Act 39: Sara

"… are you sleeping properly?"

"I manage"

"That means not really, doesn't it?" the voice of my eldest brother is dripping with concern.

"Charlie, it's alright…" I sigh.

"No it isn't Scout. I'm worried about you. If you don't want to talk fine, but I need you to try and rest as much as possible, you know how you get otherwise."

"I know, and I swear I am taking care of myself, it's just… the nightmares are intense."

"Alright… I want you to call at any moment if you need it, okay?"

"Yeah, I will."

"I know, I know, I'm being a pain; but that's only because I love you."

"I love you too. I'll call back soon."

"Good," there are muffled sounds behind him. "Oy! Scout is on the phone and about to hang up," I hear Charlie address Sid and Hazy, they stop their bickering just long enough to shout 'hellos' and 'I love you' at my attention, I can only grin feeling a bit more upbeat.

"Tell them hi back and send them my love as well," I tell Charlie.

"Will do, you take care Scout, bye."

"Bye."

I hang up with a sigh. The only bad side of going back home is that I miss it terribly when I come back to Vegas. It's worse this time around; I need my siblings more than ever, my mood swings aren't improving at all and if anything I'm struggling with myself more and more.

Catherine noticed my mood swings and I tried to explain but I failed miserably. I want to tell her about things but the mere thought of it sends me into panic, I feel like I was trapped and suffocating; this could all easily lead to a fit of rage and really this is the last thing I want.

It would be a tad easier if I could sleep more, insomnia tends to make me edgy and that doesn't help at all when I'm in such an unbalanced state.

I do find solace in the fact that Cath is by my sides, even if I can't tell her everything at the moment her presence has a pacifying effect on me.

"Alright, so we still need to talk," Lindsey takes me out of my thoughts when she plops into the couch. I instantly give her my full attention.

She looks around to make sure Catherine is out of earshot. "The cake, I want it to be special, you know the kind with a shape," she speaks in hush tone. "I have some ideas but I don't know how to do it, look it could be like this," she shows me a drawing.

"It looks kind of intricate. I have faith in us though, we're…" I stop in mid sentence when I here footsteps on the stairs.

Lindsey swiftly hides her paper in her pocket and we pretend to be watching the TV.

"Hey, you two, what are you doing?" Catherine asks walking into the living room.

"We're watching a movie," I reply.

"What is it about?"

Linds and I both watch the screen trying to gather enough information in a few seconds to answer the question. "There are the good guys…"

"And the bad guys," I follow.

"And they're trying to get the thingy," Lindsey continues.

"Very informative," Catherine chuckles. "I'm going to do some laundry," she announces before heading to the laundry room.

Lindsey and I both watch her depart and wait for the door to close behind her to pick our conversation where we left it off.

At least for the moment I have things to focus on, that does help me not to get too caught up in my own mind and descending the downward spiral.

Catherine's birthday is next week, I've been planning something for a little over a month. It's nothing big, just a gathering with our friends and her family. We're going to this at Nancy's. My main concern was to get her brothers and their families to Vegas on the d-day. I'm glad because everyone has confirmed their presence.

Preparing the birthday gave me the occasion to have my very first phone conversation with Lilly, that was one hell of an awkward conversation, but all things considered she went easy on me.

The gathering in itself is not exceptional but it'll make for a good surprise. The real kicker will be the gift. At least I hope so.

I had the idea two months ago when I got her the engraved guitar pick. I remembered that Cath had mentioned receiving a guitar from her father when she was a teen, but I never saw the guitar at her house and had no memory of it back in Montana. I went to Nancy's to investigate and she told me that the guitar had been severely damaged courtesy of Eddie.

Apparently when they moved into the house Eddie didn't secure the guitar on the car, it fell and Eddie rolled over it with the car. Nancy told me that Cath was beyond pissed about that and that it was one of the things she never forgave Eddie. She also told me that the remains of the guitar were stored in Cath's attic.

That's exactly where we found it. The damages were more severe than what I had imagined, but then again I reminded myself that it had fought a car, and the car had won.

I shipped the guitar off to California ahead of us so Sidney, Hazy and Russ could assess the damages and figure out the best way to bring the instrument back to life. The reason I stayed over there for another week was because I wanted to work on it with them. Of course I only followed their directions but they were the ones working their magic. We worked on it almost 24/7, so it would be ready for my return in Vegas. Now it's at Nancy's waiting for the big day.

I hope Catherine won't be mad that I took the liberty to restore it, Nancy said she would be ecstatic, but I can't help being nervous about the whole thing.

Anyway, I'll know in five days.

Now, the only thing left to take care of is the cooking. Lindsey has a lot of ideas, all of which are possible, the tricky part is the timing and to get it done without Catherine being around and not being suspicious.

I'm starting to realize that organizing a surprise party is great way to get an ulcer from all the stress and tricks one has to use to be inconspicuous.

Oh crap… Why didn't I opt for a simple dinner in a fancy restaurant?

…Fuck.