A/N: Sorry for the late update! I had started working two jobs and going to school full time. I've been trying to get a set schedule in doing things. But I have been writing when I got inspired, typing them up was another problem. Well, I hope you like this chapter, thank you all to those who reviewed and please don't forget to review this one! :)
Words in Bold = Another Language
Italics = Flashbacks
Italics/Bold = Letters, dreams
Trapped in Time
Chapter 19
It's been half a month since Estrella has set foot on Italy. She's been riding non-stop, not wanting Balian to catch up to her, stopping only to give Elligero enough rest before continuing on. She had a thirty-six hours ahead of Balian, and after the non-stop a few more days at least. At a river Estrella let Elligero rest for a day, the woman deciding to rest herself this time, tired mentally and physically. Making herself comfortable against a tree Estrella watched her horse and the setting sun on the river.
She wondered was it really the right thing to have stayed with Godfrey? To have agreed to become a crusader and protect his son? What damage could she have done to History? Balian will never catch her, he was far too behind. He won't know where to look after docking in Italy. She could have stayed somewhere in the country or moved on to France. Maybe go back to Spain? Maybe she will go to England? Maybe Ireland?
Estrella smiled ruefully. Or take a ship and sail to America.
Elligero walked over to his mistress after drinking his fill, slowly getting on his feet. Estrella rubbed his back soothingly as she tilted her head back and closed her eyes. They were going to rest for a few minutes than continue on; she need to get away before Balian ever caught up to her. However the longer she continued to keep her eyes close did Estrella fall asleep instantly, having not realized just how tired she truly was.
D5D5D5D5D5
Estrella was startled awake, looking around the bright forest around her. Godfrey stood near the river in the last clothes he wore before the fight with the French wanting to take his son. He looked younger than the day he died, his eyes, the same color as his son, showing nothing but mischief and disapproval.
"Why do you run from that which is given to you?" he asked confused.
"You know why," she whispered, looking away.
"Stubborn woman if I ever met one!" he whispered in return.
Holding back tears Estrella shoved to her feet, "He belongs with the princess or someone who acts like a lady, not me! It never was supposed to be me!"
"Why else would God have brought a woman from the future to the past?"
Estrella was taken aback by the information. Never did she tell Godfrey that she was from the future, or that all the events that had happened was all from a movie she had seen. Godfrey seemed to know what she was thinking as he merely smiled knowingly at her. Estrella sighed and moved towards the stream, loneliness of missing the future heavily on her mind. However the loneliness for the future was reverted to Balian. And that emotion became a pain for the loss of being away from him.
"I have learned the truth about you the day I died, I was happier to know you were of the future rather actually being a Seer."
Estrella held back tears and looked back to the man she had come to care greatly. "Despite that it was God wish for whatever reason to bring me to this time era was solely to change the outcome, nothing more."
"Oh, my dear girl," Godfrey whispered, walking towards her and touching her cheek like a loving father. "It wasn't only to change the outcome but to help you find the happiness that you were missing in the future–that you were about to miss in the future."
Estrella shook her head, wishing Godfrey was there and not coming to her in a dream. She's never known her father, who had left her mother a couple of days after she and Sara were born, and with her mother's grandfather having died when she and her sister were three there was no father-figure in her life. That was why she got along so well with the older men.
"And your happiness is right in front of you. You only need to open your eyes." Estrella frowned at the sheepish look, "You were more exhausted than you thought. Please tell my son that I love him."
With that said he disappeared into a mist before everything went black.
D5D5D5D5D5
Estrella inhaled sharply and sat up startled. She frowned when she noticed first the fire, then the blanket that pooled around her hips, and then the fact that she was on the ground, not against the tree. She was then startled when a hand fell over her shoulders and a cup being placed in front of her. Gulping quietly the young woman looked up to see a pissed off Balian.
"Drink, you've been asleep for a day with the occasional waking to drink." he explained softly.
Estrella could clearly hear the restrain of his anger and wished she wasn't as exhausted as she was for him to catch up. He placed a hand to her back and held the cup to her lips when she noticed the heaviness of her limbs. Estrella drank, looking away from the man she had fallen in love by accident. She wondered what the hell was wrong with her and why her body felt heavy and her mind hazy, as though sleep had yet to leave her mind.
"You had a high fever when I found you," Balian told her, moving away.
Estrella swallowed nervously, already feeling cold as he moved. She looked over to see him sitting down on the other side of the fire, not looking in her direction. It hurt, she couldn't lie about it, it truly hurt that he didn't want anything to do with her–or so it seems to her from his cold distance. However this fever that has taken over her seemed to like taking over her mind and thoughts, making things that should be simple become complicated.
"Sleep, we will speak in the morning."
Estrella wanted to protest but the angry look and in his body language held her back, as the fever still trying to take over her body and mind. She laid back down and turned to her side, her back to both the fire and Balian. She would sleep, but come dawn Estrella will make herself get up and sneak away again. Hopefully Balian would be asleep by then. Quickly the young woman was asleep, this time her dreams dark.
D5D5D5D5D5
Balian watched over Estrella, not able to believe his luck of nonstop riding had brought him up to speed with her. Though it could be the fact that she had decided to sleep, for once and that fever to take over. And if it wasn't for Elligero, Balian would have rode on and possibly passed her. He sighed. He was beyond angry with the woman, and wondered what idiotic thought made her run away and thinking less than another woman. So she was different from the woman of that time, it doesn't mean he thought her less of a woman. Just like Estrella never thought less of him of a man. Even then she could possibly be with child, even if they only laid with each other one time. Balian wanted to be in his child's life, even when the woman he has fallen in love with does not.
Getting up from his bed roll he moved over to the woman and lied down next to her. He wanted to hold her, make sure that she really was there, in his arms, and to make sure that Estrella doesn't try to sneak off when he did fall asleep. Balian woke with a start at dawn, wondering what it was that woke him. He looked down at the still sleeping woman in his arm before slowly sitting up and looking around the small camp he made. At the edge of the trees stood a deer, its ears twitching as they stared back at him. Realizing that it had been caught the deer quickly took off back into the trees, disappearing just as quickly as it appeared.
With a sigh Balian lies back down and stares at the woman who had turned in her sleep and was now facing him. She was sleeping peacefully, something he knew was rare for her. He brushed her hair back from her face, making her sigh in content before settling back into sleep. He didn't have the heart to wake her, let alone continue to wherever she was heading. Once and for all he wanted answers that only she can provide. A frown suddenly descended upon his face. With her sister now gone and having no other family where could Estrella possibly go?
Feeling sleep now eluding him Balian got up and decided to make breakfast. If there was one thing he knew Balian was going to get some answers that day, no more circling around or mixed riddles. He wanted to know what was going on with the woman he's fallen in love with and what she could possibly be thinking. Halfway done with the food Estrella finally groans awake, the woman sitting up slowly as she stares at him and the fire. Granted it was only broth with a few pieces of meat vegetables he had bought in a town a day's ride, Balian knew it will help with her illness. He poured a bit in a bowl and walked over to the woman, seeing some truth behind her eyes as he sat down next to her.
"Did you really think that you are well enough to sneak off again?"
Estrella looks at him sharply, Balian giving her a look. "Your eyes says many truths, Estrella, since the day we went to my father's home."
"Your home," she tells him, eating some of the broth. "Tis your home now, Balian."
"Our home, Trella." Balian corrects, staring at her, "It's both of our home now."
The spoon halts half way to her mouth, Estrella staring down at the bowl. Again her dream comes forth, and yet again her desire to be with Balian is given to the back because this was not her time. She was not born into this era, rather she was thrust upon this world. A world she only have ever dreamed, seen in movies, and ever read in books. How can a man love her when she has not shown him the truth of who she really is? Estrella was only giving him glimpses of a life he could have with another woman, not her.
His hand on her chin made her turn to face him, Balian seeing the struggle within her eyes, making him frown. "What is it that you hide so deeply within?" he asked quietly, searching her eyes for the answer.
Estrella turned her head away from him, quietly eating the rest of her food, though she didn't taste it any longer. Why was it so hard for her life to go back to being normal? Why was she here to save so many lives, including the one she loves, but know in her heart she cannot have? Riddles. It was all nothing but riddles that torture her mind, her soul, and her heart. Balian takes the bowl and spoon away, Estrella not having noticed that she had finished.
"Rest, you still have a fever." he told her.
Estrella did what he asked and laid back down, closing her eyes in exhaustion. She was mentally exhausted of frequently fighting with herself and the dreams and of her love. Immediately she was asleep, her body and mind giving in to the rest she desperately needed. Balian walks to the side of the fire and stares at the woman. What secrets could she possible hide that he did not know already?
A lover? No, she and Godfrey would have said long ago. A child she had abandon? Again, no, word would have been sent to the child once she reached Ibelin. So what was the dark, deep secret of hers? Why was she so afraid of loving him back, when he offered all the love he held within? Shaking his head Balian gathers the bowls and walk towards the stream, to not only wash the dishes but to bathe as well. It seems that they will be spending another day in that clearing if Estrella's fever does not break later that day.
D5D5D5D5D5
Estrella woke after speaking to her mother and Godfrey once again. This time, deep in her heart, she knew what it was she had to do. How was it that this whole time she has been listening to her head rather than her heart? How could she have not known the difference? Perhaps because she missed her old life? Her own home? Or because she was so immensely in love with Balian that she would sacrifice her own love to let him love another who fit more into this time era?
Still feverish Estrella slowly stands and looks around the clearing, listening intently to the sounds of Balian. His horse was still there, as were his pack, so she knew that he wasn't far. Water splashing from the distance caught her attention and she walked in that direction, her feet shaking with every step. Estrella leaned heavily against a tree once she reached the stream, her breathing coming out in pants. It wasn't a long walk but with the fever she apparently still had it seemed to have taken forever.
In waist deep of the water–apparently it was a river, not a stream–was a naked Balian, his back to her as he splashed water on to his body. The woman couldn't stop staring, her aching body yearning with want. However her fevered mind yelled at her to leave, to disappear from this man's life.
But this time her heart won out.
She stepped forward, undressing along the way. Stepping into the cold water cooled her heated body, but she now she wanted the heat Balian was only able to provide. Touching a hand to his back Balian quickly turned with surprise, not able to believe someone had snuck up on him. Estrella stared into his eyes, walking into his arms, wrapping hers around his waist. Balian frowned with concern, wrapping his arms around her shivering body. Estrella pulled back and whispered his name, though she couldn't hear her voice Balian brought a hand to her cheek, calling out her name as he leaned down.
"Estrella,"
It seemed for Balian to take forever to touch her lips.
"Trella."
Almost there.
"Trella."
Almost…
D5D5D5D5D5
Estrella opened her eyes to see the top of a tent before Balian's concerns face appeared. He brought up a cool rag to her face, making her frown even further with confusion. She went to say something but instead she leaned over the bed and threw up into a bucket already filled with vomit. She moaned in pain once she finished, Balian carefully pushing her onto her back. He wiped her mouth, Estrella closing her eyes in exhaustion and pain. Opening her eyes she stared at the man she knew she can never forget or stop loving.
"Where…?" she questioned, her voice dried and hurting when she spoke.
"A family traveling south. They were kind enough to let me put you in the tent to keep you warm." Balian told her, taking another cloth and placing it on to her hot forehead. "You have been in and out of conscious for the last five day or so. Just this morning your fever broke, barely."
Estrella sighs, closing her eyes once again. She felt pressure on her hand and she squeezed as much as she could, already feeling sleep taking over again. She hardly heard Balian telling her to sleep when all she saw was darkness. The next time she woke Estrella frowned at the woman standing over her, smiling as she switched cloths.
"Your husband is taking a bath in the river nearby. It has been a couple of days since he last left your side and I feared his smell might wake you from the much needed sleep you obviously need."
Estrella chuckled hoarsely, still feeling weak but no longer nausea or hot. "I'm sure I can use that bath as well and he is not my husband. He is my charge…or he used to be."
The woman smiled kindly, "Child, a husband is not only become in the eyes of a priest, but by being together as one." Estrella frowned, staring at the woman before her, who started to laugh quietly. "Oh, my dear, you are with child!"
