I did say weekly update and meant it. Small delay and small update because it was a busy week but the next chap will be longer I promise.
Enjoy,
So ;)
Act 54: Catherine
I watch Sara stumbling out of the kitchen, admiring her curves in overall. I wasn't lying when I confessed to be turned on, this is honestly on my top three fantasies when it comes to Sara, her in overall a bit worked out from working with power tools and others.
"…Cath, hello? Are you listening to me?"
The voice of Nancy pierces through my haze. "No, sorry, I was… lost in thought. What did you say?"
Nancy teases me about my lack of attention then repeats herself. I turn the call short though as soon as I hear the water running, my brain filled with thoughts I'd rather not have with my sister on the line.
After hanging up I go upstairs and after a brief hesitation I enter the bathroom, undress and hop in the shower.
It is true that things have been getting back to normal, but our physical intimacy is lacking a bit. It's not that there's no desire, it's there, very present and very alive, but Sara is struggling with it for some reason I don't understand yet. I don't push, because I had my own struggle on that matter in the past, but I won't lie I'm yearning to be able to express my love for her on a physical level.
This is actually the first time we are nude in front of one another since the last time we have been intimate which was quite a long time ago. She looks almost embarrassed and I'm just about to apologize and leave her alone but then decide to go with my first plan.
I just want us to take a step forward. Right now, I'd settle to just feel her skin against mine, to connect with her a bit more. Evidently I'd never force anything and if she tells me to go away I will immediately. A more than plausible possibility at this point.
"You're probably thinking that I'm trying to get into your pants, but I can assure you this isn't what this is about," I declare.
I can see that she's fighting the urge to step out and leave, I only hope that she'll resist that impulse. "I'm not… wearing any pants," she states weakly.
I almost sigh in relief, happy at the inch she has just conceded. My smile broadens. "Exactly, which is my first argument, so I'm glad we both see it."
She chuckles feebly then averts her eyes briefly. I wait to have her attention again before going on. "My second argument is that I'm convinced it's better to have someone washing your back and your hair, I mean, it's like getting free massages, you can't deny that it's relaxing. Plus, that way you're sure not to miss any spot."
I focus to keep my serious. "Last but not least, I am very concerned with the environment and all… I'm actually taking one for the team here… think about it, by taking this shower with you, we are most likely saving the lives of at least two baby penguins. Granted it's not much, but it's a start," I nod to emphasis my point.
She has slowly started to relax during my speech and I can see her fighting off a timid smile. I hold my breath waiting for her response hoping that she won't dismiss me.
"Those are… compelling arguments," she bobs her head slightly.
"They are, aren't they?" I agree.
She clears her throat. "Let's… save those baby penguins," she adds and I finally let go of the breath I was holding.
"Come on, turn around and let's start with your hair," I encourage her.
Even though I want to hold her to me I don't, instead I focus on her hair and keep a little distance between us. I know that she's still a bit tense and I don't want to do anything to give her a reason to run.
"So, true or false, you and Greg had a hot shower at a scene one day," I ask while massaging her scalp.
"Yeah, me and Greg and four other dudes in big blue suits," she snorts.
"Uh… the rumour mill made it sound so much sexier," I muse.
"True or false, you and Warrick had a torrid affair on Grissom's desk."
"False, and let it be said that Grissom's office is the last place anything torrid could happen, it's a turn off on itself… that place is a like little shop of horror…"
Sara chuckles lightly. We continue to play, mentioning the craziest rumours we have heard about each other or the team. We laugh heartily, even after all these years there are still surprising gossip going on. Then we talk about tattoos, because I've been thinking more and more about getting one, the conversation comes easy and I love it. That's one of the things I've always loved about us, our ability to have conversations that can range from silly to serious.
Sara is completely relaxed by the time I'm done with her hair. She does mine and then we wash each other's body. I feel like I'm seeing her for the first time, I had ask her about her scars once and she did tell me some of their stories, but now I know where the ones she never mentioned come from. I think on some level a part of me probably suspected something but knowing is different.
I notice every single one of them, some had escaped my attention before I must confess. With my new found knowledge I appreciate it all differently. I have an odd fascination with her scars, something about them reminding me of how strong she is and yet how fragile too.
I let my fingers trail along some faded marks as the water gently cascades on her skin. There's an immediate shift, Sara stills and cuts off the spray. She doesn't say anything or moves, so after a few second I lean in and deliver a gentle kiss on her skin.
I keep like this, tracing a scar then kissing it. Sara's breathing is getting shallower at every new kiss. I can feel her shivering each time and I know it's not because she's feeling cold. I rest a hand on her hip and get even closer so that our skins are touching, I keep kissing her back, every time lingering a little more.
Just when I'm about to wrap my arms around her waist she steps away and bolts out of the shower. I'm stunned by the sudden move, rather than following her I berate myself for making her uncomfortable. I take a deep breath and count to twenty before exiting the shower. I stay in the bathroom to dry and change myself giving some space to Sara.
I find her in the bedroom sitting on the bed her back to the door. I'm reminded of that time back in California when she had come back from visiting her mother, this time however when I cross the distance between us she lets me embrace her.
"Talk to me," I demand softly after a long silence. I cut her off though when I sense her about to speak "Don't apologize… just… talk to me."
The sigh she lets out confirms that she was indeed about to say that she's sorry.
Again there's a long silence, this time however I don't say anything and just wait. "I don't get how you could want this body, want me, now that you know…" she lets her words trail off but this time I know what her silence means. "… I know it's all in my head… I just… I need to figure how to get past this."
I nod against her back in understanding.
I know that I'm the first person outside of her family who knows about her past, which means it's unnerving for her and she doesn't have a frame of reference on how to adjust. Ultimately we are both on uncharted territory, while she needs to accept and understand that the reveal of her past hasn't altered my feelings in any way, I have to figure out how to assuage her fears.
I hold her tighter and kiss her shoulder.
"You know what I used to do, what I've done… you know that my body bears scars, marks of the passage of time, motherhood… yet you look at me, you want me and you love me in a way that… makes me feel more than beautiful," I pause to gather my thoughts. "I use to wonder why, but… I've come to accept that some things just are," I shrug.
Silence stretches on for several minutes, then she untangles herself from my embrace and stands up, for a moment there I'm afraid she'll walk away but she just faces me with a determined look on her face. Hesitantly she takes off her shirt, then she comes closer to me and slowly takes mine off as well.
I don't resist nor do I say anything. She pushes me gently and arranges our position so we are lying down and she's spooning me. I can feel that she is tensed, it takes several minutes for her to relax, I'm just glad to feel her skin against mine, it's been so long that the sensation is intense. She's holding me tightly to her, so tightly it's almost painful
I couldn't be happier because I know it's about the little things, those inches she gives as a proof that she listens and hears me. Those inches are a constant reassurance that she's willing to work with me and that is all I need.
Understanding her better is a good thing but I can't deny that in the back of my mind I am afraid that she'd run again. It's a nagging fear that I can muzzle most of the time, but it creeps back in every now and then as fears usually do.
I'm taken out of my thoughts by a kiss on my shoulder. "I'll…" she lets out a shaky breath. "I'll figure out a way through this," she repeats.
"I'm not going anywhere," I reassure her squeezing the arm she has around my waist.
It's true I don't mind her needing time as long as we make progress.
I can't complain either right now because we've just taken a new step toward intimacy.
Finally.
katvrah I'm sorry to disappoint, you'll have to be a bit more patient, not that I intend to drag this on but yeah, a little (I do mean little)patience is in order. (I'll level with you, part of it is because I suck at hot and steamy :P )
Thanks for reading
