Shepard Finds Her Soul Mate

Chapter 22: Arrival

Shepard listens as Admiral Hackett describes the rescue mission he wants her to go on as a personal favor to him. Of course Dr. Kenson had to be taken prisoner by batarians. It seems Lily can never get away from batarians. She has a very bad feeling about this mission and she has learned to trust her instincts. Thane and Garrus are still recovering from the last mission that went bad.

To make matters worse Hackett wants her to go alone and will deny everything if she gets caught. Yet, Shepard knows she'll do it. Kenson might have important information about the Reapers and she can't pass up the opportunity to learn more despite the risks. After agreeing and saying goodbye to Hackett, Shepard asks Garrus come to their cabin.

Garrus knows immediately that whatever Hackett said to Lily, he's not going to like it. Her face is grim and determined. "What did he say?"

"He wants me to rescue a friend of his. She has information about a Reaper invasion."

"Why you? Why not the Alliance?"

"That's not all."

Vakarian almost doesn't want to hear her answer. "What else?"

"She's been arrested…and is being held at a batarian outpost. He wants me to go alone. He says they'll kill her if they see a squad invading their secret prison. The Alliance cannot risk an incident by making this an official Alliance mission. That's why he chose me and me alone."

"You can't be serious! No! No way in hell am I letting you go into a fucking batarian prison alone!" The second that leaves his mouth, he knows he made a mistake. Shepard freezes and Garrus knows he is in trouble.

"Let me. Let me go?" Lily's voice is carefully contained but he can still hear the threat underneath the control. "You dare think that you have a say about what I can and cannot do." The quiet, controlled tone is terrifying.

"Lily, I—I didn't mean it like that! I just—I'm concerned about you. I don't want to lose you." Garrus' tone is remorseful. He is terrified to lose her.

Lily softens, seeing the guilt in Garrus' posture. Deep down, she knows that Garrus didn't mean it the way it sounded. "I know that and I understand but I am going and I'm going alone. If this doctor has evidence of the Reapers' existence, then I need it. We need it. I can't keep fighting them alone. We need the Council, the governments to acknowledge that the Reapers are real. Otherwise, how will we defeat them?" Shepard sighs, "I know you are concerned about my safety but I can't stop being who I am simply because you're scared. This is who I am, Garrus. I risk my life every day. Either you need to accept that and trust me or we're done."

"Lily, Spirits—of course I trust you! I trust you more than I ever have trusted a person. I know this is who you are; I know that you will risk everything to stop the Reapers. I love you. I love you more than I thought I could love another person. You mean everything to me and the thought of you going alone almost stops my heart. Not because I think you need me to protect you but because I don't want to lose you. Things can happen, go wrong and I want to be there with you if that happens. I can't lose you again, not when I only just got you back. I can't, Lily." Garrus is terrified. He lost her once and knowing she is his yazani, he can't bear losing her again. She died alone once and he vows she won't ever have to do that again. He'll be there right beside her; he'll go when she goes, simple as that.

Shepard's shoulders lose their tension; she understands where he is coming from. "Okay, Garrus. I understand. I wish you could go with me but you can't. I'll be careful, I promise, okay?"

Vakarian sighs knowing this is the best she can offer. "Okay." He gently pulls her to him, tenderly touching foreheads with her.

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Shepard carefully and silently makes her way to Dr. Kenson. She'd prefer going in guns blazing but she goes in stealthily for Garrus. The less time the batarians know she's there, the less time they have to try and kill her. Remarkably somehow she doesn't get spotted, maybe Shepard is getting better at the whole stealth thing. *Yeah right. I got lucky. I'd be a fool to believe otherwise.* Before she knows it, she and Kenson are fighting their way out and gone. As the doctor shows her around, Lily can't help but think this has been too easy. Her unease grows, that feeling of doom she had before is back stronger than ever. The second she sees the artifact, Lily knows she was right. The scientists have been reckless with the Reaper tech and have become indoctrinated. Biotic charge after biotic charge, bullet after bullet, she fights the indoctrinated scientists. *Damn the Reapers!* By the end of the fight, she's out of bullets and her biotics have started to weaken from exhaustion. Her last thought is *Garrus is going to be so pissed at me.* Then, all goes dark.

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Shepard wakes up groggily. She can hear yelling in the background, something about drugs. Lily gingerly sits up and looks at Kenson. They have failed to keep her under. Now, all she can do is fight her way out. So, she does. Shepard fights and she kills. Yet, it isn't enough. Kenson succeeds in stopping her from warning the batarians. Despite having no love for their race, Lily doesn't wish this fate on them. They won't escape before she blows the relay. They'll all die but she has no other choice. To save trillions, she has to sacrifice thousands. Delaying the Reapers is vital. Even knowing this, her heart breaks as she pushes the button. Joker picks her up and flies out of the system with only seconds to spare.

Garrus meets her just outside the cockpit. He says nothing, merely opening his arms and she doesn't hesitate. Lily lets Garrus' familiar embrace steady her. She is numb and in shock. What she had to do… Shepard isn't ready to deal with what happened yet. Instead, she clings to the turian's strong frame with a touch of desperation. The bad feeling she had about this mission was nothing in comparison to what happened. Lily wants to break down, to cry until she has nothing left inside her.

"Come on, let's have Chakwas look at you." Garrus puts his arm around her and helps her to the med lab. Shepard is far too exhausted to care about appearances. She isn't sure she could make it without Garrus' help anyway.

Chakwas' examination is quick. Shepard has minor injuries and Chakwas cleans and treats them swiftly and efficiently. Shepard is asleep by the time she is finished. "Why don't you take her to her quarters?" Karin says softly. Shepard doesn't have a concussion and doesn't need to be monitored. Garrus carefully lifts his love into his arms, cradling her tenderly as he carries her to the quarters they share. He strips her, then himself and lies down with her. Garrus breathes in her scent of lilacs and gun oil. He keeps telling himself that she is safe and back in his arms. After what happened, Lily will need him in the coming days.

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Hours later, Lily wakes from a nightmare. What happened hits her like a freight train. Her tears quickly grow into gut wrenching sobs. Destroying the Alpha Relay took out the entire batarian system. She is responsible. She should have done more, fought harder, faster. Something! Anything! Shepard had failed and worse, thousands of innocent people died because of it.

Lily shudders as she feels Garrus' arms wrap around her. Part of her believes she doesn't deserve comfort, yet another part knows she needs it desperately. Deep into the night, Garrus comforts her as she cries. He doesn't try to get her to talk. The turian simply holds her tight as she grieves. Many will blame her, point their accusing fingers at her but Garrus knows her. He knows she did everything she could to warn the batarians. Shepard's history with the batarians is bloody and violent. Yet, he doubts that she even once thought the batarians deserved to die. Shepard is a paragon through and through. She saves people; she doesn't kill innocents. His yazani, his Lily is not a murderer.

Shepard cries herself to sleep and is barely awake for the next two days. Garrus hardly leaves her side, keeping silent for which Lily is grateful. She isn't ready to talk.

The end of the second night, Lily wakes feeling more human than she has for days. She's numb again, having practically cried out all the moisture in her body.

"You did everything you could, Lily," Garrus vows quietly. "You are not a murderer." He knows she is finally ready to hear that.

Shepard's violet eyes are filled with sorrow. She says tiredly, "How do you even know that, Garrus? How can you believe that?"

Garrus cups her cheek and answers simply, "Because I know you."

Lily closes her eyes, emotion wells in her throat. To have Garrus believe in her unconditionally is exactly what she needs right now. "Thank you." The remaining batarians will be out for her blood. She'll be called a murder and much worse. But with Garrus at her side, she might just be strong enough to get through this.

After showering, eating, and replenishing her fluids, Shepard sits down with Garrus. Together they go over what happened, writing out her account of what happened. Shepard hasn't quite been able to bring herself to call Hackett yet. She doubts he'll be happy about what happened.

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The next morning:

Lounging on the couch, Shepard is picking at her breakfast as she stares off distractedly. Garrus nudges her and Lily starts actually eating some of the food on her plate.

Joker's voice interrupts their lunch suddenly, "Admiral Hackett has come aboard. He's waiting for you in the medbay."

For a brief second, Lily trembles. A moment later, she pulls on her stoic soldier face. It isn't as confident as usual due to her mental and physical exhaustion but still strong enough to get her through. Shepard stands up; stumbling for a few steps but soon gets her footing. Garrus trails behind her just in case.

Shepard sees Chakwas and Admiral Hackett talking in the med bay. The conversation abruptly cuts off as she enters.

Chakwas' gaze goes from Shepard to Hackett before nodding firmly and exiting her lab. Garrus follows a moment later after catching Lily's eye.

Shepard sits down on a bed. A purely selfish part of her simply wishes to sleep, to hide from what happened and her part in it. But she isn't a coward. She is a Shepard. The last of her family. She has to stand tall and bravely meet her fate, whatever it may be.

Hackett approaches, eying Shepard carefully. She looks exhausted. It is far too obvious Shepard has been through quite an ordeal. And he is to blame. *How could this have happened?* Clearing his throat, Hackett says, "It sounds like you went through hell on that asteroid. How are you feeling, Commander?"

Shepard goes rigid to prevent the flinch at the title. *No one calls me that any more, not from the Alliance. I am not a Commander, not any more.* Shepard consciously relaxes her muscles. "Fine, Admiral. I'm alive and no more visions if that's what you are asking." Lily looks down at her hands; she can almost see the blood on them. A tiny shudder runs through her body. She meets Hackett's penetrating gaze, "I wasn't expecting to see you here. On the Normandy, I mean."

"I thought a personal debrief was in order. After all, you did this mission as a favor to me." His expression hardens, "That was before the Alpha Relay exploded. What the hell happened? I sent you to break Amanda Kenson out of prison. And now an entire system is destroyed. Explain to me how rescuing Kenson led to that."

Shepard calmly stands and hands over the datapad. "I confirmed Kenson's proof. The Reapers were coming. Destroying that relay was the only way to stop them." She stares into Hackett's eyes. "Unfortunately Kenson and her team were reckless with a Reaper artifact and were indoctrinated. There were too many of them… Kenson kept me sedated for two days. When I woke, I restarted the engines. There was a little more an hour left. I tried to contact the colony, to warn them." Shepard shakes her head. "Time ran out."

"The batarians report no survivors but at least you tried." Hackett believes Shepard. He may not know her personally but he knows her military career. Shepard has time after time done everything she could to protect innocents and to prevent innocent casualties. He turns his back, facing the door with his hands clasped behind him. "Do you really believe the Reaper invasion was a threat?"

"Without a doubt. We literally had minutes to spare." That is her only comfort. The batarians didn't die for nothing.

"I'm sure all the details are in your report." As soon as he leaves, Hackett plans to go over her report thoroughly. Turning around, Hackett admits, "I won't lie to you. The batarians will be out for blood and there is just enough evidence for a witch-hunt. We do not want war with the batarians, not with the Reapers at the galaxy's edge."

Shepard leans back, a tingle of alarm running through her body. "What do you mean?"

"You did what you did for the best of reasons but that doesn't change the fact there were over three hundred thousand batarians in that system. And now they are all dead."

Guilt weighs heavily on her. If only she had had just a little more time, perhaps she could have saved them. But she cannot change what happened and acknowledges that she would do it again. "They died to save trillions of lives. If I could have saved them, you bet your ass I would have!"

"You're preaching to the choir, Commander. If it were up to me, I'd give you a damn medal." Hackett hadn't advanced to an admiral without learning about being forced to make the hard decisions. Shepard had a lose-lose situation: save the relay and let the Reapers invade or destroy the relay, preventing the invasion but killing thousands of batarians. Either way, Shepard would be seen as a villain. "Unfortunately, not everyone will see it that way."

Pacing Shepard asks, "What do you suggest?"

"Evidence against you is shoddy at best. But eventually you will have to go to Earth and face it. I won't lie to you, Commander. I can't stop it but I can and will make them work for it."

Shepard feels a bit of relief. She has a powerful ally in Admiral Hackett. No doubt she will need him in the future. "Is the Alliance concerned about war with the batarians?"

"We always are. The batarians have been looking for an excuse to declare war with us since we showed up in the galaxy. It is more important than ever to ensure that we do not go to war with the remaining batarians. If the Reapers invade, we need the galaxy to work together. If we're at war with the batarians, the other races would likely be hesitant to give aid to either side."

Shepard knows he speaks the truth. The Reapers are an enemy that no single race can fight. Not alone. They will need every race, every person they can get to fight them in the coming day. "I'll gladly stand trial once this mission is done."

Hackett's lips curve slightly. "I'm glad to see working with Cerberus hasn't stripped away your sense of honor."

Shepard gives a small smile in return. Her honor is one of the most vital parts of who she is. Without her honor, she wouldn't be Shepard. Changing the subject, Shepard admits, "I never thought I'd see you aboard a Cerberus vessel."

"I don't like Cerberus or the way they do things. But they brought you back and are doing something about the state of the galaxy. I can be friendly…for now."

Shepard quirks a smile, "I have to agree with you on that. Cerberus…well, as long as they are fighting the Collectors I can put aside my feelings."

"Do whatever you need to do out here. But when Earth calls, be there in full dress blues, ready to take the hit." Changing his mind about the report, he hands back the datapad. "I don't need to read your report to know that you did the right thing."

"Yes, sir."

Hackett leaves, shaking his head and vowing "You did a hell of a thing, Commander."


The next chapter will probably take a while as I'll have to start from scratch. Dierdreaes has asked for another chapter of loyalty missions for my take on Garrus' reaction to Samara's, Zaeed's, and/or Kasumi's loyalty missions.