Where t'fuck are they?
I open t'door again, peer through. Nothin'. I was sure I heard a noise. We've been here'n hour at least. Eric, he insists we stay.
"They'll come here. Aaron knows this hideout, we've been here before. They'll have seen the flare. If they can, they'll come here."
What if they can't? What if somethin's happened? I should be ou'there, looking. But Carl and Judith're here, I know Rick would put'em first. Would want me t'put them first, no matter wha's going on wi'him. So I stay.
I don' even know I'm pacing til I see Maggie, the look she gives me. So I stop, retreat back to the door, try t'listen. For a car. For people on foot. For walkers.
T'tension makes me feel more sick'n the antibiotics Eric made me take when t'others told him bout m'arm. T'pills didn't stay down, came back up almost right away. I stayed behind in t'street while the others got Eric inside. All during t'ride I'd felt my body fighting t'keep a grip, but in the end it lost the battle. I know I need t'ask Eric for another dose, an' soon. My arm hurts, and the skin feels hot and tight. My whole body aches and I can tell I've got a fever. But that's not important, not right now. We need Rick back, tha's the most urgent problem.
There! Was that a car? I step through t'door, but t'alley's deserted. My heart hammers hard in m' chest, the tension makes me light-headed. Where are they?!
I can feel the nausea surging again, m'stomach cramp painfully. I slump against the wall by t'door, hunched up, just trying t'breathe through it, make the feeling pass as quickly as possible. M'arm hurts a lot now. I don' need t'look at it t'know tha blood's soaked through the new bandage Maggie put on in the RV. T'thought of blood makes me feel even worse. I hold the arm against m'chest with t'other hand, hoping the throbbing will go away if I don' let it hang down. I can feel t'heat from the skin around the wound hot against my chest, even through t'shirt and bandages.
For a moment I don' even care that the dizziness makes the world sway, makes it all blurry. Wha' of it, if I pass out right here, an' the walkers get me? So what? At least then I won' feel like this anymore. A failure, a loser who can' keep his family safe.
The night air is cold an' makes m'teeth chatter. I don' wanna go back inside. With every moment he's missing my anxiety grows, an' I can't even think about being in there with them all, their eyes on me as I try an' hide how much I worry, how much it all fuckin' hurts.
What if he never comes back? What if something did happen to'em? How can I go on? Look after his kids? Be withou' him… Gods, I feel sick…
There… that's people runnin', 'm sure. I can hear someone whistlin'. I push myself off the wall, step out into t'moonlight, wave. He's right there, he's seen me. Suddenly, nothing hurts, my heart's light.
"Rick, over here!"
