The first time I had sex, wasn't really my choice. At the time I thought it was but it was a twisted man preying upon young girls. I was 14 years old. My mother and step-dad had taken a break from each other so my mom was constantly working. Which let me, 14 years old, home alone most of the time. My friend, Kristen, a year older than me became my safe haven even though my mom didn't like her. We spent many a nights at her sister's, Allison, house. But unlike the so many times before, Allison had a new boyfriend, Kevin. Supposedly he had just gotten out of prison in another state for rape.

Kristen and I were typical teenage girls, thinking he was so cute but that's as far as it ever went. That is until one night when Kristen and I were doing some underage drinking, alone at her sisters. Allison was at work for the night. Around 11:00pm Kevin came in and started drinking with us, harmless right? Wrong the more drunk he got the more touchy feely he became with the both of us.

Kristen had gone upstairs to use the bathroom when he told me to meet him in the bathroom after she came back down. I was drunk so I nodded not knowing what I was getting myself into.

There are many times when I look back and wish I had listened to my mom, just stayed away. If I had been a good kid maybe this wouldn't have happened to me.

Kristen came back and I, a little too eagerly, ran upstairs to the bathroom. A few minutes later Kevin joined me. He told me to put my hands on the rim of the toilet and bend over, I listened. That's how I lost my innocence. There were no sweet nothings whispered, no comfort from the pain that came with losing my virginity. No, there was only him using me for his own gain. After he finished he told me not to tell Kristen. I went downstairs, oddly happy. I think that back then I thought that's how things were meant to be.

The blood started leaking from my used body, but instead of outing Kevin I asked if she had any feminine products saying I started my period. If only I had told her I would have been able to save her from my fate as well. But like I said at the time I didn't think it was wrong.

Later that night I passed out leaving Kristen alone with Kevin. I walked upstairs to use the bathroom, I hear Kristen calling my name. I didn't save, either I didn't want to or I couldn't I still don't know. So in one night my best friend and I were raped, whether or not we knew it.

Months after the incident I started dating a guy, who happened to be the nephew of Kevin. I went, without my mom's permission, to his house where Kevin happened to be. They offered to walk me home; they walked halfway there before they started fighting so I continued on by myself. Getting home my mom wasn't there; I ended up passing out on the couch. I woke up to someone touching me; in my sleepy haze I saw it was Kevin. How the hell did he get in my house without my 3 dogs hearing him? They always barked but they didn't give me any warning. He used me three times that night.

So my track record so far with guys isn't the best, my mom found out about Kevin when Kristen filed a rape suit against him and I somehow got involved. I had to admit to a bunch of strangers what happened to me; my mom sat beside me as I retold the ordeal.

There were a few boyfriends here and there most of them I slept with. We basically used each other, they wanted sex, and I wanted attention. It seemed normal to me, like that's how it was supposed to be. Needless to say I dated quite a few assholes, most cheated on me. My mom finally got so fed up with me she shipped me to Forks, Washington to live with my real dad, Charlie. And this is where I'm at, looking over my past relationships and wondering if I want to continue the way I am.