Chapter 9

Her heart raced, but she felt sickly. Tharja wasn't ill, although the self-disappointment was enough to destroy the dark mage's spirits. Even her overwhelming love for Robin wasn't sufficiently strong to block or erase the self-loathing that Tharja was going through. It wouldn't be long before she would meet with him for some magic lessons. She was thrilled by the thought of spending time with Robin. Teaching him how to casts some spells was like a dream come true for her. However, she was going to use this opportunity to show Robin the… new Tharja. The normal, bubbly, and happy Tharja was sure to win Robin's affections, because it was she who Robin wanted. He said so himself. The tactician said that he wanted someone normal to look after him, and so she worked tirelessly to become the type of person that he wanted around. The ugly truth was that the dark mage hated this artificial persona she created.

Morphing her personality to be more like Sumia's became an act of betrayal. Tharja had been so focused on meeting Robin's standards that she had disregarded herself. At first, she believed that it was worth it, but did not anticipate how badly she would feel when she actually turned into Robin's ideal woman. It was like casting a horrible curse on herself, and being aware that hell had been imposed by her lonesome. Long ago, Tharja had come to terms with who she was. She wasn't a paragon of honor, nor was she very virtuous. Some people could claim that she was unethical. Nonetheless, Tharja was happy with herself. Tharja hadn't count on disliking who she would become, even if she had been aware of the difficulties of the transition between opposite personalities. The sheer difficulty of coming to terms with this other person was emotionally crippling.

What bothered Tharja the most was how dishonest she was being to herself. It wasn't like her to lie to someone, or hold back something important. Her blunt honesty had been the root of why some people alienated her. Nevertheless, she was proud of always being true to how she thought and felt. Not only was she lying to herself, Tharja was purposely suppressing who she really was, which was why she began to experience some self-hatred. Could she do this for the rest of her? Tharja wasn't sure anymore. The thought of carrying this awful feeling for the rest of her life was appalling.

Before leaving her tent, Tharja briefly rested on top of her cot and envisaged on how Robin would react to the new Tharja. He would probably be delighted to meet a plain girl that loves him, instead of a scary woman who is obsessed with him. He'd stop ignoring her, maybe start being more welcoming towards her. She might see that easygoing smile of his. The smile he flashes when he's relaxed, and not with her. In time, Robin would begin to reciprocate her feelings. Then Tharja could spend the rest of her life with the man she loved. Meanwhile, Tharja would hate who she had turned into as she lived her the rest of her day with Robin.

She forced herself to stand up when the sun began to rise. Tharja knew that Frederick would soon gather the Shepherds to execute the usual morning drills, and that was when she and Robin agreed to meet. The dark mage began feeling a mixture of thrill and dread. Any excuse to be with Robin was enough to get her excited; but she also felt gloomy because it wasn't her who was going to spend time with the Shepherds' tactician – it was the fake woman she created to please him. Tharja grabbed the pie she had baked an hour ago. It was still hot due to a spell she casted on it. Tharja sliced it with a clean dagger she kept nearby – just in case. The mage left her tent after placing the slice of pie on top of a plate she stole from the Shepherds' cook.

If Robin wanted more, he was permitted to enter her tent to get it.

Sleepy soldiers continued their patrol after spending most of last night on watch. The dark mage had yet to be fortunate enough to get guard duty with Robin. It was her hope that he'd react well to her new ego. If he took a liking to her, Robin may use his position of influence to tweak a few documents so they could spend a whole night together.

The Plegian mage spotted Robin walking away from camp, alone. She wasn't surprised. Tharja knew his schedule like the back of her hand. It was common for him scout the perimeter of the Shepherds' camp. According to some rumor, he was determined to make sure that no assassins were trying to slip past their defenses during the brief patrol shift. He wasn't very good at it, though. Tharja had skulked Robin dozens of times during this time of day without him noticing. Although, she had decided that "Normal Tharja" wasn't allowed to stalk Robin anymore – much to her dismay.

Tharja temporarily buried her true self, and sprinted towards Robin. "Why good day, Robin!" she greeted cheerfully. "How fare you? Enjoying this weather?" The Plegian woman felt like she was dying on the inside.

Robin blinked several times when he turned around, as if not believing what just happened. "…Tharja? What are you doing?" He asked nervously – and with a hint of disbelief.

She looked away. "What, me? Ho ho! Whatever do you mean? Just a normal greeting on a typical day." Tharja noticed that it was nearly impossible for her to lie to him while looking at his eyes. She sucked in a sharp breath of air. "…Why? Are you concerned for my welfare, good sir?"

The tactician laughed nervously. "Um, well… I suppose, in a way." His answer sounded genuine, which made Tharja feel a little elated. If he was expressing concern, it meant that he was responding well to her; at the very least, Robin found her slightly friendly.

Without Robin noticing, Tharja cursed herself to feel giddy and embarrassed. She blushed on purpose, because she had been told that some men liked the sight of a bashful woman, so she hoped Robin was one of them. "You are?! Why, how sweeeeeet!" Tharja exclaimed as she drew near him.

He stepped back. "Actually, I'm more concerned about whatever you're planning for me."

Despite her better judgment, Tharja resolved to be more forceful. "Of course I have a plan for you, silly-billy!" The Plegian mage resisted the urge to slap herself for referring Robin like that. "Now close your eye, and get ready for…" Tharja presented him with what she had been hiding behind her back. "A slice of liver-and-eel pie!" With one step, she closed the distance between them. "That's your favorite, correct? Oh, I do so adore baking," she lied. Baking was horrible. Such a mundane task was to be performed by goodwives with boring lives. She was a dark mage, which were known for being harbingers of, pestilence, famine, and doom!

"…Are you sure you're all right, Tharja?" he asked, sounding worried. "You didn't eat anything strange, did you? Miscast a hex? Hit your head on a rock?" The dark mage would've preferred any of those alternatives, for she wouldn't be aware of the ridiculous situation she was in.

However, Robin was sharp and on to her charade. Tharja knew that she had to improve her performance, so she forced a girly giggle that was horrible for her to emit. Even Robin was taken aback. "Oh ho ho, goodness me! Such an imagination you have, good sir. I'm sure I wouldn't know anything about anything strange, much less eat it!" The next lie she said was hard to endure. "Just a typical day for a typical girl here."

Understand gleamed in his eyes, so he sighed deeply. "This is about our conversation from before, isn't it?"

Damnation! Am I not being convincing? How is he seeing right through me? I worked so hard! Despite her inner turmoil, Tharja didn't break character. "Don't be silly. Now have some pie!"

"Look, I don't want – MMPH!" Robin was interrupted by Tharja shoving the slice of pie in his mouth. Thankfully, he chewed and swallowed, instead of spitting it out. "…Actually, that's delicious," he said truthfully. Robin even looked like he had eaten the finest meal of his life.

"Oh, huzzah! I've been working on the recipe every day after normal practice!" Why am I telling him that?! Am I losing my intelligence as I continue with this charade?

Robin became pale. He looked mortified when Tharja told him of her "normal practice." Her mind scrambled to find a solution. "'Normal practice'…? You mean you've been practicing being normal?" Robin sounded unsure, guilty even.

Tharja pressed on since she couldn't come up with anything. "Indeed! And it worked!" Please tell me that it worked. Please! "I'm perfectly normal now! Ho ho! My yes, so typically normally plain."

"Do you realize that your 'typical normal' is very, very unusual?" Tharja had suffered injuries that were less painful than what Robin said.

The redness on her face drained. Tharja concluded that she had not been natural enough at being fake. "Oh my, huzzah? Goodness, I simply must… something?" she shakily asked herself. Her persona shattered.

"Tharja, I'm sorry about what I said before. You shouldn't have listened to me." Her chest tightened, and her hopes crumbled. "I liked you more the way you were, so can you go back to being the old Tharja?" he asked meekly.

"Gracious, I… I have been practicing so diligently as of late, I'm not sure I can stop!" She wasn't even talking to Robin. Tharja was arguing with herself.

Tharja spent the rest of the day mending her wounded psyche.

A/N: This chapter was longer, but it everything I did after the end of the support conversation felt forced – too much angst. I think I need to develop Robin a little further, and sort of just leave the implications of this chapter without needlessly expanding on it.