The sun is scorching hot, the heat stifling as Seth drives down the open road. Sitting next to him in their pickup truck, her legs dangling out the window, Kate keeps her eyes closed as old school Britney Spears plays in the stereo. Normally he mocks her taste in music but this morning he actually asked her to pick a CD - even though he was the one driving. From the occasional miserable grunts coming from him though, she gathers he's regretting that decision, but he has yet to change the music.
Lately he's been quiet, reserved, and even considerate - which is so not like him. She's used to Seth teasing her, ragging on her, but these days there's only awkwardness between them, almost as if he's too embarrassed to be himself after breaking down in her arms.
A week has passed since that night but it's still fresh in her mind. His devastation, the despair reverberating from him, her heart aches just thinking about all that pain. And it wasn't just about him, the grief they shared was a cathartic experience for her too, especially after a year of mourning in private.
At first it was a blessing that Seth was hell-bent on avoiding discussing anything that involved Richie, or her family, after they drove away from Titty Twister. Once the numbness wore off, however, and the true loss of everyone she loved finally hit, she began to yearn for anything to keep the memories of them alive, even through something simple as sharing a story. But she knew it was hard for Seth to go down memory lane - it always led back to Richie for him - and so she grieved away from his prying eyes.
After last week, a part of her hoped they could be more open with each other now. Unfortunately, he seems even more distant these days.
"You awake, Princess?"
She pretends to sleep but opens her eyes right away when he starts tinkering with the radio. "Hey, I thought I was picking the music."
"There's only so much of this shit I can take."
"Don't act like you don't like it. I heard you humming to 'hit me baby one more time'!"
"In my defence, I thought it was 'fuck me baby'."
"Liar."
For the moment at least, everything feels normal again, the easy camaraderie between them still alive and thriving. "You still haven't told me where we're going."
"Tijuana."
"Why? The culebras avoid that area."
"There's something big going on."
"What?" His refusal to answer automatically arouses her suspicion. "What's going on?"
"Can we hash out the details later? I still have a bitch of a hangover and Britney Fucking Spears isn't exactly helping."
"Whose idea was it to get wasted before a trip, huh? Because I seem to remember telling you not to go to the bar last night."
"Zip it. If I wanted a nagging wife, I'd still be married."
"Oh, please. You expect me to really believe that? Who would put up with you?"
"Vanessa." An appreciative whistle escapes his lips. "The sexiest woman I've ever laid eyes on."
Kate peers at him closely. "You're serious."
"Goddamn, the things she could do with her-"
"Ew. I don' want to hear this."
"Mind. I was gonna say mind."
"Sure you were."
He smirks. "She was a smart girl. Had a real talent for planning jobs."
"Where is she now?"
"Somewhere far away hopefully. Probably cursing my existence."
"Probably," she teases. "So what happened? Why didn't things work out?"
Seth shrugs his shoulders. "Too alike, too stubborn. You know how it is."
"Do you still love her?"
He hesitates, and she wonders if she crossed a line asking him that. She's dying of curiosity about this part of his life because, frankly, she'd always assumed Seth and Richie were too dependent on each other to ever need anyone else.
Richie. Right away something stirs deep within her soul, a gnawing ache for something she doesn't even understand. The sensation of his hands on her body is ingrained into her brain, the way his fingers-
Nope, nope, nope.
She chastises herself immediately for going down that train of thought. She promised Seth Richie was off-limits and she intends to keep her word. Seth is her family, and Richie is just... nothing.
Realising Seth never answered her question, she debates probing for more but changes her mind. She doesn't want to push her luck.
"We got married in Vegas," he says after a while. "Old Vegas, not the strip."
"Was it romantic?"
"Kinda. We couldn't keep our hands off each other throughout the ceremony."
"Did you write your own vows?"
"Do I look like a loser?" he retorts.
"Whatever. I think that's sweet."
"Sexy always trumps sweet. Remember that."
She whacks his arm. "Jerk."
"Feel like taking over?" he asks, pointing at the steering wheel.
"Only if you keep your mouth shut so I can get some peace," she teases him.
He smirks, pulling their truck over to the side of the road. "But no more of this Britney shit."
"Fine with me. I'm in the mood for some Miley Cyrus anyway."
He groans out loud in response.
The bar is filled with obnoxious people and their raucous laughter, Seth's the loudest of them all. He's doing shots with the college boys, flirting with the girls while Kate sits in one corner of the room, watching him with concern. They've been in Tijuana for two days now and Seth's been partying every night, living it up like he doesn't have a care in the world, but she knows underneath the jovial facade there's something troubling him. There are moments she's caught him staring at her, a furious stench of desperation simmering in his eyes, but every time she prods him for answers he brushes her off like she's nuts. Something's wrong, she can feel it in her bones, but he doesn't seem to be in any hurry to spill his secrets, or even go hunting for culebras for that matter. Whatever big that was supposed to happen seems to have fizzled upon their arrival, and a part of her wonders if there was even something to worry about. Had he lied to her?
"Kate, come here!" he yells from a few tables down, gesturing wildly for her to join him and his new friends.
She shakes her head 'no'. "I'm fine." Irritation surges through her when he swaggers over to her, tequila bottle in hand. He slams it down on the table, oblivious to the liquid splashing on her, and slides his chair up close.
"Why so sour, Katie-cakes? What's bothering you?"
She ponders asking him why he's wasted, again, but decides against it. Having a conversation about his drinking habits when he's drunk would be a futile move on her part. "I'm fine. Can we just leave now?"
"No, I'm having a blast. So would you if you removed that pole from up your ass."
She purses her lips, refusing to argue with him when he's in this state.
"You know what you need?" he asks.
"For you to be sober?"
"You need to get laid!" He whacks the table with his palm, sneering at her. "Full-on, the whole shebang."
She gets up to leave but he grabs her arm, forces her to sit down. She's seen him drunk before but he's never behaved like this. The glint in his eyes is malicious, as is the deliberately cruel way with which he mocks her.
"I mean, look at this place. It's a sausage buffet!" He tilts his head. "Unless you're still hung up on Richie." He leans forward, wrapping his arm around her shoulder to pull her close. "Is that it, Ice Queen? You waiting for Junior Gecko to pop that extra fresh cherry of yours?"
"Fuck off!" She pushes him off and quickly gets up, too upset to deal with whatever's gotten into him. With quick strides she exits the bar but Seth catches up to her easily, bottle still in hand.
"Hate to break it to you, Princess." He takes a swig, swiping his mouth with the other hand. "But Richie ain't all that interested in breaking you in. He's having way too much fun eating out Viper Fang-queen."
"What is wrong with you?"
"Maybe I'm tired of putting my life on the line for you. You ever think about that?"
She stops midstride, shocked. "You're being an idiot right now."
"Or maybe I'm finally being honest." He steps forward, not a hint of intoxication in his eyes. "I'm tired of looking over my shoulder, always wondering which fucktard will use me for target practice next. It's not me they want, it's you. So why should I be the one in the line of fire?"
"You're the one who got us into this! You and your brother!"
"Nah, babe. The wheels were set in motion way before I got involved. All they wanted was Richie, and you. The rest of us? Me, the padre, Scott, we were all just collateral damage."
His words are drenched with ugliness, filled with a kind of hatred she's not used to from him. She wants to scream, hit him until he feels the same pain he just unleashed upon her, but she has to remind herself that this isn't the real Seth standing in front of her. He's angry about something, wasted, and purposely trying to provoke her - probably to distract himself from his own worries. As much as she loves him, she can't be around him when he's acting like this or she's going to lose it completely. "If this is how you really feel, then we'll talk about it. Tomorrow. When you're sober. But I'm not putting up with you when you're like this. Don't come back to the room tonight. I don't want to see you there."
"And where am I supposed to stay?"
"I'm sure you'll figure it out."
She's already a few feet away when his voice calls out to her from behind. "I guess this is goodbye then, Fuller."
"Go to hell!"
Turns out he really meant it, because the next morning she wakes up to a roll of bills lying next to the car keys on the nightstand table, along with a text message from him.
"I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore."
Her heart sinks; she knows he's gone.
