Chapter Eleven

The Sun, the Moon, and the Stars...

I regained consciousness... or so I thought. I really wasn't sure. I couldn't see.

Why couldn't I see? I hadn't damaged my optic nerves during the ravaging of my system for energy. I couldn't move either. But that could mane anything. I all but destroyed my muscle tissue, that much I remember. Oh Goddess, and my hair. I'm bald, completely bald, and all my runes are exposed. Funny that, I should feel cold, but I don't. Actually I feel quite warm. Actually I felt good, really good. Oh crap, am I dead? Am I just a disembodied spirit? Is that why I can't see, or move. Am I in some void without any reference points, and am just floating throughout eternity?

"Johnny." A voice says out of the nothing. A very familiar sounding voice.

"Johnny." Another voice says, this one also familiar. Ahh, the warmth seems to permeate my entire being. Are these the spirits of my family, here to guide me into the afterlife?

"Momma?" I tentatively ask the void.

"Bwahaha! Harken sister, he believes that you are his mother! Truly this explains much." The other voice remarks.

"Obviously sister, that remark was in response to your voice. Most likely due to your stern and matronly demeanor." The first voice replies.

Oh, Goddess. Now I recognize them. I'm not dead at all. Although being with both of them in the same room, I may soon wish I was.

"Celestia... Luna, why can't I see you?" I manage to ask, my throat dry and cracking.

"Ah, he does know who we are. Be at ease Johnny. Your eyes are heavily covered so you wouldn't be blinded by what is occurring." The voice of Luna says. "My sister has been bathing you in her radiance she she arrived. She's almost done restoring your body as best she is able. We should be able to remove your restraints and eye coverings within the hour. In the meantime, is there anything we can do? I'm sure you have questions."

"Water please." I beg. Moments later I feel something pushed against what I have to assume is my lips. I mimic the effort of opening them and feel the smooth surface of the small tube being pushed inside. I try to remember how to suck and swallow, and I must have been successful because I feel a cool wetness making its way inside me. It feels really good. I take my time and do it some more until I am almost nauseous, then I stop and try to speak again.

"What happened." I ask simply. "Did everyone make it out? Where's Moonlight?"

"Moonlight is currently busy on a special task I am having her perform," the voice of Luna hurriedly informs me.

"As for the rest, I will tell you everything that she had put in my report. Starting with the fact that you, all by yourself, somehow managed to keep almost six floors of debris suspended above you and over fifty survivors, for nearly nine minutes."

"Nine minutes?" I croak out. "It seemed like hours. Only nine minutes..." I say my voice drifting off.

"Only nine minutes!" Luna explodes. "You shouldn't have been able to last even one! Sister, what have you been feeding this pony? If I didn't know better I'd say you ripped the wings off an alicorn when my back was turned."

"No sister," Celestia replies, a hint of steel in her voice. "He's all pony, with a side of mule thrown in. As for his diet, it must be all 'stupid pills' for him to try a damn fool stunt like that. By the sky stallion Johnny. Those runes were never meant to be used like this. You wrecked your body almost past the point of repair. If it wasn't for Moonlight's quick thinking in summoning us, you'd be very, very, dead right now."

"But did we save them all?" I ask once more.

"Yes Johnny," Luna replies. "Moonlight got them all out before she came back for you. But, there's something you should know."

I tense up, I could tell I wasn't going to like whatever she was about to say.

"That last trip, before she came back for you," Luna begins gently. There was a changeling, a receptionist, who was, at the time, wearing your form."

"Betty," I whisper.

"Moonlight got her out, along with Cherry and the last of the survivors. But when they arrived on the surface, somepony shot her. It was a head shot, and with a high caliber M.I.S.P.P.L. Betty's head literally exploded. She's gone Johnny," Luna says in a grim tone.

I remember now. When Moonlight came back for me she was dripping in ichor...

"Did you find the killer?" I ask.

"No Johnny. Moonlight could tell the direction that the shot was fired from, but she had a choice to make. Try to capture the shooter, or save you. Speaking for both her and myself, and my sister as well, she made the right choice." Luna says in a tone that brooks no argument.

"The shooter thought Betty was me," I say. "I'm guessing Moonlight didn't teleport me outside then."

"No, she took you both directly to your office. Then Ori contacted Celestia, while Moonlight summoned me. I sent her back to secure the crime scene and then I tried to stabilize you until my sister arrived." Luna explained.

"This means that the killer probably thinks I am dead. After seeing what he thought was my head explode, I'm sure he got out of there as fast as he could. He wouldn't have stayed around the length of time it took for Betty to revert to her normal form. Wait! By Zacherle just wait!" I shout, as what happened finally sinks in. Was that whole thing... did they destroy that entire building... just to try and kill me?" I ask horrified.

"No Johnny," Celestia says gently. "After reading your reports, I think the main objective was for whoever it was, to keep Cherry from giving you any information about Babs. The killer, seeing both of you at the same time, most likely decided that killing you would be like cutting the head off of the snake. You were most likely a target of opportunity."

"Meaning if poor Betty hadn't been looking like me, then Cherry would have been the target." I say bitterly.

"Most likely." Luna says.

I tired to hold it together in front of the boss, but inside I was rapidly filling up with a combination of sorrow and rage. Betty had said it herself, she was fresh from the hive. She was young and eager, her whole life ahead of her. Hell's I didn't even know what she really looked like. Now I never would.

Luna had been speaking while I had been wrestling with these thoughts. Not even knowing what was being said, I interrupt her anyway.

"How many dead." I ask in a flat tone.

"Eleven ponies, three diamond dogs, four griffins, two zebras, a dromedary, and twenty-six changelings." Celestia says, reading off the tally.

"Forty-seven PEOPLE," Luna clarifies, with an icy undertone.

"And Betty," I add bitterly.

"And Betty," Celestia agrees. "I know what that tone of voice is implying Johnny. This was NOT your fault."

"How can it NOT be?" I ask in exasperation. "She looked exactly like me, that was why she died!"

"Did you force her to look like that? Did you tell her to specifically mimic YOUR appearance?" Celestia asks sternly.

I hesitate, "well no, but-"

"No buts," she says, cutting me off. "And her death isn't due to her choice of figures, it was due to the son of bitch that bombed a building and shot an innocent person in the head! If you want someone to focus your anger and frustration on, focus it on them!" Celestia finishes in a near rage.

"Calm yourself sister," Luna admonishes, "or else you'll have to add sunburn to the list of Johnny's injuries."

"Oh sister, believe me, this IS calm." My boss says, sounding anything but. "If this wasn't your sovereign demises, I would raze every den of inequity with solar fire until they gave up those responsible, then I would banish them to the sun. THAT is how I cleanse the impurities from the guilty." She says vehemently.

"Sister, your righteous indignation does you justice, but please allow me to handle this in my own way. It will do me no favors to have my big sister having to come in and take care of my city's problems." Luna admonishes gently.

"I know Lulu," Celestia replies in a calmer tone, "and I would never overstep my bounds in front of the rest of the gentry, that would weaken both our positions. "I just... well... Johnny..."

I try to head of where this is going. "Isn't it about time to get these coverings off of my eyes?" I ask.

"Y-yes. Of course. You should be healed enough that I can dim down the radiance to tolerable levels. By all means, let's get those off." The boss says, regaining her composure.

The bandages and restraints are quickly removed, as Celestia dials back on her healing solar rays. I'd never admit it, but I think I will really miss it. It was like floating all warm and safe in a place free of pain and filled with love. Must be what the womb was like, I'd imagine.

I wince slightly as the last of the bandages are removed from my eyes. Then blink several times as the fuzzy blobs of two alicorns slowly come into focus.

I must have still been feeling the intoxicating effects of Celestia's healing magic, because before I can think better of it I say, "wow, I keep forgetting just how beautiful you two are..."

Celestia's magic winks off as both mares turn their heads and blush involuntarily.

"Sister, whatever you are doing, keep it up," Luna says mischievously. "I believe among other things you have healed his tongue and turned it silver."

"Oh no sister," Celestia replies. "That's Johnny's default setting. It's one of the reasons I keep him stationed as far from Canterlot as possible. Otherwise I'd be up to my horn in little Johnnys and Jeneane's from all of the noblemares that used to follow him around."

I offer a small grin in reply, as I try to sit up enough to asses the damage. Luna and Celestia are both quickly by my sides, one holding up my head while the other props up a pillow behind it. Wow, talk about the 'royal' treatment. A pony could get used to this.

Well, that was the thought I started to think until I looked down and saw the price I had paid for my luxury. All I can say is, at least I looked better than I must have when they dragged me in. My skin was no longer hanging in folds. Celestia's magic replenishing the lost tissue and muscle. My coat was still struggling to regrow, my runes still somewhat visible. My mane and tail were still gone. I could use an illusion to cover this up, as well as my runes if I needed to, but dang it, I miss my hair. I mean I've seen ponies that shaved their heads before, but it just looks so unnatural on me... Still, at this point the last thing I should be worrying about is my hair. I'm lucky to be alive. I need to be more thankful. Speaking of which...

"Luna, I can't thank you enough for keeping me together and getting the boss here so quickly. You saved my life, and I will always be grateful." I say sincerely, causing Luna to blush once more.

"I-indeed, sister," Luna stammers. "You spoke truth when you said that this one was a charmer. Now if you'll both excuse me, I have several matters that need attending to back at the palace. This is, of course, just my excuse to let the two of you have some time to catch up by yourselves, without having to censure yourselves in my presence." She says, giving us both a broad wink before teleporting away.

As soon as she's gone I begin to raise my hooves, but before I can say anything Celestia cuts me off.

"Wait for it..." She says.

We sit quietly for a few moments before Luna suddenly reappears, looking expectantly in my direction. Seeing me just sitting there quietly, I notice a look of disappointment cross her face before being quickly concealed.

"Ah, I seem to have misplaced my agenda," She says quickly. "I thought I might've left it here. Oh well, obviously not. Sorry for the interruption." She says before teleporting out again.

I begin to raise my hooves once more, but I stop myself seeing Celestia hold one up of her own.

"Wait for it..." she says once more.

Sure enough, a few moments later, Luna once again appears, still looking expectantly at me.

"Lose something else sister?" Celestia asks sardonically.

"Oh, I um, seemed to have misplaced my... tiara?" Luna finishes lamely.

"It's on your head sister." Celestia says in an even tone. "Lucky for you I found it, so that you can take care of all those 'royal duties' you need to be attending to."

"Ah, yes... Thank you sister. Dear me, how my mind is wandering today. Well then, I'll just be going..." Luna says, vanishing once more.

I look over at my boss, and raise one half grown eyebrow questioningly. This time she nods and smiles.

I smile in return, as I raise both hooves invitingly to my boss, my mentor, and so much more. The solar princess wastes no time in coming to my side and pulling me close.

"Johnny, you stupid, stupid, pony." She admonishes, right in my ear. "Why do you keep doing things that make me worry about you?" She says, nuzzling my cheek.

"Well, your skin is so smooth," I say, caressing her muzzle. "I just thought a few worry wrinkles would make you look more matronly."

"This from the pony who was nothing BUT wrinkles when I arrived?" She snarks back, nibbling my ear, as she runs on of her hooves over my bald head.

This sends a tingle all the way down my spine. Hmm, maybe being bald ISN'T so bad.

"I'm guessing THIS is what Luna was hoping to pop back and witness?" I ask, as I begin to nuzzle her in return.

"No," Celestia replies with a grin. "But THIS is," she says, as she acquires my full and undivided attention for the rest of the evening...

The next morning I awoke to find myself alone, in my own bed. I wasn't surprised by this. The thing that me and the boss have between us is both more and less than what other ponies share. She's not my special somepony, and I am not hers. Although I may be the closest thing to it she will allow herself. First and foremost, she is my boss. Below that she allows herself as much as her heart can bear. She knows that like the others, someday she may have to kill me with my death rune. I know this as well. So we try to maintain a certain distance from each others hearts. At the same time though, we both are mature adult ponies who share a similar emptiness inside. And, as often as we are able, we do our best to fill that void in each other. It's all we can do. Sometimes it's enough.

But neither of us like goodbyes, so her not being here isn't a surprise. What is however, is the scroll on my bedside, tightly rolled up and bound in ribbon, with a much smaller note attached to the outside. I open the smaller one and begin to read.

To my most flexible and able subject,

By the time you read this I will be back in Canterlot, safely out of your reach... for now. You should be able to go about your duties once more, although I will waste my breath and ink by suggesting you don't overdo it for a few days. (Yes, Johnny, I'm laughing along with you at that). Just to save you some time, we have confirmed that the explosives used in the bombing of the brothel were the same type that were used in the restaurant, and my cake room, (thanks once more for that by the way).

Please keep me informed as to the continued progress of your investigation.

On a completely unrelated note, (and I use that last word literally), I reluctantly have enclosed the following message. Rest assured, I have not read it beforehoof, as can be attested by the still intact seal and marker spell upon it. I do however, feel I should explain why you have it.

When Ori got in touch with me, I was in the middle of a meeting with somepony. Naturally, I told them that I had to leave, that it was an emergency. When I returned, she was still there waiting for me.

She naturally asked where I had gone and why, and being that I have never lied to her, I told her a much abbreviated version of the truth. That being that you were near death, and that I rushed off to save you. I did not however tell her where you were, or what you were doing. This was for your sake, as much as hers. The last thing you need right now is more complications in your life. However, if, after you have finished your current assignment, you wish to go speak to her, I will allow you to do so.

But Johnny I caution you, not as your boss, but as your friend and mentor. Before you speak to her again, you need to understand what you really feel about her. You need to look inside yourself, past your guilt, past your honor, and duty, and see yourself honestly. Otherwise, all that you will accomplish is to add to the pain that both of you feel.

All that being said, once she found out who I went to see, she all but begged me to send you the enclosed message. I don't know the contents, but I can only hope that they will not add to the burdens your heart already has to bear. If you need to speak to me after you have read it, please don't hesitate to do so. Remember Johnny, you are very dear to me.

Your immortal boss,

C

Halfway through the letter, I had already deduced who the other message was from. My hooves were shaking as I put down Celestia's explanation. I picked up the other scroll, turning it in my hooves, examining the ribbon, the royal seal from the princess of friendship. Yes, it was real.

This was a letter from Twilight.

All these years and never once had she tried to reach out to me. She knew I was still alive I'm sure. She was Celestia's protege, surely she knew I was still working for her somewhere. I expected something before now, some message telling me how she could never forgive me for what I had done. That's what her eyes said that day. That I was a monster, that she couldn't bear the sight of me. In the months after the accident I still had some hope, some foolish shred of hope that she could somehow find it in her heart to forgive me. But I never heard another word from her... until now.

I looked at the letter in my hooves. I wasn't ready for this now. Tartarus, I may never be ready for this, and yet I watched my hooves untie the ribbon, and break the seal, almost of their own accord. And there by the candlelight in my dingy apartment, in the darkest city in all of Equestria, I read the words that changed my life.

"Dear Duskwind,

When Celestia returned and told me where she had gone and why, I could hardly believe it.

I knew in my head that you were still alive out there somewhere, working for her, but to have word about you in such a fashion... that you almost died... well, it was not how I wanted to find you again.

Celestia won't tell me the details of your situation, or your current whereabouts. All she would say is that if it wasn't for you, over fifty people would have died. Since she said 'people' instead of 'ponies', I can only assume you must be in some far off land. But that does nothing to lessen what you have done. Over fifty people. I'm so proud of you Duskwind."

S-she's proud of me? Shocking enough to see my real name after all of this time, but Twilight is PROUD of me? My hooves are shaking so badly I can barely read, but I force myself to continue.

"It's been so many years since I last saw you. Since the day of that terrible, terrible accident. I will never forget the look in your eyes as they carried you past me. You looked so broken, so empty. I couldn't see anything of the pony I knew in your eyes. All I saw was an empty void. And seeing that on the pony I loved, frightened me to the core.

I knew that what had happened must have been incredibly traumatic. They wouldn't let any of us see you. Then, afterwords, I wasn't sure if you wanted to ever see me again. That look in your eyes. I still shiver at the memory. For months after that I waited. I kept hoping that you would snap out of it. But I never heard from you again.

I tried to keep up with your career as best I could. I knew that you were training under Celestia to be a part of a special unit. But details were few and sketchy. Even my brother Shining couldn't find out anything, and he was as close to the grapevine as anypony. Eventually my duties to the princess sent me to Ponyville, and I'm sure you had to have heard about all the craziness going on in THAT little town. But you never came to visit, and you never wrote to me.

I know you have moved on since those days so long ago. But this may be my only chance to tell you, so I have to take it while I can.

I never stopped loving you Duskwind. What we had together was the most beautiful thing two ponies could share. No pony has ever gotten as close to my heart as you did. I used to think that time and distance might lessen the feelings I had for you, but they never did. I've done some amazing things since you saw me last, and I've made some good, good friends. But there has always been a piece of me that was missing. And that missing piece was you. And seeing as this my be my only chance to do so, I just had to tell you so.

I can't pretend to understand what all you must have gone through. And I know I don't have any right to ask, but if you would please send me a response to this. Just to let me know that you read it, That's all I will ask."

Always yours,

Twilight Sparkle

I carefully place the letter on my nightstand, and lie back in my bed. I stare at the ceiling, as tears begin leaking out of my eyes. Moments later I am bawling like the fool that I am. Great wracking sobs, I wail into the eternal night of Luna's city.

All this time. All this time she still loved me. All this time she had remained true to me, and what have I done since then?

I wail once more into the night, and the darkness swallows my cries as it does the thousands of other lost and broken souls in this city.

I have fallen so far since then. Booze, and one night stands, and so many dead. After that day I dug out my heart, and threw myself into whatever job Celestia would send my way. The darker the better. All so I could try to blot out the sight of her horrified eyes as she looked at me that last time. And all this time I had been wrong.

She had been there all along. Waiting for me, just like I had been waiting for her. But I was so caught up in my own loathing and self misery I was too blind to see it.

I looked down at my body. All the runes seared into my flesh still visible, as well as the scars from countless battles. I had taken the pony she loved so much, and turned him into THIS.

I reach for the bottle of cider I always keep beside my bed and bring it up to my muzzle. The sour tang of stale cider hits my nostrils before I take a sip, just like it always does, only this time it's assaulting the nose of Duskwind, and not Johnny 'bloody' Appleseed. I fling it across the room in disgust, another sob escaping me only to be drown out by the sound of shattering glass.

I wipe at the tears in my eyes, and deep inside I feel something change. No, not the tears in MY eyes, in Johnny's eyes.

I realize now what Celestia meant in her letter. 'Look inside yourself, past your honor, and duty'. What she should have said is past my 'horror and self loathing'. All the things I've done were so I could run away. Run away from a pain I couldn't deal with. But with one letter the core of that pain is gone. This one letter is like a slender ray of hope. A thin and brittle chance to reclaim who I was, and what I lost. And by all the powers that be, nothing was going to stop me from taking that chance.

I reach for the nightstand once more. This time removing parchment, quill and ink. My hoof is steady and firm as I write:

My Dearest Twilight,

Your words mean more to me than I can say. There are a great many things I need to tell you, but for reasons I cannot explain here, I will need to do so in person.

However, there are several things I want you to know that cannot wait one day longer.

I haven't moved on Twilight. It would be a lie to say that I haven't been intimate with other ponies over the years, but I have never been in love with anyone else. My absence from your life has been due to a misunderstanding of cosmic proportions, which I want to discuss with you in detail, as soon as I am able. But know this. Duskwind still loves you with all of his heart, and he will be coming to see you as soon as he is able.

As to that. I am currently on assignment for Celestia. (Don't bother asking her, she's not going to explain). However, she has given me permission to come and see you as soon as my current task is complete. Know that that day cannot come soon enough, and you will be in my every thought until then.

You've waited for me this long my dearest, please just wait for me a little longer.

Still yours,

Duskwind

I use the wax from the candle on my nightstand to make a crude seal, and then add a sealing spell that Twilight will recognize. I take another piece of parchment and write a quick note to Celestia, asking her to pass my response to Twilight. In it I let her know that everything is fine, but that I plan to take her up on her offer to allow me to visit Twilight after this current crisis is all over.

I wrap these two messages together, fire up Celestia's candle, and send them off.

Moments later I drag myself from the bedroom, make my way to the bathroom, turn on the sink, and begin to wash the drying tears from my face. I stop and stare at the reflection in the mirror. Johnny Appleseed is staring back at me as usual. But behind his eyes, I can faintly see the shadow of a pony named Duskwind.

"You just stay back there Dusk," I say to myself.

This is 'Johnny's' town. And Johnny still has work to do. A missing mare, both a restaurant and brothel full of innocents to avenge... and Betty.

You just stay put a little longer Dusk. Johnny needs to do what he does best. But after that, you got a date with an alicorn princess. And heaven help anyone that tries to get in your way between now and then...