Please excuse any errors in this chapter but it is very late. I should probably have somebody proofread these before I post them :P Enjoy xo
"Tsunade-sama, I can't leave. Who are you going to replace me with?"
"I'll find somebody; somebody's who's going to listen to me and will do what I tell them to. Sakura you were begging me to find somebody else a couple months ago," her words are slow and calculated.
"But things have changed."
"But why should they have?" Tsunade continues through before I can say anything, "This doesn't have to be permanent but you need to take a break. You should get some fresh air, maybe even spend a week or so at the hospital. Being cooped up here obviously hasn't been healthy for you."
But I don't want to leave. Oh Kami, I really don't. Sweat gathers in my fisted palms and I feel a wave of anxiety sweep over me.
"Tsunade-sama, I felt like I was making some progress," I frown.
"Progress with what? With your friendship? That's not why you're here."
"Tsunade-sama, please trust me with this. If you let me stay, I promise I'll get him to tell you about everything."
"Not at the risk of everyone else here," she states firmly, "Go pack your things. I'm going to make sure Sasuke is sedated tonight."
"You can't give that to him, it's not healthy!"
"I'll do whatever I need to do to keep him from escaping and harming my village."
As she starts to turn away, I find my voice.
"You're wrong; this is his village, too. Sasuke shouldn't have to feel like a prisoner here, trial or no trial."
"He's had you and Naruto; I've been more than generous about that; with you, too. Get your things, I'm going to have the guards escort you home."
"Tsunade-sama - "
"Now!" she barks. Like a jilted puppy I bow my head and move slowly upstairs. Sasuke is standing in his doorway and though I don't meet his gaze before turning into my room, I hear him follow me.
"You're leaving?"
"Not by choice," I admit, pulling my suitcase out from under the bed, "Shit, I was in the middle of doing laundry."
I stand and move to go back downstairs, but Sasuke grabs my arm.
"You can't leave."
"Sasuke, I don't have a choice," I say, brushing off his hand. Shutting the door, I turn to face him, "She said it would only be temporary, but she's going to start sedating you again."
Stubborn as he is, his expression doesn't change. However, he can't hide the flicker of fear in his eyes. When he doesn't say anything, I start moving around the room to pick up any stray belongings of mine.
Tsunade escorts me out of the house while a few guards handle my bags. Sasuke is watching us from the living room, catching my gaze every now and then.
"Get some rest, Sakura. You don't have to come to the hospital if you don't feel up for it, but I think you would benefit from it," she puts a hand on my shoulder and smiles softly, "We'll be in touch."
I can only nod my head for fear that if I open my mouth I won't be able to control what comes out. As I follow the guards to the back road we took before, I notice a familiar weight settling on my chest the further I step away from the compound. When we enter through the front gates to the village I feel suddenly claustrophobic despite the cool evening air caressing me.
"Don't be shy," the Hokage smirks as I turn my back on her while I change.
"Are all the Saanins perverts?"
"I guess Jiraiya rubbed off on us," she deadpans then gestures to the bed, "Sit down, I'm going to administer the sedative."
"Don't," I say firmly, my voice level, "Sakura stopped giving it to me for a reason."
"That wasn't her choice to make. Sit down," she hisses, but I don't move, "I can have the guards restrain you. That's what they're here for."
I don't respond, but my gaze narrows. Tsunade moves forward and takes my arm with incredible strength. While I don't fight her, I also don't help her. She yanks my arm straight and injects the needle into a vein. For a moment, panic races through me as I think about what's coming. I want Sakura here.
In a moment of defeat, I collapse on my bed. It doesn't feel half as good to be home as I thought it would, especially since I know what Sasuke will have to deal with tonight. How am I supposed to just stay home and not think or worry about him? How am I supposed to sleep tonight? Restless, I run for the shower and turn the water to a scalding heat. It reminds me, oddly enough, not of our escapades in the bathroom, but the day I came home and had to wash Sasuke's blood off my body. Unlike my personal promise, I don't feel reborn, or at least not in the way I imagined. In fact, I feel closer to Sasuke than I've ever been before, despite the distance. All my efforts, futile as they have been, seem even more pointless now.
Where do I go from here? Even if Tsunade lets me go back, Sasuke and I will be under constant surveillance to make sure I'm doing my job. Dread settles in as I realize what direction my train of thought was going in. I can't have him. Was I actually starting to hope that something was going to come out of that situation? We had sex, once and it was - great, but I can't have more.
And what about what Tsunade was saying? What if they decide to execute him? How could I live with that? Oh Kami, what if Sasuke snaps tonight? What if he does something irreversible? If Tsunade sees his sharingan, it's over. It would be definitive proof that he's killed Itachi.
I shut off the water. I have to go back.
It feels like fire coursing through my body as soon as I close my eyes. At the edge of my dark vision I can see my hands covered in blood. It makes me furious. Hatred blinds me as I pick up my blade and thrust it forward. I do it again and again, repeating the action until I feel satisfied. And I'm never satisfied. The blood keeps spilling like an endless river. I hate it. I hate him. I hate my family. I hate my village. I hate my existence. I hate everything I've been forced to become. I hate hatred and I hate anger but they are the only things I know.
While I repeat this in my head and I tell him that I hate him, he says he forgives me. He wanted me to do it. He said it was always supposed to be me. Now he can die in peace because I've fulfilled the prophecy he created for me. But I don't know where to go from here so I just keep stabbing him. I'm too afraid to stop; if I do it becomes real. But maybe if I turn the blade on myself, I won't have to suffer through the pain any longer.
I slip through the gates of the Uchiha compound and the guards are upon me immediately. I hold my hands up in surrender. I didn't bring any weapons with me, but now I think it may have been a good idea.
"I'm here to see Tsunade-Sama."
"She gave us strict orders to turn you away," a woman approaches me but I don't recognize her; it's hard to see in the dark of the night. Perhaps she acquired additional security to keep me out.
"It's urgent," I say firmly.
"I doubt it's more urgent then this."
I whip around to see Tsunade standing behind me, angry, with her arms crossed.
"Did you give him the sedative yet?"
"Yes, I did. He's been out for a couple hours now."
"He's going to wake up any moment now, screaming."
"And I'll sedate him again, just like we would any other patient, Sakura. He doesn't get special treatment for being an Uchiha."
"Tsunade-sama, he's fine if you don't drug him. He's going to seriously injure someone if you keep giving it to him. It's a miracle he hasn't hurt somebody already," I plead.
"This is great testimony for his case," she nods sarcastically.
Suddenly, I hear him scream. Before she can stop me, I run in the other direction, away from Tsunade and towards Sasuke. I have to get to him before she does. Rounding a corner, I slip inside the house, barreling past the guards who are quick to form a group outside Sasuke's bedroom.
"Sasuke!" I rush to his side and kneel before him. He's sitting upright but his eyes are screwed shut. Placing my hands on his arms, I start spreading my chakra through him, trying to fight off the adrenaline rushing through his system. This is the quickest way to try and calm him down. I can't risk him losing control. His head drops, briefly brushing against mine. He winces in pain and cries out again. Tsunade bursts into the room and storms over to me. She yanks me away.
"So on top of not giving him the sedative this is how you decide to treat him?! Sakura you of all people know better than this. Every time you heal somebody you give them strength and you weaken yourself; it's a miracle he hasn't hurt you!" She pushes me away, glaring, "Or worse."
I refuse to look away from her, challenging her. Meanwhile, anxiety plagues me, until Sasuke raises his eyes; they're black and clear. I look past Tsunade. Despite his situation, Sasuke looks guilty, almost apologetic.
"You and I need to talk," Tsunade points aggressively at me then gestures to the guards, "Watch him."
Tsunade grips my arm tightly and escorts me downstairs.
"Tsunade, I'm sorry," I say gently, "I really am, but I can't in good conscience leave him to fend for himself here."
"Why do you think he's fending for himself?"
"I don't mean that he's physically incapable, he's not, but he needs to be treated with some level of humanity. Whether he wants to admit it or you want to believe it or not, he's fragile and damaged; we have to help him heal."
"Where is this coming from, Sakura?"
"Tsunade," I say suddenly breathless, "He's my friend and he's in pain. Please let me be here for him."
"I clearly can't trust you with him - "
"Give me a chance to earn back your trust."
"I can't afford a slip up, Sakura. What happens if he gets the better of you and escapes, decides to terrorize the village?"
"You have to believe me, Tsunade-sama, he would have done that already if he wanted to," I don't let it on but I'm exasperated trying to explain this to her, "This isn't born out of pity, I don't feel sorry for him, but I do feel compassion. You can't replace me Tsunade. I might be biased but I'm one of two people that actually care about his recovery; and Sasuke isn't one of them."
"He knows what he's done," she says darkly and it startles me how much emotion she conveys, "He doesn't believe he deserves to come out of this alive. Sakura, he probably did it to himself."
My lip trembles and my shoulders slump from the weight her words have put on me. Kami, he all but said what happened. Sasuke was alone at the stream. There was no sign of a struggle, no battlefield. He was completely alone. Sasuke told Naruto and I that he didn't have anything else to live for. It was clear that wasn't the first time he'd thought that.
Sasuke tried to kill himself.
