A/N: Chapter 4 of Disassembled is here! Happy reading, everyone~

A reply for Tizoc: Thank you so much for your review! There are actually several sources I read about Japan's withdrawal from WNT, with varying explanation. It's generally agreed that Japan handed their official renunciation of the treaty in December 1934, although some sources said it became effective since 1936. Some sources also said that Japan's renunciation first started from the exit of the League of Nations (it was like the event that triggered Japan's dissatisfaction to this whole following the treaty thing, including the London Naval Treaty), but some other reasons were also mentioned, like Japan's demand for equality with Britain and the US, which was refused. All in all, Japan stopped caring about ship restrictions and whatnot since 1933-1934. Not that they built a lot of new battleships after that, though.


Chapter 4: Survivor Guilt

On that sunny day, under the bright afternoon sky, Akagi and I finally had a small talk about our sisters, and although I knew there was still plenty of things we didn't tell each other, we made a decision to put everything that happened in the past behind. I was glad that we were able to share a little of our joys and grief.

We held hands and walked back into the factory, wiping our eyes as we walked. My face was an absolute mess, but in spite of everything, I felt lighter and happier than I had ever been in years.

I guessed that put a smile on my face after so long, which Akagi immediately pointed out with a loud voice.

"Ah, you smiled!"

I realized that I let it slip and blurted out to her, "Come again?"

"You smiled," she repeated, "It's so cute. Do it again!"

She looked so pumped that she was making me flustered. "No."

"Eeh, why?"

"No."

"But it's cute."

"I said no."

"Come on, pleaaaase? Just this once."

"Akagi-san, I said..."

"What should I do to make that cute smile show up again? Should I tickle you?"

"What? No! Akagi-san!"

With her eyes gleaming with excitement, as if she felt challenged by my reaction, she playfully made a grab for my arms and repeatedly prodded my neck and stomach, while I fruitlessly tried to wrestle my body out of her grasp. She didn't even have the good grace to disguise her glee at my embarrassment, which frustrated me because she was painfully oblivious of what she was making me feeling. When Akagi's breath was already dangerously close to my neck, an energetic voice called out my name and distracted her attention.

"Hey, Kaga! I've been looking for you!"

That voice sounded familiar so I turned my head to look at the owner. A young brunette with twin tails who was wearing a black skirt and a long-sleeved red coat was gamboling our way while waving her arm.

"R...Ryuujou-san...?" I grimaced while Akagi was still stubbornly hanging onto my waist.

"Yeah! Glad that you still remember me!" she said cheerfully, flashing her gleaming white teeth, "And oh, who is this? Your girlfriend?"

"No...!" I exclaimed, but Akagi's reaction was just a curious "Oh, does it look that way to you?"

I pushed her away from me, as I was aware of her transparent attempt to tease me.

It did nothing but make her smirk naughtily.

"A-anyway! Why are you here, Ryuujou-san?" I hurriedly said, trying to steer the topic away.

"I'm going to be comissioned soon, so they moved me here," she replied, fixing her tilted cap, "I was expecting to see you here, Kaga! Especially with all that news floating around. First air-to-air combat victory, eh? Talk about awesome!"

"Oh...thank you," I said, shyly evading Akagi's gaze when I realized she was smiling proudly.

"I also heard of other things they haven't announced yet! Like the plan to form the 2nd Carrier Division, I think they really will go with it now after seeing how well you performed in war. That might mean they will add more carriers someday," she explained, "Oh, and, there are also plans for your major reconstruction!"

That last bit completely caught our attention. "Reconstruction?"

"Ssh! It's still in the planning stages," Ryuujou hushed, dramatically putting a finger on her lips.

This girl... There was nothing that she didn't know, was it?

"Yes, major reconstructions, for you and Akagi! They are planning to get rid your weaknesses and power you up, clearly to increase carriers' role in battles. I didn't hear the details, but they mentioned better speed and newer, larger planes to easily obtain air superiority with preventive strikes. Isn't that great, Kaga? Since the great majority of them agree you need more fixing than Akagi, maybe they'll work on you first."

Akagi gasped at the news. Reconstruction... It would definitely mean that I could not go into battle again for a while, but I would gladly accept that if it was necessary to make me stronger. This was a rare chance and I had to grab it with both hands.

"Then what about that 2nd Carrier Division?" I asked her.

She tried to elaborate further. "Believe it or not, Kaga, I'm glad to say that they're pretty impressed by your work, so they're adding more carrier divisions! That means they would probably make Akagi the new flagship of the 2nd Carrier Division," she said, "But, ssh! Don't tell Akagi that! What if she gets upset? I heard she's in this base, but I haven't met her yet. Have you seen her?"

Ryuujou's statement made me froze.

I suddenly realized that Akagi was not clinging to me anymore.

I looked at her and she gave me what looked like a half-hearted smile.

"Congratulations, Kaga-san. I'm happy for you."

I gazed at her beautiful visage as Ryuujou realized who Akagi was and started to panic.

Our prediction did come true, they did plan to give us the qualities that we thought would be important in future battles.

Despite that, while she tried to calm Ryuujou down when she started apologizing to her nonstop, my mind was in complete jeopardy.

Because of me, Akagi lost her precious carrier division.

Why can't I...just be a normal friend to you, Akagi-san...?

Just fellow comrades who fight in the same fleet before going on our separate ways, like everyone else out there...

We could just forget each other and never see each other again....

It would've been so simple...

Why can't it be like that for us...?

And why is it that I don't want it to be like that...?


Akagi's reaction was exactly like I expected.

"Stop. I know why you're here. I don't want to talk about it," she held up her hand before I could open my mouth, but I stubbornly went ahead with it anyway.

"Akagi-san, listen. I should talk to them. I don't want this position. It belongs to you."

Akagi shook her head. "The position of 1st Carrier Division flagship belongs to whoever the Navy see fit."

"No, this is ridiculous. I never want to become a flagship," I insisted. Why was it so hard to get through to her? This was an obviously gratuitous decision.

Akagi sighed. "Kaga-san, you think about this too much. Consider it good for us because they're making plans to add more carriers."

I remembered what Ryuujou said. "Isn't that just a rumor?"

"They're probably preparing this new division for those carriers, but even if they don't, I'm fine with it. The 1st and 2nd Carrier Division seem to be interchangable and neither is more superior than the other. We also might trade places someday. We probably won't fight in the same fleet, but we're going to become flagships together. That's great, isn't it? It's not like they stop using me as an aircraft carrier of the Navy. After our reconstruction, I believe that we would become invincible."

I didn't know what to say to her, or where her confidence came from, but I like listening to her enthusiasm, and if Akagi is happy, I can't help but feel happy too.

However, her reaction was much gloomier when she first heard of the news from Ryuujou.

As I was wondering if it's okay for me to ask, she suddenly spoke. "The 1st Carrier Division is just that. A division. Why are you so worked up about it, Kaga-san?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but closed it again in an instant.

It was strange, just a moment ago the reason was so clear to me, but now I didn't really understand what I was thinking.

It might be just a division but... this division, which Akagi-san holds so dear, which Akagi-san has been working so hard for, which is the only thing Amagi-san left for Akagi-san...

I can't just take it away from her.

"I know there's nothing to be worked up about," I replied, "But I just thought that...this division...this division is where Akagi-san belongs..."

She only gaped at me for a few seconds, and it was making me self-conscious because I felt like I was overreacting.

What was I thinking? Why was I making such a fuss of her?

I couldn't even get my meaning over to her.

There was nothing to gain from this conversation.

I didn't know why I started it anymore. To continue becoming a flagship should've galvanized me to make even more accomplishments. This decision didn't go against me at all.

I gave her a garbled explanation to forget about it and awkwardly walked out of the room.

It was strange spending time around Akagi. I felt like running the whole gamut of emotions from joy to despair. Or worse, I felt like I suddenly became gauche when she was present, and my emotions, which I usually could hide so well in front of other people, always threatened to slip out of gear.

"Kaga-san..."

I peeked over my shoulder and my eyes met her gaze.

"Thank you," she said, smiling at me with gratitude.

I probably should've said something before I left the factory.

But at that time, I needed my feet to bring me as far away from Akagi as possible, because I was blushing so furiously that steam was coming out of my head.


After I went back to base, I spent most of my time practicing with my fleet. I was not fond of socializing with the other girls, so at other times, I usually just studied and reviewed that day's training in my room. For the first few days, I tried visiting Akagi, but she was getting harder to meet now that her refit was nearing completion. I lied on my bed, feeling more bored than ever. Not being able to see her sucked, and it was starting to get to me. I wondered if I could do more stuff with her when her refit was finished. Maybe we could practice shooting together, or we could eat out somewhere, as a replacement of that cancelled dinner.

However, before I could make plans for our outing in excessive detail, there was something else that kept me occupied all of a sudden.

I was just eating some ice cream in Mamiya's cafe when out of the blue, Ryuujou casually sat in front of me and started asking me questions.

Ever since then, she often tagged along when I went out somewhere, whether it was to the dorms, the cafe, or the training grounds.

It wasn't like she was annoying, she was just an energetic, curious girl. I didn't feel like getting a new friend, either, since all we did was discussing Navy-related things and I gave her a glimpse into life in the carriers fleet main base. However, once in a while when we were alone, she would tell me about the rumors and the strange goings-on that were grabbing the headlines of the naval base newspaper, which almost always ended with "don't let this go further than these four walls!". Sometimes I wondered how she got at all these things that she had been telling me. Of course I didn't take any of her words as gospel truth, and almost anything goes these days, but some of the gory details were so outrageous that I couldn't see the subject the same way anymore.

I also heard from her that the Navy had exited the Treaty that caused the deaths of Tosa and Akagi's sisters.

I couldn't help but feel cheated.

If only... If only they didn't follow it in the first place.

Our sisters would still be alive...

But I guessed... Because of that treaty, I got to meet Akagi, and I don't think that's a bad thing...

It was no good thinking about that now.

At least that was how I tried to cheer myself before Ryuujou changed the topic again, because she probably noticed that I didn't really want to go there.

After some time, Ryuujou started bringing up more mundane topics, such as the girls around the base who turned out to be dating. This one was a bit of a common gossip. The humans could never understand how those feelings came into being, and neither could I. It was not about their gender for me, only humans fussed about something as trivial as that. It was just unthinkable for me to love someone so much that you would be willing to give your whole life to that person.

"So, Kaga, it's unthinkable for you to want to marry someone?"

"That is correct."

"Seriously? There has to be one or two fleet girls who caught your attention."

"Who knows. It's definitely not you, though."

"That is so rude!"

As I stopped listening to Ryuujou's stream of gibberish, I pondered about what she just said to me.

There is only...one fleet girl who ever caught my attention.

Just having that thought inside my mind was already enough to make me blush.

Ryuujou never really told me anything about Akagi, and it made me feel glad because there probably wasn't any ugly rumors about her.

Until one day.

I was relaxing in my room when someone knocked on my door so loudly and desperately that I nearly dropped my book.

I thought there was a fire or something, so I rushed to my door and opened it.

Ryuujou was there, her clothes were dishevelled and her hair was so messy, as if she had been running nonstop against the cold windy air.

"Kaga," she panted, her face as white as chalk, "You have to come with me. Akagi is missing!"

My throat suddenly went dry.

"Akagi-san?"

"Yes, Akagi! She isn't in the factory, or anywhere around it, while they have made it perfectly clear to her that she's not allowed to walk around too much because her refit is almost finished. Nobody has seen her since this morning. She didn't even touch her breakfast! Just imagine! Akagi. Not touching her breakfast! The admiral and Houshou-san are away so we have no idea what to do. Half of the base are looking for her now!"

As I listened to Ryuujou's explanation, I tried to get a grip on what was happening.

The food in the factory isn't exactly gourmet food, but Akagi's appetite is unstoppable.

During the whole year since the start of Akagi's refit in December, she had never done anything against what the factory workers had told her.

Akagi was not the type of person who would go against orders without reason.

Something must have happened.

"Come on, Kaga, let's go!"

"Alright," I nodded and quickly dressed myself before going out of the dorm with Ryuujou.

I thought about the places that Akagi would possibly visit.

But how could we find Akagi without a clue...?

The other fleet girls probably had finished searching these places, and none of them provided Akagi with a strong enough reason to defy orders and be there.

My heart started pounding in an increasingly rapid pace.

I needed more information.

"Who saw her last?" I asked her.

"We've grilled the factory workers about her whereabouts and they only said she was still in her room last night," Ryuujou replied, "Nothing seemed out of ordinary, either."

Well, with Akagi's standards of hiding her emotions behind her killer smile, it was hard to tell at a glance that something was amiss.

Where have you got to, Akagi-san...? Why did you go and disappear...?

Think, Kaga...

Where would Akagi-san, who is so dedicated to her duties, need to go so badly that she escaped from the factory when her refit is nearly done...?

As Ryuujou was blabbering about how everyone was wondering if we should tell the admiral about this or not, I forced my mind to concentrate.

There has to be one...

A place that she values more than the base...

Something that she values more than herself...

"...Then they started arguing among each other, because half of them wanted to hide this from the admiral and call Houshou-san instead, while the other half..."

"Ryuujou-san..."

"...think that this is a serious problem and...what is it, Kaga?"

"What date is it today...?"

"Date...?" Ryuujou said, tipping her head to the side, "September 23rd."

"I see," I briefly replied, before sprinting in the opposite direction.

"But what does it have to do with...oi, Kaga! Where are you going?"

"I know where she's at!" I said as Ryuujou quickly followed suit, "September 23rd is...the day of the earthquake that killed her sister!"

"Earthquake...? Ah, I get it! Does that mean that she visits her sister's grave and hasn't come back?"

"No, Amagi was sold and scrapped before she became a full-fledged fleet girl, so they didn't build a grave for her," I said, running past a few people who looked at me weirdly, "But I know where Akagi-san possibly is."

We dashed down the gravel path and went past a lot more fleet girls along the road, then I finally saw it. The large, wooden building where I met Akagi for the first time.

"Wha...why are we going to the dojo?" Ryuujou asked, bending over as she tried to catch her breath, "The training grounds is closed for today. How did she..."

"She's inside," I assured her, "I can hear it from here. The planes."

Ryuujou scrunched up her eyebrows. After listening to her surroundings for some time, she piped out, "You're right! Gosh, what is she doing here...?"

I didn't answer her as I opened the entrance to the dojo. There was no sound other than the buzzing of the plane engines that got louder and louder as we approached the practice area.

It had been awhile since I last met Akagi. I was hoping to arrange a dinner for us the next time we met, and her happy, excited face would be all that I saw.

But I guess that could not be a reality.

The Akagi that we encountered in the dojo was far from the cheery, smiling girl that I had been waiting to see.

I never saw a more heartbreaking sight.

Kneeling on the floor of the dojo with her legs folded underneath her thighs was the ghostly figure of Akagi, still with her untidy bed hair and the white kimono that she usually wore to sleep. She was filthy and covered in sweat, while her feet were blackened with grime and full of cuts, then I realized that I didn't see her sandals anywhere and that she probably walked to this place barefooted. Her neck was fully extended and she was staring emptily at the high ceiling, with her face smeared by countless wet streaks, as if she had been weeping over and over again. Her fingers were curled around her bow on the floor in a death grip, and right next to her was an empty quiver. There wasn't a single practice plane left anymore. A few orange planes were still flying around the sky of the open grassy area when we arrived.

"Akagi-san..." I said breathlessly, but she didn't show any kind of response. Ryuujou's eyes darted between Akagi and me, but she stayed quiet. I guessed she just didn't want to interfere.

"Akagi-san," I called again, kneeling beside her and putting a hand on her shoulder, "Akagi-san, can you hear me...?"

Her mouth moved slightly and her voice was so small that I had to lean down to hear it. "...It's not enough..."

"What's not enough...?" I asked her carefully.

"...The training..." she gasped out, "I need to train more."

She unexpectedly stood up on her feet, but her balance was so poor that I hurriedly grabbed her left arm to stop her from falling. That was when I noticed that her fingers were shaking. I swiftly took hold of her left wrist and flipped her hand. A deep mark from her bow shaft was imprinted in the middle of her palm. The dirt on her hand was ground in, and her fingers were all stiff and trembling.

"Akagi-san..." I said in disbelief, "Just how long have you been training...? Have you eaten at all...?"

She might be pretending that she could still keep going, but those signs were a dead giveaway.

"Go away, Kaga-san," she murmured, "I still need to train."

I shook my head. "No, you don't. What were you thinking? You are not allowed to move alot, let alone push yourself to train like this! We have to go back, Akagi-san."

But Akagi would not listen to me.

"Let me go, Kaga-san! It's still...it's still not enough. I haven't touched that bow for so long. I'm getting behind. It was a mistake. I have to train. I have to train forever. I can't make a mistake. Not a single mistake. I can't be a disappointment, because I'm the only one of them left...!"

I saw that her eyes were glistening with tears as she struggled to stand, but I did not let her go.

"Akagi-san," I said, trying to stay calm as I put my arms around her, "The mechanics have said that you will regain your skills back in no time. And they would be even better because of your refit. You know that."

"They have no proof of that," she wailed, her voice cracking, "I can't... I need to... I can't sleep...I feel like they're all watching me...judging me...scorning me. I have to train. I have to train or die. A useless sister only has this body, this life to give. To destroy to pieces, to sacrifice every limb. If I don't do my hardest, to the extent of my limits, then I'm as good as useless. Then it's no good that I survived, I should just die with them instead...!"

As I hugged her closer, Akagi did not even have any energy left to fight me. I saw from the corner of my eye that Ryuujou was putting her hand on her mouth. She probably never expected to see our first standard carrier in this sorry state.

Behind Akagi's gorgeous smile lay a soul so crippled that the only way she could keep going was to maintain this absolutely perfect image that she showed in front of everyone else. It was the only thing that goaded her on, a fierce ambition with no meaning. It was just a proof that the gaping wound in her heart that was gouged by her sisters' death could not heal to this day, leaving this guilt that ground on for years. With the nature of fleet girls it was difficult for them to air their grievances. Most of the time there was nothing we could do about our pain and disappointment. We were only told to grin and bear it.

"Akagi-san..." I muttered to her ear, "Your sisters...they wouldn't want to see you torturing yourself to death."

Akagi's hands clawed weakly on my sleeves, and I could hear her sobbing softly against my neck. "They would definitely want to see you happy..." I said again, caressing the back of her head, "You don't need to get ahead of everyone. You deserve to be happy, Akagi-san."

I didn't expect my words to convince her, she had bourne this heavy burden alone for so many years anyway. But if they could at least provide her some comfort for now, no matter how little, then it was more than enough for me.

My eyes found Ryuujou's and she gave me a small smile. She winked at me and silently mouthed, "I'll wait outside, okay? God bless". Before I could answer, she had backed out of the room without making a sound.

I could sense heat creeping up my cheeks, but I didn't move away when Akagi started squeezing me tightly. I felt that... she needed someone's presence now more than ever.

"Why are you so kind to me, Kaga-san...?" she asked, "After all those hateful things I have said and done to you... Why do you even still put up with me...?"

I wish I knew the answer to that too. At least I was sure of one reason... although I didn't really know how to get it across.

"...Because you're also good to me, Akagi-san...and sometimes, when you smile... you look like you're in pain..." I told her, "...and that makes me wonder... if you don't allow yourself to be happy."

She didn't give a reply to my statement. She only continued to cry her eyes out in my arms as I awkwardly stroked her hair.

With how firm she was holding me I thought she would never let me go, but then she slumped against my body and let my arms hold her upright, looking more exhausted than ever. I guessed her lack of stamina eventually caught up to her. Or maybe, after this long day... she finally, finally allowed her body a bit of rest.


March 1933

Refusing to accept the judgment of the League of Nations that Japan had violated Chinese sovereignty and international law with the invasion of Manchuria, the Empire of Japan withdrew from the League.

With this decision, the IJN's ship construction was no longer restricted by the Washington Naval Treaty, the treaty that caused the death of Akagi and Kaga's sisters.