Act 18: Catherine

I blink my eyes open, take note that I'm lying on my couch then close them again ready to go back to my slumber.

"How did you learn all those stuff about cooking?" Lindsey's voice penetrates my ears, I open my eyes to see if she's addressing to me but Sara's voice indicates me that they are in the kitchen.

"My parents taught me. Some of my best childhood memories are in our kitchen, my parents teaching the eight of us, letting us in on the family secret recipes."

"Eight? You have seven siblings? Seriously?!"

I hear Sara chuckling. "An older sister, three older brothers, a twin brother, a little brother and Hazy who you met the other day, she's the baby of the family."

"That's cool, I mean, there's no way to get bored when you have that many siblings. Sometimes I wish I had a brother or a sister."

I wince a bit at Linds' admission. I've often regretted that Eddie wasn't quite the family man. During our first married year, when everything was blissful I briefly envisioned having a big family with him, but he revealed himself to be a dreadful husband and a not very involved father so the dream of having another child shattered pretty early on.

I'm only comforted in the idea that Linds has a lot of cousins and they are all very close from one another, it's not the same but it compensates on a certain level.

"Do you get along well?"

I find myself eavesdropping on their conversation, not wanting to interrupt their moment, and maybe a little curious about Sara. We've talked a lot and I've learnt a lot about her ever since we've started seeing each other regularly, but there's still much more to discover.

"Oh yeah, we're all very close."

"Even now?"

"Yep."

"What about your parents? Do you get along with them?"

There's a pause, before Sara speaks I know that Lindsey has struck a delicate chord. "My father died when I was 12 and my mom… we get along but we're not as close as we should be."

"How come?" Lindsey pushes further.

Against all odds Sara answers. "Well, she left a month after my father's death."

"She abandoned you?"

"Not really…she had to go… she didn't want to but…" Sara trails off. "You know how your mom always knows what's best for you, even though on the moment you think she's wrong?"

"Yeah."

"Well it was the same with my mom, she didn't want to go but she had to because it was for the best. We have a good relationship now but it's a bit distant."

I can feel that there's more to Sara's explanation and that she's only giving a tame version of things. I've only had bits and pieces of Sara's history, she's guarded when it comes to her family but I never guessed that she was an orphan de facto.

"I think I get it," Linds states after a moment. "So you grew up with no parents around?"

"Yeah, from when I was 12 on."

"Was it hard?"

"It was at first but we managed, and it brought my siblings and me closer." I can guess the small grin on her face.

"I'm glad I still have mom. It was hard to lose dad but…" Linds hesitates to continue her sentence. "I think it'd have been harder to lose mom. She's always there and she takes care of everything. Dad he was only there during the week-ends, when he didn't forget," she elaborates. "I didn't want him to die… but I think I would have been harder to live with him."

I swallow with difficulty. Lindsey doesn't talk much about Eddie. I've tried to talk to her about it and told her that I was there if she ever feels the need to express herself on the subject. Eddie's death has scarred her deeply that I know, but I never really fathom how much because she always shut me out on the subject.

"You know, some days I don't think about him at all. Do you think I'm a bad person for that?" Lindsey's voice makes her sound fragile.

"No," Sara replies immediately. "I don't remember much of my father. Sometimes details come back to me with a great clarity, other days I couldn't tell you the colour of his eyes," Sara admits. "But my big brother Charlie says that as long as the people we lost stay in our heart and in our mind, then they're never really gone. It's okay if you don't think about him every day, it's life, as long as you don't forget him completely."

"I guess he's right."

"Here, fold it this way, let me show you."

Sara gives more instructions and guides Lindsey through whatever they're doing.

"Alright, I have a question," Lindsey speaks again.

"I'm all ears."

"Is it official with mom? You and her are together, right?"

I tense at the question, holding my breath. Sara and I have never discussed our relationship, not that I ever feel like there was any need to do it. I feel great with her, I want to be with her, we're building something solid and so far I'm sure she feels the same. However it's another thing to translate that into words.

"Yes, yes it is," Sara replies almost immediately, and although I can't see her I'm ready to bet that she's smiling, the tone of her voice tells me that much. A smile splits my face in two and my heart flutter at Sara's answer.

"Good, I'm glad," Lindsey chimes in.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to have a mean face."

"Why?"

"Because since you're officially with mom, you and I need to have a serious conversation," Lindsey answers matter-of-factly. "Okay, how about this?"

"Wow, you look like a mini version of your mother when she's mad… it's a bit scary to be honest."

"Yeah?"

"Well not so much now with you smiling and all," Sara chortles.

"Okay, no laughing I'm trying to be serious here," Lindsey chastises her.

"Sorry," Sara clears her throat. I really want to take a pick over the couch to watch them but I enjoy my position, and I'm a bit curious as to what Lindsey's serious chat is going to be.

"And now? Mean enough?"

"Yeah. Hit me with it."

"I like you and mom likes you too, a lot. Now, I know relationships are not always easy and there's probably a lot of grown up stuff that I don't understand; I do understand tears and hurt though. I want you to know that if you hurt her I will kick your ass."

"Language," Sara warns her immediately and I can't help but chuckling noiselessly.

"I will kick your butt. I don't care if you're taller and stronger than me, I've been raised to kick butts and even though I like you I'll kick yours in a heartbeat if you hurt mom. I'm serious."

I can't help smiling at Lindsey's protectiveness. There's a pause and a sigh. "I like your mom and you a lot. I can't predict the future, but I can promise you something. I promise that no matter what happened good or bad I'll always do right by your mom and you," Sara says with sincerity.

"Spit shake," Lindsey demands. "Come on, spit shake."

"Do we have to?" I can sense Sara's reticence.

"You didn't mean your promise?" Lindsey asks in confusion.

"I do mean what I said… it's just that spit shake isn't really hygienic, plus we're cooking."

"But we have to seal the deal."

"I know. Alright, with my siblings when we want to make a promise, we do it three times and if you want we can find a special promise handshake, how about that?"

I hear them debating about their handshake, and ten minutes later they finally agree on something. "Alright let's do that again."

"I promise that I'll always treat you guys right, I promise that I'll do everything never to let any of you down, and no matter what happens good or bad, I promise I'll always do right by you," Sara repeats making minor additions.

"I promise, I promise, I promise," she adds and I hear their hands interact.

"Good."

They return their talk to their cooking for a moment then Lindsey speaks again. "Now that you're officially with mom, can I ask you to help me with something?"

"Sure."

"Can you help me convince her to let me get a tattoo?"

Sara laughs boisterously. "Why are you laughing?" Lindsey asks clearly confused.

"Because your joke is hilarious," Sara replies immediately.

"It's not a joke, I'm serious."

"Oh, alright, sorry," Sara stops laughing and speaks seriously.

"So will you help me?"

"Sure, no problem."

I think I'll need to have a conversation with Sara about the boundaries with Lindsey.

"Really?"

"Yeah, in our next lives I'll try to convince your mom to let you have a tattoo," she retorts before chuckling.

…Or maybe I should just give her credit to know where she's going when it comes to Linds.

"Ah ah, really funny."

"Short stuff I love you, but I like my head where it is, right on my shoulders. If I so much as make a sentence with the word tattoo and your name in it your mom will cut my head off, and I'm sure that'd only be the beginning, so I'm sorry but it's not going to happen."

"You're not cool," Lindsey huffs, I can easily imagine her pouty expression.

Sara just chortles "I'm super cool."

I wait another ten minutes then decide to 'wake up' and join them in the kitchen, I kiss Lindsey's crown then go to Sara and slip my arms around Sara's waist and deliver a soft kiss on her lips.

"Hey there."

"Hey sleepy head," she beams in return.

Once they're done cooking, Sara offers to play a board game together and the rest of the day goes by with us sharing a family moment. It's funny how some of the simple things can make the biggest difference. I can't remember having this kind of moment with Eddie, just some time together laughing, sharing something all the three of us. Sara brings balance to Lindsey's and I duo, and I cherish that deeply.

Later when I'm getting ready to go to bed Sara joins me in the bathroom, I'm facing the mirror drying my mouth after cleaning my teeth and she snakes her arms around my waist and looks at me through the mirror, smiles then kisses my neck; I close my eyes at the sensation and grin when she looks at me again.

"I meant every word of the promise I made to Lindsey," she says.

I wince a bit, I feel guilty of eavesdropping on them. "You knew I was awake?"

"You snore when you sleep Cath," she chuckles.

I pout. "I don't snore." I try to turn around but she holds me tighter.

"Yes, you do, it's cute really," she adds before kissing the crook of my neck again and I stop struggle immediately. "How much did you hear?"

I bite my bottom lip. "I woke up when you told Linds that you had eight siblings," I admit. "I'm sorry, I admit that I was curious, but you were having a moment and I really didn't want to break it," I explain.

"Cath, it's alright, I don't have anything to hide," she reassures me kissing my cheek. "So, what's your stance on tattoos?"

"Don't even think about it, you were spot on about my reaction," I narrow my eyes at her.

Her soft laughter reverberates against my back. "Seriously though, I want you to know that no matter what happen between us I'll always do right by you," she speaks looking at me straight in the eyes.

I turn around in her arms and cup her face. "I'll always do right by you too," I promise solemnly.

My heart tightens then flutters with emotions as I'm losing myself in her eyes. I capture her lips into a deep kiss, sealing my promise.

When she pulls back there's a glint in her eyes that sends a shiver running down my spine. I can see all her defences going down for a moment, suddenly there's a vulnerability in her gaze that can touch my soul. "I like you, Cath," she whispers. My heart skips a beat at her words. "I really like you."

I never thought hearing those words would make me faint one day, yet like with everything Sara blew me away with the simplest gesture.

"I like you too," I reply in a breath. She gives me a shaky smile letting out a breath of relief. "I really like you too," I echo her words once more and capture her lips again.

I rest my forehead against hers when the kiss ends, simply enjoying the closeness.

I like her.

The other 'L' word is already on the tip of my tongue and I'm okay with that.

I'm okay, but I'm scared out of my wits.

Damn.


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