Chapter 15: Second Sino-Japanese War: Judgment
Not even three days had passed since then when I made another huge blunder.
When an aerial bombing mission over a city was issued, the planes who would play the most important part were the bombers. If we were able to catch the enemy off guard, my bombers would fly in, wreak havoc and come back to me unscathed. If the enemy had enough time to respond to the attack with fighters, it would become an entirely different story. This was why bombers were generally protected by fighters.
Continuing the strategic bombing operations from before, in an attempt to attack one of the big cities, I made a mistake by sending my bombers without fighter escorts. The foe's fighters wasted no time in massacring them, and out of the twelve bombers that were sent to enemy lines, only one returned.
The Admiral sat at the head of the table while I was given an angry lecture for an hour or so. There were only a handful of people in that room aside from us, namely two of my escorts for that mission, Murasame and Oboro, who made an uncomfortable wince every few loud words. The two were unluckily told to stay there after they offered to accompany me to the Admiral's room.
"...I understand there is a miscommunication that the city is unprotected by fighters, but you are an experienced carrier, Kaga. I expect more from you than this. I don't have the detailed report on hand, but the number of bauxite you wasted for this operation is disappointing," the Admiral reprimanded, grabbing at the files strewn higgledy-piggledy on the table.
I didn't really have any words to say.
The possibility of a heavy punishment had been hanging over me the whole I time I stood in the room, even before I got back to the headquarters.
I was ready to accept any punishment.
Surely it would be something scarring, worthy of emotional trauma, full of unbearable pain or-
"We highly value the service that you have provided so far for the Navy, and your performance does stand head and shoulders above the rest, but we're not going to give any mercy to the ships that are needlessly heavy on precious resources like bauxite. Be prepared to do your job without rest to make up for this. I want your fleet to hand in the completed paperwork today. You're dismissed."
Murasame and Oboro looked so relieved, but as they threw a hopeful glance at me, I didn't make even the slightest hint of movement.
This can't be true.
Akagi had her features disfigured after she recklessly caused her refit to be delayed, making the Navy spend a lot of money to fix her.
After that awful mistake I made, there was supposed to be at least some dreadful repercussions.
"...why are you still standing there?" The Admiral asked furiously.
"That's it...?" I said, clenching my hands, "That's all I get...?"
"What...?"
"Why is that all the punishment that I get?"
"Kaga-san..." Murasame's long twin-tails waved as her eyes went back and forth from my blank face to the Admiral's contorted one. Meanwhile, the short-haired Oboro only watched us in complete cluelessness, her hand scratching the bandaid on her cheek.
"You want me to order you to hand in your letter of resignation or something? I wish I could, but sadly, that's not possible for you fleet girls. It's the same as scrapping you, and we can't grant you that unless it is actually necessary for us to scrap you."
"This is unbelievable." My tone was as calm as ever, but deep inside my blood was boiling.
"Kaga-san," even Oboro looked panicked now, and Murasame was tugging at my sleeve, silently begging me to stop speaking.
"Why is this all the punishment I receive? I have seen what the Navy had done to Akagi-san, and she wasn't attempting any misguided action in battle."
"That was a different matter. The infliction of that penalty to Akagi was intended to control her resistance to authority before she was even sent to war. Besides, it was made as to not hinder her abilities in battle. As the first standard carrier, she ought to know that a history of defiance is-"
"Why do the Navy treat it like a light retribution? It completely traumatized her. You are-"
"Because it is a light retribution," the Admiral's voice raised dangerously, "Nothing aside from her appearance was altered, which was far from a fitting punishment if you ask me. You will regret saying all this to me, Kaga. Your penalty is not to be taken lightly. Compared to yours, Akagi's would only be like child's play."
"...no," I insisted, still feeling that Akagi was hard done by, "This is not fair to Akagi-san. You have to hand me over to-"
"Enough!" the Admiral stood up so suddenly that Murasame and Oboro flinched in fright, "If you want to be disciplined so badly, then I know just the right sanction we should impose on you. Being given the same punishment as Akagi wouldn't destroy you, but I know what would! From today onwards you are absolutely not allowed to make any kind of contact with Aircraft Carrier Akagi until further notice. You are banned from using the phone, mail service, or any form of communication available. Anyone who tries to pass your message to her will be severely punished. That will teach you some manners. And if you still won't do some introspection, we will consider cutting off more of your rights. Maybe we could forbid you from meeting her outside of sorties, for the rest of your life. Don't you blame me for taking a hard line on this. Keep talking back to me, but on your own head be it. Now get out of here before I change my mind...!"
With trembling hands, Murasame and Oboro grabbed my arms and tugged me out of the room, shutting the door behind them as fast as they could.
They simultaneously let out a huge sigh of relief once we were a safe distance away from the room.
"Damn, that was wild. I thought we're going to be hanged for a second there."
When Murasame saw how rigid I became, she nervously added, "Um...cheer up, Kaga-san! My heart goes out to you. You don't have to look so sad, you know...these things happen. They'll lift up the ban soon."
Oboro frowned at her. "Uh, I think you shouldn't give her ideas...the Admiral looks very angry."
"The Admiral would get over it."
"Let's not talk about the high-ranking officials in their hearing... They have eyes on the back of their heads."
"Maybe I should've said something just now."
"What in heaven's name are you talking about? Our task is just to listen, swallow it all with a smile, give them a salute and walk out of the room. Or else we would never hear the end of it."
"Um...I just want to cheer Kaga-san up. She seems to take it hard..."
"Of course she does! Since Akagi-san and Kaga-san..."
"What's with Akagi-san and Kaga-san...?"
"You didn't know...? Those two are..."
"Eh..? Kaga-san...! !"
I couldn't listen to them any longer.
The head of steam that was built in my mind powered the uncontrollable springs in my step, desperately leading me to a quiet place where nobody was around.
Voices followed me in my blind dash out of the building, while I ignored the curious stares from all around me.
"Being given the same punishment as Akagi wouldn't destroy you, but I know what would...!"
Akagi-san...
"Kaga-san, I look forward to hearing from you..."
Akagi-san...
"Maybe we could forbid you from meeting her outside of sorties, for the rest of your life."
Akagi-san...!
"I love Kaga-san...and all her love for me too..."
"I love you..."
"Happiness like yours is temporary..."
"That is just the reality of our lives as fleet girls..."
My feet wouldn't stop until they naturally brought me to the pier.
The sea.
The true home of every fleet girl.
The origin of our souls, and our final resting place.
I stumbled and my knees hit the hard rough wood, my body covered in sweat from head to foot.
What if I cannot see Akagi-san forever...?
I used to evade her once, but now that idea absolutely terrified me.
If you think they could not enforce such a rule, you are wrong.
They could and would do anything to take total control of us fleet girls.
They knew what would make us weak. They knew what would make us strong.
A few fuel drums were stacked in heaps near the pier, so I crawled to those containers and leant my back against them, hiding myself from the world.
I curled into a ball and buried my face in my arms, releasing all the tears I held back in the Admiral's room.
I don't want to be here.
I don't want to go to war.
I want to go home.
I miss Akagi-san.
I wish she were here, petting my head and telling me that everything is going to be okay.
If...if I cannot meet Akagi-san ever again...
I would... I would...
Then I hit on it... the solution.
I wouldn't let that happen.
I wouldn't...give them mercy.
I would give a performance so outstanding... that they would have no choice but to lift my punishment and end the war.
No one... would be able to escape my planes.
I would not hesitate anymore.
I would not try to keep my head down anymore.
I would return to my country with a victory, and get my hard-won freedom.
I would tear down everything...buildings, railways, roads, bridges, airfields, vehicles...
And even humans.
I wouldn't spare a life.
It was what I was supposed to do from the beginning anyway.
Become the most efficient murder machine on both water and air.
That was how much I would sacrifice for this madness.
At that time, I didn't realize how much this insane decision would be in over my head.
And I should have.
"Did you hear about the 28th August bombing...?"
"Man, I heard that was intense."
"Those air attacks destroyed everything."
"That hard-nosed standard carrier...she's truly merciless."
"Did she have a change of heart?"
"I heard they weren't troops after all... but war refugees."
"The ground was soaked with blood."
"There were limbs laying all over the place."
"What's her latest headcount...?"
"Let's hear it for our amazing standard carrier!"
"Here's to an absolute victory...!"
"Did you know what the Navy was saying about you, Kaga...?"
"You did a great job."
Ever since then, my reputation as an emotionless, cold-blooded mass murderer grew.
Any efforts to head me off failed, and the few ships who were hard at our heels were sunk. The atrocities I committed in my rampage never stopped leaving a trail of dead bodies and bombed-out ruins in my wake. Once I got the hang of it, total annihilation wasn't any stranger than launching a carrier-based plane. And when my planes had gone on a bombing mission, there was no holding them.
However, the more I killed humans with these hands, the more my sleep was disrupted by their shrieks of horror.
I couldn't remember most of them off the top of my head, but there was one night that particularly stuck in my memory, and it felt so real that I momentarily forgot I was dreaming.
I was standing on a beach that I had never been in, where I caught sight of the blackest sea I had seen and stones the size of a fist heaping up here and there on the sand. All around me were people, their clothes were ragged and covered in ashes, the wounds on their arms were still bleeding as they jostled one another to reach and pull on my clothes.
"My wife...please, please save my wife...! She's heavily pregnant...!"
"I only found...my neighbor's body...have you seen my children...? Please tell me you've seen them...!"
"My students...they were buried under the rubble...they were crying...they couldn't breathe...!"
"I saw that plane...dropping a bomb on my mother...I couldn't save her...!"
"I can't find my brother...please, he's my only brother...!"
"Please...!"
"Please help us...!"
Those bloodshot, soulless eyes terrified me, but when I tried to shake them away, they were already all over my arms. Those eyeballs were all brimming with dark tears.
"Who..."
"Who did this to us...?"
"Who could be so...heartless to do this to us...?"
"Don't they have family too...?"
"Don't they have friends too...?"
"Don't they have lovers too...?"
"Tell us."
"Tell us who did this to us...!"
Their ear-piercing screams gave me a splitting headache, but before I could cover my ears, the movements around me suddenly decreased.
The worn-out people looked at each other and started discussing something among themselves.
"Didn't you know...? This girl is a carrier."
"A carrier...because she's the one who carried those planes."
"I saw her launching an aircraft...! Cross my heart...!"
"She's the one who brought those abominations to our land...!"
"She's the one who slaughtered our parents and children...she's the one who turned our cities to dust...!"
"She's the demon that terrorizes our country...!"
"What have you done?"
"What have you done, you carrier?"
"Did you know how much you would pay for this...?"
"Did you know how it feels to watch your family die in front of your eyes?"
"Or you have already become such a ruthless demon, that you don't have a single drop of blood that flows inside you?"
"No," I responded without thinking, "I'm not...a demon...I'm still..."
But their voices only grew even louder.
"Who could love a demon like you? !"
"A devil doesn't deserve a loved one."
"You should get the hell out of our country."
"Pay...make her pay..."
"Make her pay."
"Make her pay for her sins."
"Take her loved ones, burn them alive, sink them to the sea."
"Make her pay."
"Make her pay."
"Make her suffer."
"Make her suffer the same things we did."
"Make her cry in pain!"
"Make her suffer so much pain, she would have no choice but to kill herself...!"
The tension heightened when the crowd finally began to disperse and I suddenly realized they were hiding something from me all along.
A woman was crouching down on the ground, her hands were tied up between her back and her head was covered in a sack.
The people around her kicked and spitted on her, before a hulking bald-headed man came forward. He was the only one among them who was heavily armed and wearing a military uniform. He drew his gun and roughly yanked the sack off her head.
I had always wanted to see her in a dream.
But not...not like this.
I recognized the bruises on her cheek as she gave me a forlorn gaze beneath that veil of dirty, long hair over her face.
It had been so long since I last saw her...
She parted her lips and mouthed my name, but nothing came out.
"Kaga-san..."
"That's the girl."
"Make her pay."
"Take her loved ones, spill their blood."
"Kill the girl, mutilate her."
"Make her suffer our pain."
"One day...you will pay."
"We will make you pay."
The crowd hissed at me and began to gather the stones on the sand as I struggled to stand upright.
I wanted to scream, I wanted to rush forward and hug Akagi, but I couldn't move a muscle.
I could only maintain eye contact with her, and never once did her beautiful eyes leave my face until those people faced her and raised their arms, all with a stone in their hands.
My heart sank when I realized those weren't stones they were holding.
Those were grenades.
No...
No...
Don't hurt her...
Don't hurt her, please...
Please...please...I'll do anything...
I'm sorry...I'm really sorry...
Please don't...
She is my last hope...
She's all that I have...
"And you think the people that you have blown apart were not the only ones we had left...?" the bald man spoke to me with intense hatred in his every word.
"We know..."
"We know what would destroy you."
No matter how hard I willed my feet to move, they would not obey me.
I watched the scene that unfolded before me as those high-strung people simultaneously released their grenades toward Akagi.
Just before they hit her, I let out a screech so inhumane, that I could not recognize my own voice at all.
That was when the shock jerked me out of the nightmare, causing my head to hit the bottom of the bed frame above me.
My roommate, who was sleeping above me, woke up because of it and quickly looked down to me with concern.
"Kaga-san...what's wrong...?"
I couldn't reply to her...my whole body looked like I just fell into a swimming pool, and my shoulders were trembling violently.
Ushio took this sight as something urgent and she quickly went down her bed to kneel beside me.
"Kaga-san, are you okay...?"
The only response I could think of was to heave myself and hug her.
I could see her eyes widen as I wrapped my arms around her small waist, trying my hardest to control my shaking arms.
If I were in any other mental state, I would be at least hesitant about holding her out of the blue.
Goodness knew how much longer I could last...but I had to, come hell or high water.
Then Ushio's tiny voice came out next to my ear, "...You look so pale that I thought you just saw a ghost... Did you have a bad dream...?"
It took me a long while before I could answer her with an audible voice, "...yes..."
The girl gently put her hand on my head and patted me with a soothing motion.
"...it's just a bad dream," she said to me, "Just a bad dream."
"Yeah..." I croaked back, sweat dripping down to my eyes before mixing with tears.
"...just a bad dream."
17 August 1937
12 of Kaga's bombers attacked Hangchow (now Hangzhou) without fighter escort and 11 of them were shot down by Chinese fighters.
28 August 1937
16 IJN aircraft appeared, circled, and bombed war refugees at Shanghai's South Station, killing and wounding civilians waiting for an overdue train bound for Hangzhou to the south. Some 1800 people, mostly women and children, had been waiting at the station, and the IJN aviators probably mistook them for a troop movement. According to the Shanghai paper, fewer than 300 people survived the attack. In October, Life magazine reported about 200 dead. The aftermath of the bombing was captured in a photograph named "Bloody Saturday", one of the most memorable war photographs ever published that would become a cultural icon demonstrating Japanese wartime atrocities in China.
