Chapter 5: His Night Terrors
That is, I slept soundly until Jacob started screaming.
The minute he started to shout, I shot up off his chest. He was thrashing wildly and screaming something I couldn't make out. Panicked, I tried to wake him.
"Jake! Jake! Wake up! It's just a dream!"
His eyes shot open and looked around desperately. They landed on me and I smiled, my hands still on his chest. The next thing I knew, I was pinned underneath him, his hands wrapped around my throat. I couldn't breathe. I grasped his hands to try to pry them away, but his grip tightened. His eyes were cold, murderous. I scratched at his hands. When I drew blood, Jacob looked down at the cut my nails had made.
The look on his face changed from cold to sudden understanding. He immediately pulled his hands away, looking shaken. Scrambling to the other end of the bed, he stared at his hands and then at me. He was terrified.
"Ness, baby, I'm- I'm so sorry! I never meant to hurt you! Believe me when I say I didn't think it was you. I just saw- I saw them. Those monsters, those terrorists and insurgents. I thought- I felt like I was back in the Middle East." He was beginning to sound like a lost child. "It's always in my head, Ness, always."
I rubbed my neck, sure it was going to bruise for a day, maybe two. "Jacob, what exactly do you mean?"
"They're night terrors. You know what those are, don't you?" I nodded. "Yeah, a lot of soldiers suffer from them. I never had a problem until I came back home. After, well, after the incident. I've actually been home for more than two weeks, but after healing from the incident, the terrors started. They diagnosed me with PTSD. So, I started therapy, but it didn't do much. As a last attempt, they said I should go back to living life as normal as I can."
I crawled over to him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to worry you." He reached out to stroke my face and stopped short. I quickly grabbed his hand and planted a kiss in the center of his palm.
"It's not your fault," I whispered. "Don't beat yourself up over it. It's going to be okay."
Jacob leaned down to rest his head in my lap, and I began to stroke his hair. "Thank you for being so amazing. You shouldn't have to be." He nuzzled my thigh.
I just kept stroking his hair until he fell asleep. Then, I began to think back to earlier that night. His kisses. His touches. His words of love. All of it was perfect. Jacob was perfect. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so content. I still loved him. I just didn't know if I could still be with him.
Jacob was still in the Marines. What happens if he gets shipped off again? Would he break up with me again? I don't think I could handle that after giving him every part of me twice. I wouldn't be able to come back from it. I shook my head as if to try and rid myself of my thoughts. I didn't want to think about that right now. I just wanted to enjoy the best night I've had in a long while.
The sex was amazing, and even though it was really just fucking, it was still love-making too. It was rough, and I knew I was going to be sore in the morning. However, I could feel Jacob's love for me with every touch. And when the final moment came and he spilled into me, it felt like we had officially become one. I'd never felt that sensation before.
I stilled instantly. I'd never felt that sensation before. I'd never felt the heat of his come inside me before. Why did I only just now experience this? You forgot a condom, stupid.
Son of a bitch.
I was out of bed and over to my desk in less than a second. I pulled open the drawer. Crap. We forgot to use a condom. How did we forget? We used to be so careful all the time. Dammit.
"Ness, baby, what's wrong?" Crap. I must've woken him by shooting out of bed.
"Uh, well, we fucked up."
"I know we fucked. I was there." I glanced over my shoulder at him. He had a lazy grin across his adorable, sleepy face.
"No we fucked UP," I emphasized.
"What do you mean?" Jacob was slowly becoming more alert.
I grabbed the box of condoms out of my drawer and threw them at his face. He easily caught the box before it hit him, and inspected it closely. After realizing what it was, his eyes widened, and he jumped off the bed. "Shit!"
