Epilogue
Sara
"I need your help again with something," I break the silence.
I'm with Linds at our surf spot. We have been surfing for two hours and now we're taking a break, sitting on our board and just looking at other surfers.
As planned, Linds and I did make it our thing to go surfing regularly. It started with once a month, it quickly became 'as soon as I'm not on call for a week-end', and now our holidays generally rhyme with California. I've been taking Nancy's boys along a few months after she started dating Sidney. However I make it a point of honour to have week-end and time when it's exclusively Linds and me.
"What is it?"
"I want to make a gift to your Mom."
"A gift, gift?" she refers to the fact that there's no reason behind the gift other than the wish to make it.
"Well… I want to get a ring…" I confess.
Her head whips in my direction so quickly I think I hear her neck crack. "You're going to propose?" she grins
"Kind of…?"
"No," she says firmly, her smile gone. "This is isn't rocket science, it's a yes or no question and there won't be any ring of any kind unless you know the answer to it."
"Alright, here's the thing…"
"The 'thing', are you serious right now?"
While I have no doubt about the fact that Cath loves me as much as I love her, from our conversations over the years, I think it's safe to say that an encore in the marriage department isn't exactly something she's looking forward to.
"Just hear me out…I don't know if she'd be open to the idea considering how her first experience with marriage went… even if it's with me…" I vocalize my fear.
Linds has always been a mature teen and I've always spoke to her the way I'd speak to my siblings, always mindful of the subject matter of course, but as far as I remember she's always been very aware of what's going on around her. Now, as a fourteen going on fifteen-year-old the most notable change is that she has mastered sarcasm, wit and made an art of being a wisecrack.
We have a very open relationship, talking about everything and I'm happy because she shares a lot with me. What I like the most is that when I talk to her I get the blunt, raw truth, no sugar coat, no softened blow.
"Did you wake up from a coma this morning or something?" she asks, looking at me through narrowed eyes.
I'm about to ask her what she means by that when she goes on.
"Of course she'll be opened to the idea doofus. Duh!" she rolls her eyes. "You guys have spent the last three years and a half as the queens of Unicorns and Rainbows Land, smiling, being happy, sucking each other's face off daily, not to mention christening the house as soon as I'm out… who am I kidding, you do it even when I'm there."
"Short Stuff!" I squeal.
"What? I know about birds and bees Sara, and I'm not dumb, I know you guys do it… a lot," she emphases the last words.
"This conversation is taking a turn I wasn't prepared for…" I mutter feeling my heart going berserk.
"Oh sorry, did you want us to have the sex conversation another time? I didn't mean to step on your toes," Linds chuckles, very amused at my discomfort.
"I didn't want us to have that conversation…ever."
"Why? I know you guys do it and I'm okay with that. I think it's very cool that you're so into one another."
"Thanks… I guess," I reply a little dazed. "I can't believe we're talking about this," I rub my temple slowly in a circular motion.
Linds sighs dramatically. "I guess my questions about BDSM will have to wait then."
"Oh good heaven…"
"I'm kidding, geez," she chortles. "I already know how that works. I mean, I'm already playing with the whip and cuffs when I do it."
"I'm going to drown myself, and pretend the past few minutes never happened," I talk to myself trying to block mental images, and ignoring the impending heart attack.
Lindsey guffaws, almost falling off her board. "Okay, okay that was a joke, seriously. I promise I'm not active on that front yet. I promised Mom I wouldn't until I was 18 and that's exactly what I'll do."
I shake my head and close my eyes as if to clear the glitch my brain has just experienced. "Can we… get back to the ring?"
"Sure Frodo, lets," Linds smirks. "So… are you going to propose?" she repeats the question, I can see a glint in her eyes letting me know that she's not joking around this time.
"Yes, I am," I affirm.
She smiles. "Okay, what do you need my help with? Choosing the ring?"
"No, I'm not going to buy it."
"I'm stopping you right there, you're not going to give her a gag ring, like one from a cereal box, are you? Don't get me wrong I think it can be cool, but as you've mentioned her marriage to my dad wasn't the greatest, so you want to appear to be serious about things," she points out.
"Don't worry, no gag ring. What I means is I'm going to make it. Well, I'll need your input for that as well, but as hard as the process will be that's the easiest part as far as I'm concerned."
"You're going to make a ring?"
"Design it. I have a friend who owes me a big favour, has for many years and I'm going to cash in on it. Lucky for me his brother is a goldsmith. I design the ring and he'll make it," I explain.
"Neat," she pouts in admiration. "Where's the knot then?"
"I want it to be perfect and for that I need to know the size of your mom's finger. You understand that I can't ask or make reference to rings that'd be too obvious."
"Piece of cake, you'll have that Intel next week."
I rise an inquisitive eyebrow. She just smirks. "Don't worry, I have a plan."
xxxxx xxxxx
It turns out that Linds is quite resourceful. Her plan was to use her photography class. She told Cath she needed help for a project. Cath never being one to refuse spending time with Linds and help her with anything was more than happy to oblige.
Linds' 'project' was to illustrate the fashion trends of our century. So she dressed Cath up using props, in the middle of their photo shoot, she decided to illustrate the expression 'bling-bling' which of course involved over the top use of jewellery. That allowed Linds to take note of which band fitted Cath's left ring finger, then while I was distracting Cath, she tried the ring on so we'd have a frame of reference.
I must say that I was impressed by her ingenuity.
For my part I've been working on the ring itself. I've decided on white gold. The band will be thick and the design carved on it would be intricate lines forming the letters S and C subtly entwined. To complete it three precious stones would be embedded on top of it, one diamond at the point where the two letters cross and one blue sapphire on each side . Inside the words: To my 'Jessica' will be engraved.
I have Linds' approval and the brother of my friend is doing wonders to enhance my design. It's a slow process but I don't mind as long as the result is there.
xxxxx xxxxx
"Fuck…"
I should reprimand Linds for such an expletive but I must confess that it echoes perfectly my feelings.
"Yeah…what she said," I reply in awe. I hear a distant chuckle from Ryan, the goldsmith.
We're both looking at the ring, dazzled by its beauty.
"It makes your drawing look awful… I mean it's magnificent," Linds raves. "Can I touch it?"
"I'll do you one better," I pick the ring from its velvet box and slide it on her forefinger to reassure myself that the size is perfect.
"Wow… one ring to rule them all," she raises her hand to admire the ring. "…my precious…"
"Short Stuff?"
She clears her throat, "Right, sorry," she jokes. "She's going to love it."
"Yeah?"
"Oh yeah," she beams as she takes the ring off her finger, delicately putting it back in the box.
I look at Ryan, "Thank you," I almost feel like crying so much I'm overwhelmed.
"You're welcome. Promise to come back and give me the detail of the proposal," he smiles.
"With pleasure," I shake his hand. Linds says goodbye as well and we get back to the car.
Having the ring in my pocket make the whole thing concrete. Now it's just about creating the perfect opportunity.
I'm going to propose at home with Linds as my only witness. First because I don't want to share that moment with the rest of the world, then in the eventuality she says no, I think I'll handle it better in a safe environment.
"Okay, we have the ring… you have a plan for the proposal?"
"Yup," I affirm. "We're going to need a lot of ice cream though."
"Uh…" Linds looks at me, unconvinced. "You're going to have to run that one by me."
I chortle and start explaining my plan from start to finish.
"That should be fun," she smiles when I'm done. "We'll start with the ice cream tonight then."
xxxxx
I'm lying my head on Cath's lap as per habit whenever there's just the two of us on the couch. We were discussing music which lead us to make a top ten of the songs we wish we could have written. That then lead to us quizzing the other's musical knowledge, which lead us to kind of serenading each other and subsequent make out session. Although let it be said that anything is a path to a make out session, you won't ever hear me complain about that.
Cath sucks on my bottom lips sending a pleasurable shiver down my spine. I can't help the moan bubbling from my throat. I can feel her smiling against my lips. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asks with a husky voice."
"Uh-huh."
I do, I want to play patty-cake with her right here and now. "However with Linds only two doors down we'll have to go with second best," I point out.
She sighs. "Good point," she pecks my lips. "But it's only a rain check until tonight," she adds with a wiggle of her eyebrows.
"That's a promise," I chuckle.
"Alright, let me get the ice cream," she kisses me one more time before getting up.
I use the few seconds it takes her to get to the kitchen to take a deep breath in order to steady myself, knowing what's coming.
"Ugh…Sar can you come here a sec?" I can hear a hint of irritation in her voice.
"Sure," I get up to join her.
"Lindsey!" she then shouts, holding a pot of ice cream in her hand.
Linds comes out of her room almost immediately. Unbeknownst to Cath, the offer for ice cream today was just the culminating point of Linds and I's plan.
"What's up?" Linds asks when she joins us in the kitchen area. She gave me a swift grin and wink before turning to her mother.
"What is this?" Cath shakes the pot she's holding.
Linds makes a show of frowning. "An…ice cream pot?" she tilts her head. "But if this is a trick question then I change my answer and say a giraffe."
"Nah, looks more like a piano to me," I add with a serious nod.
As always when an argument is on the way or frustration is at a high we try to diffuse it with humour.
"Really funny, you two are an absolute riot," Cath narrows her eyes at us but the grin she's sporting lets us know she's amused by our antics. "Why is it in the freezer?"
"To keep the cream from melting?" Linds reply with the obvious.
"What cream?" Cath shakes the pot again. "It's almost empty!"
In order to make that 'argument' happen Linds and myself had to eat a few ice cream pots (seven to be specific) on a period of six weeks and makes sure to purposefully leave some of them one spoonful away to be empty in the freezer.
Cath loves to have some ice cream at the end of a long day also when she'd find a pot almost empty in the freezer she'd promptly ask Linds and myself to be more mindful.
The situation happened enough to create a pattern and elicit a small frustration on Cath's part, the whole thing leading us to that very moment in time. Earlier today I told Linds that 'operation ice cream' was a go, so she'd place our special pot in the freezer and stay put while I inconspicuously manoeuvred to get Cath to want some ice cream.
"You guys always do that lately, put a pot back in the freezer when there are two spoonfuls left in it at best."
"That's not true, there are at least seven spoonfuls left in that pot," I protest gently.
"Nine even," Linds back me up.
Cath looks at the both of us, obviously far from being convinced. "It's true Mom!" Linds insists. "We can even bet on it. Tell you what, if there are seven or more spoonful left you take us out for dinner and if there are less… you get to choose the movies we watch for three nights in a row."
"A whole month," Cath amends with a confident grin.
Linds makes a face for show, then looks at me as if to ask me my opinion on the wager. Truth to be told neither of us care because we know exactly what's coming.
I let Linds do most of the talk because my heart is beating frantically and I can feel my hands shake in anticipation.
Linds sighs dramatically. "Fine, a month it is."
Cath's grin broadens like the with a Cheshire cat's. "Grab me a spoon, and mentally prepare yourselves for a romantic comedies marathon while I'll enjoy the…"
The words die in her throat as soon as she takes the top of the pot off, discovering no ice cream but an opened velvet box holding a ring. In order to keep the box from moving and potentially giving away its presence Linds and I have made a polystyrene frame to hold the box, that way it would be light enough to pass off for ice cream.
The back of Linds' hand hits me in the arm to nudge me out of my contemplation. Cath is still staring at the ring, struggling to breathe.
I step forward. "I don't know how the universe work," my voice is breathy, my lungs having the greatest difficulty to fill up.
Cath looks up at me, her eyes round with surprise, her mouth agape.
"To this day I'm still amazed that a bet we didn't even take part of was the catalyst to make my life take the greatest and most surprising turn ever, but I've been grateful every day since that day."
I take a small breath and continue. "A few years back you made me promise something… at the time it didn't seem like a big deal but I've realized a few months ago that I should have amended it…"
Back when we had our first big fight, she had called things off between us. The events during that short period of time lead me to get on my knees and once things got back on track Cath made me promise never to do that again, especially for her. I wish I had thought of the possibility that I'd want to propose to her someday, I'd have put some amendment to that promise.
"Rambling," Linds warns me, picking up on my nervous habit, forcing me to get back on track.
"Right, thanks," I answer but don't stir my eyes away from Cath's. "The point is because of that promise I'll have to do this standing."
I haven't really prepared a speech, but I know exactly what I want to say.
"I am madly in love with you, you're the reason my life make sense and is complete. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I'd eat eggplants and kiwis if that ensured that I'd get the chance to spend another day by your side, doing everything I can to make you as happy as you make me."
Cath snorts a little in amusement, her eyes brimming with tears.
"For me home is wherever you and Linds are. So if you want me, I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you."
I take a deep breath, my heart is beating so fast I'm afraid it'll implode before I can get it all out.
"Will you be my Jessica," This time she laughs a bit, tears start to run down her cheeks. "We'll play patty-cake together until we draw our last breath. I'll tell you everyday how I love an infinity one-thousand… and much more."
I pause before taking the big leap.
"Catherine Mary-Elisabeth Willows, will you marry me?"
She exhales sharply, her smile fading at once, her eyes round as saucer plates. My words seem to have finally sink in and I can't really tell if it's a good thing or not because she doesn't say anything I want to believe it's a stunned silence of overwhelmed joy and not anguish.
Although I'm fairly certain she'll agree, until I hear that firm, resounding, unequivocal 'yes', I'll keep holding my breath.
…which means I might die from asphyxia soon because it's been thirty seconds and she has yet to answer.
"Cath?" I prompt her before passing out from lack of oxygen.
The brightest, most beautiful smile lights her face up and my lungs fill up again when she starts nodding frantically. "Yes…" she finally says. "Yes!"
I can feel the corner of my mouth touching my ears so much I'm grinning. I extract the ring from the pot and take Cath's left hand, sliding the perfectly fitting band on her finger. She grabs my face and kisses me fiercely, I'm more than happy to kiss her back.
She said yes!
I hold Cath tights and lift her up, she squeals in surprise before laughing.
"Guess I'm going to spend the evening listening to loud music through my headphones, uh?" Linds quips.
I can't help laughing harder at her wit. Cath kisses me once more before going to wrap Linds into a hug.
"Kiwis and eggplants, really?" Linds whispers at me when I take her in my arms. I only laugh and give her a gentle noogie. "Dude!"
The next couple of hours are made of laughter, kisses, hugs. We celebrate our engagement with Linds, eating ice cream to our hearts' content and it's absolutely perfect.
Catherine
Everything is so loud.
I look around me and the only thought that my brain can process is that it's so loud. The voices, the plates and dishes moving around, the cutleries, everything. It's like each time a sound bounces of the walls its echo is tenfold.
Everything is so loud.
Thinking about it now, I realize that things have always been noisy whenever Sara and I were involved.
We used to yell at each other so much so that at some point I couldn't even tell if we ever communicated differently. They used to say that when we had a row the windows of every lab shook.
We were so loud then.
The sound was just amplified when we started to get to hang around with one another on a regular basis. Granted, it wasn't so much arguments as it was fits of laughter but still… so much noise.
It just escalated constantly from there.
The culminating point was our wedding, at least I that's what I thought.
The first time I got married it was a quiet affair. Eddie and I had had one of our rows and broken up for the umpteenth time. Once he had cooled off an hour later he came back and argued the fact that we were fighting and hurting one another so much because we were crazy for each other. He proposed right here and then, a couple of hours later we were hitched with a few friends as witnesses. The celebration was more than a party, it was an open love letter to excess, the epitome of sex, alcohol and drug fuelled euphoria.
My wedding with Sara was the polar opposite.
From the food to the flowers, to the location to the ceremony itself, everything was simple, nothing fancy.
Families the blood-related and the chosen ones, friends, people we love, everybody was there to share that moment with us.
We decided to be wed in California, in the Sidles' house. For Sara, it was an opportunity to link her home to happier times again, to heal her last wounds, the final piece of reconciliation with her past. For me this house means everything because it was there that I realized how much I meant to Sara and how much she meant to me.
Nine months of engagement climaxed into four days of singing, dancing, playing, laughing, just sharing blissful happy moments with everyone we love.
Four days of stentorian noise.
The last cynical part left in me, a vestige from my past, thought that it was it. It thought everything would quiet down into a low murmur after a while.
It couldn't have been more wrong.
The noise has kept growing day after day. It has been, still is, carefully and purposefully nurtured with changes.
About a year after the wedding we moved to California.
True we had a home in Vegas, but it was more like the remnants of my past. A constant reminder of my mistakes and their consequences. While Sara's presence turned it into a home, it felt like sleeping with ghosts. I wanted to build something that was ours only and you can't built anything solid on crumbling foundations, so it seemed only logical for us to have our own place, one we'd choose together.
California was an easy choice.
We found a house about twenty minutes from the Sidles' residence and as luck would have it, our dream house was literally in front of Nancy and Sidney's.
Moving brought changes as far as work was concerned as well, while Sara is now the head of her own team, I've decided to teach and train future CSIs. I could have had a position as a supervisor, but I think I needed the change.
Today, almost three years of marriage later, the noise is still there. It's constant, boisterous.
I'm taken out of my reverie by a playful kiss on crook of my neck. I grin and turn my head to get a proper kiss. "You're okay?" Sara asks.
"I've never been better," I beam before kissing her again.
I follow her back in the living room and the noise gets louder, laughter and conversation mingling in the air.
I'll never cease to wonder at so many bodies in the same place. Now I understand why the Sidle's residence is so big.
We are like a tribe, the younger ones always navigating from one house to another; we all get together on week-ends. The word 'family' has never been more meaningful.
The noise is always loud and I love it.
I love it, I greedily bask in it each second of every day. My life was so silent before and now it's alive with that joyful and loud noise.
"It was pure luck!" Jeremy exclaims.
"Be as it may, the fact is that I pulled off a rodeo flip!" Lindsey defends herself proudly.
Nancy's boys caught the surfing bug, also they are almost constantly in the water whenever they have free time.
"It was awesome!" delightfully exclaims Liz.
"'some!" repeats Calvin while his twin sister Chloe claps her hands to join in.
Linds just beams at the twins. "That's right buds, your big sister is awesome," she holds her hands to them. "Give me some love right here." Both toddlers give her a small high five with their chubby hands. "And if your eat those veggies you'll be just like me," she coaxes them.
The last wonderful change in my life was the arrival of the twins. Our 'maybe someday' came, and after long conversations, Sara and I tried to have a kid. We were blessed with two, much to Lindsey's joy who is embracing her big sister role happily.
I focus again on the adults as Sidney tells another childhood anecdote, and like in most of them Sara ends up being the butt monkey but she laughs good-heartedly before retaliating with a tale of her own. Slowly all the siblings are teasing one another, and it's glorious.
After lunch I'm sitting on one of the verandas with Nancy and Hazy, we're watching some of the kids play in the backyard with Sara, Sidney and Russell. The others are in the entertainment room playing music, pool, reading or talking.
Hazy is telling her about her last date and how disastrous but funny it was. We're laughing at her account of the event, Nancy shares the story of her first date with Sid which is quite endearing. I tell them of Sara and I's many attempts at a first date and how the universe seemed adamant then not to cut us some slack.
"… then we had our actual first date, and I almost killed her."
"Really?" Hazy looks at me with amused disbelief. "What did she do?"
"Oh no, I'm being literal," I correct her with a chuckle. If now I can laugh about it, it was beyond terrifying then. "I found out the hard way about her two food allergies."
I explains the details in a funny version, with none of the terror I had felt then. "Well you guys sure know how to entertain yourselves," Hazy jokes.
"Hey, you ask your sister she still filed that date as epic, and she means it," I point out.
"Sounds like Sara, alright," Nancy nods in agreement.
Easy conversation flows back and forth between us. A strong sisterly bond grew between us over the past years.
There's a scream of delight followed by laughter. Nancy smiles fondly watching Sidney chasing their four-year-old daughter, Liz, and tickling her when he gets her.
At the end of the day while Sara is reading to the twins, I spend the evening talking with Linds. After graduating early from high school she wasn't sure about going to College, not feeling ready and having no idea of what she wanted to do, she spent a lot of time at the wood shop. Under the tutelage of Hazy she's been learning the carpentry and cabinet-making craft, I think she's falling in love with it, slowly finding her way.
When we call it a day, and I'm secured in Sara's arms, when her voice gently sings to me, I fall asleep to the loudest noise of all, her heartbeat steadily echoing mine.
Everything is so loud, and it's absolutely perfect.
The End
There you go, it's over! Boy, was it long...
I'll never thank you enough for sticking around and putting up with me and uneven updating.
I'm grateful to everyone who read me, and even more to those who took the time to review or send me messages, you guys are awesome.
A very special thanks to Immi, you are amazing and your opinion is priceless. This wouldn't have been possible without you, so thank you very, very much!
I'm going to take a little break, focus on a few demands I've received, and then I'll come back. I might also dabble into other fandoms, who knows.
Anyway, again, thank you very much to each and everyone of you, I hope you've enjoyed that ride :D
Thanks for reading, and until the next time, take care :)
Cheers,
So ;)
