Louise works at Hurricanes.
That was it. That's all Sophie Webster had learned in the last twenty-four hours.
It wasn't breaking news. It wasn't anything bad. Honestly, it was great news. In this day and age it's tough for someone their age to get a full time job, or even a job on a zero-hour contract.
It was positive. It showed she didn't go to bed with someone who was just looking for a place to spend the night because they couldn't go back to their own for whatever reason. But Sophie couldn't think that, she realised, they had gone back to Louise's after all.
But why was she thinking about it so much? Every morning since she'd thought back to it. Like a magnetic force was telling her to analyse every second of it, weigh out the pros and cons like it was going to change her guilt. She was never going to see her again. For as longs she never went back to Hurricanes or the club on Canal Street, Sophie Webster would never cross paths with Louise again. Or anywhere on Canal Street for that matter. Sophie hated clubbing, how many more times could she say it? She planned to never go to another one for as long as she lived, why she'd thought it was a good idea to go twice recently was a mystery to her.
Even on mornings like today where she was running around trying to get her little brother ready to school, in the silent moments he could get ready independently, her thoughts were filled with her. She wasn't even thinking about Maddie anymore, the more time passed, the less her beautiful girlfriend came to mind. She only came to mind when Sophie either saw something that reminded her of her or she was somewhere that held a memory. And it killed her to feel herself moving on.
"Jack!" Sophie shouted from the stairs. "Are you ready to go?"
Sophie hated being at war with herself, she did her best to stop it but sometimes it couldn't be controlled. She just had to push it to the back of her mind, she didn't need Jack seeing her hurt. She did her best around him to make out everything was okay. Even the day after Maddie died, Sophie had to act strong around him. She didn't want him suffering the true pain of losing someone at his age. Maddie idolised him and he loved her in return, she was the one he ran to when he couldn't get what he wanted from Sophie because he knew Maddie would give in. She was a big softie when it came to kids.
"Where's Daddy?" he asked, holding onto the banister as he climbed down the stairs. Sophie stood at the bottom, holding out his coat and bag for him to take.
"He had to go into work early," she pushed his hair out of his eyes. "He has lots of cars that need fixing."
It had become more frequent recently. Kevin was taking on more business than himself, Tyrone and Luke could handle but he couldn't see it, he preferred to do overtime than hire someone to deal with the admin building up. His failing attempt at trying to be a successful businessman, Sally would say.
"Sophie has no work?" he wondered.
"Nope," Sophie smiled at him. She held the door open for him, he ran under her arm and onto the street. "I can pick you up, too. Cool, huh?"
He nodded excitedly. He grabbed her hand as they headed off to school together.
Sophie pulled her coat closer to her body as she walked along the cobbles on her way back. The bitter air and the idea of a hot drink was prompting her to walk faster.
"Ay up, chicka!"
Sophie looked up at the sound of a similar voice. She smiled and waved shyly at Sean and Billy headed towards her as she crossed the road. They stopped her outside her house.
"Where'd you go last night?" Sean questioned. "You looked like you'd seen a ghost."
Sophie huffed. "Not quite."
"Then what was it?" Sean continued. Billy tried to stop his boyfriend causing Sophie further uncomforted but it was pointless.
"Nothing. I just—I wasn't comfortable. I'm sorry," she rubbed the back of her neck.
"Oh! You should have just said, you didn't have to come," Sean said kindly. "You seemed fine until you went to get the drinks, was everything okay?"
"Yeah," Sophie swallowed. She didn't want to tell him what happened. Not in the middle of an open street anyway. She was comfortable with Sean, he was one of the first people to make her feel accepted but she class them as friends. Just neighbours. "I came over funny, I still don't feel a hundred percent. Maybe I'm coming down with something."
"Okay, well, if—"
"Yeah…," Sophie interrupted Billy. "Guys, I have some stuff to do so if it's okay, I'm gonna go," she pointed behind her, towards her house.
"Yeah," Billy nodded, throwing his hands in his pockets. He had been studying her body language. "C'mon Sean."
Sophie half-smiled at Billy before walking away. Billy watched her whilst being pulled along by Sean, making sure she was okay.
Sophie could feel herself falling back into that dark place again. No matter how hard she tried not to think about it, she still couldn't get her head around everything that had happened over the past couple of months. It made her want to go back upstairs with a big bar of chocolate, get into her pyjamas and sit in bed watching re-runs of American sitcoms she'd seen a thousand times before.
She nearly considered it until suddenly a knock at the door. If it was Sean again, she wasn't interested. She wasn't in the mood to talk again. If it was Kevin, she was defiantly taking her couch-potato self up to her bedroom and locking herself in there until dinnertime.
With a lazy groan, she got up from the sofa, throwing the remote control onto the next cushion before going to answer.
It was Billy.
"Hiya," he said softly, his hands in his coat pockets. "Is it alright to come in? I want to talk to you, if that's okay?"
"Yeah," Sophie mumbled, swallowing and running a hand through her hair before the stepped to the side and let him in. "Do you want a cup of tea or owt?"
"That would be lovely. Thanks," he smiled.
Billy followed Sophie to the kitchen. He sat down at the table and pulled out a bible from his coat. Sophie caught it from over her shoulder while pouring boiling water into two separate mugs. She gulped. She knew what was coming. She could remember being in the same situation with her pastor when she was with Sian. What she really didn't need right now was another debate about what she was doing—or had done—was a sin. She had heard it all before. But he was unaware what she'd done, she reminded herself.
But then, Billy was gay himself, maybe this one was going to be different.
At least, that's what Sophie kept telling herself as she placed his and her cup of tea down on the wooden top.
"Are you here about the church?" she asked. "If you want me to be vicar, I'm not I can take the crown from Dawn French."
She laughed nervously. She wasn't sure why she just tried to crack a joke, it's not what she'd usually do. Nerves, she was blaming them.
"First of all, I'm not here to judge you," Billy started and Sophie breathed out a sigh of relief. Now that was out of the way, Sophie let her shoulders relax. "I'm gay myself, I would be a hypocrite if I told you what you were doing is forbidden in the Bible."
"What are you on about?" Sophie wrapped her hands around her cup. "I don't follow. Why are you here?"
"You seemed very distant with Sean earlier, I was just wondering if it had anything to do with your faith."
"No," Sophie shook her head. She breathed out. "Look, I'll be frank with you. Just don't tell Sean, okay?"
He nodded, promising.
"Do you remember what the girl at the bar last night? She had short hair, a tattoo sleeve?"
Billy nodded again. He had struck up a conversation with her at one point, he'd seen her before at a few events with Sean. "She's a regular on Canal Street. Ask Sean, he's known her for years."
"Well, I… had a thing with her," Sophie clenched her fists. "I say thing, I mean I slept with her then ran."
Billy's mouth dropped open. He did his best to cover up his shock. It was a far cry from the lie she'd told earlier. "Go on," he swallowed.
"Seeing her there made me feel guilty." she shrugged. "Like I've betrayed myself, and if that means I've betrayed God, too, then I feel even worse."
"I'm not sure I follow," Billy admitted.
"I don't do...that. I feel like," Sophie stopped to think. Her eyes wondered down to her lap before looking up again. "I feel as if I've committed a form of adultery. Not adultery, but like..."
Billy could see she couldn't find the right words. He tried to piece together what she was saying. He knew she wasn't in a relationship, there wasn't possibility she had committed adultery. What she was trying to say is she was finding it hard to piece together the events of that night.
"If you don't mind me asking, what are your views on sex before marriage?" he asked.
"I'm not against it. I did make the promise but one drunken night and...," Sophie looked down. She wasn't comfortable about her personal life. Not to the local victor, not to her closest friends. "Since then I had the same kind of relationships with Jenna and Maddie," she gulped at that name. It was still raw. "I've never regretted any of them it's just—"
"You've formed an emotional bond with each of them before taking the next step?"
Sophie nodded.
"And there's nothing wrong with that," Billy answered. "I'm not going to go all bible on you. And quote verses on you like Leviticus or Romans because it's Jesus you trust in, right?"
"Yeah," Sophie whispered.
"There's nothing he says that's anti-gay, you know that," Billy touched his hand to Sophie's. "One night stands aren't something to feel ashamed of, Sophie. They happen sometimes."
"I know. It's just it's never happened before. I feel dirty for it."
"Try not to feel that way," he said. "We've all been there. We all something we regretted but we can't let it bring us down. There are bigger issues in this world that God needs to sort out that aren't you having a bit of fun after a hard time. God puts temptation in our way to test us; maybe he's trying to tell you something. I saw the way that girl's face lit up when she saw you. I think she likes you. And when you're ready, I think you deserve some happiness."
"But Maddie—"
"Would be happy you're allowing yourself to be happy. You don't have to forget her. We all know she meant the world to you, but you can allow yourself to move on. She won't hate you for it, God won't hate you for it."
Sophie felt tears welling up in the corner of her eyes. She wiped them away before they could escape. "Thank you, Billy."
"Don't mention it," he hummed then looked down at his watch. "I should be going. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you whenever."
Sophie nodded slowly. "Thank you."
She pushed herself up from the table, Billy did the same, and she walked over to him and elope him into a hug. She felt she needed it. She liked she wasn't the only modern day Christian living on the street. It surprised her she had spoken to him earlier but the right moment never came about, she beckoned.
I am honestly surprised there's hardly any scenes between Billy and Sophie. I'm waiting on a storyline they have together that involves their religion but who knows, it probably wouldn't be exciting but the idea of the two christian gays taking down a homophobic church sounds pretty cool. Saw something like it in the news the other day.
I'm having Sophie beat herself up over a one night stand because I know she would do it. I wanted to see this kind of reaction after Maddie died but she got zero screen time and no story about coming to terms with everyone unlike everyone else involved. Yes, she's grown up a lot and she dealt with everything brilliant but I would have loved to see her go off the rails a little bit. Out of anger, the unexpected, I don't know.
