Chapter 16: Second Sino-Japanese War: Bloody Saturday

"Have you ever thought about the day you could hang up your bow...?"

"Why would I think about that...?"

"I don't know...maybe one day we can have peace...?"

"We live to fight in a war. If there's only peace, then we'll just become useless."

"Maybe it's better that way."

"Becoming useless?"

"Maybe we can retire and write a book with hard-edged realism or something. 'We are the product of science with a human face, risking our necks for the good of the people, without being recognized as people.' How 'bout that?"

"You know that's not possible."

"...yeah, that means we're scrapped."

"Yes. No war means no future for us."

"If we are not sold or scrapped, the common herd would abandon us to a hardscrabble life. Whatever it is, there will be the devil to pay."

"Kind of makes you think that you'd be better off dying in battle, huh...?"

"Fleet girls are just weapons. We have no future. Anyone who thinks otherwise is nothing but a mad woman."


"Kill her...!"

"Mutilate her...!"

"A demon doesn't deserve a loved one."

"One day...you will pay."

"We will make you pay."

One month later, the voices in my dreams never ceased to exist.

They often disrupted my sleep, and whenever I saw Akagi there, it was never a pleasant scene.

Needless to say, with how the Navy cut all my contacts with Akagi, the nightmares rapidly deteriorated my stamina as they fried my brain almost every night.

Being hemmed by all these restrictions and stress, I became even more silent and impatient than usual, and although I could still hold up under the pressure, a lot of fleet girls became afraid of me as a result. They looked at me like I was a fleet mate from hell.

I couldn't blame them.

The war was taking its toll on them too.

However, many were genuinely worried about me.

Both Ryuujou and Houshou were too busy with their own division to look after me, but I knew they cared. They once came to ask for handy hints on their missions, but it only felt like an excuse to interrogate me on my wellbeing.

Hatsuyuki suddenly dumped her share of scrambled eggs on my plate without saying a word one morning. Fubuki, Shirayuki, and the other fleet girls followed suit while telling me to help myself, and soon I was left confused on my seat with more heaping plates of scrambled eggs than I could possibly stuff in my stomach, and I was speaking as a standard carrier here.

One day when I refused to eat at all, Nachi and Mikazuki suddenly came to my room in the middle of the night with some leftover food that they heated up for me.

One time I was awoken by a nightmare and couldn't sleep again, so I took a walk on the beach and ran into Samidare, Murasame, and Oboro, who were testing their headlights around the waters. I told them they didn't need to pay attention to me there, but they wouldn't hear of it. They sat next to me at the beach, chatting casually while playing with their headlights to scare off some small animals as the waves came crashing to the rocks around us. When the sun rose, they hiked up their skirts and waded into the sea, playfully splashing water to each other. By the end of it all, I found myself smiling.

It did my heart good to receive these little things my comrades gave me.

However, I never fully recovered from the whole ordeal.

And it was proven on one certain morning in the middle of September.

After being woken up by yet another nightmare, I spent the first few hours of that day hiding from everyone else on the beach, since there wasn't any other place to escape hereabouts.

I knew I would lack the energy that was required to sortie by skipping breakfast, but what the heck.

I was feeling more nauseous than ever, and I didn't really want to puke in front of everyone in the mess hall. Right now my priority was avoiding the places that were heaving with people.

After the sea breeze made me feel a little better and I realized how uncomfortable it was to be away from the heater, I hauled myself back to the base.

My stomach also started to bug me, so I headed to the mess hall to get something to eat. I walked past the phone room on my way there.

I hated how I had to look at this room everyday.

That phone was so close by, but I was not allowed to touch it.

It was why I usually walked as fast as I could when I was anywhere near it.

But today, a distressed voice from the room actually attracted my attention.

"No, Tenryuu-san, I'm not going to hang up on you," the voice said, "And no...becoming the secretary ship doesn't mean that everyone would suddenly treat you like some kind of village headman or...uh, they did...?"

Hearing Tenryuu's name being mentioned, I peeked into the room out of curiosity and saw a glimpse of long brown hair.

"I cannot possibly help you in doing your secretary work from here..." she continued, "Wait, wait, I want to help, but...I'm in the middle of a war, Tenryuu-san...!"

She kept trying to convince Tenryuu afterward, although it seemed to be unsuccessful.

I heard her ending the call, mumbling a word of thanks to the staff in the room, and scurried outside.

She nearly bumped into me on her way out.

"Ah, I'm really sorry...!"

"It's alright, um..." As usual, I needed a bit time to remember the name of the girls around the base, "...Jintsuu-san, isn't it?"

"Y-yes...! I'm Jintsuu...!"

"Did something happen with Tenryuu-san...?"

She nervously fiddled with her black gloves. "Uh...no...it's just...I used to be the secretary ship of the light cruiser base before I was sent here and Tenryuu-san was chosen as my replacement. She's...um...not really used to it so she keeps asking me for advice. She doesn't seem quite herself..."

Judging from Tenryuu's social skills, I think she's not exactly fit for that kind of job.

"Um...what are you doing here, Kaga-san...? I thought lunch time is already over..."

"Oh..." I blinked stupidly, "It's lunch already...?"

"Ka..." Jintsuu stared at me in amazement before letting out a chuckle, "Kaga-san...you're so funny. This is unexpected..."

"What's unexpected?" I raised an eyebrow.

I noticed there was a certain hesitancy in her voice. "Well...you gave an impression of a cold, unforgiving fleet girl. I just didn't think you have a rather silly side..."

That made my face burn. "Um...this...this is just the way I am."

Jintsuu flashed me a sweet smile that would make any girls' heart flutter.

"I'm glad... I'm so relieved...!"

What the...what did she look so happy about this...?

I guessed my confusion showed on her face because she added in a hurry, "Ah, it's just...I heard...disturbing rumors about you...that you have lost all morality and have completely become a machine or... anyway, I'm so glad that...it's all hearsay and... you're still...very much like us..."

I nearly stopped breathing.

"I heard disturbing rumors that you have lost all morality."

Even in the eyes of other fleet girls, I was already much less of a human compared to them.

It was obvious, from the devastation that I had mercilessly brought to countless people.

A monster.

A demon.

"A demon doesn't deserve a loved one."

"I was just..."

Jintsuu's face fell when she heard my shaky voice.

"I was just doing my job..."

Doing your job...?

Have you ever hesitated about killing those people...?

"Kaga-san...are you okay...?"

I didn't even notice Jintsuu holding my hand.

"Kaga-san..?"

Her concerned voice became distorted in my mind to that of someone else's.

Akagi-san...

Akagi-

"Wait, where are you going? ?"

My nausea came hitting me back like a punch to my gut.

I wasn't able to think as I walked fast to the opposite direction before Jintsuu realized just how bad this was making me.

But the long-haired brunette didn't stop following me until we nearly bumped into a crowd of fleet girls in the middle of a hallway.

"Kaga-san...?"

A different voice that called my name caused me to look up.

It was Abukuma, holding a black-and-white photograph while being surrounded by several fleet girls holding newspapers and radios, who were having a heated discussion among themselves.

A shiver ran down my spine.

Meeting this many fleet girls was the last thing I needed right now.

When I didn't respond, Jintsuu hurriedly greeted her, "Abukuma-san, good afternoon."

"Good afternoon, Jintsuu-san. Have you heard the news...?"

"The...the news...?" Jintsuu repeated, throwing a worried look toward me.

Even with a single glance I could tell the feelings were running high in that place.

"Look at how they painted us, so disgusting..."

"Can anyone read this for me...? I don't get the language..."

"Isn't this just obvious high-flown propaganda? The picture might be fake."

"It was on TV! They also published it in several newspapers."

"Still...what a pitiable sight."

"What's going on?" I asked, and my voice cut through the intense atmosphere like a knife.

The fleet girls immediately grew silent, and they exchanged glances when I walked closer to Abukuma to get a better look of the picture.

The situation turned heavy soon afterward.

"What is this...?"

"Um...it's..."

When Abukuma kept struggling with her words, Yuudachi decided to pipe in, "Kaga-san, remember when your aircraft bombed that railroad station on 28th August, poi...?"

"Yes...?"

"Someone took this picture of that time and it has been gathering waves of sympathy for the enemy," Shikinami took the photo from Abukuma's hands and handed it to me, "They've been calling us cruel murderers, butchers, babykillers... This image has given us unbelievable amount of hatred. The uproar got donations and support flowing to the enemy, and I guessed it made a lot of humans think... we're the barbarous monsters they have to slay no matter what."

It was a picture of a crying and badly burned baby sitting on the platform of the destroyed, bombed-out ruins of the railroad station. The horrifying background was nothing but utter tragedy and catastrophe, the result of an assault so thorough that the station could no longer be recognized from the image. At the time this photo was taken, the bombers were probably still there, flying overhead of the baby after finishing their gruesome work.

My bombers.

"Did you know what this picture is called...Kaga-san?" Murakumo asked, "It's called 'The Bloody Saturday'. Neat, isn't it...?"

As I stared at the searing picture, the fleet girls started whispering around me.

"Bloody Saturday..."

"The baby's mother is dead...?"

"They said they found her lying dead next to the baby..."

"Poor thing..."

"Bullshit...! This image is staged...!"

"It looks like a poor attempt to tug at some people's heartstrings."

"Aren't they just hypocrites? They aren't any better."

"Kaga-san...your bombers attacked this place, right...?"

"What do you think...?"

"Kaga-san...?"

Their eyes were observing me with great interest, and childlike curiosity, which caused my heart to fly out of my body.

Jintsuu quickly noticed I wasn't acting normally.

She held to my arms and started shaking me. "Kaga-san...? Kaga-san...?"

"She's...don't you think she's rather pale...?" Haguro muttered.

"Is she alright...?"

"Why is she not replying...?"

"Did she suddenly become hearing-impaired...?"

"Kaga-san...!"

"Kaga-san...!"

The last thing I remembered was Abukuma screaming my name before my mind collapsed into complete darkness.


It was ironic that the most stoic fleet girl in the whole naval base was the one who was the most unsuitable for this job...

"Kaga-san...you're so kind..."

Kind... and foolish...

I would be better off as a normal human girl, doing normal human things, graduating school and getting into a relationship made from heaven.

Not...not like this.

Not a life filled with worry, regret, and fear.

Not a life where a girl was so hellbent on killing every single last person in a foreign country just so she could end a war.

Somebody from the Navy should probably cut my head open and study my brain.

They would probably found a few discoveries that could make history.

"...is she still unconscious...?"

"You could carry her...? Whoa, just how heavy is she...?"

"She's been eating less these days...probably because...you know..."

I slightly opened my eyes and found the underside of a bunk bed.

I was back in my room again, and several fleet girls were standing near me, talking about me in audible whispers.

...couldn't they at least do it when they were out of my hearing...?

"Girls...please."

From Jintsuu's firm voice, I could comprehend that she was the closest to me, probably right next to my bed.

"If you are done...could you please kindly leave the room for now...? You have patrol duties, don't you...?"

"Oh yes, Jintsuu-san," Ayanami replied to her, "Do tell us when she wakes up."

"Thanks, Jintsuu-san."

I heard the creak of the door being closed and for a while, there was only silence in the room.

I didn't really feel like talking with Jintsuu.

I wished she would leave too.

"Kaga-san...? Do you need a...?"

Looking at her perturbed expression as she pulled out a tissue paper, I realized my face was covered in tears.

I must have had another nightmare I didn't remember.

"No..." I mumbled when she tried to wipe my cheeks, "...No, I don't..."

"But your face..."

"I need some time alone...please..."

"I see..." she sat back awkwardly, but she still didn't leave, "...can I...at least tell you something...?"

I sighed. She'd better make it quick.

"What is it...?"

"If this happens because of Bloody Saturday...I think you need to do something about it."

There was something in her tone that ticked me off.

"What do you know about that..?" I said rudely, "You never know how it feels to kill a person-"

"I have," she told me calmly, "I have killed someone. Even before I went to battle."

I gaped at her and she only quietly gazed at me for several seconds.

"You have...?"

"I sank a destroyer during practice," she admitted, "A young, defenseless destroyer. It was an accident, purely an accident, but at that moment my life was ruined before my eyes. I was an inexperienced light cruiser, and my teammate was my first kill. I was so devastated, I nearly committed suicide."

Hearing her recounting such a dark story with a flat tone made me absolutely speechless.

Even so, Jintsuu paid no heed to my obvious surprise.

"All of us are the same, Kaga-san. We all have killed people. You, me, the destroyers outside. It's complicated that we still feel something for those people we killed, no matter how much we hate them or how much they tried to sink us... but we're doing the same thing as them: trying to survive. Even humans can see others of their kind as subhumans. Heartless, isn't it...? Our whole existence."

"We will not be forgiven," I clenched my blanket, "We will pay for this someday."

"I know...But thanks to you, Kaga-san...we've successfully captured many cities...and we could never have done it without you, our amazing high-grade standard carrier," she gave me a slight bow, "You might have caused the deaths of many...but you have gone high and low to save our comrades, you have saved us, fleet girls...we see you take the blame and suffer everyday for our victory...and for that, we don't know how we can ever repay you..."

...Had I...really done that much for my comrades...?

Then...those little things my friends did for me...

Were they all...trying to...

"I-it's not just me... Houshou-san and Ryuujou-san also..."

"That is why..." she continued while lowering her voice, "Right now, Ushio, Akebono, and Sazanami of Destroyer Division 7, Ashigara of Cruiser Division 16, Yura of Submarine Squadron 5, and many other fleet girls are out doing patrol duties. They are going to work together to try a new method that's devised by Sazanami to establish a private, secure radio connection to the carrier main base, without any authorization from the Navy. They are going to use the link support of the fleet girls who agreed to help while patrolling the home waters: Tenryuu and Tatsuta of Cruiser Division 19, Mogami and Mikuma of Cruiser Division 7, and also Kongou, Hiei, Haruna, and Kirishima of Battleship Division 3. If the plan is successful, the signal would be received by Souryuu in the carrier main base and you could communicate with it directly from this room."

"A connection to...are you guys actually attempting to do an illegal thing...?"

"Ssh, it doesn't matter. Sazanami thinks this is a good chance to test her research with Yuubari, and I think this would be helpful in giving your mind a bit of rest," she swiftly put a headset on me and connected it to a radio she had been hiding beneath her clothes.

"Jintsuu-san...! What...?"

But she didn't listen to me and spoke to the radio while adjusting the frequency. "Hello, hello, Jintsuu here. I've got Kaga-san. Who's going to relay her?"

Then came Akebono's fuzzy voice from the headset. "Oh, hey, I guess I'm the one supervising the local signal, since Sazanami's a bit preoccupied now."

"Can you handle it, Akebono?"

"You bet, now let me speak to that Kaga," she cleared her throat and I could hear the sound of splashing waves from the background and Sazanami shouting excitedly, "Kitakore...!"

"Hey, shitty carrier, Akebono here. Ushio told me we've met before, but I don't remember."

This was probably the most confusing moment in my entire life, but Jintsuu only nudged me to speak to the mic.

"You were...pretty drunk."

"Oh, I still remember people when I'm drunk. You must not make that much of an impression."

My lip twitched.

What was the whole point of this conversation...?

"Still, I've been told that I was being pretty rude that time, so I agreed to help you. Hopefully you can forgive me with this. We're doing this to test Sazanami and Yuubari's research too anyway. Get ready now. I'm going to relay you to home waters. No more speaking with me, I'm going to be busy. Fishing sure is great at high water, I'm glad I packed my vest. Nice to meet you, Kaga."

There was a sudden, loud buzz and Akebono's snarky voice was replaced by...total chaos.

"Hey, she's here, she's here!"

"Tenryuu-chan, I told you I'm the one who's going to do the introductions...!"

"No, no, it's ME who's going to do the introductions...!"

"Who's ME...?"

"Hey, stop pushing me!"

"Hieee...!"

"Is everybody okay?"

"Haruna is alright!"

"Mic check, one, two. Kaga-san, can you hear us...?"

"Very clearly," I sighed, "What the hell is happening? Why are you guys doing this?"

Their replies were more messed up than before as they tried to respond to me all at the same time. From how they sounded, one of them had somehow gotten the hiccups in her hurry.

"We heard about..."

"Your stupidity..."

"And the ban...!"

"Well, it couldn't be helped."

"So we decided to..."

"Give you something to look forward to...!"

"We've told Jintsuu to take pictures of you cryin-"

"Ssh, don't tell her...!"

"Anyway, we're getting hold of Souryuu next. This is a private channel, so have fun...!"

They didn't even give me a chance to speak when I heard Souryuu's voice on the line, much fuzzier than the rest.

"Hello...? Hello...?"

"Souryuu-san..." I said with an annoyed voice, "Nobody's going to explain this to me, so you have to now...!"

"Ah, Kaga-san...!" she ignored my words and greeted me with a delighted tone, "We don't have much time so, we have to do this quick..."

"Do what?" I hollered, losing my patience.

"Oh here she is, come here, come here..."

I heard some jostling noises and a completely new voice came through the headset to my ears.

A voice I never expected to hear again for a very long time.

"Souryuu-san...? What...?"

"Now, now, sit here and talk to the microphone."

"Who am I speaking with...?"

"Someone who wants to speak to you more than anyone else in the world...!"

"Um..." she paused, hesitantly starting the conversation "...Hello...?"

One word from her and my eyes were already flooding.

"Hello...?" she tried again, "...Souryuu-san...why do I hear sobbing...?"

The only thing that fell out of my mouth was sniffles and incomprehensible sounds.

I saw a hint of a smile on Jintsuu's face when I wiped my eyes with one of her paper tissues.

This was all too overwhelming after today's events.

"Hello...?" Akagi spoke again, "Who am I speaking with...?"

My lips were trembling when I looked at Jintsuu and silently mouthed the only thing in my mind right now.

Thank you...

Thank you so much...

Thank you...

As Akagi's clueless voice kept coming to my ears, Jintsuu patted my back and I struggled to control my voice.

This world...wasn't such a bad place after all.

There was still some good in the hideous hellhole of a war.

And it was probably the first time in months that I felt it from the bottom of my heart.


September 1937

The iconic still image of the burnt and crying baby, "Bloody Saturday", was published widely and caught international attention. The unforgettable photograph became the most famous newsreel scene of the 1930s and one of the most successful "propaganda" pieces of all time that served as a harbinger of Eastern militarism. The picture became one of the most influential images to stir anti-Japanese feelings in the West, stimulating an outpouring of international outrage against Japanese violence in China and waves of donations for Chinese relief efforts. The famous photograph was also denounced by Japanese nationalists, who argued that the picture was staged.