure you're all right?" he asks when we pull away.
"Yes, I'm fine, go, you're wife is waiting for you," I shoo him out of the kitchen. He stands by the door for a moment, then waves at us and leaves.
I pull out pots and pans, maneuvering around Sasuke who watches me intently. As I pull out a piece of fish Sasuke grabs my wrist.
"Why don't you let me do this. Go and lie down, I'm sure you're tired from being out today."
"I'm fine, let me help you," I yank my hand free and grab a cutting board.
"Sakura, get out of the kitchen, go lie down."
"Don't tell me what to do, Sasuke, I'm fine," the venom settling into my words in an instant, as I grab a knife and a carrot. He pulls both from my hand and sets them on the counter behind me.
"You're not fine."
We stare each other down, both unwavering. I start to shake the longer I look at him, the longer he forces me to think about Kuro-san, and about my father. Then, everything bubbles to the surface and I sink to the floor. Sasuke crouches beside me as I cover my face with my hands.
"I'm going to take you upstairs," he wraps an arm around my back and loops one under my legs. Sasuke lifts me with some difficulty, reminding me of his wound.
"Put me down, Sasuke," I push against his chest gently, but he pays me no mind, "Sasuke, I'm saying this as your doctor, put me down. You shouldn't be doing any heavy lifting."
"Did you just call yourself fat?" He smirks.
"Haruno-san are you okay?" a guard asks as Sasuke starts to carry me upstairs.
"She's not feeling well," Sasuke answers for me, not stopping in his ascent. He takes me into his room, shutting the door behind us and lays me on his bed. "Stay here while I make dinner."
"Don't leave me alone," I plead, sitting up sharply as he starts to turn. He falters, looking at me questioningly, "I can't be alone right now."
Tears start to gather in my eyes and I know there's no stopping now that they've started. The pain is overwhelming now.
"Sakura, what happened?" he walks toward me, standing at the foot of the bed.
"One of my patients - ," I shake my head unable to utter the words through the thickening in my throat. There's silence for a moment.
"Were you close?"
I nod, not bothering to swipe the tears away. Sasuke comes to sit beside me. Without thinking, only needing, I lean into him. He stills for a moment but doesn't protest.
"He was - ," I can't get the words out, the sobs rack my body relentlessly. Sasuke's hands grip my arms and he pulls me gently down so that my head rests in his lap. As the tears start to blur my vision I close my eyes. I feel Sasuke's hands run up my back, then down, and back up again, applying the slightest pressure. I'm reminded of the night I cradled him like this and almost laugh at the similarity before remembering why I'm in this position.
At some point the tears slow and I can clear my throat.
"His name was Kuro-san and he reminded me of my father in a lot of ways," I whisper. My voice isn't shaking, but it's still thick with sorrow, "I looked forward to seeing him everyday. And I'm pretty sure he did, too. He was always smiling at me. He always had encouraging words for me."
Sasuke stills his hands and I sit up, suddenly feeling a little awkward.
"I just - I keep thinking, what if I had been there? What if I could have done something to save him?"
"What if you couldn't and you had to watch him die?" Sasuke counters softly. I stop and think about it for a second, resting my head on my knee, "Regardless, the point is you weren't there, but that's not your fault. You can't think about what you could have done if you weren't there. You think I haven't had those thoughts about my family? About everything I've ever done. You can't regret something you have no control over."
His words bring more tears to my eyes, not the sobbing, aching kind, but the soft, silent ones that speak for me in lieu of the words that don't exist to voice how his make me feel. It's bittersweet I suppose. Sasuke's thumb brushes my cheek.
"Don't cry for me."
"If I don't, who will?"
"Me."
"You don't have to be alone in that, Sasuke. You know I'm not crying out of pity or sympathy. I'm crying because you're my friend and I love you and it pains me to hear what you've gone through."
"Then, I won't talk about it," his expression becomes withdrawn.
"That's not what I'm saying. I want to hear about it, it's all Naruto and I have wondered about since you left."
"Why? If it just becomes a burden to you, then why would you want to hear about it?" his voice isn't raised but he's asking seriously. It dawns on me that nobody's ever asked him to share like Naruto and I have. Nobody has ever cared enough to take on his problems like we do.
"Because that's what friends and teammates do. We share each other's pain because it makes us stronger when we don't have to carry it by ourselves. It was hard only having Naruto and Kakashi to talk to about you. Sure, I had other friends but nobody wanted to hear about you. Nobody cared that we were missing you," I take his hand in mine, gripping it tightly, "I know I haven't done much to show it, but I am so happy that you're alive. And maybe that's selfish, but I don't know what we would have done if I was too late. When we thought it was your body those people had, well, for a moment Naruto and I contemplated quitting. We were going to throw away all the training, just stop being nins. We were ready to give up because," even knowing I'm repeating myself, I say it again, "Because everything we ever did was for you, to try and find you, and then it was about filling that gap you left in our lives. It took us a while but we finally started living for ourselves," I pause as this familiar lump builds in my throat. I keep my gaze with Sasuke, trying to gather strength from him, "And then my father was killed in battle. I thought about quitting again, but I know he raised me better, he would have been so disappointed if I had."
"When did he die?"
"Almost three years ago," I wipe another tear, "My mother hasn't been the same since," I take a breath, thinking of all the years they spent together. They loved each other and it destroyed her to lose him. "All my friends are getting married and I have nobody."
"Are we getting to the root of the problem?" Sasuke smirks. I smack his arm, glowering at him.
"Kuro-san was the man in my life and now he's gone," I close my eyes. There it is. The facts of my sad life.
"Sakura, you have a lot more going for you than just getting married."
"Speak for yourself, my mother's been hounding me for grandchildren ever since my father died. It's more about occupying her time than my happiness."
"My mother did the same to Itachi," the slightest impression of an amused smirk appears on his face, "She wanted him to get married and be head of the clan as soon as he was out of school."
We laugh softly, with detached eye contact, but enjoying each other's company nonetheless; at least I am.
"I told Naruto today, about Itachi," Sasuke looks down at his hands, "I'm glad I did."
"Me, too." I give him a reassuring smile, noting the cautious look in his eyes. He thinks I'm going to tell him 'I told you so.' Or maybe he thought we were both going to run, ridicule him, or lose respect for him; maybe even worse, feel sorry for him. I place a hand on his shoulder and, in one of the bravest moments, coming from the least expected place inside me, I kiss his cheek, "Come on," I hop off the bed, "I'm starved, let's cook dinner."
