One more to hopefully tide somebody over. Happy Belated Holidays to everyone (whether you follow, review, favorite or none of the above this story) xo


The sun is too bright and my apartment is too cold and my shower is too empty and nothing feels right I think as I ready myself for the day. I drink coffee at my table like I used to do every morning and find myself wishing absurdly that I was in a different dining room with somebody sitting across from me, smirking at something I said in that way he does.

I have to admit it, I miss him. I was comfortable having him so nearby. My cheeks burn as I think about just how close he was. I drop my head into my hands frustrated and ashamed; of course I wanted it to happen again. Of course I was hoping for more. It just felt so fucking good.

His skin sliding against mine.

Passing moans between our lips.

The way he seemed to fit inside me so perfectly.

Oh Kami, the way he said my name.

Suddenly, I hear a knock at my door and jump out of my seat. I take a deep breath, shutting those thoughts away, and move to answer the door. Naruto is yawning, stretching his arms out when I greet him.

"Didn't get enough sleep last night?" I joke.

"Somebody decided to interrupt my peaceful night with my wife," he shoots back.

"That's so weird to hear you say those words," I say before I can catch myself. But at least it's Naruto, I can be honest with him. Mostly.

"I like the way it sounds. My wife," he repeats, grinning down at me.

"Well, at least somebody's happy around here," the words come out with more bite than I intend. It's not him and the look he gives me says he knows that. But I'm reminded of Ino's newfound happy ending, too. I've only ever wanted that with one person and while I don't think I want it anymore, I can't help feeling an ache for him. And I'm not so sure it's just physical.

"Sakura, you can tell me anything," in a rare moment, Naruto is somber, "You know that, right?"

"Yeah," I nod, "But there's nothing to tell."

Once the words are out of my mouth, I realize how defensive it sounds. I shake my head and grab a jacket.

"Sakura."

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah, but - "

"Let's go."

"Talk to me," Naruto pleads as I lock the door behind us.

"No!" I say sharply, "I mean there's nothing to talk about."

"Is it about what you told me last night? Because you don't know that's what actually happened."

"Naruto," I pause on the side of the road before we've even begun our journey. Something in the intonation of his words startles me. Naruto's eyes widen slightly as he sees the realization cross over me, "Sasuke told you, didn't he?" I start out slow and when Naruto doesn't speak my voice turns savage, "You know what happened," I accuse, pointing a finger at him, "You've known! You didn't tell me?! How long have you known?! When did he tell you?! Why would you keep that from me?!"

"Sakura," he looks at me tenderly, resigned and quiet, "It's not up to me. It was his choice."

"Sasuke," I gasp as my throat constricts and I feel my eyes begin to burn. I turn away from Naruto, away from any attention my outburst might have drawn, wiping furiously at my cheeks as the tears fall. My voice is desperate as I ask, "Did he do it? Did he try to kill himself?" When Naruto stays silent, I face him again, "Why would he do that?"

"He didn't want you to know," Naruto lowers his eyes and for a moment I feel an unsuppressed flare of anger at him. But as soon as it comes, it goes and I remind myself that Naruto is right; this wasn't his information to give. He was respecting his friend's privacy, but why Sasuke didn't want to tell me -

"Why? Did he think I was going to go straight to Tsunade? To turn information in to her?" The words sting as they come out of my mouth. Did he really think so little of me?

"He thought it would hurt you," Naruto says slowly, "He didn't want that. In his own warped way, he was protecting you from himself, again."

I hug my torso as a chill sweeps through me. I don't even know what to think. Tsunade had her theories and I had my suspicions but to have them confirmed - I sink to the ground, kneeling.

"Why would he do something like that?" my voice breaks as I replay our encounter by the lake. He was just biding time until he died, wasn't he?

"He should be the one to tell you," Naruto comes to kneel in front of me, "If it comes from me, it's just going to drive another wedge between the two of you. You'll resent him even more for having to hear it from somebody else."

"I," my breath stutters, "I don't resent him. I'm angry, but - "

He let me take him back here. Sasuke let me take him to a hospital to be treated. All these days he's been holed up in that old house, all those sleepless nights. The night we had together, that one moment of amnesty. Sasuke wanted to die. Does he still want to?

"Sakura, is there something you want to tell me?" Naruto's voice is so soft, his words uttered carefully.

"It doesn't matter," I shake my head and avoid his probing gaze.

"Did something happen between you two? Have you been fighting again?"

I bite my lip and shake my head as another tear slips down my face. My chest squeezes painfully as I'm forced to think of what might have happened again if I hadn't come across him in time. I've experienced his absence before, but at least there was almost always the hope that he was still out there, even if he was on the other side of the world.

I'd be stuck in my day to day routine, loving my job but hating my life. A life without Sasuke. I can almost taste the food he's cooked on my tongue and suddenly it becomes so precious that I struggle to hold on to that phantom sense. I'd never have known what it felt like to be with him. I was hoping for more. Oh, Kami, I was praying for more.

I wanted more of him. I do want more of him, in every sense of the word. I want to wake up with him and go to bed with him. I want to eat his cooking for the rest of my life. The thought of being in his arms, of comforting him, of him comforting me, of holding each other as we move together slow and sweet or grasp at each other when we're fucking fast and rough. I'm reminded of that night I held him as he cried and the night he did the same for me. All those late nights probing him with questions, getting glimpses here and there of the man he's become. I think of the first day he was allowed back outside and the look on his face as he rested on the deck so peacefully. I want to see him that carefree all the time. I want to ease his pain as he's begun to ease mine and not only that but be the cause of his joy, his laughter, his smiles, his smirks. I see myself so clearly settling into a new life with Sasuke beside me, welcoming each other home with warm kisses and passionate words. I want Sasuke.

"Naruto," my lip trembles, "I love him."

For a moment I see a flash of pity cross over his features before he catches himself. It takes some, if not all, of the wind out of my sails. I almost feel like a young, enamored girl again, but then it appears. This seems different. These thoughts stir warmth within me. I'm not a giddy, overwhelming bundle of nerves. Instead, I feel strength from the words I've just uttered. It feels good to admit it. And while the thought of reciprocation brings me joy unlike anything I've felt in any relationship, I'm almost content to just acknowledge the feeling myself. Then, I remember what started me on this realization and my small state of euphoria fizzles into nonexistence. I wipe away at the last of my tears.

"I think you two have a lot you need to talk about," Naruto tries to smile and fails, concern getting the better of him, "Something did happen between you guys, didn't it?"

"Yes," I finally confess, "But it's probably better left unsaid."

"Sakura, please, as your friend, tell me. I want to be here for you," He clasps my hand tightly in his and the contact seems to shock me back into reality. I stand rather abruptly and extend a hand to help him up. He takes it but continues to eye me with caution.

"You're probably better off not knowing," I say delicately and start walking, hoping the journey will put some distance between us and this conversation. He catches my arm and stops us for a moment.

"Do you still want to go today? We don't have to."

"I want to," I affirm. He nods then, and only proceeds to walk after I resume.

"Sakura, if you don't want to tell me, I get it, but I worry that you've been bottling things up lately. So if this has something, no especially, if it has something to do with Sasuke, I think you should tell me. Just get it off your chest."

I dare a glance at him as we walk side by side through the front gates of the village. I love him like a brother but he is too stubborn for his own good. I'm fairly sure he wouldn't appreciate the information and at the moment I'm happy to keep mine and Sasuke's stolen night just between us.

"Thank you, Naruto, but I think we should deal with things one at a time," I keep my gaze ahead as we slip around the back of the Uchiha Compound.

"What are you going to say to him?"

I shake my head, feeling a wave of anxiety rush over me at the thought of broaching the subject of Sasuke's self-inflicted wound.

"I don't know."