A/N: This chapter is for ZabuzasGirl for continuously pushing me, and for Puffgirl1952, Happy early Birthday! Enjoy, and please review! :)
Words in Bold = Another Language
Italics = Flashbacks
Italics/Bold = Letters, dreams
Trapped in Time
Chapter 17
She didn't know how long they were like that but Estrella finally pulled her lips away from Balian and pushed him off of her. She sat up quickly, panting for breath, as her mind raced with confusion. What was she doing? How can she possibly be kissing the man she swore to protect–and cannot have? With a shake of her head the young woman moved away from the bed and to the changing screen, gathering her clothes on the way.
Balian watched her with confusion as he, too, sat up, wondering if he did something wrong. He could hear her changing behind the screen and wanted to go to her but let her have her space for the moment. Balian heard her sigh before she walked out from behind, wearing simple brown pants and a red tunic. She was quickly putting her hair in a braid–something he learned she only did when she was frustrated or annoyed.
"We cannot do this, Balian, I'm sorry."
The man frowned, quickly moving towards Estrella and taking her arms. He stared into her eyes, trying to see the truth behind the mask she has placed since he first met her. It's been dissolving in the past couple of months, but from yesterday to this morning something has happened and he wanted to know what that thing was.
"What are you hiding, Trella? What is it that stops you from being with me?"
"We do not belong together, Balian. I am your protector, nothing more." she moved back from the man she now knew she was in love with. "I know my place, Balian. You should act like yours."
Balian was confused beyond the time his father found him. He felt the attraction between them–and he knew Estrella felt it too–so why was she pulling back? What had scared her so much to start pulling back from him now? Seeing that he was trying hard to understand her reasoning Estrella made sure that her emotions stopped showing on her face and in her eyes. She couldn't bear for him to see the truth of what was going through her.
"No doubt the king wishes to continue our talk, so you need to get ready."
Balian stares into her eyes, trying as he might to make her change her mind but Estrella wasn't having it. So as Balian leaves Estrella cries silently, sinking to the floor. She doesn't understand why God had sent her to that time other than save those she has come to love dearly, and became her family. Why couldn't he let her die instead of letting her live with these feelings for a man she was only to protect. Why couldn't she save her sister, rather than kill her to save others, leaving her alone?
Inhaling a shuddering breath Estrella slowly stands and moves to the tall chest drawers and poured the cold water into the basin. She scrubbed her face clean, getting rid of evidence from crying, knowing that she needed to stop questioning and start doing something about her situation. Her thoughts immediately went to Guy and Reynald once again and prayed desperately that something has been done instead of letting them flee.
Taking a steady breath Estrella moved towards the chest at the end of her bed and quickly changed into her normal pants and tunic. She also made sure to pack an extra bag incase she needed to leave that very night.
D5D5D5D5D5
Tiberius smiled at the two younger knights, though saw the sadness from them both, as well as confusion from Balian. He wondered what had happened from the time they were asleep together to now. However he shook his head, now was not the time to dwell in trying to push the two together, rather the problem at hand. Because of the situation he had sent a messenger to let them know to bring extra clothes for they will be staying at the palace for a few days.
The group dismounts and walked before the king's right hand, nodding in greeting. Smiling in return, Tiberius holds out his arm, telling them to follow, the family following as well. They moved passed the staircase that they usually go up to Baldwin's room, confusing the two knights but did not comment. They passed a couple of guards–both Muslims and Christians–and into a beautiful large garden with Saladin, his right hand man Nasir, and a man who seem to look to be his son watching and smiling at Baldwin–without his mask–and his nephew playing some kind of children's game.
Estrella could feel her heart beat quickly at the sight and took hold of Tiberius arm to stop him from interrupting. The king looked so carefree and innocent the young woman almost thought she was dreaming again. The morning sun poked through the tall trees and fell in a surreal moment that could only be read in books or seen in the movies. Her heart swelled with pain, and love, as Baldwin took hold of his nephew and threw him up into the air before catching him. Oh, he would be a wonderful father one day that much Estrella knew.
Saladin watched the woman carefully, smiling sadly. Oh, the torments of the young and in love. He was, and is, very grateful that he had an arranged marriage rather than to love freely. Although he didn't much like his wife the first time, Saladin had learned to love, and she him, giving him a son and a daughter. Smiling he turned to his son, Imad, clasping him on the shoulder. He was hostile, hot tempered, and stubborn–just like his mother. And he had much to learn when it came to being a good leader and making the right choices.
Catching his nephew Baldwin hugs him close and turns to his right. His smile widens at the sight of Estrella and made his way towards her. Estrella noticed that despite her heart beating wildly it wasn't the same as when she was near Balian…or when he was kissing her. She smiled when Baldwin V hid his face shyly against his uncle, peeking up at her every few seconds. Before anyone can say anything, Sibylla came forward–almost from out of nowhere–and took her son in her arms, one of Tiberius' trusted men standing close by.
Estrella was grateful that neither he nor Baldwin had decided to keep an eye on his sister so she wouldn't harm his nephew. She looked to Baldwin, who nodded at her, making her believe that he was able to read her thoughts clearly from just looking at her. Holding her son's hand–Baldwin V protesting to leave with his mother–Sibylla looked up at Estrella and Balian, lingering on him, before walking away with the guard.
"Tis good to see you all once again; please, have a seat there is much to discuss." Baldwin tells them as he gestures to some chairs nearby.
The group sat down, Estrella the only one on the edge of her seat. Baldwin couldn't help but smile at the woman, shaking his head slightly. He knew her fear of what would happen if Reynald and Guy should be free at that very moment. He nodded and waited for the servants to leave them alone, not wanting their conversation to be overheard. He had also found out, apparently, that his sister's servant, Samira, has been sleeping with Guy and feeding him information whenever possible.
"I had thought of what to do with Guy and Reynald, let them rot in their cell, kill them quietly, have a ceremony of their hanging, perhaps banishment? However," Baldwin saw the panic in the woman's eyes and smiled to reassure her. "I thought perhaps I leave that choice up to you." he tells her slowly. "They are still locked up in the cells, with guards that I trust completely."
Estrella exhaled sharply and long, not having noticed that she was holding her breath of the news. She had thought that the two men had escaped somehow, but thankfully Baldwin has heeded her words and kept them under much needed guard. Baldwin smiles softly, knowing that he should have never teased her like that but he couldn't help it, it was his way of helping her relax, even in dire situations such as these.
"I do not understand," Imad says quietly, "I thought you were king, so why give the option to a simple woman?"
"Because this simple woman," Saladin tells his son patiently. "Is the reason why a war that would have crippled all of us has been stopped."
Imad frowned at his father before looking towards the woman who had gotten up and had her back to them. Estrella could feel her mind reeling with thoughts and consequences of Baldwin letting her decide the fate of two vile men that she despised and would have destroyed that kingdom; killing so many lives. Closing her eyes, Estrella wondered what to do, hating being the one to have to make such a decision.
Staring at the beautiful garden, and secluded, garden the woman weighed all of her options. It's not like she already messed up the timeline, so what could be worse? Everything, she knew. Estrella ignored the talking men, planning her escape and going into hiding. There could be no future with her and these iconic figures. No matter what her mother has said in the dream, she doesn't deserve their love.
Estrella turn to the still conversing men, whom all quickly quiet down as soon as they noticed her.
"Hang them," she whispers to them in a voice that was strong but did not feel, hating the decision to be on her hands. "It will be the only way to make sure they will not return with vengeance and an army, should you banish them. If they were to rot in their cell they would have found a way out."
"Perhaps you are not as witless as I had thought." Imad says out loud.
Estrella chuckles as the men glares at the young man. "Not all women are witless to the ways of war, son of Saladin."
Tiberius snorts, "No, you are merely an exception due to your gift."
Imad and Nasir frowned, looking towards the younger woman. "What gift, exactly?"
Estrella sighs, knowing this question was coming sooner or later. "I had the gift of foresight."
"Had?" Balian questions confused.
"After I killed my sister I couldn't see what was to come anymore." She lied, knowing she still couldn't very well say the truth. "Due to many fates changed the future is now completely different."
"What exactly have you changed?" Imad asked curiously.
Estrella smiles, "I asked God to save Baldwin and his nephew, if they would have died Sibylla would have became queen and Guy king. He would have sent Reynald to kill your sister, Lord Saladin, to make the war he desperately wanted. Sending his men out to meet you in the desert, none but he would have survived; with you humiliating him in front of the kingdom of course." she sighed, thanking Baldwin for the cup of water he handed her, "In the end, no matter how much Balian would have defended Jerusalem, both you and he would have come to terms in which the Muslims take over the city."
"Perhaps you should have not changed anyone's fate." Imad replied.
Estrella laughs, finishing the cup of water. "Perhaps in another world it does happen."
Smiling mysteriously the woman puts the cup down on the table, looking at the six men before her. Hands on hips she looks over them, her love for them–these characters who have become real–becoming even bigger the more she got to know them. And how it was going to be difficult to leave them all behind.
"Have Guy and Reynald hang tomorrow," Estrella finally said, startling the group. "The quicker the better."
Baldwin bows his head, "As you wish. I have prepared rooms for you both across from each other."
"Thank you," Estrella whispered with a smile, leaning down to kiss the king's cheek. "May you all rest and I will see you in the morning."
Balian watch as she bowed to the men, and not looking at him. She was up to something and Balian desperately wanted to know what that was, because he didn't want to let her go. They had a connection, there was no way of hiding it, and Balian wanted to continue where their relationship will go.
D5D5D5D5D5
Estrella didn't show up for dinner and Baldwin had assured Balian–without him asking–that he had sent up some food for her. But he couldn't help checking her up himself. Knocking he waited for her to open the door, nervous. He didn't know why since it's not like the first time he's seen her. But, perhaps, it was the first time he's seen her in a different light. His breath was caught when Estrella opened the door to reveal her in a light robe with her hair down, framing around her shoulders.
"Was there something you needed?" she whispered, looking up at him curiously.
He couldn't help it, there was no way to avoid this attraction any longer. Balian pushed open the door wider and kissed her hard. Estrella didn't even think twice and kissed him back, bringing him inside and closing the door behind her. Picking her up, Balian walks towards the bed, lying her down. This time Estrella didn't stop him, rather encouraged the older man. Their attraction was evitable; she now understood that, so why not take advantage of what she'll never have again? Soon their clothes started to fall away and decorate the floor as the night lasted longer than any other night for either adult as the full moon shone down through the silk curtains, the world forgotten for just a moment.
Estrella laid awake hours before dawn, staring at Balian peacefully sleeping away, dreaming of who knows what. She wanted to touch his jaw, his nose, his lips, before trailing her fingers down to his chest. But she held back, Estrella not wanting to wake him. She had a plan, and she hoped dearly that Balian will not hate her for what she was about to do. It wasn't right what God did for her; wasn't fair for Balian or Baldwin.
With a sigh Estrella kissed just beneath Balian's jaw and laid her head on his chest. She felt his arms tighten around her as he inhaled deeply. Closing her eyes, Estrella was glad she had stayed in her room and got ready for her plan. With that thought in mind she fell asleep instantly, safe and content, and dreaming about a certain knight and a child they were to bore, living happily in a very large farm.
