I apologize for the delay, but sometimes work comes first. For those of you following 'Reflective,' I am working on the next chapter for that as well. It is now turning into an anthology. As we come closer to the end of this story I just have to say I'm so, so grateful to everyone that reads this story. You guys are the best. Read, Review, Enjoy Xo
The first thing I hear is the shower as I open my eyes, blinking to adjust to the light. I turn over and find the bathroom door swung out in invitation. Slipping out of bed, I pad over to where Sasuke stands naked under the water. His eyes are closed as the shower runs down his face. It brings me back to that spring day when I found him in the lake. He seemed so far away then.
Sasuke opens his eyes and turns his head in my direction. He might not smile all the time, but I've come to recognize the subtle shifts in his black orbs. Something clouds their clarity and I'm fairly sure it has to do with the impending due date of his verdict. He shuts the shower off as I approach him. Sasuke leans down to meet my lips and I can feel droplets of water falling onto me, but I don't mind.
"I'd like to spend all day in bed with you," his breath ghosts over my lips. The thought sends a quiver through my thighs. I clutch his damp arms and he seems to take that as encouragement to back me against the bathroom wall, hiking up my shirt.
"Sasuke-kun, I have to speak to Tsunade," his hands slow at my words, but his fingers don't stop gliding long my skin.
"Why?" he frowns. I concur; spending time in bed with him sounds a lot better than the day I had planned.
"I'm hoping to speak with the council today." At that, he gives pause. His brows furrow and he looks unsure of my intent, "I think we have a chance at getting your freedom if I tell them about Orochimaru trying to control you."
"Sakura, that was after I defected," he says it softly, making me think he doesn't want to hurt my feelings by pointing out the flaws in my plan, "I had already been collecting bodies for him."
"They don't know that," I assure him.
"You're going to lie?" I'm not sure why but his tone irks me. He sounds disappointed.
"I'm going to do whatever I can to keep you safe," I counter, a little upset.
"Sakura, if they find out you're lying - "
"How are they going to find out, Sasuke?" I stiffen in his arms, glaring at him.
"You're aiding a criminal," he spits out, turning away from me to wrap a towel around his waist. I seethe behind him, angered by his apparent lack of concern for his own fate, "If they found out, you'd be exiled, or worse."
"Sasuke, part of his consciousness was in you from the application of the curse mark," I reason, but he still doesn't face me.
"Sakura, it was nothing compared to him actually living inside of me. I was weak back then, thinking the seal was the worst he could do to me."
"You were not weak, you survived," I take his arm, yanking Sasuke around until I can see him, "Very few people can say that. I'm trying to help you survive now. If I have to do it by bending the truth before the Kages then so be it."
He doesn't look entirely convinced. I can see the concern in his eyes and, I think, a little fear but if it's for my safety or his, I'm not sure.
"I don't want you to suffer in the process of trying to save me," he takes my chin in his hand and I see his lips quiver. I think he might kiss me, but he refrains, "I've done enough to you."
"You might be ready to say goodbye," I yank myself away from him, misery and anger waging war inside me, "But I'm not."
I lock myself in the other bathroom and turn on the shower to a scalding heat. As I peel off my clothes, I feel the burn of despair sliding down my cheeks.
"You've had that look on your face since you got down here, what's wrong?" Kakashi asks as he leans against the wall in the kitchen. I swallow past the lump in my throat, it's probably my pride.
"I want to apologize to you," I say finally and Kakashi has the grace to look surprised. I find myself not caring that the guards might hear this exchange, Kakashi deserves these words. "I'm sorry I wasn't a better student."
"Sasuke," he shakes his head slowly, "There were certain things that I couldn't convince myself you had to learn on your own. And I blamed myself for a while because of that. I thought that maybe if I had been more difficult or less difficult on you, you might have stayed. We all blamed ourselves for a period of time, wondering what else we could have done to keep you here."
"There wasn't anything you could have done," I say with resignation, "Nothing else mattered to me then."
"If you're worried about the type of student you were, you shouldn't be."
"Then I'm sorry for not being a better teammate."
"Worry about who you can be, not who you were," Kakashi sighs, "This sounds like goodbye."
"It might be."
"Then, if you're looking for forgiveness, you've already got it, from all of us. Although, I doubt Sakura will excuse you for giving up so fast."
"I'm not giving up, I'm just preparing for the worst."
"Does Sakura know that?"
"I think so."
"She won't stand for it."
"I know," I take a breath, "So if they decide to execute me, I don't want her to be there when it happens."
"You can't stop her, Sasuke. She has a right to be there if she wants," Kakashi says with some aggression.
"I'm tired of hurting her. Seeing me die is only going to damage her more," I replay those three words she told me. She said them multiple times as if they were gnawing at her to be released. She said them so sweetly and honestly that it made my heart ache to hear them, "Maybe even beyond repair."
"You underestimate her," he says.
"No. Sakura loves me so she'll blame herself for not being able to do more. It's not her fault and I don't want her to suffer for what I've done. When it comes down to it, I know she won't be reasoned with, she'll insist she stay by my side even as they kill me. So I can't give her a choice."
"Are you asking for my help?" realization dawns on Kakashi.
"Will you? I don't want Naruto there either. I want him to be here, with Sakura. They'll need each other," my stomach coils as I think of the two of them coming to terms with my death. I never thought it would mean so much before, but after all these months. . .
"Just when I was getting used to having you around again. I'm not ready to let you go just yet," Kakashi lowers his mask and I can see despair etched clear across his face. I think it's perhaps the most emotion I've ever seen from him. I squeeze my hands into fists and duck my head.
"Neither am I."
A solemn silence follows their soft muttering as I move downstairs, finding Kakashi and Sasuke seated at the kitchen table. Plates of food are placed between the two so I sit down and join them. Nobody speaks, not even Kakashi, and I find it uncomfortable. Sasuke reaches for my hand under the table and squeezes it gently. An apology? I squeeze back and we don't let go.
Shortly after breakfast, Tsunade arrives. She takes me to the side, away from Sasuke and Kakashi.
"I assumed you'd want to speak to the Daimyos again."
"Yes, I have more information."
"Do you want to run it by me first this time?" there's a hint of humor in her lilting tone.
"Orochimaru was inhabiting Sasuke's body," I tell her eagerly, waiting for her reaction of surprise. As usual, she seems almost perfectly contained.
"For how long?"
"Years."
"And when did it start?"
"In the forest, when he first got the seal." Tsunade narrows her gaze at me, stepping closer.
"Are you sure about this?" I hesitate before nodding. "Sakura, if you're lying - "
"Tsunade-sama," I cut her off before I can think better of it, "I'm not lying. I want to speak to them right away."
"Maybe you should take a day to form a plan this time," Tsunade bites and then I know she suspects something of me, "There's something else I came here for, too."
"What is it?" I ask, almost too eager to steer the conversation away.
"The Daimyos are growing tired of being away so long," she pauses and the silence that stretches is a heavy burden, "We'll be making a decision in three days."
"Tsunade-sama," I find my voice wavering, "You told me we had twelve days."
"I know," she says solemnly.
"You told me!" I seethe, calling the attentions of the guards. I'm sure Sasuke and Kakashi heard my outburst, too. She takes me by the arm and leads me outside.
"Keep your voice down," she snaps, "I have occupied the Daimyos time for long enough. They have every right to return to their respective villages to deal with their own problems."
I clasp a hand over my mouth and turn away from her. I can feel the tears burning to be let free, but I can't allow it in front of her. A chilling agony cuts through me and I have to lock it away. I can't grieve, I have to figure out a plan.
"I, um, I need," I can barely get the words out of my mouth. A breath shudders through me, "I have to speak with the council - "
"Sakura, why are you lying for him?"
"I'm not lying," I retort quickly, glancing over my shoulder.
"Sakura, spare me," she grumbles and moves around to face me, "What are you hiding?" I run my hands over my face and shake my head, "Damn it, Sakura. Do you realize how bad this looks?"
"Orochimaru did control Sasuke but it started after Sasuke killed him," I admit, flustered by her indelible stance, "That's when he was able to impart his consciousness into Sasuke completely. Tsunade-sama, it's the only thing I have to try and convince the council he should be free."
"I'll ask you again, Sakura," she looms over me with a pronounced frown, "Why are you lying for him?"
"He's my friend," I say through clenched teeth.
"Why?"
"Somebody has to fight for him," I avert my eyes, struggling to control the fury she's incited in me.
"You're not the only one, you know? Naruto has been visiting us regularly."
"He - He didn't tell me that," I lift my gaze to her, feeling small; why wouldn't he tell me that? Did Sasuke know?
"Naruto has exhausted just about every effort, but the fact is, he's not Hokage, yet. He doesn't have as much say as he thinks he might."
"But you do," I keep my voice quiet.
"I won't take sides, Sakura, not for him."
"And not for me?" I sound selfish, I know, but I'm desperate.
"I won't compromise my position with the village by playing favorites, no matter how much he means to you," she says sharply, "But if you lie to them, I won't say anything and if they find you out, I'll be forced to take action. You'll need to choose, Sakura, whether you want to speak the truth and let the council decide or embellish the past and jeopardize your integrity. Give yourself some time, I don't think you should speak with them, yet. I'll check in on you tomorrow."
"Wait," I stop her before she steps off the porch, "Will you send Naruto to us? Tell him it's urgent."
"Yes," she nods, "I'll send for him now."
I watch Tsunade trek along the dirt path until she disappears, but I don't go inside immediately. Three days. No, no, I can't think about that. What am I going to tell the Kages? If I tell them the truth, it won't be enough to persuade them that he's capable of change. They need denial of culpability. I have to give it to them.
"Are you leaving soon?" he's careful not to come too close as the guards are littered throughout the living room.
"I'm not going today," I shake my head and walk past him. I rejoin Kakashi in the kitchen with Sasuke trailing behind me.
"Why? Is everything okay?"
"Yes, it's fine," I avoid his gaze, "Naruto should be coming over later."
"Do you think that's a good idea?" he says quietly.
"Why wouldn't it be?" I shrug and Kakashi gives us a confused look.
"You're not okay, Sakura, maybe you should rest. Naruto can come back some other time," Sasuke responds, taking on a tone of ferocity.
"Sasuke, I'm fine, really," I round on him, forcing my anger at the only plausible person in the room, "You should stop worrying about me and start worrying about yourself!"
For a moment he looks taken aback before a meditated stoicism settles in its place. I swallow thickly; this is all too familiar. His eyes bore into mine and I want to shut him out. Why is he looking at me like that? Like he knows me? He's been gone for so long, he doesn't know me. He doesn't know what I need or want. How dare he?
"Let's go out and train," Kakashi suggests, but Sasuke and I don't move. A gap grows between us the longer our gazes stay locked, "Or perhaps you should continue this upstairs."
"There's nothing to continue," I shake off his eyes and move for the backyard. I feel like punching something.
"All right, time out," Kakashi groans, rolling over the dead grass, "Sasuke, you want to tag in? I'm not as young as I used to be."
Sakura's ferocity rolls off of her in waves and as intimidating and arousing as it is to see her so unhinged, anger bubbles within me. I'm furious that she won't tell me what's wrong, that she's putting distance between us again. I thought we were past this.
"Fine," I stand from where I was watching on the porch but Sakura shakes her head.
"I'm not fighting with you."
"We already have been," I move towards her as Kakashi brings himself to the other side of the yard.
"You know what I mean, Sasuke," she frowns, making it clear that she's in no mood for jokes.
"Come on," I beckon her with open palms. She doesn't budge, but I see her fists shaking with the strain to contain herself. I know she wants to hit me. She has a million reasons to, but I wish she would tell me why. Frustrated, she turns away, letting out a low, primal growl before parrying her feet and running for me. In her fury, she leaves herself open so I capture her arm and fling her towards the fence. She catches herself, sliding back on her feet. Her eyes flash dangerously as she darts for me again. This time she's no more careful, but focuses her energy on the brute and speed of her attacks. It takes all my concentration to block her and try to look for an opening. Every time I try to kick out her feet she dodges and I sacrifice my footing. It happens long enough for her to knee my stomach and flip me over her shoulder, but I anticipate the toss, landing on my heels. Before she can turn around I take her arm, slinging her onto her back. I press my knee against her stomach and keep a hand lightly over her throat.
Sakura's rage churns in her eyes. Her nostrils flare as her chest heaves. All of a sudden she grips my forearm in both hands and I prepare to fight her as she tries to throw me off, but she doesn't do anything. Her fingers are cold on my skin from the nip in the air. Sakura tightens her hold. I move and kneel beside her, taking my hand off her throat. Her hands don't release me and her eyes won't leave mine. She gives me a somber look, pressing her lips into a thin line. A drop appears on her face, sliding down her cheek and for a moment I think she's crying until she looks up to the gray clouds in the sky as the rain starts to fall.
"I'm going to take cover," Kakashi mutters, annoyed, pulling me out of a strange reverie. I had almost forgotten he was still here. I watch him go inside then turn back to Sakura. Her eyes are closed as she holds fast to my arm and let's the rain fall over us. She looks much more peaceful now than she did before. I brush my knuckles against her damp cheek, saying not a word. She needs silence now. I've come to know that about her, these little things.
I don't concern myself with the dirty ground soiling her hair or the wet grass staining her clothes and mine; she'll move if she wants to. I find that I'm not not all too eager to leave this position. Brushing the clumps of wet hair out of her face, I trace the furrow of her brow. She strokes the back of my hand and moves my palm flat over her chest so that I feel the discordant cacophony of her heart. It tells me that deep down, beneath all that anger, she's nervous and scared.
I lean forward, hesitating but it strikes me that, for a moment, I don't care if Kakashi can see us and I'll carry the repercussions if the guards do. I press my lips against hers, wet and soft. She responds in kind, a slow, passionate kiss that warms me from the inside. This is why I enjoy kissing her, for this feeling. For a moment, remarkably, it feels as though we've discovered our own pocket of the world. I kiss her harder, painfully so as my teeth tug and her tongue pulls, determined to stay here. Only when we're breathless do we stop. I rest my forehead against hers and finally she opens her eyes.
"I need you," arousal coats her voice and all the fury from earlier burns away to reveal her desperation. I stand, pulling her up with me. Her hair is soaked and clumped together with mud, her clothing rumpled and discolored. Sakura's fingers lace through mine and she leads me through the house, up the stairs. I lock the door behind us and watch as Sakura pauses in the middle of the room, peeling the tarnished clothes off her damp skin. She pads quietly to me and fingers the hem of my shirt before pulling it over my head. She reaches a hand up to trace the line of my scar and I can feel the small amount of her chakra pulsing into it, "How does it feel?"
"It doesn't hurt anymore."
She gives me a bittersweet smile and lets her adept fingers trail down to my abdomen where she skirts the waistband of my pants. She shoves the cloth down and I take Sakura's waist, hoisting her up so that she can wrap her legs around me. I prop her back against the wall and press my hips into hers. I feel myself stiffen and I know I could so easily slip inside her; rut her against this wall like an animal.
"Don't be gentle," her voice is a soft plea, "I want to feel everything."
With a gritted growl I capture her lips. Sakura's fingers dig in my scalp to pull me closer. Her urgency is painful but I wouldn't stop for the world. I understand what she means. I want to feel the agony of being with her and the pleasure of it also. The beauty of her touch is marred only by the weight it places upon us. Our feelings for each other are a delicious burden, but one that I will faithfully carry.
