What have you done? What brought this about? What the fuck is wrong with you?
He's out there, your man. Missing in action, trying to keep this fucking place safe, a place he doesn't even care for, if you need it spelled out. And what do you do? Go and cheat the first chance you get.
And you can't even pretend she took you by surprise. Youwent to her. She didn't ask for it. No, this is entirely on you.
Why did you do it? Is he not good enough for you? Not enough? Do you need the excitement so badly?
You knew there was a spark between her and you. You should have dealt with that, days ago, or stayed the fuck away. And you should've told him.
What do you want to happen now? Break up with him and have her instead? Sneak round behind his back? Live a lie, right away in this new place? This was supposed to be a place to rebuild your lives. Together, as a family.
He is your family. He is your man, your life, the reason you are still around to see your kids grow up.
You want him, you are still sure of that.
Or are you?
He's a lot of work. He doesn't ever talk, or stay still for a minute, and being with him recently has been exhausting cos he's been so unwell. And going forward, it won't be easy. He's struggling with this place, more than anyone else.
And anyway, he might never come back from that outing. Oh god, nono, don't let that be it…
Would you want that? Easy ending, no mess…
No. Nonono.
You love him, you do. More than anything in your life. You and him, you've been through so much. And he's got your back, always. He'd do anything for you, for your kids.
He's the one, the only one, who can pull you back from the brink. Get through to you when the darkness threatens.
He'd die for you, and you for him. That's the truth, still, and always.
And maybe he just did. Maybe this was too big, even for him. He's still far from well, you should've stopped him even going out there. But of course you know he would never have allowed you to stop him.
That's who he is. He puts you first. You, your kids, and all your family. His family. For the first time in his life he has people he considers worth protecting, worth living for. Worth putting before his own needs, his own fears. He battles his demons for y'all, every day.
And this is how you thank him.
He is coming back, you need to believe it. And when he does you will be honest with him. Ask his forgiveness.
Oh please, let him forgive. And please, let him come home safe.
Home to you.
