Act 48: Catherine

I turn again in my bed so I'm lying on my back, I stare at the ceiling for another twenty minutes then give up altogether and sit up.

I slide my hand under the pillow next to mine and find Sara's batman shirt, I bury my face in it and inhale deeply. The scent of Sara has almost completely vanished now, that thought alone makes me want to cry. I immediately put the t-shirt back under the pillow and get out of bed.

I go downstairs, sit on the couch and turn on the television, knowing that I'll spend the next hour going through the channels until I find something to numb myself.

It's been three weeks since things changed and I'm desperate. I keep replaying every day in my head, trying my hardest to pinpoint when things went downhill and why, but I always draw blank which is the worst part really because since I don't know what went wrong I can't fix it.

I can't go on like this forever though. The idea of breaking up with Sara is painful but letting her treat me this way is out of the question. I'm putting up with it now mostly because I still have hope that maybe, just maybe she'll let me in for good and trust me. That hope is the only thing keeping me sane and functional lately.

Earlier today I told her that I would put an end to us eventually if she refused to meet me halfway on this. I know I will follow through but I'm ready to give anything for that not to happen.

Sara is the first I've completely opened up myself to in a long while, and the first I was seeing a future with. I picture myself getting old by her sides but I can't picture anything without her as if my life will stop should we break up.

I feel my chest tightening at the thought and suddenly I can barely breathe. "Fuck," I curse.

I turn off the television and go back to bed. Once I'm lying down I grab the pillow Sara used and cry myself to sleep yet again. My last thoughts is that this is killing me, quite literally.

The next day isn't any better than the previous, but for once I'm grateful to have meetings all day long, at least my mind doesn't have the temptation to wander back to Sara and the mess surrounding our relationship. It also lessens the chance for me to cross her path.

I don't hang around in the lab when it's time to go home, I gather my things and head out. I'm stop on my tracks when I see a familiar figure at the front desk. I can feel panic slowly setting in the pit of my stomach like ice, unable to think of a good reason for him to be here.

"Sidney?" I call softly once I'm at his level.

The face of Sara's twin brother lights up when he sees me. "Catherine, hi!" he kisses my cheek before wrapping me into a hug before pulling away.

"I didn't know you were coming to Vegas," I declare. "Sara didn't…" I stop immediately as my voice wavers at the mention of Sara. If he noticed he doesn't say anything about it. "Sara didn't say anything."

"She doesn't know I'm here yet," he informs me. "I came here unannounced."

"Oh," I frown, now I'm truly worried. "Is everything okay? Is everyone alright?"

"Yeah, don't worry, everybody's fine back home," he gives me a reassuring grin. He doesn't add anything, but I read between the lines: he's here because Sara isn't fine and things aren't alright.

He scrutinizes me intently. "Rough time?"

"Yeah…" I'm about to add some white lie about work being really hard, but I don't. I think there's this tacit understanding about not lying to each other, plus something tells me that he know exactly what's going on. The understanding in his eyes is unmistakable. "Yeah," I nod.

"You know, you're welcome in California any time you need a breather, Lindsey as well it goes without saying. You don't have to call, just show up."

I grin shyly at that. "Thanks."

"And don't hesitate to call every now and then."

Once again I nod. "Hum… are you in Vegas for long?"

"I don't know yet."

"You should come for dinner."

He winces. "It might be complicated this time, but I should be back next month for business, hopefully then."

"Of course," I force a grin on my lips.

"How is Lindsey?"

"She's well, thanks. I'm on my way to get her actually."

"Give her a kiss and a hug for me, please."

"I will," I promise. "I have to go, it was good to see you."

"Likewise," he smiles.

Just as I'm about to go past him her takes me in his arms again for a hug. It's different from the first one though, this time he lingers and his hold is firmer. I couldn't explain how, but I know it for sure, this hug is meant to say that he knows exactly how I feel and understands and knows that this hug is what I need right now. He's right I needed that.

I hold him tightly and I can feel myself trembling a bit as tears are threatening to spill. He doesn't let go until he feels I've composed myself again. I give a tiny nod when I'm ready to face the world again. He gives my temple a kiss and then pulls away. I glance at him but no word is added, no word is needed.

I simply walk away and exit the lab to go to my car.

It's only moments later when I'm parking at Nancy's that I put my finger on something that was bothering me. When I invited him for dinner he didn't say 'definitely', he said 'hopefully'.

Hopefully…

He's Sara's twin, they share everything, and I know her siblings keep a close watch on Sara, they always know what's going on. Sidney… he's even closer to her so there's no way he doesn't know what's going on with her at the moment.

Hopefully…

That meant: hopefully Sara and I will still be together, hopefully we'll still have reason to be involved with one another.

I start to heave, panic taking over. I know maybe I'm just jumping conclusions, but if the past weeks are anything to go by…

The tears I've been holding back all day start to flow freely down my cheeks.

I'm losing Sara…

Damn.